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Ocarina dude Vice Captain
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 Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:35 am
To all those who have returned here to this old guild: Welcome.
Time has passed, and changed us all. We are all new people now.
We have been the original Dragoons, but now we are actual Adults.
Yes, adults! How scary it is to come to terms with that. It doesn't seem real.
But real it is. We have all grown. We have all changed. We all have new lives.
As such, we all don't know the new us. So I leave this notice for all of you.
While this guild is now ruins filled with nostalgia, let there be this wall of new.
Share your new lives, your new worlds, and the new you.
This too with grow old and collect dust, but fill free to pin a note to this wall.
Let these notes share the new you. We already have the past here, lets share the now.
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:51 am
I am now in my junior year of college. I'm working hard to get a degree in civil engineering. That's right, I'm actually a smart cookie. I'm going to be a highway designer if all goes well. You would not believe the design standards and rulings involved in this. I may be unemployed, but scholorships and such keep me fed, and I make a little cash by tutoring once a week.
I still live in my Nana's house, so I have to commute to college everyday. Fortunately my 94 year old 2nd cousin gave me his old car, so I got my own wheels now.
Still got no girlfriend... should probably work on that. sweatdrop
Seeing as its 2012, I guess that makes me 24 years old now. That's a scary premise considering I'm listening to Yakko sing the countries of the world as I'm writing this sentence. Probably gonna play TF2 or portal after this. If you got a steam account look me up... I'm still 'Ocarina dude'.
I am civil engineering major in my junior year of my undergraduate program.
Still single, but plenty busy with school and tutoring a little.
Also I joined a DnD group. gotta say this place gave me a leg up on that.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really capable of being an engineer. The work load can get rather grueling, and knowing I'm competing with my fellow classmates upon graduation is more than a little unnerving. But I made it this far right? I've come too far to quit halfway.
So that's me. Nice to meet you all again.
-the Adult Ocarina Dude
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Ocarina dude Vice Captain
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The_Legendary_Lonewolf Captain
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Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:31 pm
Thought I'd check back in once again. True, that this guild is like a place I come back to every once in a long while to gather my thoughts and reminisce on the past. The good old days when we used to role play together and the pride I felt being a leader of a youthful band of misfit warriors fighting against "evil". Those were the good old days.
Anyway, I'm 26 years old now...definitely feeling the old age too. My body aches a lot, have back pains, etc. Took up smoking after I turned 21. Got a tattoo of a wolf howling to the moon with a dark purple rose by its heart and green thorny vines surrounding the wolf and the moon on my right bicep also when I was 21. I really branded myself as a "Lonewolf", come to think of it. Been through plenty emotional ups and downs over the years, lots of hardships, both domestic and financial. Have had my share of "wild partying" during my early twenties. However, through all the emotional and physical pain I've gone through in the past, and still go through to this day, I've learned from it all and have matured into a much wiser and stronger individual.
I'm different now. Stoic as ever, a little cynical, very jaded, but my values, sense of justice, pride and honor remain true. I am still the same man of dignity I was when I first started this guild back when I was 16. Over 10 years ago. Only I'm much smarter now. Maybe not "book-smart", but definitely "street-smart". I've been around. Experienced lots of things. Learned and grown from it all.
After 2 and a half years of being unemployed, I finally landed a job at the beginning of this month. It's nothing spectacular and I'm only getting paid minimum wage right now, but it'll do. I'm an inventory auditor. Basically, I walk around a big warehouse with a clipboard, paperwork and a pen and just go around checking all the inventory, making sure everything is in place and filled out correctly, etc. If I find any errors, I jot them down on the paperwork I have and turn them in to the inventory manager. It's a pretty easy job, and I like how I only answer to either the inventory manager or the director of the warehouse, so I'm pretty much untouchable by any of the other managers as well as the regular workers. I got the job through a job agency and I believe it started out as a temporary job, but I've been doing such an awesome job that I think they plan on keeping me. As to how long they plan on keeping me, I don't know. Only time will tell, I suppose. At least I'll be getting a raise every 3-6 months or so, so if I can keep the job for the course of the next few years, that would be great.
No girlfriend still. Like I said, I pretty much branded myself a "Lonewolf", now it's as though God plans on keeping me that way for a very very long time. Almost like a curse out of karma. I've always played the role of "Lonewolf" in high school and in life in general, and now I am a lone wolf indefinitely it seems. I have the worst luck with women and can pretty much be summed up as a "hopeless romantic". Though the loneliness tends to have a way of getting to me every so often, I don't let it keep me down. I'm actually pretty content with my current situation. I have a job now, can start saving money again and of course, have my video games to keep me entertained when I have nothing to do.
