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[Q] Tabitha Sawyer / Sailor Himalia Chibi of Whispers {Crit}

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Pixie Krysta Ordreg

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:00 pm


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.Name: Tabitha Sawyer

Nickname: Tabby

Age: 9

Birthday: May 28th

Sign: Gemini

Gemstone: Emerald

Blood Type: O-

Fav. Food: Bagel with strawberry cream-cheese, blueberries in vanilla yogurt.

Hated Food: Anything spicy

School: Knightside Elementary

Hobbies:
Gymnastics - Tabby enjoys doing gymnastics as a sport – but due to her shyness she never does great at competition. In practice she shows skill and talent, but she almost always chokes when it comes to actually show that to a panel of judges or an audience that isn't her fellow students. If it's only her mom, or her fellow classmates watching, Tabby is able to perform quite well. She enjoys gymnastics, but isn't really in it for the glory.

Gardening with her Mom - One of Tabby's favorite pastimes is gardening with her mother. She doesn't get to see her mother very much, so when she has the time to go out into the back yard and work on the garden, it pretty much makes Tabby's day. Their little garden supplies them with most of the veggies for the household, and Tabby enjoys eating the fruits of her and her mother's labor. Every once and awhile, Tabby’s Mom will sign them up for a community beautification project and they help out by repotting various plants or tending to the landscaping around their neighborhood. Tabby also likes to spend time at nurseries looking at different flowers and plants to suggest to her mother for their garden.

Family Time - Tabby's mother is very, very busy, so any time Tabby can spend with her in the evenings is time she cherishes. Be it reading a book or doing a puzzle together, anything Tabby can do with her mother during “family time” is the highlight of her day.

Arts-and-Crafts: When Tabby has alone time (which is quite often) she tends to do little at home arts-and-crafts projects. She is always on the lookout for bits of string and beads and other bobbles for her projects, so she’ll often raid dollar stores when she has a little extra pocket money – and hit up sales at hobby stores when they happen. This is another way her creativity shines through, as she sometimes wears the efforts of her labor if she thinks it came out well. But most of the time she just gives them to her mom as a present.

Virtues:
Gentle – A soft heart and touch are two things that can be found in Tabby. The girl is often very gentle with others, rarely raising her voice even if she is angry or upset. Usually one of the first to offer aid to others, especially if they are hurt (physically or emotionally) Tabby's soft touch has often helped sooth her mother's frayed nerves on more than one occasion.

Creative – Tabby likes to create things, be it a new water color painting, or a story about a kindly prince whisking away a princess from evil – Tabby enjoys making new things. This creativity tends to find the easiest and most direct outlet it can, and it’s not surprising to hear Tabby humming a song she just made up on the fly. This includes when she’s helping others. Sometimes Tabby can come up with some rather unorthodox advice – or solutions that right at that moment don’t make a lot of sense, but maybe are just crazy enough to work.

Patient – Tabby's time in gymnastics has taught her the importance of being patient, and for the most part, she is able to be patient and wait for the opportune time to act on things. There are times where her patience wears thin, like when she is waiting on something to spend time with her mother in the garden. She is usually the last in her gymnastics line up at competition – not because she’s unskilled or anything of that nature, but because she is so good at sitting and waiting she doesn’t mind being the last one to perform (it also helps her cope with her shyness a little, but rarely enough for her to have a really good show – unfortunately.) But she is more than willing to step aside for things if it means a lot to someone else. She just wants to make sure others are happy.

Forgiving – Tabby will gladly forgive a transgression against her. It may take some time for the sting to fade and for her to be open and receptive to an apology, but an apology goes a long way with her. She is not one to hold a grudge very often, and when she does she usually feels it's for a good reason. But, for the most part, she will forgive and forget, rather than dwell on potentially painful situations. That being said, like her patience, her forgiveness does eventually give out. She is not above completely cutting someone out of her life because they’ve hurt her too many times. When that happens, she is polite, but she doesn’t extend anything beyond the most basic of common courtesies their way. For better or worse – they are no more than someone she used to know.

Flaws:
Shy – Tabby has a bit of a shy streak – which can be problematic at her gymnastics recitals, as she often chokes in front of an audience. She is fine in smaller peer groups, but get her out in front of a large group of people and she'll freeze. She's also not the best when it comes to strangers – she tends to throw up walls in order to keep her distance from strangers. She's not rude about it, but she's rarely one to start a conversation with a stranger. It’s not that she doesn’t want to get to know people – far from it. But she has been living with just her and her mom for as long as she can remember, and she honestly can’t bring herself to pull away from the safety of her small social circle. For her, it is easier to just shy away from outside contact than risk the potential of being hurt. But – persistence pays off, and if someone continues to talk to her, she will respond – at first out of the demands of politeness and to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings – but as the conversation goes on, she might find herself warming up to the individual, but it is a slow thing – she doesn’t really make friends over-night, not unless they prove to be really good people.

Sensitive – Tabby tends to take things to heart – even if they weren't meant that way. She tends to get her feelings hurt a lot, usually over misunderstandings – but, she's not one to show it usually. She has a bad habit of taking statements out of context and ascribing hurt to something when it's really not there.

