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 Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 9:56 am
Her third year at Amityville was here. Hell, it had BEEN here, but Riyo had tried to ignore the implications. Sooner or later she would graduate and be left to her own devices, which was already going rather poorly for her. She needed to get her s**t together. Figure out where to go from here.
A few of her friends had mentioned mentoring to her previously, and it seemed like now was as good as ever to get on that. But who? Who did she pick?
Well, her natural affiliation with cat-like mini's pointed towards one source, and though she'd tried to find another direction to go, it seemed that she was doomed to face her fears as well. Malcolm... Or Abs McGee, as she fondly called him in her head. It wasn't that he was a bad person, but Jack damn! Working with him would be a test of her nerves in and of itself.
She supposed... That was probably for the best, anyways.
It took her a few moments of standing to gather up the gumption to rap on the professor's door. She just had to remember that his eyes were up there. Yeah. Focus on his face. It'd be alright. "Professor, may I come in?" Riyo called after clearing her voice.
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Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 10:20 am
Malcolm, fortunately for Riyo, was fully dressed and covered this time. His left arm was still in a sling from his... Ungraceful fall down a flight of stairs earlier in the week, but he was at least mobile now, and not wheelchair-bound. It was excruciating for him to have to sit down and not move for as long as he did.
"Hm?" He looked up from the paperwork that he was trying to fill in, and towards the door, "Sure, come in."
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Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 10:26 am
It was like some deity had swooped down from the skies above to answer the prayers of the cat ghoul. As soon as she opened the door and saw him fully dressed, Riyo was sure that nothing could possibly go wrong during this meeting.
But what the hell happened to his arm?
Mm. No matter. It wasn't really any of her business.
The ghoul closed the door behind her and approached his desk. "Good evening sir." She spoke with her newfound confidence, her posture upright and face the essence of neutrality. "I won't waste your time since it seems like you're busy with paperwork, but I'd like to inquire if any of your apprenticeship positions are open." Yessss. Nailed it.
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Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 10:51 am
"Apprenticesh- Ah. You mean mentoring?" Malcolm opened one of the drawers by the side of his desk, and started looking through it. He then took out one of the pieces of paper, and nodded, "Actually, there's one more position left... But before that, tell me. What are your goals and expectations for yourself, and for me as a mentor?"
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Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 11:21 am
Oh, that was a tough one.
Riyo rubbed her chin thoughtfully before opening her mouth. "I need direction, sir." she finally replied. "See, I never really thought about what I wanted to do with my existence, because I figured it had already been decided for me a long time ago." It seemed she had no intentions of going into details. Not right now. Such a thing didn't seem appropriate to tell someone she didn't really know.
"All that's changed, though, and now I'm like a goldfish tossed into the sea. I have a lot of issues I need to overcome... That.. I can't really overcome on my own." Which was hard to admit. "I've got temper issues. I'm bad at controlling my FEAR, guysmakemenervous..." The last part was mumbled, almost inaudible. "I want to learn how do deal with these things while I think about where I want to go after Amityville. I just need you to point me in the right direction and make sure I don't wuss out." Didn't seem like she was asking for much from him. She didn't think.
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Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 11:38 am
"First things first... I can only give you a compass. You have to find your own direction. I can't just pick a direction for you... Secondly, you might want to tell me your name; you seem familiar, but it'll be difficult for both of us if I don't know how to address you," Malcolm replied, as poker faced as always, "As for the rest, that's fair enough... Let's start with the basics. You said that you have temper issues?"
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Posted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 2:08 pm
Riyo shoved her hands in her pockets as Malcolm described direction and how he could aid in it. If only it could be that easy. If only someone could pick for her. "I understand." She said quietly, ears perking when she realized she hadn't formally introduced herself. HERP DERP.
"Oh. I'm Riyo. Just Riyo." The ghoul clarified. She hadn't really expected him to remember her name. Jack knew she had a hard enough time with names herself.
"And... Yeah. Temper issues. It's not really difficult to make me angry. Which wouldn't be a problem if I could just diffuse. But it just keeps building up and building up like pressure in a soda can, then.." The feline made an exploding gesture with her hands. "Boom." ... It was a very unenthusiastic boom. Didn't seem like she wanted to clarify what happened after the boom either.
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Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:32 am
"I see," Malcolm's reply was followed by a brief pause as he wrote Riyo's name down on the piece of paper he had taken from the drawer, "Have you tried anything to help with that? Going by your soda can example, have you tried anything that you thought might have allowed some of that air to escape so that the explosion doesn't happen?"
