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 Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 8:55 pm
Candace had settled on some quiet duties after that whole...mission. Whatever the hell that had been. Just some things she could do while zoning out and thinking back on what had happened, what shouldn't have happened, and what apparently was part of the other Candace and now her own memories. It was strange having to sort through someone else's memories and remind herself they weren't actually hers. Did you have that problem?
The weapon was silent for a long moment before she finally answered. Not really. I... Candace blinked. What was that pause for? No, Candace. I didn't have any problem with sorting through memories. Candace frowned then, trying to figure out what the reasoning behind Atropos' tone was. She almost sounded...sad..
I'd rather not talk about it, dearest.
Fair enough.
Candace sighed, folding her arms on the table and putting her head on them as she stared out the clear wall of the underwater observatory. The shadows in the distance flickered just in and out of her view, the room's silence doing wonders for her somewhat frayed nerves.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:06 pm
Rep hadn't done a single duty in the time he'd spent watching over Harrison. What hadn't managed to be delegated or covered by other people had simply gone untended and his attendance was at a rediculous low. So no matter how drained he felt he had to drag himself out and simply do it. He was expecting it to be quiet and soothing down in the underwater post, it was normally his favourite place.
He walked in and hung his coat on the back of a chair before he acually noticed Candace.
He sat down anyway, exhaling in a low sigh.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:14 pm
She'd been zoning out, completely missing Rep's arrival until she heard a sigh beside her. Candace looked to one side, took one look at Rep, and tensed up like a startled angry cat.
But she didn't say anything, simply turning a narrow-eyed gaze back to the clear wall that looked out into the watery abyss around them. She'd be civil for Harrison's sake.
Candace wouldn't deny that she felt this was her best chance to bash his goddamn face in, however. She held one hand near her face on the side Rep was sitting, casually holding her head up while also attempting to block out his presence with the simple logic of 'out of side, out of mind'. She could understand why he'd done what he'd done, it didn't mean she wasn't still pissed off. It was wrong, there was always another ******** way, he needed to stop this reputation of turning on his goddamn team.
She'd thought they were friends. Friends didn't tell their friends just die already.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 9:28 pm
Rep knew he'd ******** up, just as sure as he'd known it when the old woman on his promotion had exploded rather than dissapated. Lingering regret and no real means of resolution was like an old friend at this point. There weren't easy words to say to someone when you'd tried to kill them, it wasn't like a birthday where the words came in a card already written out. Even sorry sounded pretty ******** rediculous.
All of it was complicated by the memories. The Candace Rep thought he knew was a shallow b***h to the core, out to undermine him at every step and to be tolerated - grudgingly - and not a huge amount more than that. An evil he understood. Candace to the other Rep had been a lot more than that, an equal in some respects, someone who understood the true depths of material greed and brutality. Self serving but also willing to go in a mutual direction when the mood suited. And there was a vulnerabilty there too, only human as much as she might prefer people to think otherwise.
It made him wonder if maybe he'd just kind of gotten his Candace judged wrong. And if that was he case, this silence wasn't just aggression and dominance. Making HIM speak first. It could also be because he'd hurt her and there was no really easy way to say that without looking weak.
Everything was a complicated ******** dance, and he was exhausted.
"Seen anything?" he asked, flippantly, despite knowing hardly anyone ever saw anything on these watches.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:02 pm
The thing is Candace did want Rep to say sorry. She wanted him to admit he'd ******** up, that he'd done the wrong thing. Candace wanted him to say it, to admit he wasn't always right. She needed to know he'd learned his lesson. She couldn't even begin to forgive him until he did that. And then there was the added sting of having never been betrayed before, not like this; a classmate throwing her under the bus was one thing, someone she had thought was her friend telling her to die so he could appease a figment that didn't even give him exactly what he wanted anyway. He'd been useless, he'd broken down, done exactly what she'd wanted to do in the past but he'd refused to allow her to do.
Having the other Candace's memories made everything harder for her. The other Candace liked Rep, they were something like friends. She could touch him, hug him, and he practically bristled up like a damn cactus when she so much as poked him. They were affectionate, less volatile. She wanted to like him. She wanted to be on good terms with him. He just made it so ******** difficult.
