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 Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:01 pm
Alina had been having a bit of a busy time with everything - checking up on if and when Thread would fall, keeping charts, making sure apprentices stopped freaking out - or kept them from it. Still, through it all, she thought she'd need to visit Bereck again.
He'd be less drugged now.
So once she got off shift a random day near to Threadfall, Alina made her way back to the infirmary. She weaved past the healers and supplies, rounding in on where she last saw him.
"Bereck?" Alina called out, softly. "Are you awake?"
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:11 pm
"Here!" came the distracted but alert sounding reply.
Frowning deeply Bereck focused his attention on the small silver firelizard sitting on the tray balanced on his lap. "Stay," he reiterated, holding his bony right hand upright and flat in a 'stop' gesture. His left hand - equally thin - was held against his chest, a piece of dried meat held between thumb and forefinger.
The silver sat where he was for a few moments but then, drawn by the desire for food, started to move forward.
"Ah-ah!" Bereck said sharply, taking hold of the flitt and pushing him firmly backwards. "No."
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 3:54 pm
"Oh, good." Alina came into his view with a little swish of fluffy hair. She grinned when she saw him... and his little firelizard. The starcrafter sat without asking, ankles crossed, and her hands on her knees. Light eyebrows went up and the Starcrafter leaned back.
"Food training your flits now?" A silly question and she knew the answer but... still. "How long have you been at it?"
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 4:11 pm
Bereck looked over his reading glasses at the tall woman, his serious focused expression giving way to a small smile. "Well in order to reinforce the behaviour I want I have to provide some kind of positive stimulus, I'm hardly going to use negative reinforcement on the little beast.... How long?" Bereck frowned. "That depends; what time is it?"
Deciding to leave the training for now Bereck looked back at the silver and lifted his hand upward, palm flat. "Shoulder!" This command seemed to come more naturally; the little beast fluttered into the air and came in to land on his right shoulder. Sending a feeling of good flitt Bereck passed up the small reward.
Roused by the sound of another voice Sanguine, who had been asleep on the bed beside Bereck, clambered up into his lap and sat back on her haunches to study the visitor. She wasn't sure she knew this one, but Bereck was radiating happy (slightly nervous happy?) so she saw no reason to take issue with the human's presence.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 4:43 pm
"Pretty late afternoon. I just got off shift." Alina smiled again, relaxing a bit more with him not being overly curious as to why she was visiting. Last time he had been rather drugged and... so maybe nothing changed. Everything changed? Something. She leaned in, studying Sanguined. "I'd be disappointed if you were using negative reinforcement. You are so much more creaive than that."
'Dear' almost slipped out. She held it back, choosing instead to smile at the wee flit. "Hello, sweetheart. This one won't bite me, will it? Oh...and I may need to bother you for tips. I was given an egg."
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 4:52 pm
"Mmh, a couple of hours then I suppose," Bereck replied with a tiny shrug. "I've only been working with the little silver here for a few minutes though, I was on Cap and Carp earlier.... Mmh, and negative reinforcement wouldn't be effective either. Oh, Sanguine's fine, she won't bite you." He nearly added 'she likes people I like' but he wasn't sure if that was out of line, or too much given she's just walked in and sat down or... anything. He remembered their previous conversation but it had a faint haze of unreality over it, and he found himself questioning whether or not he was remembering accurately.
"I'd be happy to give you any help you need," Bereck said after a moment, taking off his reading glasses and placing the carefully on the table beside his bed, picking up and putting on his normal glasses instead. That was better, Alina was in focus now... and he wasn't sure what to say or do. "Go on Sanguine," he gave the crimson a gentle nudge, "she's alright; go and say hello."
Making a small 'squirp!' noise the young firelizard padded up the the edge of the bed and rubbed her tiny head against Alina's fingers; if her person liked this one when she liked her too.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:14 pm
"Hey there, sweetheart." Alina murmured again, reaching out to meet the firelizards head with her fingers. She kept petting, a smile breaking out over her face. "Ha. And that's great, I'm afraid I don't know anything about caring for baby flits or dragons. Or anything."
She shook her head, expression softening even more when she looked back up to Bereck. "You're looking better. A bit more lucid. Are you feeling any better, dear?"
And s**t. She said it. Alina flushed a little but didnt pull back or look away. Eff that, there was a nuzzling baby dragon flitlet. "You may have neighbors soon, though I hope not. Thread soon."
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:22 pm
Sanguine settled happily against the petting hand, rubbing her head on the fingers and chirping softly at intervals.
Bereck meanwhile was less chirpy; his eyes flickered away from Alina and he gave another little shrug. "I suppose I am. Yes. Thank you." She had called him dear again which was... good? It made him believe his memory a little more, so yes, it was good; it wasn't that which had given him a sinking feeling, it was the question itself. He felt more himself but everything still hurt as much as before; less fellis to get the same effect.
