It was dark, so very dark. A chill covered her body as she had wandered aimlessly, following after the allure of the voices. Home. Home is this way. She heard the words and was drawn as a moth to flame... Then the flame was out.
Fluttering her eyes the horseman jumped quickly back to her feet. How long had she been out? Wings fluttering angrily she looked at her own hands. Iyari blinked. Surely they had been gray? Patting herself down she shuddered, holding her arms around herself.
What have I done?
The soldier rubbed her hands against each other roughly, angrily. Her mind was a mess - she could barely remember what had happened -
Flashes of Jay came to mind and the distant howl of some beast, constantly running from her. There'd been blood. A hand passed over a dried cut on her shoulder and she stared at it. She'd felt so alone then, so defeated. Iyari bit her lip, shaking her head and listening to the familiar sound of her hairpiece thumping against the jaw she proudly wore around her neck.
"I failed." She spoke bitterly to the fog. "Senga... Jay..." The names fell off her lips and hit the floor. The soldier closed her eyes for a moment. Clashing - she could remember a clash, the pleasure of causing pain, and the pain itself. Had she harmed her dear ones? She let out a sigh through pursed lips. The soldier had not only failed them, but herself.
Repeating the same gist of the words she had spoken to the infected Guardian of Death, she felt a pain shoot through her. You have let yourself be taken by it. Taken by weakness.
Iyari was no better, her failures to others had led to a personal failure. Staring blankly into the fog she shuddered. It was still too close, too think... and now far too close to the insanity she had briefly placed refuge in. Failure to act had let to that weakness.
"Not again." Her feet propelled her forward into the fog, looking anywhere. Surely there was a way to the others, or maybe they were here somewhere. She took another step and felt a crunch which propelled her into a run.
With a glimmer of hope, she had set off to search the area.
It took what seemed like forever for the jabberjay to come to her senses. Eyes, wide as ever, stared deep into the fog as it grew thicker and thicker, whiter and whiter. But her senses did not register the difference, only the constant murmuring in her mind—the voices that pleaded and screamed for Home. Jay continued to walk through the mist. Maybe somewhere she heard the hum of another voice, but it was a gentle breeze compared to the tempest thrashing around in her mind. Home. Home—
Her eyes flew open as she stared into white nothingness. The warrior kept her body still while she felt the rough ground beneath her. Gradually she rose up and brushed away the stray pebbles clinging to her skin and clothes. She was on the ground, but why? She couldn’t remember at all. Jay made no move to stand up. She stayed sitting on the ground, her arms wrapped around her legs while her wings were half-spread out. She pulled her legs closer to herself as flashes of the recent past began to emerge. From out of the white fog came the familiar tawny hair and golden eyes that glowed menacingly just before the figure was covered by greys. She saw the flicker of golden emblems and the awry interior of the tainted Haunted House. She saw the bright red flash of hair she had seen every day her entire life.
Perhaps it was her imagination or perhaps it was a phantom sensation, but she felt her body grow colder as she stood up, a memory of her tainted self burning brightly in her mind.
Shame and disappointment swirled together inside her. For a moment, however long or brief it had been, Jay had allowed the Insanity to consume her to her core. She squeezed her eyes shut, pressed her fists to her skull. Weak. She was weak. The warrior had let the fog take advantage of her need for her makeshift home, the only scraps of home she still possessed. “Too attached….” She murmured in a low voice. “Too attached….” Jay hugged he rself while she stepped forward. Her ears picked up the tinkling sound of glass shards, but she did not bother to look down. Not this time.
She kept walking and walking, mumbling incoherent words to herself.
She held herself tightly as she traveled deeper into the fog, but there was nothing for Jay to gauge the time from. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours; she couldn’t tell. The only source of hope for the horsewoman was the glimmer of light in the distance. A glow flickered in her eyes as she headed for it. While the warrior didn’t know what she would discover, it was better than wandering around with no purpose in mind. For the time being, the light chased away the dark thoughts clouding her mind. She looked to the side once she discovered a second light. Jay continued to hug herself as she took a tentative step toward the warmer light. Shivering, she took another step toward the warm light until she found a comforting fire.
Jay let the blazing flames warm her body before she departed the base camp. While she would have gladly welcomed the company, it was not enough to keep her there. “Alone….need…alone…”
The farther she drifted away from the base camp, the colder she felt. She was sure it was not the fog, but herself. Empty. Jay felt empty and the emptiness was infecting her with a hateful chill. She tugged at her scarf, kept herself focused on the soft brushes of the feathers of her wings and second scarf. It was almost a comfort to hear quiet music and tinkling laughter. Bandaged hands gripped her scarf while she let her eyelids droop slowly. She could care less about the particular music playing in the background. It was the mere rhythm and melody that soothed her. Jay didn’t know how long she had kept her eyes closed, but once they fluttered open she discovered a familiar sight.