His voice broke the ice and the corner of her eye twitched with mild annoyance. The polite thing would be to answer him.
Sometimes Candace didn't want to be diplomatic. Sometimes she wanted to break down and lose it. Rep could do it without consequence, why couldn't she? It wasn't fair. She didn't answer at first, not until she finally took a slow, deep breath in, held it and then finally let it out. "No." She sat up straight in her seat, eyes forward and arms draped over the back of her chair. "I saw a little blue fish with ridiculous ******** teeth flit by earlier, but other than that just shadows in the distance."
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:12 pm
He was impressed she hadn't hit him yet. In the same situation he'd want to get into a proper fistfight, a real vicious fight to air the grievances. Except that wasn't an option down here really, and maybe she was a bit better than fighting on duty. The fact she replied to him somehow made it worse. He watched her intently as she spoke and tried to get a handle on what was going on in her head. He was none the wiser for it.
Looking out the window, he frowned slightly to himself. Diplomacy was pretty ******** tough.
He cleared his throat awkwardly,
"So erm. Aye. I'm glad you and Jerry came with us like. Wouldn't have been able to do it without you and s**t."
Getting up, he picked up a cloth and rubbed diligently at a smudge on the glass, anything that meant not directly looking at her to see her response. He tried to watch the reflection instead.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:17 pm
That was putting it lightly.
So many responses. So many answers. None of them were nice.
Candace settled on less was more. "Apparently." It was all she said for now, her gaze finally turning to watch Rep.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:25 pm
His first instinctual reaction was anger. Which was strange, all considered. Getting angry at her for not making this easy on him was all considered - a bit ******** stupid even for him. He shoved the emotions aside and swallowed his pride. It was a bit easier to do with everything they'd just been through, he wasn't exactly feeling like the grand high queen of Vegas any longer. He leaned his forehead against the just-polished glass, watching the reflection of his earring.
"Aye. I know. I was baggage. I ******** up, could have ******** up the whole plan. I was ******** sure I could do it too, that it'd be easy. Murder is easy." he set his lips in a thin line. "But no him. It was like asking me to pick between my own life or my friends, and I'm no a ******** hero awright."
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:50 pm
"Rep." She hissed with frustration, her head falling back and her eyes closing. Count to ten... "You realize some of the students, hell their parents probably, are capable of shapeshifting and illusion?" She lifted her head again, frowning with disapproval and..worry..? "They'll turn themselves into someone you love. What happens if they look like Harrison or Jordan? Oh noooo, I can't hurt them they look like my fiance even though I know it's not them oh noooooo.."
Candace stayed seated, rocking back and forth on the back legs of her chair. "And you think I'm a hero? You think Jerry is a hero? That fighting someone who looked like Harrison wasn't hard on us too?" She narrowed her eyes, her chair settling on all fours again. "So it's easy for you to kill us. That's what you're saying?" Candace stood suddenly like she was about to come at Rep only to move and stand behind her chair instead. "You can just..turn on..."
She turned away from Rep, fighting against her urge to smack him. Candace wanted to hit him so hard, and she was probably justified in doing so ******** style="color: #7507AE">"So no one else ******** matters to you outside of Jordan and Harrison. Not even a ******** little bit." Candace turned again, her fists clenched at her sides and an angry glare directed at Rep. "Is that what makes murder ******** easy?" And why the ******** as murder easy?! He was just okay with killing someone? It didn't give him any problems to just...kill..?!
What probably bothered Candace most was how angry this made her. She had so many reasons to hate Rep, so many reasons to just kick him in the balls and walk off without another word, but part of her didn't want to hate him. He said he didn't like being nice but he was capable of it. She'd seen little glimmers of it...or..or were those the other Candace's memories? ********, she didn't even know anymore.
"Goddamnit." In lieu of hitting Rep she kicked her chair, catching it so it didn't fall over and moving away from it before she did anymore damage. This wouldn't be so hard if she didn't have that other Candace's memories, she wouldn't care if she didn't have these memories, right? Why couldn't she just hate him like everyone else?!