Naive – Tabby is far from worldly, and this tends to translate in a very limited view of the world. Partly sheltered and not knowing any better, Tabby tends to take what people say at face value, even if it is an outright lie. That's not to say she's completely gullible, but she does tend to take the statements of older kids and authority figures as fact – regardless of weather they are true facts or not.

Unorganized – Tabby has a real hard time staying organized. In fact, she is often one for losing important papers and assignments like homework and notes, only to find them again later in her mother's car or in her desk at school. Her room hasn't fared much better, with many of her toys and other creative outlets just laying wily-nilly about the room.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: █████=#888e5d
Round eyes they look like they are always partially closed.

Hair: █████=#573833
Straight hair, that stops just at her chin. Nothing really fancy about it, just plain simple straight hair. She always has straight bangs, that stop just about an inch below her eyebrows. In her hair is a Teddy Bear hair clip.

Face: █████ = #d1937a: This is her skin color. █████ = #c3967d: These are the color of her freckles.
Face is heart shape, and she has freckles over her nose, and across the apples of her cheeks.

Clothes: Knightside Elementary school uniform or one of these outfits
PostPosted: Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:02 pm


Senshi: Sailor Chibi Himalia, Senshi of Whispers

Challenge: Shhh! Not so loud, they will hear you!

Fuku Colour:
Colors - Really up to the artist what colors they want to use from this palette.

Fuku:

Collar -- cropped hoodie
Bow -- Small bow in back that wraps around waist a couple of times before tying off in back.
Bodice -- leotard
Sleeves -- long sleeves from cropped hoodie. Hole for thumbs, stops at base of fingers.
Brooch -- simple round brooch
Bottoms -- shorts
Tiara -- traditional tiara
Choker -- classic choker
Shoes -- ballet type shoes, but they only wrap around the ankles.
Gloves -- see the sleeves
Accessories -- n/a

Attacks:

Sailor Scout Attack:
Desperate Whisper
Himalia calls her attack then cups her hands over her mouth and whispers a short message (no more than three words. “Look behind you,”; “Enemy up there!”; “Dangerous enemy nearby!”; etc.) These words are carried to a target of her choosing within 6 feet. She does not have to have line of sight on the target, she just has to know they are there. The target feels a light brush against their ear before they hear the words. This attack is usually used to send a quick message to an ally, or as a quick distraction to an enemy in a pinch. She can use this three times a fight.

Super Sailor Scout Attack:
Secret Whisper
Himalia calls her attack and cups her hands over her mouth and whispers a longer message (no more than six words. “I know you are there, Officer.”; “They are behind you, look out!”; “Negaverse Captain in the alley!”) These words are carried to a target of her choosing within 12 feet. The target feels a light brush against their ear before they hear the words. She does not have to have line of sight on the target, she just has to know they are there. This attack is usually used to send a quick message to an ally, or as a quick distraction to an enemy in a pinch. She can use this twice a fight.

Eternal Sailor Attack:
Discordant Whisper
Himalia calls her attack and cups her hands over her mouth and whispers random words and phrases. While she whispers any enemy that enters within a six foot radius of Himalia feels a light brush against their ear, and constantly hears her random whispers from different locations nearby (never the same place twice.) This attack is used mainly to attempt to distract and disorient her targets. She may whisper for 20 seconds and then the power ends. She can use this twice a fight.

Pixie Krysta Ordreg

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 31, 2013 12:37 am


-kicking up while I work on-
PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 11:54 am


Pixie Krysta Ordreg


Hey, Krysta! biggrin Tabby looks like a really cute character already, but since you're asking for crit, I figured I'd give her a look. If any of this rings false with you, feel free to tell me, "Silv, you're full of s**t." I won't be offended. heart

Quote:
Hobbies


I really like how you've tied her shyness trait into her gymnastics hobby. It's really nice to see how a character's personality interacts with their interests, so great job there!

Her other two hobbies also look nice, although I am curious about how you plan to translate these into ways to interact with other characters. What are some ways that Tabby's love of gardening could get her out into the world? Does she like to go to the plant nursery to spend her allowance? Do she and her mom like to participate in any community gardening projects? Thinking of ways that other people can interact with Tabby through her hobby might lead to more chances for RP. As for family time, I don't think you really need to justify how other people get involved in that - it's a nice detail that gives insight into what Tabby's home life is like.

If you wanted, you could probably get away with giving her one more hobby that could provide RP fodder and give Tabby more opportunities to be social. Maybe you could bring her creativity virtue up into her hobbies somehow - is she an arts-and-crafts junkie, maybe?

Quote:
virtues


These are all really nicely balanced and give me a good sense for what kind of kid Tabby is!

It's really nice that you included a mention of when Tabby's patience wears thin. I also wondered - does her patience translate into good work ethic? Does she not care how long it takes her to improve at something as long as her work pays off in the end? Or does her patience mean that she's good at sharing and waiting her turn? Is she the kind of kid who will willingly go last or do without if it means everyone else gets their fair share? There might be more to explore with this trait.