It was like yesterday. No, hadn’t it been earlier today? Jay had begun to lose track of time. Lips parted with wonder, she stepped into the festival grounds while mist swirled around her legs. Everything was the same sans the proprietors and visitors and desaturated colors. At least, that was what she thought at first, but the items displayed and the games for play were foreign to her. She reached for a bracelet sprawled on a table, but it dispersed into wispy ringlets.
The fog around her began to move menacingly, swirling and rushing. Jay took a step back and nearly stumbled as she felt a falling sensation. She fell to the ground on her knees as the mist coalesced together into darkened shapes. The dumbfounded bird stared at the center figure as it spoke. “Me? What I’m fighting for? I don’t under…” Her voice trailed off as she stared at the figures behind him. “Ah.” Her eyelids drooped as the jabberjay suddenly found her speechless. “I don’t…I don’t know.” She pulled at her bandana, the flower and leaves in her hair rustling. “What did I take from you? I didn’t take anything.”
She could imagine the figure quirking a brow if it ever had one just before he raised his weapon. Jay squeezed her eyes closed and braced herself, but the physical blow never arrived. When she opened her eyes once more she was back in the thick fog, all by herself like always. Bewildered, the bluejay stared down at her hands.
And once again she found herself on the floor, knees pressed into the ground. Her bandages were stained with dark blotches. Jay furrowed her brows while she examined the figure in front of her. Maybe if there had been some more light she could have discerned specific features, but the figure was another faceless entity to her. There was nothing for Jay to emotionally attach herself to. She couldn’t even tell if this was a friend or foe. More liquid dripped down her arms and onto her knees. Jay spent a moment to assess the wound. Her eyelids lowered as she stood up, took her hands away.
It was time to finish the job. She had done this after all.
Cooking? Food. Creatures made from FEAR had no need for food, but the luxury and taste was enough for Jay to occasionally indulge herself, so she followed scent. The horsewoman blankly stared at the shadowed figure, who spoke happily and with familiarity. “I don’t know you,” she said matter-of-factly. “I’ve never been here. I don’t want to help.” The words fell on deaf ears as the figure continued to stare in her direction, the white eyes piercing through the warrior’s body.
She turned toward the counter to examine the contents sprawled about. They were all creatures that she could barely make out. There were all the outlines to go on. Even then, she felt apprehensive about picking something from the pile. Her decision was arbitrary, but reluctantly stained hands picked out the fluffy creature and handed it to her. “Are you satisfied now?” The figure tossed it into the bowl and into the oven. Smoke appeared. Vaguely, Jay could hear the figure speak before—
Then she was back into the mist. Jay didn’t know what the Insanity was trying to do to her by throwing her everywhere. She only wanted to go home. Jay paused, closed her eyes. Home? Where was home? “Home” had been destroyed a while ago and home had fallen out of her grasp for who-knew-how-long. The bluejay had no home. It was just her. Only her. No one else. No one else would be there to pick up the broken pieces of a stupid jabberyjay. There was only herself that she could depend on. She kept her eyes closed and curled her hands into her fists. Yes, that was right. She had nearly forgotten. There was no need to cling to others so helplessly and so dependently. She was War. She was independent from the others and she was strong and powerful.
As she opened her eyes once more, a door was placed in front of Jay. She reached out to touch the surface; solid. She knocked three times, but Jay received no answer. She tried to walk around it, but it only shifted to accommodate her new position. There was nothing else to do, but to grasp the handle.
A voice broke the silence. Her muscles tensed as she recognized it immediately. Yet the tone was different. This wasn’t him. She brushed away the touch at her shoulder and even the arms that wrapped around her. Jay breathed deeply as her chest ached. She wanted to see him and her so much. She wanted to pull them into her embrace. She shook her head. No. She wasn’t going to depend on them anymore. Today would be the day; the day the little jabberjay inside herself died. A crack in her fragile heart allowed the figure to grasp her hand and tug softly at her skirt.
She had no need to look back because she knew who exactly she would find. She could picture the glowing eyes and tawny hair and furry pelt with startling ease. Every curve of his features. The same could be said for her. Long ago she had memorized the exact shade of red and the startling green and the peculiar rustle of her feather ornaments.
His words sounded so empty or maybe she imagined them to be empty because she knew this wasn’t him. This would never be him. Neither of them would care for her as much as she cared for them, especially him. This couldn’t be him. It never would be. She would never hear these words with that voice ever again.
