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[Q] Buyan Page of Neptune / Alexis Bailey [Crits/stamp?]

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LP


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 9:19 pm


Civilian Profile here!!!
((I have new civi arts coming too so that will be updated asap with Alexis' new hairstyle))
-----

Knight Title: Buyan Page

Challenge: Take me away and make it OK. (subject to change still -- again)

Uniform: I'd like to go with more of the ballroom idea while still keeping it something she can fight in... Maybe a fishy/watery appearance in the style.

For a skirt that works with the ballroom bit, maybe a bustle skirt like:

User Image

Only a bit shorter to start with and maybe a layer or two of fabric max.

User Image or User Image or User Image
^- Length references (mainly)

And perhaps with that in mind creating a fishy/watery theme like I originally suggested around it??

Weapon -- Lyre~ (Designs and what not up to the colorist - basically I'd like the Lyre where it can be carried around; can start small and grow some not too large though. However, the design wise I'd like it to start out simple and become more intricate as it progressed.)

Page
- Weapon: Lyre
- Magic: N/A (the Lyre just sounds pretty no effect at this stage)

Squire
- Weapon: Lyre (More intricate)
- Magic: When playing her Lyre Buyan gives her allies a small boost to gain relief from their wounds; in return giving her their pain. This attack lasts for thirty seconds and covers a five foot radius.

Positive Effects:
- Helps Allies by replacing their pain so they no longer feel it.
- Covers a five foot radius
- Lasts 30 seconds max (this means Buyan could play the whole thirty seconds or break it up into smaller amounts of time. Depending on what the situation calls for.)
- Allies effected by this only need to be in the Radius when the music starts (within the first few seconds of it).

Negative Effects:
- Buyan gains the pain of her Allies so they can press on a little longer.
- This does not heal it only masks the pain.
- Buyan can take pain from her Allies up to the point where she she's starting to feel woozy. (Not yet passed out but getting close.)


Knight
- Weapon: Lyre (Fancy~)
- Magic: When playing her Lyre, Buyan gives her allies a small boost to gain relief from their wounds; in return giving her their pain. This attack lasts for thirty seconds and covers a seven foot radius.

Positive Effects:
- Helps Allies by replacing their pain so they no longer feel it.
- Covers a seven foot radius
- Lasts 40 seconds max (this means Buyan could play the whole fourty seconds or break it up into smaller amounts of time. Depending on what the situation calls for.)
- Allies effected by this only need to be in the Radius when the music starts (within the first few seconds of it).

Negative Effects:
- Buyan gains the pain of her Allies so they can press on a little longer.
- This does not heal it only masks the pain.
- Buyan can take pain from her Allies up to the point where she she's starting to feel woozy. (Not yet passed out but getting close.)

Color
- Main: Teal
- Secondary: White/Light blue?? IDK up to artist.
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 4:28 pm


LP

Hi, LP!

I'll try to make this quick! I love the references for her outfit, so I think you're good to go with the designs. Weapon and effect sound mostly solid to me, though I did have a few questions!

Her magic 'gives up some of her health and well feelings to help her allies feel a little refreshed again' and while I know that generosity is a theme of Neptune, I just wanted a little specification on this—in giving up her health and well feelings, is she negatively affected by her generosity? In giving up her health, does she feel like she's taken damage? Or does she feel exhausted after her magic? [An alternative to this is, you could remove the part about her giving up her own health/well feelings so she isn't punished for using her magic]. I'm just trying to figure out what her magic can do—does it just boost morale/feel like a thirty second adrenaline rush?

Second is your description provided in the squire attack—I confess, I did get a little jumbled while reading because there seems to be a lot going on with the magic depending on who she's with. A lot of things are dependent on how many people are with her, and I just feel like that could be hectic when trying to determine how long her magic lasts, and how much people receive the affects of her magic if, say, she's got six people standing around her in a five foot radius. I think if you could tweak her attack to be less dependent on how many people around her/what level they are, it could still be a great attack and really helpful! The five foot radius and thirty seconds are perfect as is, but maybe her magic could be altered so that it didn't have so many factors that needed to be considered? [Also I feel like the likelihood of her often having more than one ally within her radius seems rather small unless its an ORP or a meta, so I think you could remove the restrictions without the attack coming across as OP].

If you can clarify these things and help me better understand your intentions for the attack, that would be awesome! If you make any changes, have any questions, or are just getting back to me, give me a quote and I will be back here ASAP!


Kyuseisha no Hikari

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LP


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 6:13 pm


Kyuseisha no Hikari


Yeah I was trying to figure out how to word it without it being too confusing.

Lets see if I can explain it here and then I'll figure out how to alter it up there.

