|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 6:02 pm
Name: Trinity Dubois Nickname: Sugar-Plum. But only from her father. Age: 17 Birthday: August 27th Sign: Virgo Gemstone: Sapphire Blood Type: O- Fav. Food: Chicken Florentine Hated Food: Canned Ravioli School: Crystal Academy ( For now. ) Hobbies: Shopping Being the typical rich girl, with a obnoxiously large weekly allowance, shopping is her main hobby. With no real concept of the value of a dollar, she often goes shopping just for the sake of shopping. Cloths, shoes, makeup, generally anything "girly" is were you will find her in the mall. She has several store gold cards that she regularly exercises. She enjoys shop Horses Trinity had, at one time, 5 ponies in her stable because when her father asked her what she wanted for her birthday she asked for a pony forgetting she'd gotten one the year before. Once her father saw all of those ponies in the stables he made her do something with them, giving her riding lessons and teaching her to groom and care for her pets. Ever since then horses of any kind have been a comfort to her. Except for mucking the stalls. Real ladies don't clean poo. Charity Trinity has always been active with charity and continues that activity as best she can now that her father has gone away because of his -ahem- problem. These functions have always been important to her as a way to give back to the community. From conceiving of and organizing the Banquet to Fight Hunger to the Marathon to Support Quadriplegics she will usually be found helping out the less fortunate...usually by writing a check, schmoozing, or helping organize things. Virtues: Giving Nature: Having come from a family of wealth, she has no problems at all sharing it. Its part of her nature, one of the few values her mother ingrained in her before her passing, that you should always share what you have, because not everyone is as fortunate as you. This is also amplified because she dosn't really understand the value of a dollar, so she has no problem buying that $400 purse for a friend. She just charges on her card and its taken care of. This extends to outside of the monetary given, and will willingly give her time to things she considers important, even if they are not asked for or wanted, in things fashion and personal life advice, she considers her input very important, and will give whatever she thinks will help. Moral support, girl chat, or a spa trip to get your mind off of that jerk who dumped you. Decorum: Trinity was a very properly raised little lady with all of the etiquette you'd expect from Daddy's Sugar Plum. She knows just how to behave in social situations and can carry herself as if in high society even if she's just in the mall. She is used to being the center of her social world, and conducts herself like the queen bee she sees herself raised to be. She keeps herself to places that one would expect to see a girl of her breeding, and when she does venture out of her "comfort" zone she carries around her an air of sophistication. She is the kind of girl who going to a diner, would eat her chili fries with a fork and knife. If you could get her into such a place. Innocent: She believes the best from the world and from humanity in general. Though they make mistakes she chooses to believe that everyone is basically good and have just made a bad choice - this does not make them a bad person. She is always quick to forgive a friend any slight because, after all, they didn't mean it. This often puts people at ease, because there is a sense of no judgment around her ( Even though that isn't necessarily true, shes could totally be judging you, she just forgives you your derp moments without a second thought ) and makes it quite easy to befriend her if you can manage to stand her derp moments. Flaws: Naive: Trinity's perception of the world has been sheltered from birth. She has no concept of the harsher side of life and will usually find herself saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question because she truly doesn't understand why everyone did not grow up the way she did. She's also a bit dismissive of people's life concerns because she's never faced any of them for herself. She doesn't understand why you can't afford new shoes all the time. Everyone has money, don't they? If they don't...why don't they just get some more? Tactless: Trinity is very well meaning but she often says things in such a way that they come across hurtful. She'll stop you in a mall and insult your outfit by telling you those shoes are about two seasons out of fashion and don't go with that outfit. In her mind she's helping you by pointing out your fashionable faux pas. In actuality, though, the words just come out rude, Forget that she will be happy to take you to a store and pick out some proper shoes for the ensemble, she just dosn't get why people are so upset by her friendly advice, she truly just wants to help, even if people don't seem to want it. Ditzy: When you see her she is likely off in her own world somewhere, prone to daydreams and her own somewhat irregular tracked train of thought. So while you're talking about your worries and cares she's thinking of rainbows and a new pony. She spaces on dates and times and appointments. It's not that she's trying to be a bad friend, or neglectful. It just sort of happens. This also translates over into her school life making it hard to concentrate on lessons. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Pale blue. Hair: Palest Blonde, long and often with large sausage curls ala Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty. The tektek reference below is a good idea of what it should sort of look like. Face: Trinity has a heart shaped face with high cheek bones. No freckles. Her lips are naturally a pale pink. Clothes: High end, expensive ( For now ) High class fashion sense but still very teenager. Main Outfit IdeaSecondary Outfit Idea. Sorry its tiny, my computer decided to be an a** and skrink my saved Polyvore. Color can be the Dark blue and black, OR a paler icy blue and white. 
