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[Q]-Dendera- Page of Venus- [Art gotten!] (open for crit)

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Ryuthulhu

Golden Knight

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:19 pm


Name: Charline Giesel

Nickname: Charli

Age: 19

Birthday: October 25

Sign: Scorpio

Gemstone: Follows your zodiac sign.

Blood Type: O negative

Fav. Food: Apple-Chicken Curry, Scallops in Bacon, Chocolate with Chili... ((and a secret weakness for junk food like Cheetos and Twinkies.))

Hated Food: Avocodo in any form.

School: Destiny City University

Hobbies:

-Art Dolls: Some people knit, some people sew, Charli sews art dolls out of various materials, from yarn to felt. This craft takes something of a jack of all trades skill-set, one she has streamlined specifically to the scale of her dolls. She can knit and crochet JUST enough to limp through a dolls accessories ((just don't ask her to make the full sized article.)) She can paint just enough to replicate things like eyes, mouths and make up, and the occasional tattoo, but finds working with a regular canvas boring and frustrating, and avoids them. She sells a handful of her dolls around town or online, but doesn't try and make a living at it. The list of people willing to pay for the work involved in making such dolls just isn't big enough to support her, she feels, though honestly she hasn't made an significant attempt to advertise either to find out if she can.
This leads her occasionally into the same circles as other of destiny cities crafters, and she's sometimes inspired by their designs to try and make miniature versions of the same, even if it means making an extra doll in the same outfit to thank them for their inspirational benefit.

Rollerblading: There's a lot of pressure these days to stay fit, and Charli doesn't see the point in doing exercise that's tedious and boring. She loves to ice skate, but that's kind of limited, so that's where roller blades come in. Sure there's a bit extra padding involved, but it certainly opens up the areas where it can be done. A lot of the complex stunts are outside her reach, but wipe outs and bandages haven't stopped her yet from occasionally trying to repeat them.

Virtues:

I love who you Are ((Accepting and loving)) -- Charli loves people, her first instinct is always to open up to people and new experiences... legal ones anyway. While she tries (key word Tries) not to judge people who do dabble in illegal substances and actives, she does have a big problem with activities that can, or do, hurt others, and tends to side eye people who engage in them a little, just because of the potential fall out from one careless moment. Still, she loves parties and outings, and likes to try and pull everyone into the fold.
One of the biggest things about her love of people is wanting other people to also love themselves, and the skin they're in, whatever it takes to be comfortable and, importantly, healthy. She's fascinated by tattoos and piercings, and has a number of her own, and encourages people to act on body mods if they have thought them out, but maybe to wait a little while longer and be totally sure that the Tazmanian Devil eating a soccer ball is really 'them', rather than get a faddish tattoo. While they can be removed, it's cheaper and less painful to just go get a temporary done and take it for a 'test drive' to make sure you aren't going to get sick of it by the end of the week.
With Charli, it's all about embracing who you feel you are, because pretending to be someone else will only make you unhappy.

At least I can say I tried-((experimental)) : Charli may not be the smartest, or most talented girl in school, but she knows there's a lot to be said for putting in an effort. Maybe she won't get an "A"in advanced math, but that doesn't mean she won't learn anything. Besides she might surprise herself if she puts in the hard work. She doesn't believe in giving up on a dream just because life didn't hand you skills or wealth on a plate. Her favorite classes are in art, and she studies hard on that subject. She especially wants to learn stylized art like engraving and... she'll freely admit it... tattoos. She thinks she'd like to go into metal engraving ((Maybe at a gun shop like she's seen on tv, because people hand them down more often than say, a bowling trophy...)) or a tattoo shop... because she does really like tattoos... and they're so personal... usually.

Who you are today is not always who you were Yesterday-((Encouraging/Chance-giver)): Charli is a big believer that people can change, that they can learn. If she didn't feel that way, she'd never lecture them on being more accepting of people and trying to (somewhat ironically) encouraging them to be less judgmental, at least of certain aspects of peoples lives. She's the first one to give people a chance when they say they've turned over a new leaf, and wants, so very very much, for it to be true. This isn't saying she'll keep biting the same lure over and over and over, eventually even She'll reach her limits, but it takes time for her to accept that certain people will never stop burning her.
On the upside, this makes her someone to turn to for anyone who is trying to make a positive change in their lives. From trying to quit smoking to becoming uncorrupted, Charli will hold your hand and tell you it gets better,and champion your cause to the people who believe you'll only backslide.