Life definitely gets much tougher after high school and I've learned that it's true what they say: "After the age of 21, it's just downhill after that." I've definitely had my share of "downhill" moments in the past, but the more I kept getting punched in the face by life, the more I've learned how to brace myself for that next "big hit". And really, that's what life is all about: rolling with the punches. No matter how hard you get hit, you just gotta find the will to pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and keep on going. May sound a lot easier then it actually is, but really....that's all there is to it. You just gotta learn how to brace for that next "big hit"...take it...then move on.
Never give up.
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Posted: Tue Sep 24, 2013 10:12 am
This is it. I've finally reached my senior year of college. Despite having back-set after back-set due to rotten counselors and family misfortune, I've finally reached senior year and come June, I should have my degree in Civil Engineering. However, the prospect terrifies me because of one simple fact: I don't know what it is to be an engineer.
I understand the intense responsibilities involved. The structures and infrastructures made by engineers hold the foundation of our society up both figuratively and literally. Buildings, roads, bridges, water treatment plants, skyscrapers, freeways, airport runways, dams, power stations, transmission towers, etc. But my concern is not only can I handle that weight on my shoulder knowing the lives of several hundred people can be my responsibility simply based on the wither or not I can properly calculate the load distribution of a freeway ramp, but more importantly for me is the fear of the unknown.
I've been in college studying for the past seven years. I have taken so many courses on physics, and structural analysis, and general engineering, yet for all my education, I don't know anything about what it is I'll even be doing after graduation. What does an engineer do each day? What do the newcomers get assigned to do? What will I actually be doing? Paperwork? Equations? Schedule management? Field surveying? I don't know, and that scares me.
For all my education, my knowledge, the entirety of my hard work and effort is all for a job I really know nothing about. That really scares me. But I'm already here. I've come too far to not see this through to the end. Maybe the worst part is that its also all I have. I don't have a girlfriend, my spendable income is solely from tutoring kids without a license (not illegal), and I have little to no social life either. Worst of all, I'm to blame for it all. I just don't how to get out and socialize. Its, again, something I don't understand and that scares me.
Okay. I think I'm done now. its hard to bare these feelings on your shoulders alone. At least I can share my thoughts here. I still remember my time here with fond memories. So thank you. I thank each and every one of you Dragoons for the memories. I'll just have to grit and bear it. One more year.
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Ocarina dude Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Oct 30, 2013 12:03 am
I decided to come back and check this out. It's certainly a huge difference attempting to come back here. I mostly do it when i'm really desperate in searching my past for nothing that even existed. I always wonder what could have been, but i'll never know anything and to be completely honest, I think my past is fading. I'm forgetting things and times are going by too fast. Everything is different now. I don't think i'm the same person in any bit of way. Sad as may be, it's certainly interesting to see what everyone is like now.
I moved from my hometown at age 18. I got a job at Target which I am still at to this day, making about 2 dollars more an hour than the minimum wage here thanks to being the electronics trainer now. It's interesting how I try to take pride in it and absolutely despise it. I actually feel worse when I think of those that don't have that kind of thing going for them. But i'm also in basic retail. I'm not sure, I don't put anything on a pedestal or below me. It's complicated....
Anyway, after getting said job at 19, I actually got my first girlfriend. I loved her to death. I wanting nothing more than her happiness. I must have ended up in the end being in the wrong with something. She broke my heart after being together 1 1/2 years. That's when I changed completely. I became the most depressed i've ever been. I lost all hope and sight of everything. I lost all my beliefs and thoughts. It's probably too extreme, but that's when I entered "party" phase. Went hardcore to a club as much as I could, alcohol which I never approved of, I now do a lot of. Cause drunk life can be better. Or so I think. I ended up doing many things I could regret... (drugs, alcohol, sleeping around). Unfortunately the place I frequented closed up. Found new friends at that point. Hang with them still. Going to be best man at one's wedding. I'm now 23 and still in the same spot as when I was 19, pre-girlfriend.
As sad as it sounds, there's some good things. I hang with friends as much as possible, my younger sister is having a child, and I play nothing but Final Fantasy XIV now. MMO player right here. Which means I still drink, but quit the drugs and the women. Mostly cause ******** them. Lol jk. But really.