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:02 pm
"If it was just some monster I'd know, they'd get something wrong, little ******** subtle things, private things. That Harrison though, and B0nez. They were like. It was impossible to tell." It wasn't an excuse, maybe one day there would be a halloween creature who could fool him, and it would make him weak and vulnerable. "But even if I didn't, I don't know what I'd do. It'd be easy to say no I'd smack them, but like.. There's a lot to it." He put his palms flat on the glass. "I've only hurt him on purpose once. After that I promised never again. And it wasn't a lightly made one either man. it's complicated"
He looked over his shoulder at her. "It wasn't that you guys weren't important. Murder is easy for me because its like, I just flick that bit of my brain off, act before I think. Once you've zoned out and done something it's not easy to take back. It's like. You know how when you like, look over a really tall ledge and there's a little voice in your brain that's like "you should jump". I just..listen to that voice when I have to."
It was difficult to explain, that it didn't matter how much he liked people, that he could simply just turn on them when he zoned out enough, that it was a simple action, nothing personal.
The memories were a hindrance for him too, the other Rep would have reassured her, told her she was wonderful. Probably in great extensive detail, buttered her up because that's what he liked to hear himself. But that wasn't how things worked for them normally, he didn't schmooze people or hit on them, he just got ******** awkward.
"People matter to me. But I can still kill them."
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:20 pm
Candace nearly snarled. "You knew from the beginning! You..you knew! It wasn't Harrison! You..! Just..and...ugh!" She was not going to get anywhere with this. He wasn't going to listen, it was just going to go in one ear and out the other. Candace wasn't sure what to do and she hated it. She wanted to scream, she wanted to hit him, she wanted to...throw something. She...she wanted to cry.
She was not crying in front of Rep. He'd just say she was some 'weepy b***h' or something.
This pissed her off more than the actual situation now. Candace wasn't in control of anything, not even herself.
Coming her fingers through her hair, she refused to turn her back on Rep. His explanation surprised her only in the sense that a part of her was actually envious. He could just shut it off, just like that. He could do things she couldn't do with absolutely no effort or remorse behind them at the time. Rep could do what Candace wanted to do so badly, shut down and act.
But he did it wrong. "You can't do that to your friends, Rep. Or..whatever..."
So people did matter to him, huh? That didn't make this any less painful. Candace found her chair again and sat down, rubbing her temples and closing her eyes. "I want to ******** hate you right now and it's pissing me off that I can't." He'd done it all because of his love for Harrison, he'd just gone about it all wrong. She could understand that! She could! That didn't make it any less frustrating.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:30 pm
"I knew it wasn't my Harrison. That didn't make him irrelevant. s**t's complicated." and he figured she didn't really want to hear it. She just wanted to know why he did what he did. "I know I can't. I wouldn't, like under any ******** normal circumstances, but that wasn't normal. I was stressed. I was at the end of what I could ******** handle, and B0nez is my bro, I'm used to fighting alongside Ace. It was easy and natural. I thought the keycards would work, I though just ******** once I could be the hero."
The last time he'd tried to be the hero it had almost cost him his life.
He pushed off the glass and turned to face her. "If I could make it any easier I guess I would. I just am what I am. I ******** up, I hurt people, it's what I seem to be pretty good at. You ******** up too, you know what it feels like to be like well s**t, I shouldn't have done that in the moment. Because that's how I feel. I shouldn't have, I don't have many friends, I can't afford to. But I did, and it's s**t,"
Shrugging, he added. "The other me saw something in you. If you hate me I'll never find out what the ******** that was. It was enough he considered you an equal. Considering how ******** high in his own estimation he was" he curled a lip distatefully. "That's saying a lot"
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 11:52 pm
Yes, she ******** up, but it never killed anyone.
Ah..actually...
Atropos felt awful reminding Candace of her promotion mission but it was only fair. Two people had died because of a ******** up done by her. And unlike her and Jerry they were not coming back.
Candace fell quiet, her fingers tangled in her hair and her head down, her face hidden from immediate view. Her Mitsu project as well, that had blown up in so many different ways. Wielding Circe, she'd nearly killed Jordan. ********. Why did he have to bring that up?
You two are more alike than either of you want to admit, really.
Don't even.
