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 Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 9:19 pm
Strictly speaking, Ilmarinen didn't need to kick the door to open it. His hands weren't completely occupied by the baking supplies and he definitely had the manual dexterity necessary for opening doors. He kicked it open anyway, because, seriously, ******** doorknobs. They weren't nearly manly enough for this pint-sized bard. He kicked open the door like it had killed his father, slept with his mother, insulted with his sensei and kicked his dog.
Also, it stuck something horrible in the damp, especially with the snows stirring up. Sleet, mud, and snow (at least, it was probably mud; that was the polite term for it anyway) trailed in on his feet as he marched into the warm kitchen. "The sugar and flour have arrived! Seriously, I don't know how the ******** my mum gets by without flour..."
That was the agreement, forged over fire, stove, and flailing of limbs: Ilmarinen and Annelie had full use of Elaine's kitchen provided they picked up flour and sugar so she could do cooking of her own later. Ilmar had... cut corners from the deal.
But, come on, if you couldn't trust shady women who wore pants, who could you trust?
Being a big believer in 'what the ******** is this supposed to be? Steak? No, let's cover that up with spices right the ******** now...', Elaine's kitchen smelled of the spices of her homeland. If it absolutely had to be boiled tasteless, she would put the taste right back into it. Dried herbs hung from the ceiling, like the hunting lodge of a particularly violent vegetarian. Tiny glass bottles, neatly labeled, were shoved to one side as Ilmarinen deposited his finds on the counter near the oven. At least he kept the wood pile stocked; that was going to be essential for cookies.
"Even got a bit of sugar and without getting my arse eaten by wolves, I hope you'll notice," he snarked as he shook snow off his clothes.
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:16 pm
Strictly speaking, Ilmar should've been jabbed with a hot poker.
"Balls, Dixon!" Annie grumbled, attempting to regain whatever had been lost when BIG MCFATFOOT slammed down the door. She brushed some curls from her face and stood, using the poker to shove the stove's belly closed with a loud tank of metal on metal. "I don't know how your mother gets by at all when you're home! Scare her half to death, I'm sure."
"You even scared Almond," she added, and looked down at the chair where the huge rabbit sat. ...Still as placid as a bucket of water. Really, Annie didn't even think the creature had moved an inch. Flicked an ear, maybe, but....not much more. "Ok, maybe not, but still!" She pursed her lips and glared at her lifelong friend, though it wasn't like it ever did any good.
Arms crossed, she moved closer to the goods on the table, and hovered over them in inspection. She picked at the paper wrappings a couple times too, for good measure. "You sure these are what they should be? I still remember that one time you ate chalk dust and thought it was confectioner sugar..."
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Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:31 pm
"Balls right back at you, Cox!" Ilmarinen barked, not one to miss an opportunity like that. They'd been calling each other Cox and Dix for years. It wasn't likely to stop any time soon. Normally, he would have collapsed into the chair but, alas, his rightful throne was usurped by a rabbit. He grinned and knelt nearby so he could pet Almond's head. For someone who'd valiantly campaigned to get the rabbit named 'Emergency Rations', he really was pretty fond of the stolid beast.
"Aww, it'll take more than little ol' me to scare Almond. She'll face down hordes without flicking an ear. She'll just stare at wolves until they cough awkwardly and sidle off. She'd even face down Lucky. Aww, who's the toughest little wabbit? It's you, isn't it? Yes, it ******** well is. Lookit those little paws!" On the last words, Ilmar started to toy with the huge rabbit's front paws, making her tap against the chair. They were only 'little' compared to, say, elephant feet, but he didn't care about accuracy. He cared about how goddamn adorable the rabbit was.
His amusement lasted only until Annie brought up what was forever known as the Chalk Incident because saying 'That time Ilmarinen ate chalk' took too long to say, and most of it was just his name. "You are just never going to let me forget that, are you? You don't see me reminding you of the time you bit into an apple and found half a worm every five minutes. Anyway, it's flour and sugar. Got it for a decent price too."
On the bright side, the flour and sugar failed to explode, despite Annelie's prodding. The wrapped items still looked as innocent as baking utensils could. On the terror alert scale, that put them around the Terror Level Delicious Cookies range.
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 11:55 am
Almond went on not caring, even as her feet were harassed by Noisy Noisy Loud Man. She didn't mind, really; she had a chair, and it was in front of some place warm. The only attention she seemed to give Ilmarinen in return was to lift her head off of her great ponchy neck ruff and wiggle her nose idly at his fingers. Maybe there was a bit of something she could eat; perhaps he was hiding a carrot.
Meanwhile, Annie had thrown up both hands and was making a cross with her fingers. "Don't speak its name, you ninny! He listens." Fun and games? Speaking that demon's name was never fun for anyone but him. But despite that fact, the woman dropped her acts of religiosity and just raised an eyebrow at the large lump on the chair. "She wouldn't face him. She'd just have to maim you good enough to run faster than your floured bottom."
And on that cue, Almond nibbled Ilmar's finger nail. It was the perfect time to do so as Noisy Noisy Loud Man started gabbing in a serious voice. She lightly nipped his finger for maybe good measure.
"But no, I'm never forgetting that one. Talk all you want about the apples, but that day was still spectacularly funny." She grabbed the bag of flour and pulled it to the other side of the table, where their tools for the day were all set up."How many fistfuls was it again before you even realized that it didn't taste good? Four?"
She cut the paper at its top and peered inside. Contents looked well enough. "Want to give this a try too?" Boy was she feeling particularly mean today...