Well, not to be the sad sally or anything so check this out: xd dramallama
Anyway, I love you guys and everything we used to be, but that hasn't changed. I've always been accepted with you all, and know that I am thinking of you all and will always remain in my memories, no matter how much has changed/happened. I wish all of you the very best, and I hope to keep checking back and to keep updating everyone as I hope you all do as well.
Love, Cloud.
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Posted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 8:38 am
What a year. Well, I have finally graduated. I have a Bachelor's of Science in Civil Engineering. No job or girlfriend yet. Can't believe I'm already 26. Yeesh, where does the time go? Took an 8 hour long state exam, but I'm now recognized by the state of California as a licensed Engineer in training. That's right, I have a title. You may call me Ocarina Dude E.I.T. But in all seriousness, if anyone is here, we're friends. No one else is ever going to visit the ruins of this guild but the people who ran it and loved it. So if you guys ever see this, go ahead and throw me a friend request at my Facebook page Jacob Gray is the name. just mention Lonewolf's Dragoons. Oh, I'm also on steam as Your Worst Daydream, so if you ever want to play TF2 or whatever, go ahead a add me. I hope this post finds you guys well. -We Are Lonewolf's Dragoons: Never Give Up
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Ocarina dude Vice Captain
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The_Legendary_Lonewolf Captain
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Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2016 7:42 pm
Hm. Been three years since I last posted here...almost 4 actually. About to hit the age of 30 this October.
So much has happened in those past 3 years...
Multiple broken hearts. Lost friends. Trade school. A new career job. The falling of my father and his job. Stress at home. Stress at work.
So much s**t.
I smirked when reading my last post on this thread. How young and naive I still was.
I've changed a lot in those past 3 years. Can't honestly say I'm the same anymore. I'm socially awkward now(kind of like an abused dog that's been kicked one too many times and no longer am right in the head). Have severe depression issues. Sure, financially, I'm doing much better than I was...I'm a certified machinist and tool maker now, which pays nice....but I hate my job and can't find any job that pays better. I smoke a lot. More than I need to. Guess part of me knows it's killing me, so I just keep doing it, secretly hoping I'll eventually just keel over and die.
Man....life has certainly let me down over the years. More times than necessary. Things just keep getting harder and harder and I just become lonelier and lonelier as I lose friends, family and loved ones left and right. One right after the ******** other.
I wish I could be the strong and confident leader that I was back when I ran this guild. Back when I was good friends with Hajimate and Violet...both of whom are no longer apart of my life anymore. Mainly because of me. Because I keep ******** things up. Because I keep saying stupid s**t. Because I let my emotions get the better of me too much.
There's nothing left. I'm just a broken, tattered man with a limp. I can't feel anymore. I'm just numb inside. Dead inside, actually. Mentally, I'm already dead and have already given up. My body is just going through the motions now through obligation and responsibility.
I'm trying to keep going. Trying to establish some kind of future for myself, no matter how lonely and sad that future may be. Trying to throw positivity my own way to keep my own chin up. Trying to be my own crutch. Trying to give myself a helping hand. It's so damn hard though.
I don't understand why fate has been so cruel to me. Perhaps I deserve it. Who knows. All I know is: Life has obliterated everything that I was and ever will be.
I doubt anyone looks back at this dusty old guild anymore, which I suppose is why I'm venting so openly, because I know no one is listening or cares.
My God, I've become so cynical. Not sure how much longer I can continue this unsatisfactory existence. I think once I finished experiencing everything I've wanted to experience and finish all my unfinished business, I'll most likely punch out early from this world.
It's been fun guys. This guild is merely a fond memory of the past, back when I was somewhat happy. Now...it may likely become my epitaph. Ironic, isn't it..? Heh.
I'll try to hang in there. Hopefully things will actually change for the better for once, but I doubt it. Still...I'll try to hold out a little longer. I'll at least try. No guarantees though.
I'm sorry I've failed you, everyone. As a leader...and as a friend.
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Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 7:52 pm
It's like we come here whenever things in our life are going in a sour direction to try to find ourselves by using our past. I'm with you Lonewolf, because I too have found that looking at what I used to say and the way I feel and act this day is like living someone else's life and blankly following. I now work at this small warehouse parts distibutor with a bunch of people I would normally never associate myself with. I have 1 friend. He is married though and i'm waiting for the day his wife becomes pregnant and then I no longer exist in his life. Everyone has moved on and gotten married. I'm still sitting here, haven't seen or talked to any girls in years. I keep buying things that I think will help suffice and I honestly don't use anything. I smoke a lot of weed and drink a lot. I'm not financially well and use a false smile to make others feel better. I don't do anything for myself. I've more or less given up too man. I'm 25 now I guess. I occasionally still play games, but it feels more of a chore than anything nowadays. Music never sticks with me either anymore and if you know me, music was all I cared about.
