[Q]Shalim the Platinum Mouse tailed Bat

[moonlit-raven]

My Quest.  

[moonlit-raven]

USER
XXXXXXXXName: Elander Krysiak
XXXXXXXXAge:17
XXXXXXXXMagic Affinity: Weather Sense
XXXXXXXXClass: Scout
XXXXXXXXAppearance: Elander is a tall, standing a little under six feet, and lean male. He has a medium-frame which can make him seem as though he is smaller than most men of his height, something emphasized by the almost feminine edges to his build: less broad shoulders, more angles.

As far as coloring goes, Elander has fair skin, even though he spends a good portion of time outside. He keeps his dark brown hair relatively short, no longer than brushing his shoulders in the back, and brushed out of his hazel eyes.

He has no scars of note, and he keeps his nails cut down short, to make it easier to keep the dirt out from under them.
XXXXXXXXPersonality: Elander is confident, sure that he will suceed in anything that he puts his mind too. He doesn't back away from problems, instead, he will dive headfirst into the issue, doing whatever he can to solve what ever the problem is. He is very reliable, and if he says that he's going to do something, it will be done, no matter how long it take. He absolutely refuses to let anyone down, and if there is a way for him to do something, he will find it.

Despite Elander's confident appereance, he is concerned with how people think about him, and whether or not they like him. He doesn't like to mess up, since he thinks that others will judge him for it, and works extra hard to make sure that he doesn't.

He can be the best friend that you ever have, willing to be there for you when things are going good, but don't expect him to stick around if things start to crumble. He's not interested in your problems, and he's learned that the best way not to hear about them is not being around. He doesn't sympathize with people easily, and the effort required tires and annoys him, so he just doesn't bother.

Elander can be a master of half-truths, and evasions, if you're someone who he's trying to avoid, using phrases like 'I think I'm doing something else then' or 'I'm helping someone out already, but I'll see what I can do'. That way, he figures, he's covered all his bases, since, after all, he didn't say that he would help.

He has the potential to be a good leader, if someone were willing to give him the right push, and keep him from running when things start to turn bad, but on his own, he's just a follower. He is good at taking orders, and does not argue against those who are above him, trusting that they know what they're doing.

He responds better to praise than he does criticism, and is the type of person who will overwork themselves trying to make sure that he won't screw up again.
XXXXXXXXHistory:Born the second son to the Krysiak family, Elander came as a bit of a surprise to them. His mother had been told, after his older brother had been born, that she would be unable to have anymore children. He wasn't an unwelcomed addition though, despite being a surprise, and his family was just as happy about having a second child as they had been about their first.

They were an old family, of the Machine faction, and the boy grew up with his families stories about how one of their ancestors had given up their life to protect them. Whether this was true or not, the boy never questioned, and he grew up knowing that one day, he wanted to join the machine faction.

He kept that belief even when his older brother chose to join the Alchemist faction, finding his place as an Alchemist, even as Elander started school. The boy wasn't that fond of school, but he did the best he could, keeping himself in the top ten percent of his age's grades.

He found that his interests were drawn more to things that took him outside, and he had always known that he wouldn't be a scholar like his parents. He had thought that perhaps being a Tinkerer would be cool, but when he discovered map-making, and learned that it was one of the things that Scouts did, he knew that his path had been set.

Now that he is 17, he knows that he will soon graduate, and find his place out in the world, and he's hoping to have a guardian before then, just like his older brother.
 

[moonlit-raven]

GUARDIAN
XXXXXXXXName: Shalim
XXXXXXXXMagic Affinity: Fog generation
XXXXXXXXEssence/Animal: Platinum/ Mouse Tailed Bat
XXXXXXXXAppearance: Up to artist.
XXXXXXXXPersonality:His personality is calm and collected, his words soft, and rather purrlike. The air of which he holds himself can irritate others, because it is very rare for him to loose his well kept demeanor of nonchalance.

Speaking to others, Shalim tends to made sarcastic, cynical remarks, but knows when to keep his tongue around those of higher position. He is very respectful those whom he has deemed worthy, which is most people unless they've done something so incredibly stupid that he no longer can, and would willingly risk his own life for another if that person deserved it.

He tends to cocoon his inner self away from others, not willing to share more information than he has to. He will talk to someone, yes, but never hold an in depth conversation about his own life. In fact, unless you're a very close friend, it's unlikely that Shalim will confide even the least bit of information to you. However, despite that, he is the soul of courtesy, and enjoys being around others.

Elander, of course, is the one exception to the rule, being a part of him, but it is rare that there anything about their lives that they need to talk about. Usually the bat stays close to Elander, and if something happens, it is likely that it has happened to them both.

He is protective, especially towards Elander, and will care for others before himself, even if it seems like he needs to take care of himself. Unfortunately, because of that, he is easily convinced to do almost anything that someone else wants him to do. He does have a few limits, but most of the time, what people want are things he doesn't actually mind doing.  

[Signo Amisso]

STAFF CRITIQUE
READY OR NOT, HERE IT IS!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ MAGIC
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXBoth magic types, unfortunately do not fit within the scope of the world. If you would like to keep the “fog”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXaspect then frost would be the closest you could find, considered it would create that natural condensation
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXfog or clouds of ice/snow. Weather manipulation, sense, etc. isn’t something that fits either. The closest thing
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXto weather at all is air manipulation or lightning, also in the air sphere. You also NEED to explain your magics.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXBoth how they work, their limits and their drawbacks.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ ESSENCE
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPlatinum is currently used by a flatsale pet. While you don’t need to change it, we’re just letting you know
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXjust in case you felt like changing.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ PERSONALITY
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXThe biggest problem the statement “He can be the best friend that you ever have.” That doesn’t make any
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXsense considering his friendship is conditional. Being a friend isn’t just hanging around for the good times,
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXit’s the bad too. I would change this up or delve further into it. But overall it seems very vague. You’ve given
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXus personality points but you haven’t gone past the surface. I don’t get a sense of your User’s personality
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXaside from he’s confident even though he can’t take critique and cares about what people think of him. I
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXalso don’t see how he could be a good leader when he doesn’t even want to “be friends” with someone
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXwhen things get tough. We would like to see this expanded upon in better detail.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXAs for the Guardian, you’ve given us “nonchalance” but it clashes with everything else. Nonchalance is
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXremaining calm and seeming not to care but he’ll make snide remarks and he’s willing to risk his life for
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXothers. If you want to keep the nonchalance we would recommend you rewriting it. If not it still needs some
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXrewrites to expand upon this to give us a better sense of his character.



XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX❧ HISTORY
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXThe history works, but it’s very short and doesn’t give us much insight into his life. If one of his ancestors
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXthough were part of the crew that kept the island in tact during the Sundering, then they’d have a statue in
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXthe Hall of Heroes. Did his magic also come as a surprise or was it expected and treated like a normal
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXoccurrence in his family? Really we’d just like to know more about him.