Welcome to Gaia! ::

Senshi: Sailor Sirene, Corrupted Senshi of the Sirens.
❖ In Greek mythology, the Sirens were portrayed as femmes fatales who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck.

Negaverse Nickname: Chrysocolla.

Challenge: "Can you hear the song of the Sirens?"

Battle Theme: "Siren Song" by Yuki Kajiura

Symbol:

Fuku Colour:

❖ Main Color: █████ #71D9E2 - "Aquamarine Blue".

❖ Secondary Color: █████ #93DFB8 - "Algae Green".

❖ Other Color: █████ #EEF0F3 - Transparent "Athens Gray".

Fuku:

❖ Inspiration - This, this, and the third from the left. Something sexy, yet sightly tomboy-ish. That's where I was trying to go with the gloves and boots. Go crazy!

Attacks:

Sailor Scout Attack:

❖ Name - Sirene Appeal!

❖ Execution - Sirene says the name of her attack, cups her hands together, and a small pool of energy appears within them. She then upwardly tosses the "liquid" and wherever it lands, a singing siren* appears, rushes the closest person becoming louder while doing so, and dissipates as a result of the collision.

❖ Effect - Once the siren collides with the person, the sound of her song can cause a minor ringing of the ears, sense of confusion, and/or a slight fright.

❖ Use Limits - This attack may be preformed twice per battle and affects the closest person, ally or foe. Also, Sirene can toss the energy a maximum of two feet and the siren's song can only be heard up to a foot away due to her volume.

❖ Power Limits - The effects of this attack will be present for twenty seconds.

❖ Weaknesses - *Since the siren is energy rather than a being, it cannot physically touch anyone; think of it as a spirit or hologram. There is a six second period between the beginnings of the attack and the siren's collision.

Super Sailor Scout Attack:

❖ Name - Sirene Allure!

❖ Execution - Sirene says the name of her attack, cups her hands together, and a small pool of energy appears within them. She then upwardly tosses the "liquid" and wherever it lands, a singing siren appears, rushes the closest person becoming louder by doing so, and dissipates as a result of the collision.

❖ Effect - Once the siren collides with the person, the sound of her song can cause a headache-inducing pounding of the ears, disorientation, and/or a jump scare.

❖ Use Limits - This attack may be preformed twice per battle and affects the closest person, ally or foe. Also, Sirene can toss the energy a maximum of two feet and the siren's song can be heard up to two feet away.

❖ Power Limits - The effects of this attack will be present for twenty-five seconds.

❖ Weaknesses - Since the siren is energy rather than a being, it cannot physically touch anyone; think of it as a spirit or hologram. There is a six second period between the beginnings of the attack and the siren's collision.

Eternal Sailor Attack:

❖ Name - Sirene Fixation!

❖ Execution - Sirene cups her hands together, a small pool of energy appears within them, and she yells her attack's name as she throws the "liquid" into the air above her head. The "droplets" will shine in the air, blinding those in her range.

❖ Effect - Those persons blinded by the droplets will see the illusion of a stormy, rocky seashore when they open their eyes and hear the eerie song of the sirens, as if the affected was shipwrecked. The new setting and sound can evoke several reactions such as disorientation, fear, and the need to find their allies. Each person affected will see the same scene and will be alone in their illusion. Sirene can physically attack her enemies while they're moving around blindly.

❖ Use Limits - All persons within a five foot radius of her are subject to her attack, but it can only be used once per battle.

❖ Power Limits - The effects of this attack will be present for twenty-five seconds.

❖ Weaknesses - This attack will affect both enemies and allies within the attack's radius. This attack moves with Sirene and those who move outside her range are freed of the illusion. If any affected by the illusion run into anything or anyone or are attacked, they will be freed of the illusion. Also, in the circumstance that the victim is calm and the illusion is seen for what it is, they will break free.

Rozalin Eagon will have been corrupted into the Negaverse mid-awakening. . .
[Add more eventually]

Hello, Xevra! Friendly neighborhood staffer here to offer some crit! XD

THE CIVILIAN

For the most part, this portion of her profile is looking good! I did, however, want to point out that the shop does already have a Liliana who goes by Lily! Now, there isn’t any rule that says no two civilian characters can have the same name, but it can often create confusion, particularly when one of them is an established character of a couple of years, and it might be a good idea to check with Kaori ahead of time just as a courtesy!

Her hobbies look good! Definitely some potential for interaction there! Her virtues and flaws look good, too, though there are a couple of areas that require a little attention. You want to be careful in writing a profile when dealing with absolutes, words like “always” or phrases like “absolutely nothing” (such as in her “determined” and “reliable” virtues). Nothing is ever absolute, particular in dealing with characters played by other people! You have no control over their reactions! You can certainly reword that to say “she tries to always be…” or “it may seem like nothing can stand in her way”!