We can't give up hope though Lonewolf. Their has to be something out there for us! We have to stand our ground and do what we need to do. Maybe ideas or just something will come to us. We need to be trying different things no matter how scary they are. Let's do it in spirit. In spirit of each other. And in spirit of our past selves. Darkness is our energy. We need to take it by the god damn ******** horns and rip its bloody neck off! What will be will be, but like you said. "Never Give Up". I'm always going to love you guys and will never forget you.
I. Will. Be. Back.
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Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 7:53 pm
PS: the fact that I still use this ******** ridiculous font is astoundingly hilarious.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:45 pm
Heh...well I'll be damned. Good hearing from you again Cloud. 3nodding
Gotta admit, I cringed a little when you said you were 25, because I heard somewhere that at that age, that's when our brains mature and we go through all sorts of tumultuous emotions in our minds, which I can definitely relate to. 25 was one of the hardest years of my life. For some reason, my depression hit the hardest at that age.
Anyway, age aside, I'm pretty much just as lonely as you dude. 1 good friend is all I got now and he lives in a different state than me, haha...-shakes head-
Fate can be so cruel. Things have gotten progressively worse for me since my last post. I definitely understand what you mean about working with people you wouldn't normally associate with. I work with a plethora of ex convict, scumbags who are all in cliques and all have one thing in common: hating my guts. It'll only be a matter of time before they jump me in the parking lot after work one of these days. All I did was try to be friendly with them, but I guess it's just one of those things when you come off as "TOO genuine and TOO friendly" and they hate me because I'm "TOO clean" and don't do drugs or cheat on my gf/wife and brag about it, etc etc. In other words, they feel intimidated by me because they know I'm a better person than they are, so they hate and judge and alienate me because of it.
The isolation has been very taxing on my psyche, needless to say. I couldn't have worded it better than what I said in my last post: I'm like a brutally beaten and heavily traumatized dog. Think of what those dogs look like and how they act and that's pretty much how I am now when it comes to how I react around others socially. It's funny, because when I'm by myself, I'm perfectly calm and normal and relaxed, but in a crowd, I'm paranoid, nervous, and shifting my eyes around constantly.
This is what mental abuse does to us, ladies and gentlemen. It makes us weird, and the weirder we get, the more we get alienated, which only damages us mentally even more. People and society ******** suck.
Anyway, it was nice to see that one of the old dragoons was still listening in. I noticed you have your Psn ID in your signature, mine is Lonewolf8611. Add me and maybe we can play a game together one of these days. I only play PS3 and down games now, I gave up on following the next gen stuff and just stick to the old school stuff now. I don't have very many online 2p games, other than primarily KOEI games, like Fist of the Northstar Ken's Rage 2, or Samurai Warriors Empires, or Dynasty Warriors Gundam Reborn, or One Piece Pirate Warriors 3, etc. I have Red Dead Redemption and GTA4 as far as Rockstar games, and a few fighting games, such as Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure HD and All Star Battle, J-Stars Victory vs, King of Fighters 13, Street Fighter 4, and uhh...that's about it really. I also have DBZ Xenoverse, and Ragnarok Odyssey, which are fun MMO-ish type games.
I don't play much either, to be honest, but I try to find some gaming time over the weekends when I stay at home. I primarily watch anime and read/collect manga/comic books now. Been watching the One Piece series(on episode 330's now), Jojo's Bizarre Adventure on Fridays and Dragon Ball Super on Sundays.
I think the collecting helps my depression a bit. It gives me a sense of identity, I guess. Like, "This is who I am and what I'm all about, so I should collect anything and everything that has to do with it." It helps and gives me a "haven" to return to after a long and stressful day of work(pretty much every work day). I love coming home and closing my bedroom door and being surrounded by everything I love and identify with. It feels like I'm being "hugged" in a way, by the comfort and peace and quiet of my surroundings. That's when I can breathe easier and relax as I indulge in what interests me most.
Been hitting the gym 5 days a week too. Lost over 10 pounds already and already seeing a difference, which has been helping with my confidence....sort of. It's an extra chore on top of an exhausting job already as it is, but will be worth it in the end and helps me feel like less of a piece of s**t, really.