For "Forgiving," what you've already written for this trait is really solid, but I wondered if there was a limit to her forgiveness, like there is with her patience. Does Tabby ever stop and say "Enough is enough!" (metaphorically, obviously), or does this virtue loop around into her being a doormat? Is there ever a point when Tabby stops giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and starts to suspect that they are taking advantage of her kindness?

For "Creative," you might want to add information about how this trait interacts with her everyday life more - right now it reads more like a hobby. Does her creativity help her in school? Does it make her popular with friends or keep her from being bored?

"Gentle" looks good. I have nothing to add. smile

Quote:
Flaws


"Shy" is in really good shape. Like I said, I like how you applied this to her gymnastics hobby. It's also good to know what situations she becomes shy in. If you wanted to do more on this, you might think about adding information about if she ever warms up to people, or just doesn't like to expand her social circle - how does this trait come into play over the course of a single or several RPs, etc.

"Sensitive" also looks really good. Ditto "Naive."

As a small nit-pick, I think that grammatically, "Unorganized" would be more properly called "Disorganized." Unorganized tends to refer to things, like "I have a box of unorganized trinkets," while disorganized is more a state of being, "I'm so disorganized that I can't even find a pair of shoes that match!" Otherwise, that flaw also looks really good! smile

Quote:
Appearance


She sounds cute! What more can I say here?

Quote:
The Senshi


I really like the sphere you've picked out! It has great potential and it's really evocative. I'm also a huge fan of the color palette you picked for her. It's really pretty and subdued. Which colors specifically would you want to use as her primary and secondary tones? Would the others become incorporated later?

The link for your cropped hoodie example is broken. sad

Do you have a specific color or gemstone in mind for her brooch/tiara/choker?

Overall, her fuku design sounds super-cute and super playful!

For her powers, I'm curious what your intended use for her scout and super attacks are - are these meant to be used to confuse and taunt opponents, or to communicate to allies? I do like the attacks on the conceptual level - they embody her sphere very well - but I am curious how you plan for her to use them in a combat scenario.

I love her eternal attack!

Anyway, best of luck on your quest! biggrin I'd love to RP with her if/when you get her!

Silverah

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Pixie Krysta Ordreg

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PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2013 11:53 pm


Silverah


You hun are amazing, and I am so glad to see you back around! I did a major updated and I think I got everything covered that you mentioned.

As for as the colors I am leaving it up to the artist, I just chose the palette.

Thank you so much for this amazing crit, and if I do get her....

YES Europa must meet with this little girl. So she can cling to Tabby, and love on her.
PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2013 12:14 am


I'm glad to be back! Your changes all look good to me - it's a lot clearer how you plan for her powers to work, and the traits are looking a lot more fleshed out!

Europa would adore Himalia. Like, give her piggy back rides and teach her how to punch bad guys and take her to meet the rest of the Jovians all "Look, I found another!" emotion_kirakira

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PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2015 9:31 pm


Pixie Krysta


Hi, Krysta, and congrats on winning Himalia! She'll be super cute!

Her civ stuff looks great, but I do have some crit on the powered side -- mainly, while I think the ranges are a bit large for a chibi, the attacks themselves feel fairly underpowered. Three words is not a lot at all, so I think giving her six for basic and ten words for Super would be much better, if you intend to stick with what you have! I'm just concerned that its primary use won't get a lot of play, since a lot of battles are fought solo, unless you intend to have her with an ally any time she fights?

For her Eternal, how long does she have to whisper the phrases that her target will hear? A short time limit (so she's not standing there talking to herself the entire time) or changing it to one phrase whispered incessantly, coming from different places and different volumes, would work better, I think!

As to the ranges, I feel like for a chibi, halving what you have would probably be more fair. I know that's not a lot at all for her Basic particularly, but unfortunately Chibis are meant to be fairly weak.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2015 3:18 pm


I went ahead and altered her attacks up slightly, I kind of like leaving the amount she can whisper on the lower end, since short phrases work better than say, longer ones - but If you feel the power really needs to be boosted for balance, I can adjust!

I went ahead and dropped her ranges down, though I did double it for super because she's not really hurting anyone with her ability, just throwing distractions around! If this needs a tweak still though, I will adjust!

I changed her eternal to a short radius AOE as well, and gave her a time limit as well, but still open to suggestions for balance if you think it needs more tweaking!

Thank you so much for the crit! I hope this helps clear up her powers a bit?

Noir Songbird

Pixie Krysta Ordreg

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 22, 2015 4:19 pm


Pixie Krysta


Looks much better! Thank you!

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

A GM will be by to give a second look soon~
PostPosted: Thu Aug 06, 2015 10:45 am


Noir Songbird
Pixie Krysta


Looks much better! Thank you!

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A GM will be by to give a second look soon~


Thank you so much Song!

Pixie Krysta Ordreg

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 18, 2015 4:49 pm


Pixie Krysta


Very cute! Thanks so much for your patience; she definitely deserves a stamp!

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