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 12:35 pm
Yeah, Almond was chill. She just didn't give a damn, like a honey badger, only with significantly less mauling, which was very lucky for Ilmarinen. All he got were a few exploratory nips as the rabbit's endless optimism tried to determine his edibility factor. Thankfully, that appeared to be quite low, as Almond gave up on eating Ilmarinen quickly. His hands might never have survived otherwise.
“s**t, I forgot! The horned lord is always listening. If you say his name three times, he'll appear. He who must not be named is always waiting.” He hurriedly made the sign of the cross over his chest, although the church would certainly disapprove of the fact that he used his middle finger to do it. His yelp had nothing to do with his fear of the dark horned lord and everything to do with the suddenly nippy rabbit. “Yeah, well... she'd still have to face him,” he pointed out, giving Almond one last rub to the ears before joining Annelie by the counter.
“Man eats just a couple of handfuls of chalk and suddenly he can't be trusted with anything... I told you before: I thought all the delicious stuff had to be in the center of the container. It made sense at the time,” the redhead said, waving his hands in the air for the universal sign language of 'look at all this bullshit, I can't even hold it with two hands'. He stuck a finger in the flour and licked it. “See? Just regular flour. And this is definitely sugar.”
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 2:49 pm
She watched him skeptically, cup measure in hand as the taste-test commenced. But in the end all she could do was shrug. "Well, I guess I can't say any more about that, then?" she half asked, hand disappearing into the bag of sugar. She was talking about the new supplies, though... not the Chalk Incident. That would never be forgotten.
The cup was shoved into his hands a few moments later. "Three cups flour, in there." She pointed to another bowl and moved the sugar one, then went into Owl Mode as she tried to spy the butter in the kitchen.
Meanwhile Almond decided that being placid was over with for the day, and the small-dog sized rabbit reared up to peek over the table's edge. She could find butter. She was a rabbit. Somehow this made sense.
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Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2013 3:03 pm
Ilmarinen should have been proud to learn that the Chalk Incident would live forever in infamy. The sacrifices he made that day would never be forgotten but he really didn't feel proud at all. He wanted the moment to die ignobly and never be brought up again. Instead of ignoble death, he got a measuring cup. That was almost the same thing, right?
“Right away, your ladyness-ship. Just to be sure, it goes in the bowl, right?” he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. He had just enough time to measure out three cups of flour (for a given value of the word 'measure'; Ilmarinen was the kind of baker who went, 'eh, this looks close enough' rather than 'everything must be perfect') and then Almond happened. She was not a tiny bunny. She was large enough to be a noun and a verb, all on her own.
“Oi! Almond, get off of that,” Ilmarinen said affectionately, reaching out with his foot to nudge the rabbit away. Of course, this resulted in the man trying to balance on one foot with a measuring cup in one hand. He wobbled slightly before he managed to get both feet on the ground. “Right, butter should be in the coldbox. Mum just got some new butter the other day when Dad was chopping ice.”
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Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 7:05 am
"Bowl, your head, same thing," Annelie shrugged while cracking an egg into her own bowl. A second egg went in, then a third, before she too noticed Almond happening. "Off that!" she chimed in, though Ilmar's foot seemed to be the only effective thing. Raising one's voice to a rabbit like Almond was like....yelling at a wall, really. Almond just didn't give a s**t, even though Annie knew she understood.
And as if to illustrate such a fact, Almond sat back down and eyed the two humans before deciding to take an ever-so casual nibble of the chair.
"Stoppit."
Almond stopped. Twitched an ear. ....tried one more time, this attempt aimed at the table's edge.
"Stoooop."
Thwarted again!
Annelie half-glared at the rabbit, egg in hand, frozen over her bowl. "Just get off the damn chair."
....Almond got off the chair and disappeared under the table, or well, 'disappeared' as well as any 25-plus pound rabbit could. Annelie's face appeared under there a moment later, as she cleaned her hands on her apron, but all the woman could do was huff in slight annoyance and stop worrying about the creature. Silly rabbit, cooking was for kids.
"Ok, where'd you say the butter was again?" she asked, though it was almost a rhetorical question... because she was moving straight for the ice box. "I always feel like we're in some mythical far north or something when you say 'chopping ice.' 'Why yes, instead of trees, we chop ice to feed the fires. Somehow it works! Ho hum ho hum...'" She found the butter amongst the ice-tree logs.
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Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:47 pm
“Oi! I'll have you know that there's a great difference between my skull and a bowl. My mum dropped me on the floor plenty of times and my skull never broke, so there!” Ilmarinen said sticking out his tongue in an oh-so-mature manner. “You poop!”
Yep. They were the most mature people ever.
Then again, they were the adults who couldn't figure out how to control a single rabbit. “Almond, have I shared with you my recipe for rabbit pie? I'll give you a hint: it has rabbit in it, spoiler alert!” Not that this was going to do much good. Almond did what she wanted, regardless of what people were telling her to do.
“In the icebox. And don't you insult my da. He had to hunt for miles for those ice trees. I don't see you bringing home whole ice trees,” he sniffed as he added the flour which resulted in some of it going up his nose. Stuffing his nose into his armpit, the musician sneezed violently several times. “ok, new rule: flour does not go up the nose. That is a bad place for flour.” Now sugar on the other ha... no, that also went into the bowl, because Ilmar was uncreative like that.
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Posted: Wed Apr 03, 2013 8:31 am
"Toot!" she shot back, sticking out her tongue. An arm sneaked around and pats of butter were deposited into the bowl with the sugar, though Annelie suddenly found herself ducking behind him as the sneezes attacked his elbow.
"Auuuugh," she groaned in slight disgust, her head slowly popping up from behind his shoulder. "You almost snotted me. Thanks. What'd you think flour was good for up the nose? Hallucinating contraband?"
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