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 22, 2012 7:16 pm
 Senshi: Sailor Disneya, Senshi of Fairytales Challenge: When you wish upon a star Fuku Colour: ONLY IF SENSHI OR KNIGHT. Main and secondary. Give us a hex if you'd like. The bodices of senshi will always be white, except for in the case of parallel senshi -- those will be black. Main Color: pale blue Secondary Color: pale gold Fuku: Think of every Disney princess/stereotype you have every seen and go nuts. Really, just go nuts! Collar -- A silky white that fades to gold at the end. Bow -- Silky white bows with a glimmer of gold. Long slender ribbons from the bows ( White ) that fade to gold at the end. Bodice -- Standard Bodice. Option to lace up the back if visible. Sleeves -- Puffed princess sleeves (white that fade to gold at the top ) with senshi style shoulder guard over it ( Pale blue instead of standard translusent ). Brooch -- Long Oval pale blue gemstone with a two bead string hanging from the bottom ( Bottom bead slightly larger then the top ). Golden details around the stone are colorist choice. Bottoms -- Standard Fuku Miniskirt with more "flare" if that makes any sense. See chibi for reference. Tiara -- See Reference Choker -- Either CC or based vaguely off of this design, But in her Color pallet . Basically CC Shoes -- Boots that go to above the knee. Gem and gold cageing along the top point. See reference. ( Exact pattern for the cageing up to the artist ) Heels are CC. Gloves -- Elbow length senshi gloves. Accessories -- CC Your MAIN COLOUR should dominate. Your SECOND COLOUR should be used for trimming. Attacks: Sailor Scout Attack: Pixie Dust! Disneya would fling a handful of dust at the enemy/ally. The dust itself is pale golden white, and faintly glowing gold. When a person is under the effects of this attack, their body is sprinkling dust, much like this. Effect: The person under effect of this attack will float about two or three feet off of the ground. They are otherwise in complete control of their motor functions. they are still subject to the laws of force ( Accept for force applied downward ) so if they were struck/hit in this state, they would drift in whatever direction the force pushes them in. In theory this means if they were close enough to a wall they could push themselves away from it, or grab hold of someone on their team and be moved. They are still fully able to attack and use their own magic. If used on herself, she can move in whatever direction she chose. When it wears off, they float slowly back to the ground. Range: The dust only has effect for 5 seconds after it leaves her hand, which means if it dosn't come into contact with someone by then, the attack is useless. If she misses, the dust can land on the floor, and if someone promptly steps in it, it will still be viable. Duration: about 15 seconds, can be used twice per battle. Super Sailor Scout Attack: . Super Pixie Dust! Disneya would fling a handful of dust at the enemy/ally. The dust itself is pale golden white, and faintly glowing gold. When a person is under the effects of this attack, their body is sprinkling dust, much like this. When thrown three glowing orbs with little wings can be seen ( Think like Navi, from Zelda ) fly out and swirl around the enemy if contact is made. Effect: The person under effect of this attack will float about two or three feet off of the ground. They are otherwise in complete controll of their motor functions. they are still subject to the laws of force ( Accept for force applied downward ) so if they were struck/hit in this state, they would drift in whatever direction the force pushes them in. In theory this means if they were close enough to a wall they could push themselves away from it, or grab hold of someone on their team and be moved. They are still fully able to attack and use their own magic. If used on herself, she can move in whatever direction she choses. When it wears off, they float slowly back to the ground. Range: The dust only has effect for 5 seconds after it leaves her hand, which means if it dosn't come into contact with someone by then, the attack is useless. If she misses, the dust can land on the floor, and if someone promptly steps in it, it will still be viable. Duration: about 25 seconds, can be used twice times per battle. Eternal Sailor Attack: The Stroke Of Midnight. Disneya claps her hands, and the sound of a great deep bell, like that you would find in a bell tower, rings out which each clap. To all enemies, it appears to them as if they have suddenly powered down. In reality they have not, and have complete access to their weapons and magic. This effect also extends to people who they know their personal identities. ( So say, if