After a brief silence he made himself look back up, silently berating himself for being a self-pitying fool again. Still. "How soon?" he asked, concern now creasing his brow. "Too soon for me to be able to be of any help I imagine?..." Useless. Worthless. That was a very harsh judgement to make of himself but it was how he felt at the moment. Having the firelizards to train was at least a distraction but the fact that he was doing nothing to help anyone at a time when so much was needed still pressed down on him like a huge hand. If the infirmary filled with victims of the Thread and he couldn't get up to help care for them then he-
He what? He didn't know. Why couldn't this have happened to somebody else?
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:30 pm
Right. So 'dear' made him look away and look uncomfortable. Or maybe it was the question? Either way, she filed away the 'do not call him dear' order for future use should she need to again.
Alina smiled down at the firelizard and concentrated on that. "You may be well enough to direct people about." She murmured, very resolutely not looking up at him. "It's soon. You shouldn't think of yourself of being no use. You savedlives with that wher."
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:35 pm
"Maybe," was the soft, half-hearted response to both of her statements. Shards he was being a pathetic misery, he was hardly encouraging her to spend time with him now was he? It was just... just that he couldn't admit to feeling this low to anyone else. He didn't have to try to pretend to be okay so hard with her.
Becoming aware that his eyes had slid away again Bereck looked back over at Alina. "Thank you... for coming back. I know I'm not the most uplifting of company, and you're busy so.... It's nice to see you again, 'Lina." It was. Just because he wasn't entirely sure what to say or do, just because other things were weighing heavily on his mind didn't mean it wasn't a little lift to see her.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:45 pm
"I'd rather you wounded and upset over being in bed than mourning our son, Ber." Alina chose her words carefully, even if the words probably weren't the correct ones to use. She stroked along the length of Sanguines spine, her smile small. "It's good to see you period, sad or not. I'm... Well."
She shrugged. "I have to admit I'm glad you aren't telling me leave or anything. You weren't entirely with it the last time we spoke. I wasn't sure if you'd want to talk still."
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:58 pm
Bereck blanched slightly, and expression tightening he gave a stiff sharp nod; how right she was, this was the lesser of two evils by a long shot. "I," he cleared his throat, "you're right. Of course. This is much better than the alternative. Perhaps I should try to remember that more often." Even thinking of it was agonizing, terrifying, but as the panic faded... yes, he supposed he did feel a little less dismal; he had done what was necessary, and for all the pain it had caused he couldn't regret his actions.
A gentle mental nudge called the silver flitt down from his shoulder into his lap and he started to stroke the shining hide, as much to sooth his jangling nerves as to make sure the young beast didn't get jealous of Sanguine. "I wasn't especially lucid," Bereck agreed, almost but not quite smiling again. "I remember more or less what we said... I think. I hope you don't think me a total fool for it." He didn't usually get emotional like that, not negatively anyway; he did cranky, impatient, disappointed and cranky on that side of the spectrum usually. He supposed he was still acting out of character now then, subdued and depressive. Just remember how much worse it could have been... but try not to imagine it too vividly.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:12 pm
"That was a litle harsh of me, wasn't it." She nodded a little bit, scooting the chair closer to Sanguine and thus Bereck. The petting continued, a small smile playing on her lips still. Alina kept changing her look from one to the other, hesitating with his last few grumbles.
The awkward Starcrafter felt even more awkward at that particular moment. She paused in her petting for a few seconds, eyes back up and watching the Healer. All sorts of implications lurked in those words, ranging from 'forget all the mushy things' to 'Im sorry for almost crying' and everything in between.
"A total fool for what?" Shards, she hated how soft her voice sounded. It almost wobbled, for ******** sake. If he hated how weak he thought he could be, imagine what he'd think of her.
She hated this.
Wanting to sink into the floor and hide away sucked.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:21 pm
He hadn't expected her to react like that, shrinking and going quiet. He'd obviously said something wrong, but what? It could only be his question to her, but what about it had bothered her? Bereck held the starcrafter's gaze, confusion apparent in his vivid blue eyes. After a few moments of silence he reached out his stick thin arm towards her and hesitantly laid his bony hand on top of hers. "I'm sorry." He wasn't sure quite what he was apologising for. Just upsetting her, he supposed.
"What I meant was.... Well, I thought I might have made you uncomfortable. I don't usually act like that." Bereck's look of confusion was starting to morph to one of concern, and he squeezed Alina's hand gently. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?" He couldn't read her mind so if he was going to find out what was going on rather than just guess, asking was the only way to go....
He didn't want to have upset her. The thought made his stomach twist.
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Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:30 pm
She blinked, eyebrows furrowed at his confusion. They both ended up both wallowing in confusionville, but he reached out this time, touched her first. Her hand not being touched laid over his, her fingers curling.
"When we spoke..." Alina frowned and look down at their hands. "...well, you were out of it. I wasn't uncomfortable. You were... you were upset. And drugged. We talked about maybe seeing if there could be, you know. With us. Once you were less drugged.
"If you changed your mind or just wanted to be polite, I'd understand."
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