As far as her flaws are concerned, I’d like to see a little more expansion on “awkward.” Is this awkwardness experienced on both ends? Certainly those she’s talking to might feel awkward, but does Liliana feel awkward as well? Where do her reactions of speaking loudly, switching subjects, and repeating herself stem from? Has she always been this way or is it something that’s developed over time? How does she handle people enough to be “reliable” when social situations occur so awkwardly? Is it only large groups that bring the awkwardness out or is she like this one-on-one, too?

Lastly, I’d like to see a little more expansion in her “trusting” flaw as well! Right now it’s easy to see how being so trusting can negatively affect her, but in flaws we definitely like to see how they can negatively affect or receive a negative reaction out of other people/characters as well!

THE SENSHI

For the most part, Ara’s attacks look good, though they’re rather loosely based on the concept of Faith (“I’ve seen the light” and faith healing and things like that). Faith in itself is a confidence or trust in a person or thing, a belief that is not based on proof, a belief in God or in the doctrines and/or teachings of a religion, or really just a belief in anything, such as a code of ethics or standards of merit. Right now, such a specific definition of the concept of Faith isn’t coming across in her attacks, but spheres based more on emotional and mental effects can be a little more trickier to work with! Since there is something of a connection between faith and light and healing, we can definitely try to work with these if you’d like!

Other than that, her attacks seem fine on a more general level! Effects are good, usage limits look good, though in her Eternal attack you haven’t specified how many times the attack can be used per battle! Typically Eternal attacks are rather powerful, to the point where they can only be used one per battle, twice as an absolute last resort! Also, I’d like to see a little more elaboration on what you mean by “health boost” in her Eternal attack! Is this simply a boost in energy or are they actually healed in some way? Lastly, a radius of three feet seems rather small to me! I can’t imagine there’d be very many people standing that close for her attack to affect, at least not in a normal battle! If you’d like to increase the radius a bit, that should be fine! Based on previously accepted AOE attack, I would set 10-15 feet as the absolute max, depending on what the health boost entails!

You are more than welcome to keep questing for this character while working on getting your other character! There's no limit to how many quests you can have up at a time, so there's no need to put this on hold unless you absolutely want to! Otherwise, there's no harm in working on it when you have the time and going ahead and trying to get it accepted for the future!

Whatever you decide, I'd be happy to help if and when you're ready to have this looked at again! Just quote me when you're ready! <3

Let's get this show on the road! - Changed name, sphere, "Awkward" to "Unfocused", sailor name, and cleared out the old Ara stuff from the third post. Now, to get some attacks together, try to figure out her fuku, and write out my plan for her corruption. biggrin

Oh! And fix "Trusting" up a bit! . . . (makes notes for future use) xD

Hi, Xevra! I am so sorry for the delay! This week has been so terrible!

Anyways, let’s get this show on the road! This probably looks really long, but I wanted to make sure you had all the information you needed to keep designing your character!

THE CIVILIAN

This part of her profile is taking shape nicely! I did want to point out, though, that if you intend for her to be corrupted directly into the Negaverse, a personality change wouldn’t be necessary as no one would have ever known her in her previous un-corrupted form! The identity switches are typically only done when a character is switching from one faction to another after being in their previous faction for a while, such as when Lina went from Chaos to Order, and then later back to Chaos! Rozalin/Sirene also likely would be given a mineral name rather than a star name if she was directly corrupted in, as she might not know what her original, un-corrupted senshi name was! This isn’t always the case, and in looking through our list of corrupted senshi, this can be a little confusing, as some of them have mineral names and some of them have star names, but it all depends on how they were brought into the Negaverse, and if they’d ever awakened on the side of Order or not, or learned of their star name some other way. So Sailors Azurite, Carnelian, and Euclase were corrupted directly into the Negaverse, whereas Eos, Albireo, and Lyra were originally White Moon Senshi played as White Moon Senshi, and corrupted into the Negaverse at a later date!

You are free to decide when and how you would like her corruption to take place if you would like to try for a corrupted senshi, but also keep in mind that corrupted senshi are typically awarded very rarely! Currently, you cannot get a corrupted senshi through our customs procedures, so for the most part corrupted senshi tend to only come around during contests. You can awaken her as a White Moon Senshi and then corrupt her later, at which point she would have an identity change, but keep in mind that at that point you would need to send in a corruption plot via the mule to get approved by staff, and it is by no means a guarantee! The choice is yours!

There are only a couple of other things I want to bring up about her virtues and flaws, and then this side of her profile should be nearly ready! Now I’d like to see a little more expansion in her “determined” virtue in particular! What happens if she’s not able to accomplish what she’s set her mind to? How does it affect her? How might she react? Is she the type that tries and tries and tries, and still manages to let it roll right off when she doesn’t succeed, or does it affect her a little more heavily than that? I’d also like to see a little more about her individualism, and how this is something about her that other people would like in her!