for some reason she were fighting against Camelot & Shalott, they would appear to eachother to have powered down, but only because they know each others secret identities ) This causes panic, and fear, but other then that has no real effect. If they can figure out whats going on, they can power through it and keep fighting. Range: This effects anyone who hears the bell toll. about 20 feet, give or take a foot or two depending on the acoustics. **It should be noted, that the sound is magically enhanced, and does NOT carry over PA systems or any other type of electronic sounds systems. So, someone couldn't record her attack on a video camera and replay it for magical effect whenever they wanted, the magic wouldn't carry over. **Also, just to double state, this is only an ILLUSION. Trinity, or anyone else wont see you as anything other then your powered up form, unless, as previously stated, you already know someone's secret identity ( Example= Shalott / Camelot ) Secret Identities cannot be compromised by this attack. Durration: 1 Minute. Can be used once per battle.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2012 12:20 pm
Readers Digest version of family history: Once I obtain this character, Her family will be going through some major changes. Her father is a Real-estate tycoon who promptly after me obtaining Trinity, will be starting to be investigated for several criminal charges, and eventually found guilty of tax fraud and several other no-no's. Her only money will be that left to her by her mother, and things in her own name. Her character journey will be her discovering "real" life instead of the high society spoiled rich girl life she had been leading. A real dose of reality, so to speak. -I shall elaborate on this later, sense its not really pertinent to the form but might help with crits- References untill i get around to drawing something. The hair on this avatar is spot on.  My Idea of what she would look like. Artists are free to use this as a reference or CC if they wish. smile 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 10:58 am
Hello, Parue! I'm not one of the official crits but I'm willing to offer a few pointers to get you started in this shop. ^_^ Let's start with Hobbies. Quote: Shopping Being the typical rich girl, with a obnoxiously large weekly allowance, shopping is her main hobby. With no real concept of the value of a dollar, she often goes shopping just for the sake of shopping. Clothes, shoes, makeup, generally anything "girly" is were you will find her in the mall. She has several store gold cards that she regularly exercises. A little short, but to the point. I can see where you're going with it and I can also see how it would be easy for other players' characters to meet and interact with Trinity on a regular basis. Elaborate a little: does she like to shop alone, or with friends? How does shopping affect relationships/her schedules/her giving nature? I can also see how it would mesh with her Giving Nature virtue trait, but perhaps you should try implementing that into the Shopping hobby to drive the point home, as well as add some length to the description. Length might not be an issue when an official crit comes in, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt. Quote: Horses Trinity had, at one time, 5 ponies in her stable because when her father asked her what she wanted for her birthday she asked for a pony, forgetting she'd gotten one the year before. Once her father saw all of those ponies in the stables he made her do something with them, giving her riding lessons and teaching her to groom and care for her pets. Ever since then horses of any kind have been a comfort to her. Except for mucking the stalls. Real ladies don't clean poo. Girl's father must own a ranch with having so many horses/ponies. Work around that. Horses are expensive animals, but have a lot of practical uses, even if Trinity may not realize it. Find a way for other players to interact with her; since she's a giving kind of person, does she offer them discounted/free rides? Does she offer them for parades, or any kind of social function that would require a horse? You said she doesn't enjoy mucking stalls, which is completely in character for her given what you've already stated about Trinity being spoiled, but who does? Her father? Stable workers? Perhaps even convincing other players or her friends to do so (in exchange for free rides or something). I can imagine she'd have to at least know how to saddle a horse, though that requires some manual labor as well. Will she even risk getting her hands dirty to groom them or does someone else do it for her? Just some things to think about; I'm not sure how many players here are aware of