She snorted at Rep's addition, rolling her eyes and lifting her her head enough to look at him. "He was less of a bigot. And didn't make her feel like if she lost emotional control he wouldn't go ha. Women. How typical." She suddenly grimaced and folded her arms on the table again, hiding her face against them. The other Candace had seen more of Rep than Candace ever wanted to see.
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Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 6:17 am
"Aye well." he growled "Maybe because he didn't feel the same way I always do. Didn't feel threatened." It bothered him to admit he saw her as a threat, it was an embarrassing admission, but he figured he at least owed it to her this time of all times. "Since I got here you've always been ******** miles above me, stronger, more used to the place, everything. My first week you trounced me." he clenched his hands into fists. "After all that I'd done to make myself immune, to make it that no ******** woman could hurt me again. Every ******** woman I've ever known was a snake, two faced, vicious, would bite you when you didn't expect it, needed to be put in their place. For that other Rep none of that s**t was an issue. The other Candace didn't ******** worry him, he was secure about a whole lot of s**t, his position being one of them. He didn't have to worry that she'd hurt his pride."
"So aye, he was less of a bigot, because most of the women around him knew to keep their ******** distance, and the ones he did allow were equals, no his superiors. You don't even realise half the s**t you do, but I do, and it drives me ******** mad. Power games. If there's something I want to do, you'll do it first without so much as a thought about the fact in doing it you are diminishing me, a lack of thoughtfulness. When all it'd take was to look for a nod first. Touching's the same, there's a reason I hate people touching me. Because most people ******** doing it are trying to assert themselves on me right? He didn't give a s**t about that, he could have them killed if they tried to one-up him."
He crossed his arms huffily, remembering all the belittling pats he'd gotten from his mother's "friends", like he was a retarded kid no matter what age he was, not factored in in being able to protect her from them. And even the pats had been better than the guys who got touchy and decided that a kid made them uncomfortable, that they were going to be violent about it.
"I didn't even think you were capable of losing emotional control, you've always been an ice b***h to me. But he knew better I guess, he got to see you even when you weren't pretending to be invincible" His own memories of their interactions weren't half as upsetting as other things that other Rep had done, the only thing that bothered him was the infidelity, but in that other world, it hadn't seemed to count that way, the skewed slant on his relationship permitting for it. So all there was was an openness he couldn't understand with his own enormous amount of hang ups and issues. "So aye, I'm no him. He didn't have to worry about women, I still need to every ******** minute of every day."
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Posted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:10 pm
Candace wanted Rep to be honest with her, to tell her how he felt. What she hadn't expected was for him to unload all of it on her. She sat wide-eyed and increasingly surprised with every sentence he continued to spit out, admitting to her how he'd felt about her from day one. She didn't even speak up to interrupt him for once. Of course she'd be stronger and more used to Deus! She'd been here so much longer than him when he first awoke! Dumbass! 'Hurt me again'? Was that what this was all about? Because he knew a few bad women? What ******** place did he think women belonged in? He was not superior to her!
What the hell did she do by accident? He...
...Was he jealous of her?
Candace went from surprised to perplexed. She understood he didn't like to be touched, she'd laid off on it when Tracey had mentioned it to her himself. Had he never been shown affection before Deus? Real affection? She was just trying to piece it all together with what she already knew about him. It wasn't much. And even his posture when he crossed his arms was so childish, like a man who was still just..kind of a kid. She looked him up and down, searching every inch of him for something. A sign. Was he abused as a child? "What have I thoughtlessly done before you that you wanted to do as well?" She was just so confused. What did she have that he didn't? Candace couldn't figure it out and it was starting to drive her crazy.
"Rep, I'm only human. I'd like to think myself invincible all the time but I'm not, even I know that. What the hell do you have to worry about!? If you don't pick fights and provoke them do women bother you otherwise? What about Molly? And Clerise? Clarice? Do you have to worry they might kick your a**? You don't need to worry about us! We're not...you just..." Would he one day let go of that? She really, really hoped he would.
Wait..he got to see her when she wasn't pretending to be invincible. Candace stopped and just stared. H had wanted to see that, he'd described so in more words than Rep had.
Rep remembered that.
"We will never speak of that." It didn't happen.
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