********, ********, ********, ********, ******** was about the only word racing around Ricky Cunningham’s mind as he went through his bills for the month. His landscaping business had done well in the summer month, but the setback of buying a used car – even with a payment plan – put him in a financial crisis. With fall approaching there would be some work to do, but by winter he’d find himself in a slump he always found himself in, and this time he was worried about whether or not he’d even be able to make it through.

He had already resorted to back up measures– his mother sending him old cards that he had collected as a child so that he could sell them – and even was going to extremes like drinking less beer a week, or at least drinking cheaper beer.

He had gone to three of his closest friends asking them for advice: Michael Whitmore, Desiree Davis, and Haley Jones. Despite his degree in finance, Michael had nothing useful to say, just something about counting your asses, making good vest mints, getting a good score in some credit game, paying off the deaf, and other such nonsense that just sounded ridiculous. Meanwhile Desiree and Haley just talked his ear off, complaining something about the differences between 1% milk and 99% milk that he really didn’t understand. They sure were proud to be drinkers of the 99% milk, though.

He was sure to buy a bunch of whole milk after speaking with them, assuming it to be the closest he could find to 99%, but he bought enough of it to set him back even more, and now he regretted asking a girl who can’t hold a job for more than a few weeks how to manage his finances.

Feeling completely down on his luck, he turned to the Internet – and not for gifs or porn, a rare occasion. He typed in a few searches: “i need money fast,” “how to get money now,” “brests” (okay, some porn), “where do jews get money from,” and finally just “jobs.” A few pages later and he found himself on a website of listings on a popular website run by someone named Craig that had all sorts of job listings posted! He scoured through them for what seemed like, a whole thirty minutes, until he found an interesting prospect:

“Looking for fit, athletic, attractive male for modeling job. Must be available at nights and comfortable performing in front of large groups of people. Good dancers preferable. 18 years old or older only.”

His mother had warned him of the dangers of the internet, but never went into rational specifics. He continued to read on until the line: “No degree or education required. High pay.”

Bingo.