how much work and effort goes into maintaining horses, but it's something to consider if you're going to want to bring this hobby into Regular interactions. (From a personal standpoint, my character Gwendolyn would do ANYTHING for a chance to ride one of Trinity's horses, as she has a Animal Lover hobby as well.) Also, I'm sure I don't need to stress this, but there's a difference between ponies and horses. Considering most children DO say 'pony' when they mean 'horse', though, I understand the use of that word at the beginning, though others may not? EDIT - Now that I am aware of her money situation, how will that affect her hobby/love for her horses? Will they lose the ranch? What will become of the horses themselves? Does she love them enough to keep them, despite not having the means to provide for them, or will she be willing to part with them, or even WORK to keep them? Quote: Charity Trin has always been active with charity and continues that activity as best she can now that her father has gone away because of his -ahem- problem. These functions have always been important to her as a way to give back to the community. From conceiving of and organizing the Banquet to Fight Hunger to the Marathon to Support Quadriplegics she will usually be found helping out the less fortunate...usually by writing a check, schmoozing, or helping organize things. This works well with her Giving virtue. Once again, I think the main issue here is length, but you can give it more meat by simply elaborating some details. How would this cause her to interact with other players? How often does Trinity do this? Does she really enjoy it? Does she brag about it with others, or is she more likely to not think of it as a big deal (her Giving virtue would likely be the latter, but her spoiled brat traits you given her would open the possibility of her flaunting this, which could have both a positive and a negative effect on other players' characters.) Really, just elaborate on how often she'll spend her free time doing this, maybe how much effort goes into it, and how it might be used to lure in other players looking to interact with her. Next is the Virtues. Quote: Giving Nature: Having come from a family of wealth, she has no problems at all sharing it. It's part of her nature, one of the few values her mother ingrained in her before her passing, that you should always share what you have, because not everyone is as fortunate as you. I rather like seeing a character that's fortunate enough to be wealthy, but also willing to share their wealth. You've stayed consistent with this virtue, even with your hobbies, so it's definitely a keeper. It's pretty much the driving point of her whole character and you can work wonders around that. My only suggestion is elaborating on it, make it clear as to why it's a virtue. Is is something she TRULY believes in, deep down in her heart, or is it just something she believes in because it's what she thinks her mother would want? Can the other character see her sincerity, or will a few thinks she's only putting on a show? Just some details to consider. Quote: Proper: Trinity was a very properly raised little lady with all of the etiquette you'd expect from Daddy's Sugar Plum. She knows just how to behave in social situations and can carry herself as if in high society even if she's just in the mall. I'm having some trouble seeing this as a virtue, giving how it's written. I can see why it'd be considered a virtue, though. This seems to indicate that she carries an aura of self control about her, that location and situation doesn't matter as she knows that there's ALWAYS a sense of decorum. It shows in her Horses hobby as well with her unwillingness to muck a stable; it's simply not a proper lady's place to do so. I'd say that this Virtue would need the MOST work; not because it's a bad virtue, per say, but simply writing it to be a virtue is difficult (I have a character that's all about putting on an act to throw off his enemies/adversaries, and I'm having trouble wording that to be a Virtue as well.) How does she, or her friends/allies benefit from this trait? Do others look to her to keep a cool head when things go to hell? Does that give her some kind of control or does she feel like she's in control, so long as she minds her manners? Does she try to enforce these same manners onto others (whether they like it or not)? A few things to keep in mind. Quote: Optimistic: She believes the best from the world and from humanity in general. Though they make mistakes she chooses to believe that everyone is basically good and have just made a bad choice - this does not make them a bad person. She is always quick to forgive a friend any slight because, after