As for her flaws, I’d like to see a little more in “headstrong.” Perhaps she won’t be dissuaded by obstacles, but what if something comes up that, for one reason or another, she simply can’t control? In reading through both her “determined” virtue and “headstrong” flaw, Rozalin does almost seem like the sort of person who enjoys having a great level of control over the things that occur in her life, and I’d like to see that developed a little more if you planned on going down that path! With the atmosphere of the shop, there are going to be plenty of times in which that sort of control over what happens simply isn’t there! That’s not to say you can’t play a character with those sort of virtues and flaws (I rather enjoy them myself), but do keep in mind that there are going to be things that aren’t going to go her way, and maybe have an idea of how that might affect her as she develops as a character!

THE SENSHI

I did want to bring up her fuku for just a moment! Our artists will be happy to work with you in designing a fuku to your liking, but I did want to go ahead and mention that the fukus of corrupted senshi tend to lean toward darker coloring and are typically comprised of a lot of black. Bright colors are certainly allowed as accents, but if you look at some of our other corrupted senshi that make use of such bright colors, you’ll see that their use is typically very minimal. The colors you’ve chosen can certainly work, there just likely wouldn’t be a lot of elements on her fuku that would make use of those colors. Overall, however, there shouldn’t be too much of an issue taking the picture you’ve provided for inspiration and creating something notably corrupt about it!

As for her sphere and attacks, I like the changes you’ve made and the direction you’re trying to go with them! For the most part, the timing and limits to her attacks look reasonable for most if not all of her stages, but there are a couple of things I wanted to go over with you!

Scout Attack

First and foremost, senshi are not allowed to summon live/animate creatures in their attacks, though in reading through yours I see that you intend for the siren to be comprised of energy, which should be fine! I do, however, want to go over the actual effects of the attack. You don’t want to design attacks that force a reaction out of characters/players, and attacks that restrict movement and/or cause characters to move in a certain way (in this case, being drawn toward the energy siren and, I’m assuming, Sirene herself) tend to have restrictions on their time limits to compensate for their effect! It can get a little tricky. What I would suggest is rather than the energy siren remaining stationary and drawing an opponent to it, have the siren rush the opponent, at which point the sound distractions could come into play upon collision, but the effects would be more mental and give players more of an opportunity to have their characters react to it individually!

Super Attack

I would suggest the same here. Your Super attack is going to be an upgrade of your original attack, so the distractions might be stronger (perhaps louder; maybe they hear a song that transitions into a loud, annoying, almost painful ringing in their ears?), and the time limit is going to be just a bit longer. Right now, your usage limits of twice per battle for both Scout and Super, and your time limits of twenty and twenty-five seconds respectively would work perfectly if you decide to go the suggested route! If not, we can try to come up with something else that works!

Eternal Attack

This attack we’re going to want to tone down juuuuust a little bit! Since the opponent is seeing an illusion and can no longer see what it going on around them, and it gives Sirene the ability to attack them without them being able to effectively defend themselves while the illusion is in place, I would suggest trimming the time limit down a bit, particularly since it can affect more than one person at a time! The illusionary aspect itself should be acceptable, as we have another character, a squire (Sessrumnir of Jupiter) who employs a similar illusionary technique in his magic. You’ve kept in mind the differing reactions that might occur from different characters, so that’s good! Not we just need to work on tweaking it a bit so that there’s still a level of fairness in battle! You might want to consider ways in which the opponent(s) can break through the illusion, in which case her time limit might be able to remain as is. Your time limits are mostly going to be effected by how long a typical battle lasts (we usually say about five minutes ICly, though some are, of course, longer than that) as well as what the attack actually does to a character and whether or not they’re still able to effectively defend themselves while under the effects of it!

That should be all for now! I know this is a lot, so definitely let me know if you have any questions! :3

It's certainly possible to play things that way. It really all depends on how long you want her to have been awoken as a White Moon Senshi prior to corruption. Relatively soon after (days, most likely, if not shorter; definitely no longer than a week ) should be fine. There are a couple of precedents for that. You could even grab a cat and a Nega player and stage an aborted/interrupted awakening if you wanted to try and play it that way! At the moment, I don't see any reason why she wouldn't also be able to have a mineral nickname given that there's precedent for that as well!

Sirene's attacks are shaping up nicely! The added limitations to her Eternal attack definitely make it a little more reasonable! The only thing I can see to fix right now is that her Super attack seems like a rather minor upgrade from her Scout attack. Aside from the additional five seconds in time at super, they seem more or less the same to me, so you're probably limiting yourself there a bit! I would suggest editing the effects a bit, so that her Super attack ends up being a slightly stronger version of her Scout attack! So her Scout attack could cause a minor ringing in the ears, a sense of disorientation, slight scare, etc. And her Super attack could also cause the fright/scare and disorientation you have now, but the ringing in the years could be headache inducing rather than a minor annoyance!