So yes, I was planning on to have her magic drain her as if she was taking on the pain from the others. Since she wouldn't be healing them, it'd be like just swapping feels - They felt bad but when she used her magic they felt better and she feels bad... type deal. (Idk if that makes better sense?)

Aka: probably like an Adrenalin kick... there was a warehouse 13 episode that might help explain it better.... I wasn't thinking of that when I wrote it but trying to explain what I was thinking of when I wrong it; here start watching at 28 minutes in, it ends at about 30.38 (only she doesn't go back to normal.)

Ahah, maybe I overdid it just a weee bit with the restrictions. I just wanted to cover my bases.

---

(Squire attack rewrite - maybe?)

- Magic: When playing her Lyre Buyan gives her allies a small boost to gain relief from their wounds. This attack lasts for thirty seconds and covers a five foot radius.

Positive Effects:
- Helps Allies by replacing their pain so they no longer feel it.
- Covers a five foot radius
- Lasts 30 seconds

Negative Effects:
- Buyan gains the pain of her Allies so they can press on a little longer.

-----

Does that work better?

I can do the same for the Knight attack?
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 2:23 pm


LP

That is much clearer, thank you so much! And I think it's a really neat take and could be very useful in battle! I think rewriting the squire attack so that there weren't so many restrictions would be awesome—that way you are still getting the most out of her attack!

If you want her to absorb the fatigue/pain from her allies for the thirty seconds, there are just a few minor things I'd like to see noted when you write it up: If she casts her magic while someone is within the radius, does it only affect them so long as they are in the radius? If they step outside the five foot radius, do they return to their normal state or is it only important if they were within the five foot radius when her magic started? It would be awesome if you could include a notation about how she doesn't actual heal, just takes the pain away for the thirty seconds. And, tying into that, is there a limit to how much pain can she take upon herself?

Because, if you can write up her magic with the info you provided in your post, I think that should make it ready for a trial stamp! The only thing I would be concerned with is, are you comfortable with having a character whose magic is largely dependent on having a companion, and having that companion be injured/worn out? If you are okay with these things, then you don't have to consider changing any of the aspects of her magic, though I would worry that in a vast majority of situations [particularly in the case of one-on-one battles] she might be stuck with magic that she might not be able to utilize. If this is something you have considered and are totally fine with, no problem and feel free to keep it as is! If not, her magic could be tweaked just slightly so that it could benefit her without forcing her to take on the burden/pain/fatigue of her allies [ie, maybe as long as she is playing her lyre, any order member within the five foot radius gets the adrenaline kick]—but that is just a suggestion and all up to you!


Kyuseisha no Hikari

Crew

Dragonslaying Dragon



LP


Kawaii Bear

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 6:54 pm


Kyuseisha no Hikari


Actually, I have a character with magic that works that way, Sailor Victoria. While he has actual team mates, he still has a problem if he's ever caught without them. However, his attack is less sacrifice than what Buyan's is written as.

So I'm completely comfortable having her to depend on others for her magic to work.

I altered the attacks in the main post, and tweaked the knight's as well. Let me know if I need to do anything else to those. =3
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:49 pm


LP


Absolutely perfect sans one absolutely minor set of wording! Because she's a knight, she has a pool of magic, so if you could tack on something like, 'she can use her magic all at once or break it up in incriments as often as possible provided she doesn't exceed her thirty second limit' or something just to reflect that, then she is definitely ready for my stamp!


Kyuseisha no Hikari

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Dragonslaying Dragon



LP


Kawaii Bear

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:11 pm


Kyuseisha no Hikari


ROFL oops I fixed that. Forgot knights can do that. xD;
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:23 pm


LP

It reads gloriously to me now!

[Though, actually, I'm going to be a pain in the a** and tell you that I was giving her a final glance over and I think she can get a boost up to 40 seconds for her knight attack if you wanted to swap that, but YEAH]

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.


Kyuseisha no Hikari

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Dragonslaying Dragon



LP


Kawaii Bear

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:36 pm


Kyuseisha no Hikari


rofl Welllll then ~ I'll pop it to 40 for now and if there's a problem I'm more than happy to bump it back down to 30~

Thank you it's been a pleasure working with you on this. =^-^=
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 10:46 pm


You have been absolutely fantastic! [I didn't mention it before, but I think Buyan is such a neat idea for a wonder and I've loved the concept of a disappearing/reappearing island ever since I saw Aladdin and the King of Thieves 8D;;]

A GM will be with you shortly to give you the final verdict and good luck getting her powered!


Kyuseisha no Hikari

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Dragonslaying Dragon


Iris_virus

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 8:10 am


This is going to suckkkk if someone is mortally wounded XD But it's a perfectly fine effect and I love the outfit.

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