all, they didn't mean it. This works perfectly with her Naive flaw, so good job. I'm going to suggest elaborating further, though, just to drive the point home. Is she quick to anger but quick to forgive, or is she slow to anger, but quick to forgive (which kind of gives her this 'nothing gets this girl down, and if it did, you wouldn't really know' vibe.) Are insults like water off a duck's back to her; I ask this because with the way some people might play their characters, some might hold some spite or issue with Trinity for various reasons (for example, some Fugal characters might feel insulted to see her throwing money away so freely), so will she outwardly show these negative emotions and then forgive, or will she simply brush it off and not let them know that they hurt her? Now, onto the Flaws. Quote: Naive: Trinity's perception of the world has been sheltered from birth. She has no concept of the harsher side of life and will usually find herself saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question because she truly doesn't understand why everyone did not grow up the way she did. She's also a bit dismissive of people's life concerns because she's never faced any of them for herself. She doesn't understand why you can't afford new shoes all the time. Everyone has money, don't they? If they don't...why don't they just get some more? Good counter to her Optimism virtue, balances out fairly well. Also, given her Giving virtue and her hobbies, this plays very well with this character and is likely to cause drama in RPs. The good kind of drama, mind you. Does it only include money issues, or is it other issues? My main question is: how would this effect her and others as a Senshi? An official crit can probably give you a better idea of what to do with this in regards to branching it out to where it's not just about money, though. Quote: Tactless: Trinity is very well meaning but she often says things in such a way that they come across hurtful. She'll stop you in a mall and insult your outfit by telling you those shoes are about two seasons out of fashion and don't go with that outfit. In her mind she's helping you by pointing out your fashionable faux pas. In actuality, though, the words just come out rude. Oh yes, this flaw is going to cause some delicious drama, both in civilian form and Senshi form. Once again, like with the flaw above, branch out to where it's not just about money or fashion, but maybe cover other aspects of life. What about political views, or personal problems? Something to where she's not all about the looks and the money. Quote: Ditzy: When you see her she is likely off in her own world somewhere, prone to daydreams and her own somewhat irregular tracked train of thought. So while you're talking about your worries and cares she's thinking of rainbows and a new pony. She spaces on dates and times and appointments. It's not that she's trying to be a bad friend, or neglectful. It just sort of happens. This also translates over into her school life making it hard to concentrate on lessons. I'd change this from Ditzy to Clueless, and it seems a little too similar to Naive and Tactless. Ditzy can be taken as a more physical flaw, like being clumsy, her absent-mindedness leading her into some wacky situations, such as that. I'm not sure if you want to go in that direction, but this flaw just seems too similar to the other two and could easily be written into them. If the official crit is okay with that or you're happy with this, then I'd suggest elaborating further. Maybe play it up even more, does she ignore another person intentionally (which makes it seem more malicious, or would actually work well with Optimism trait where she thinks that everyone is just like her and cannot be bothered with it) or does she TRULY have a difficult time concentrating on someone else's problems (which is more innocent than intentionally ignoring them and letting her mind wander.) That's all I have for her civilian side. Her appearance and senshi attire look good to me. I see you've left most of her Senshi side alone, as far as attacks and all go. Do you have a general idea of what you're wanting to do with her or are you open to suggestions? I hope I didn't discourage you from joining the shop with my critique. I'm sure one of the official crits will do a much better job at assisting you, but I'd figure I'd try since you seem so eager to join in. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help. --------- EDIT: Zaia has politely informed me of Trinity's family background and the truth to her money situation. Which will likely change a LOT of what I've already critiqued on, so my apologies for overlooking that aspect. Feel free to ignore anything that seems to go against her family history and her money situation. >_<