Flaws:
e.g.

Bust your Personal Bubble (Personal Space issues)- Charli loves people... and that unfortunately means she tends to forget to respect peoples personal bubble. It's not that she's super flirty, she just loves to touch people as part of her conversations and interactions. Hugs, platonic kisses, back pats and shoulder rubs are all par for the course. She tries to remember if people have a problem with it... but sometimes she forgets, and sometimes people are just too uncomfortable to tell her.

Preach it Sister (Lecture-happy): Pacifism, and Acceptance, they're fabulous until they get kind of annoying. Charli is for better and for worse, the one who'll call you out for stepping out of line. Call someone a whore: She'll remind you not to sex shame, for example. It's all fine and noble, but also something that can get on peoples nerves, fast. No one likes feeling like they're being talked down to, or being cast in a bad light, and some people are bound to take this considerably worse than others.

I want to believe (Gullible)- Charli preaches to people because she cares, because she believes that someday, somehow, she can change the world and she's doing it one person at a time. As a result, she can also be trusting. She believes that people can change, that they want to be better, somewhere deep inside, and that she's just offering them the chance to do so. However, not everyone wants to change, and not everyone is going to take that offered hand, and some people will just outright take advantage of it, and Charli, being who she is, may well get burned several times before she stops putting her hand out to certain people. She won't stand there and try and hug someone who's trying to outright hit her, but promise her you just want the better world she envisions and she'll cling to that offered hope with both hands.
She doesn't like violence, and for her it will all but cause her physical pain to resort to it, even if she has to, and having her trusting nature used to pull her into a violent situation will cause her as much psychological pain as bodily pain.



PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Skin: A lot like this

Eyes: Dark brown, usually a little heavy lidded as though she is constantly hiding a Mona Lisa secret smile in her eyes (and expression)

Hair: ((See drawing)) Black/Very dark brown in thin dreads with beads and ribbons and a few dyed dreads as well. ((also inspired by the photo link above))

Face: Heart shaped, a little extra curve in the cheeks but not really 'chubby'. Her eyebrow and nose have a piercing each and her ears have a number of them. She's often smiling very subtly, as though she knows a pleasant little secret you don't.

Clothes: A little bit 'boho', Charlie likes ripped jeans or long colorful skirts, indie t-shirts and tank tops with geeky jokes, and big chunky jewelry in silver and semi precious stones like turquoise, rhodochrosite and malachite, as well as others. Stones that are blue, or milky blue are her favorites.
She doesn't knit full sized things herself but she's willing to save for, and pay for, quality garments from people who do. And she doesn't mean that crappy acrylic stuff. Ew.

EXTRA: Charli has an elaborate back tattoo of peacock feathers and orchids spread across most of her back. Highly stylized it's all in black, dramatic and, on her, fairly subtle.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:21 pm


User ImageKnight Title: Dendera Page

Challenge: "How strong is your Love?"

Uniform: As designed by Ende. It's Fabulous.

Weapon --
Page: It's a cute little stick pin with a peacock feather for a head. How nice. It's a pin. It does what pins do.

Squire: The pin has become a mother of pearl pen with an gold nib. Activated, it creates a mild effect as though the viewer had just read a love letter from an old flame. This creates a quiet, romantic sense of melancholy that fills viewers with the desire to stop fighting an return to the arms of the ones they love. The stronger the subject the more they can resist this effect to keep fighting. There are no physical detriments to resisting the spell, it's purely an emotional effect.

Duration: This spell can be cast for a maximum of 45 seconds a day before recharging and is line of sight

Knight: a slender, tall walking stick with peacock themed filigree.

