Ahaztutako was different then the other padawans. It didn't bother him much. No one pointed out his difference, in fact some of the other padawans looked up to him because of his difference. He was a bit older then most of the padawans, but not quite the oldest. It wasn't his age that set him apart from them though. It was his skill.
He had been discovered by some jedi guardians, who took him into the pride. There he got better. His memory though was damaged. As hard as he tried he could not remember his past. All he could remember was his name was Ahaztutako. Once he was all healed he had thoughts of leaving the pride and figuring out who he was. However there was one mistake he made. He fell in love. Atino was, at the time, a Jedi Knight. For some reason she came to see him again and again. It made him happy to see her and they quickly became friends.
If she hadn't been there, he thought how different his life would have been.
His skills in fighting were one of the best and when it was time for his padawan trials, he showed the council his skills. The trial for him was simple and he thought it would be simple after that. His trial of courage, he knew he could handle. Heights. Something that petrified him. But he had been working on it. Now he was sure he could handle it. His master had taken him on paths in the rogue lands that took them to the edges of tall cliffs. The whole trip his legs shook horrible, but he felt confident that he would do well on his trial of courage.
But before his trial of courage he needed to go through the trial of insight.
This trial was meant to be the east one. He had nothing to look at internally. His mind was practically a blank slate. Though he knew this wasn't exactly correct. There were times when he had felt urges, darker urges that he didn't understand. He didn't tell anyone about it, not even his master. There had been a moment, when he had caught an attacker and he almost killed him. He had been taught not to kill, but it was so tempting and it would have been so easy. It would have been one simple cut into the leopard's throat. But his master showed up and he gained control of himself. They took the attacker back to the jedi temple.
He hadn't worried about it though. It was just a moment that he felt it.
However once he was in the temple, alone in the darkness, trying to meditate he felt as if the darkness was crushing him. The scent of blood filled the room. His body start to shake as he watched two older cheetahs getting attacked. He was much younger, perhaps a cub. The scene played again and again as he watched in silent fear. Was this why he had no memory of his past, he thought as he watched the scene. He wondered if he forgot this, then why did he forget the rest of his past. His thoughts went away from his past and he focused his mind on the present. There were no more smells of blood.
Once the trial was over he went to his teacher and explained what he saw. He learned to accept his family's death, however his darker side still scared him. When he spoke to his master he failed to mention about that. He was able to recover from his trial. Before long he was ready for his next trial, the trial of courage. The only problem was that he had been changed. His fear used to be heights but now it was the anger within himself. His master had it set up, meaning, despite Ahaz best efforts, his teacher was able to see the pain.
For his trail he was put back into the medication tower. He was meant to relive the experience and feel total darkness. The hatred burned through him and he felt that he was losing control over himself. He wondered what he had done to deserve this punishment. Even though it was a trial, it didn't feel like one. It felt more like they were trying to break him. To destroy the only innocence he had left. He curled in the corner as he thought about his parents brutal murder, the blood lust in the killers eyes. Tears had flown down his face. He had never cried, at least as far as he remembered. It was a new experience for him. It made him feel so weak, so powerless. He wished that his master would come and get him. That someone would stop the trial. He knew that he would be a disgrace, but it didn't matter at that point. If he was left there any longer he thought he would go mad.
“Just take a deep breath. You will be fine.” He heard a voice say. It was Atino's he was sure of it. He stopped crying and looked around. There was a small crack that she was talking through. “I believe in you Ahazutako.”
He gave her a nod and focused. If he failed he would disappoint Atino. That was something he never wanted to do. He focused on accepting his family's death and the darkness within himself. As powerful as his hatred was, he felt the love the jedi's gave him was more powerful. They could help him defeat any enemy he faced.
He was able to pass the trial of courage, though he noticed his master kept a close eye on him. The next trials were much easier for him and he hardly struggled. During his free time he started to see Atino and help her out with different chores she had. Their friendship became even stronger. She helped him steer clear of the darkness, something he grew thankful for. When he became a knight, she was there to witness it. It gave him a warm feeling in his chest. He hoped that they would still be close, despite their busy schedules. She was there to remind him of the little light within him, the only light keeping the darkness away.
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