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2012 10:58 pm
Thank you so much for the crits!! *gets to work* Oh and don't feel bad, I didn't have her history up there so there was no way for you to know. 8D
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 9:50 am
Those chibis are so cute :O
May I ask where you got them?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 4:41 pm
Tasinei Those chibis are so cute :O May I ask where you got them? Thank you! I made them. smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 5:58 pm
surprised Really? Do you happen to have a shop?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 10:11 pm
Tasinei surprised Really? Do you happen to have a shop? Actually I don't, but I could toss you a PM if I ever decide to open one or take commissions? smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:43 pm
ChibiGingi Quote: Proper: Trinity was a very properly raised little lady with all of the etiquette you'd expect from Daddy's Sugar Plum. She knows just how to behave in social situations and can carry herself as if in high society even if she's just in the mall. I'm having some trouble seeing this as a virtue, giving how it's written. I can see why it'd be considered a virtue, though. This seems to indicate that she carries an aura of self control about her, that location and situation doesn't matter as she knows that there's ALWAYS a sense of decorum. It shows in her Horses hobby as well with her unwillingness to muck a stable; it's simply not a proper lady's place to do so. I'd say that this Virtue would need the MOST work; not because it's a bad virtue, per say, but simply writing it to be a virtue is difficult (I have a character that's all about putting on an act to throw off his enemies/adversaries, and I'm having trouble wording that to be a Virtue as well.) How does she, or her friends/allies benefit from this trait? Do others look to her to keep a cool head when things go to hell? Does that give her some kind of control or does she feel like she's in control, so long as she minds her manners? Does she try to enforce these same manners onto others (whether they like it or not)? A few things to keep in mind. I am considering change the title of this one to "Decorum", what do you think? *fine tuning things now*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 10:09 pm
Parue ChibiGingi Quote: Proper: Trinity was a very properly raised little lady with all of the etiquette you'd expect from Daddy's Sugar Plum. She knows just how to behave in social situations and can carry herself as if in high society even if she's just in the mall. I'm having some trouble seeing this as a virtue, giving how it's written. I can see why it'd be considered a virtue, though. This seems to indicate that she carries an aura of self control about her, that location and situation doesn't matter as she knows that there's ALWAYS a sense of decorum. It shows in her Horses hobby as well with her unwillingness to muck a stable; it's simply not a proper lady's place to do so. I'd say that this Virtue would need the MOST work; not because it's a bad virtue, per say, but simply writing it to be a virtue is difficult (I have a character that's all about putting on an act to throw off his enemies/adversaries, and I'm having trouble wording that to be a Virtue as well.) How does she, or her friends/allies benefit from this trait? Do others look to her to keep a cool head when things go to hell? Does that give her some kind of control or does she feel like she's in control, so long as she minds her manners? Does she try to enforce these same manners onto others (whether they like it or not)? A few things to keep in mind. I am considering change the title of this one to "Decorum", what do you think? *fine tuning things now* "Decorum" does sound better; what else are you going add to that description to explain how it can be used as a virtue? I'm not sure if it's intentional, but I'm thinking of Eleanor from the movie Brave, where she always carried a sense of decorum and authority with her, and she used it to straighten out problems and situations. Perhaps look to her for inspiration on turning it into an all out virtue?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 9:07 am
Whoops. Quoted when I ment to edit.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 8:27 pm
Hey Parue! Sorry it’s taken me so long to look at your quest—I was moving out of one apartment and packing to move into another! Life problems, you know? XD
Anyway! Time to get down to business! Let me say that I think Disneya is absolutely beautiful and gah! I adore her fuku completely.
