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 Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 1:01 am
She was alone on the training fields.
Clerise rolled her shoulders, trying to work out the awful kink in her back. Her body was a series of tightly wound springs, compressed beyond their limit, the littlest thing upsetting her nerves. It had been a long time since the acrobat had felt so incredibly uncomfortable in her own skin.
When Balthazar had been broken, she had felt lonely-- empty, even.
But not like this.
The briefing had set Clerise's tiny, fragile universe on its head, jarring everything in its wake. First finding out several of her favourite people had been at each other's throats for who knows how long, followed by a sentence to death for two more--
Caelius' voice still rang in her mind, his violently apathetic nature, callous and cruel and devoid of all empathy.
It hung in her mind that she had, in fact, signed herself up to die. Clerise had no intention of simply rolling over, sure, but Caelius was a fickle man. Unfortunately, he was a fickle man with a great deal of power. He wielded it indiscriminately, bending the world to his whims, using them as examples of cannon fodder.
He was a leader, surely. But he was not hers.
The swirling discord of her emotions continued to swell, until they became a force of nature too large to be contained. The Life huntress snarled indiscriminately, summoning her two pieces of Balthazar, his weight familiar and comfortable in her hands. Balthazar was something she could anchor to, could latch onto and use.
Clerise didn't waste time trying to attack a stationary target-- it would be pointless. She was full aware that her blows could connect with a decent amount of force. Her division was Life, so she had no need to try and maximize the strength of each blow.
No. She was Life, which meant that she barely even needed to be on the battlefield at all.
It was frustrating, sometimes. Clerise's nature was more suited to Sun, and it sometimes baffled her why they hadn't put her there instead of with the geeks. When Clerise had arrived on the island, she'd barely known how to text, let alone use a computer. Most of the time, Dwight answered her questions, even to this day.
Except that she was weak. She believed in people too much, in their hearts and with a simple-minded hope that they would be decent.
She realised, now. She realised she had been so ******** stupid.
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 1:06 am
With an easy movement, the redhead sliced at the air, the sound of Balthazar's blade slicing the air audible, the razor-sharp sound of metal zinging. Clerise let her thoughts bleed into her weapon's, extending her consciousness through them. When she had flown through the air, the trapeze bar and her had been a singular creature, a tool to travel perfectly through the air, arms to hold onto the next trapeze artist.
Her body was a vessel.
It eased her, some. Sitting on the sidelines was not her preferred activity, and in the wake of all this knowledge, Clerise felt as though she had been played for a fool. There was no betrayal; after all, she still got along with all three of the offending parties. And yet...How had she been so blind? Idle banter on twitter and quiet comments all had a startling new perspective. What she had assumed to be friendly took on a dangerous edge, dark and twisted in a way she just...hadn't wanted to see.
Clerise did an aerial cartwheel, moving easily, her body fluid like water. Inside, she still felt like a penned animal, wild and uneasy and ferocious. She wanted to tear into something with her teeth, dig her fangs into the meat of it, but there was nothing to take out her displeasure on.
Balthazar guided her, redirecting her rage into familiar patterns her body was used to, his presence less of a voice and more of a river, washing over her, a cool breath of fresh air.
It almost masked the lurking darkness at the pit of her belly, something frigid and black and nasty.
What if her report wasn't good enough? What if the details Dakota provided weren't enough?
She could die.
The redhead did an intricate move, leaping into the air and bringing her sickle-scythes down, embedding them in the hard dirt, her knees following suite.
{[ You need answers, ]} the presence in her mind intoned, his voice low.
I know.
{[ You also know where to find them. ]}
I know that, too.
The huntress desummoned her weapon, returning Balthazar to his watch form, all tarnished silver and five minutes slow.
I'm afraid.
{[ You're late on that, sheila, ]} Balthazar chastised. {[ You accuse Dakota of having his heart on his sleeve, and yet... ]}
Clerise pressed her hands against her closed eyelids so hard she saw spots.
I just. What else have I been missing around here? I feel a court jester, I don't ********' know.
{[ Is it not the part you play? ]}
I guess.
{[ There is you, as you see yourself. There is you, as others perceive you. They differ, even if you don't pay any mind to the latter. ]}
Clerise groaned, standing and dusting her knees off. She still wanted to pull something apart with her bare hands, but beneath it was something melancholy.
I'm easy to talk to, aren't I? Why didn't anyone...? Her thoughts trailed off, into a series of rapid flashes of emotion. Depression. Solitude. Hurt, and a lot of it.
{[ I find you easy to speak with, but sheila, I'm a biased party. ]}
She left the fields, shoes clodding against the floors of the dorms, walking towards Jordan's room, pensive for once in her life.
{[ There are more than just the two variations of self, you know. There's what others think of you, what you think of you-- but also who you actually are. Stripped bare, removed of everything, raw. That is the you I know. ]}
Aren't I always that, though?
{[ With Clarice, surely. Sometimes it shows, in flashes. To Otto, too, sometimes. But not all the time. Beneath all of the vivacious is something stronger, something timeless. ]}
That sounds like a crock of s**t. I'm fine with who I am. I think everyone is, not that it'd matter to me if they disagreed. I don't have any ********' enemies, and I have a few friends--
{[ But do you? Sasha did no confiding in you, not about Rep. Dakota revealed his sorrow but none of the rage until confronted. Rep himself told you of neither. ]}
I know. Believe me, I was made aware through the simple act of ******** style="color: SlateGray">{[ Was it done maliciously? No. Should you re-evaluate your trust...? ]} Balthazar couldn't hide the fact that he clearly thought so, fiercely protective of his hunter. They had hurt her. For all of Clerise's carefree and careless natures, she was far from impervious to the acts of others.
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Posted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 1:07 am
In Balthazar's eyes, she tried very hard. To be accessible when anyone needed it, to reach out when she saw others in need. Some of it came naturally: Clerise was always ready to be there and expect nothing of whoever she was with, to offer advice in the best way she could.
Balthazar saw her taken advantage of, in ways she could not even parse. None of the disagreements had been new to him: the full extent, perhaps, but he had taken note of the rising tensions in the text feed she read. She assumed too much. Just because she got along with a subset of people didn't mean that they would all get along, and she had remained blind for so long despite the signs.
And now it had come crashing down upon her, an unpleasant wake up call.
There was only one person she could trust: him.
Clerise knocked on the door.
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