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Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 7:10 pm
"No, not really." the ghoul sighed. "The only option I've even contemplated was fighting and sparring more, but then comes the problem with FEAR control." Her hands reached up to rub her face in frustration, Riyo's stance becoming more relaxed. "I guess the problem's feed each other, one in turn making the other worse and vice versa, so nothing ever gets better." Story of her life, she thought to herself.
"I end up hurting myself more than anything else. In fact, I can't name one time I've actually been able to hit something... As... Much as I hate to admit it." When the cat ghoul pulled her hands away, the shame on her face was thick. It was something she had failed to talk about with anyone else. Something she often tried to forget herself.
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Posted: Sat Mar 23, 2013 9:39 am
"Is your Fear categorized under gambler's chance?" Malcolm asked, frowning slightly; it was the only type of Fear that would backfire on its user, "The odds of not getting any backlash from that category of Fear is fairly low. The only way to minimize that is through strengthening your Fear - although the risk of it backfiring will always be there - or changing the category of Fear it lies in through a lot of practice."
Most people are more or less born with their Fear, but since Fear is, in most cases, affected by the personality, it can change.
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Posted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 6:01 pm
"I... Believe so." Riyo nodded, making a face. All of what he said made sense, really, though she'd never thought that changing the type of FEAR was possible.
"Really I just..." She looked over to the door as if someone might burst in with a microphone at any moment. "I don't... want to feel helpless anymore." She felt that way. She had to acknowledge that she felt that way, but what was worse, she had to admit it to a vague acquaintance. "I don't think the self-inflicted pain would be so hard to deal with if I felt like it was for a purpose, but I can't even hit a fly."
Riyo's eyes fell to the floor. "I feel like this body is just a useless mixture of flesh and FEAR, and it's my fault for letting it get this way." Truly, she felt inadequate. In more ways than one.
And then she laughed. It was brief, and if she hadn't been so nervous, it probably wouldn't have slipped out at all. "Talk about being your own worst enemy, amirite?"
... It probably wasn't that funny at all. She should apologize.
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Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:53 am
Malcolm was silent as he listened to the student speak; the feeling of helplessness was not something that was foreign to him. After all, when he was her age, he saw his classmates - and friends - being forcibly taken away by a group of stranger, only to not be able to do anything about it... Except to run. Run and, for the longest time, live with survivor's guilt and the frustration that came with not being heard.
It really wasn't funny at all, but he ignored it.
"And what do you think you could do to help you gain some self esteem?" He asked, his expression unchanging; he wasn't going to give her the answers... He was going to try fishing them out of her.
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Posted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 9:16 am
Her stupid comment had been ignored, but what followed had her stumped. The ghoul stared at him blankly for a few moments. "Uh..." She probably should've waited a little longer to open up her mouth. Self esteem? What was this 'self esteem' he spoke of?
"I dunno. I'm sure there's some kind of magical potion that could just... Make me not so useless?" Cue nervous laugh.
Okay she really had to stop doing that. "Look, if I knew, I would've done it already. I've been told for most of my life how much of a waste of time and space I was, no matter how hard I tried to prove otherwise. I've got all these people that want to be around me for some strange reason now, and they think I'm worth something for some reason, but most days I can't even fathom what they're seeing."
Riyo tapped her foot on the ground, obviously becoming frustrated. "I mean, I've come a long way, but I'm still..." So utterly repulsed by herself. So envious of others, and so... Afraid.
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Posted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 11:02 am
"Well then," Malcolm took out a fresh piece of paper, and started to jot something down on it, "I've got your first task for you... Come back when you're able to fill in this list. Self-pity is not going to help, and you've fought against the current this far... I want you to continue fighting."
The paper was then slid towards Riyo.Quote: TASK 1Ten positive things about myselfTen positive things others have to say about meThree things I would like to improve on before graduation
[OOC instructions:
- Fill in Task 1.
- ... Yeah, that's about it DON'T DISAPPOINT ME.]
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Posted: Thu Mar 28, 2013 7:06 pm
Generally, Riyo really enjoyed homework. She especially enjoyed homework that was specifically catered to her.
... But she didn't like this.
As the paper was slid to her, the ghoul's look became apprehensive. Slowly, she lifted it off Malcom's desk and began to read, but it was only on the second read through that she truly processed the request.
"... T-this is ridiculous!" She shouted, looking out from behind the parchment. "I thought you were going to be my mentor, not my therapist!" Like meditating under waterfalls with bricks strapped to either arm. Like in the books! This was like walking into some quack's office and continually being asked how one felt. The exact opposite of what she had expected. Was she angry? Yes. Was most of that anger from being scared of even attempting such a task? Double yes.
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