First, on the civilian side of the profile, most of it looks good to me! Though the one note I do have is I would like to see you elaborate on the Optimistic trait that she has! She’s optimistic about people and gives them the benefit of the doubt, but how does this affect her day to day relationships? Does this make her have a super bubbly personality that makes others want to be close to her and have friendships with her?
I just feel that right now, you don’t have enough information for me to really see how it is a virtue!
Moving on to her powered side, I have a few concerns! Most of them are on your durations and limits of your attacks! I feel that right now, while the subject of your attacks are very reasonable, and very clever, all of them being very capable of causing a lot of wtf moments during rp, I think that your time limits are just a bit too long.
For your basic attack, I think that you could shorten it to twice for fifteen seconds each attack, or to once per battle and use the full thirty seconds!
The same thing with the super attack, I think that shortening the duration to about 45 seconds and making it only twice per battle would seem a lot more manageable, considering that battles normally last only about five minutes ICly!
Her eternal attack, while a very neat concept seems just a bit over powered with what a large radius and time limit it has. If you could shorten the radius to about twenty feet or so and bump the duration down to about a minute, rather than two!
If you could make these changes for me go ahead and quote me and then I will be more than happy to give her a trial stamp! Congrats on winning her, and I can’t wait to see how you rp her in the future!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri May 17, 2013 2:29 pm
Orangeish Sherbert Hey Parue! Sorry it’s taken me so long to look at your quest—I was moving out of one apartment and packing to move into another! Life problems, you know? XD Anyway! Time to get down to business! Let me say that I think Disneya is absolutely beautiful and gah! I adore her fuku completely. First, on the civilian side of the profile, most of it looks good to me! Though the one note I do have is I would like to see you elaborate on the Optimistic trait that she has! She’s optimistic about people and gives them the benefit of the doubt, but how does this affect her day to day relationships? Does this make her have a super bubbly personality that makes others want to be close to her and have friendships with her? I just feel that right now, you don’t have enough information for me to really see how it is a virtue! Moving on to her powered side, I have a few concerns! Most of them are on your durations and limits of your attacks! I feel that right now, while the subject of your attacks are very reasonable, and very clever, all of them being very capable of causing a lot of wtf moments during rp, I think that your time limits are just a bit too long. For your basic attack, I think that you could shorten it to twice for fifteen seconds each attack, or to once per battle and use the full thirty seconds! The same thing with the super attack, I think that shortening the duration to about 45 seconds and making it only twice per battle would seem a lot more manageable, considering that battles normally last only about five minutes ICly! Her eternal attack, while a very neat concept seems just a bit over powered with what a large radius and time limit it has. If you could shorten the radius to about twenty feet or so and bump the duration down to about a minute, rather than two! If you could make these changes for me go ahead and quote me and then I will be more than happy to give her a trial stamp! Congrats on winning her, and I can’t wait to see how you rp her in the future! Thank you!! Im absolutely in love with her fuku as well. Like, you have noooo idea. emotion_awesome *still in Disney Senshi Euphoria* I did some updating!! I also changed the title for Optimistic" because with the added information the title just didn't fit quite right, but otherwise its still the same vitrue. smile
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 18, 2013 7:57 pm
Hey again Parue! Her civilian side looks solid, I think innocent works a lot better as a title for the virtue, and you fleshed it out nicely! I think that her eternal attack looks much better now with the duration and radius so that’s not longer an issue, but I think for the basic and super attacks there’s just a tiny bit more tweaking to do before I can give the stamp! The way the attacks are worded is making them sound a lot like knight magic, which stems from a pool that the knights have, whereas the senshi magic is pretty much turn based so it should be a set number of times per battle, no mixing and matching and doubling up the effects! Also, for her super attack, the total duration is still a little too long for me, if you could cut just a little bit more time off of it, I think that the eternal attack should have the longest duration, since that is when she is at her most powerful, so it doesn’t seem right for her super attack to have thirty more seconds of effectiveness over the eternal attack! Again, please quote me with your changes!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