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The_Legendary_Lonewolf Captain
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Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2017 3:33 pm
Hey everyone. I finished college 4 years ago with a AA. smile
Moved to a new state 1 year ago and have a job.
I play Final Fantasy 14 lol.
other than that i have been doing fine.
Hope all of you are healthy and are happy. smile
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2018 9:20 pm
Glad to hear you are doing well Pana 3nodding
I'm currently in a serious relationship with a woman named Veronica. Been about a year now and we have had talks about marriage.
Other than that, I'm still working as a toolmaker in the same shop. I'm actually thinking of starting a little project and turning this guild and and all the characters from our roleplaying days into a legitimate tabletop RPG game similar to Dungeons and Dragons with miniatures of all the characters, playing cards and combat dice which I will customize myself. That's why I'm back here actually...to check back and write down everyone's special attacks from the moves list thread. smile
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The_Legendary_Lonewolf Captain
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The_Legendary_Lonewolf Captain
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Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 8:10 am
Guess I'm the only one left who comes back to update this every so often. crying
Well.... I'm married now. Have my own place with my wife. A stable, well paying job and I provide for both of us while my wife gets to stay home and relax all day lol. Also....we are expecting a daughter pretty soon. My wife is currently almost 5 months pregnant. We plan on naming our daughter Layla with a middle name "Lee" as in, Stan Lee. Since we found out about her pregnancy just after the day Stan Lee passed away. So her full name will be Layla Lee Vazquez. 3nodding
Other than that, I keep myself occupied mostly with tabletop gaming nowadays. I like to make my own rules and even create my own games. I even started creating a tabletop game of Lonewolf's Dragoons, based on the RP adventures we all used to have way back in the day. I actually have a giant fantasy house that resembles exactly how our guild looked, created custom miniatuures of everyone on heroforge.com, painted them, created custom character cards and spell/ability cards and so on. It is still a working progress, due to how much work and dedication is needed for each character and their 20 cards(levels 1-20), and the cost of printer ink and for the miniatures themselves. But I will complete it someday and maybe get a chance to play it with my future daughter or other children. Telling tales of the good old days of how I used to role play on an anime website with a bunch of strangers who became family...then we all went our separate ways.
Heh. Shame.
Oh well. That's the adult life for you, I guess.
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Posted: Sat Sep 21, 2019 7:38 pm
It has certainly been a long, long time since I've logged back in here...came back because of a friend mentioning it. My turn for updates I guess lol.
I'm 28 years old now, living in Pittsburgh, PA. At the moment, working full time at the Univ. of Pittsburgh and I'm going for my Master's degree because academic advising prefers that you have a Master's; kind of despising school since I'm a bit tired of struggling overall. It has been rough for a good while, lots of family drama and traumatic experiences. There has been good times though so that keeps me going when I can remember it. Still single, not really looking since I'm not stable overall - have to first work through my insecurities and mental walls, plus getting back financial security.
I'm very happy for you Lonewolf and congratulations on your daughter! I bet she will be adorable and such. :3
It's an insult but I'm looking back on my old posts and wanting to just beat the snot out of my younger self for the cringe....then again, I'm still a bit like that so more depreciating of one's self I suppose. It was fun then, lots of fun. Right now, I play FF14 on Leviathan under Leonhardt Greyfel.
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Lionheart701 Vice Captain
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Ocarina dude Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jan 19, 2020 6:14 am
What a wild road it been.
Lonewolf, congratulations! I'm super happy for you and your new family, and the fact that this silly little group of nerds and their adventures is something you feel worth sharing to others... well it puts a smile on my face.
Pana, glad to hear you're doing well too and enjoying yourself.
Cloud, here's hoping things have gotten better for you, and never change your green fonted text!
As for me...I'm 31, have a Masters in Construction Management and am now an officially licensed Professional Engineer. Who would have expected that, right? It wasn't easy, and I had more than a few bouts of existentialist dread, but I'm here, I'm alive, and I've succeeded in my life long goal.
Still painfully single, but otherwise I'm doing okay.
I still play video games, though not as nearly much. I started playing D&D about 5 years back, taking a break at the moment though. I'd like to think the forum RPing I did here helped condition me for D&D.
I got discord recently, so hit me up if you ever see this... assuming I still use it. Satamfan#4136
To all of my old friends in the Dragoons, thank you for the fun, the memories, and the support. It's been a blast.
-The Ocarina Dude
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