Magic: The spell once again touches the emotions of those viewing it, this time as though it were from a current flame. Chaos will find this a melancholy emotion, separated from the love of Venus and everything she represents, making it difficult to find the energy to continue fighting. (The dark burden of hiding secrets and stealing star seeds begins to feel especially heavy) Order will find it uplifting, giving them a small boost of physical strength, though no effect at all upon their magic.

Duration: 1 minutes a day maximum and is an area effect with line of sight

COLOR: Dusty Venus palate pinks and Violets.

YOUR SECONDARY COLOR IS WHITE LIKE SENSHI

Ryuthulhu

Golden Knight

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Ryuthulhu

Golden Knight

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:22 pm


Dendera:
X-X-X

User Image
User Image
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:19 pm


So far I like how she looks, but might switch up the Knight stage weapon to an elaborate swanky walking stick. <3

Would like to add extra merits or flaws if I can think of anything that really feels right, but at least she's roughed in.

Ryuthulhu

Golden Knight

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Ryuthulhu

Golden Knight

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 3:46 am


*bumping this up for more crits since I was rolled for Ende's January customs. <333333
PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:21 pm


Hi Ryu!

I Love The Skin You're In - From what I gather it's all about being comfortable in her own skin and encouraging others to do the same which is pretty cool. I like that Charli is confident. But it doesn't make sense to me why, if she likes the skin she's in, she could make modifications to it and encourage others to do the same. It's kind of the opposite, don't you think? This virtue is kind of confusing as to what it actually is.

I'm a lover not a fighter doesn't read as a flaw, at all. I'm not sure why anyone would look down on her for this trait. Pacifist as a flaw is fine but I'd find a stronger way to put it. Is she so unwilling to fight that she borders letting people walk all over her? Does she let her friends do foolish things because pointing it out might cause a fight, etc?

For your Squire power I'd propose what it does and leave how people react to it up to them. To say specifically how it will affect them is kind of meta gaming and we tend to avoid that.

Also, knight powers work a bit differently than Senshi powers. They don't recharge or get recast. The effect, whatever it is, is channeled through your item for a maximum amount of time. It can be broken up into smaller increments (say 4 15 second increments or 2 thirty second increments). Two minutes at Squire level might be a bit long. Also, I'd try to specify if she can affect one target only or more than one. More than one usually comes at a time penalty (say half the total amount of time.) The way you describe it, writing the Venus sigil, is really similar to a senshi power and isn't much like a Knight power. I'd reread through the Knight guide if you're unsure.

ZaiaFantasy

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Ryuthulhu

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 2:36 pm


"Skin your In" is about making people being comfortable with who they are, and for some people, that's about adding to that self, with things like piercings and tattoos, or for some people, changing their outer gender to match their inner gender. I probably need to rename it but Charli is about embracing the idea of being yourself, whatever it takes.

((will do some further putzing around with other stuff))
PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 3:05 pm


Yeah, I don't find body modifications, etc., to be at odds with feeling comfortable with one's skin/being.

Indubitably

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Ryuthulhu

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 5:16 pm


<3 Indu. < smile

*been adding some more work to hopefully clarify* I feel like I have a good idea of who she is in my head, but 'in my head' is not clear to other viewers. @_@ Hopefully this is a little better on that front.
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 9:29 am


Ryuthulhu


Hey, Ryu! Congratulations on winning Dendera, she is beautiful! I'll try to keep this quick so you can hopefully start playing her soon!

Her hobbies both look good to me, with the exception of one line in art dolls; you say 'Paint just enough to replicate things like eyes, mouths and make up, and the occasional tattoo, but finds working with a regular canvas boring and frustrating' and while I am pretty sure I understand what you are saying, I think there might be a word that slipped out of this sentence. Or I am misreading it! Either way, I wanted to direct your attention to it for a little clarification. Otherwise, I don't think anything else needs to be tweaked or expanded on!

The same can be said of her virtues and flaws, but I just wanted to check one thing—using flashy titles to name your traits is totally cool, but I just want to make sure that I've got the same idea of Charli that you do! If you had to choose one/two words to describe each of the traits presented, which words would you choose? [Like, open minded, hard working and optimistic or supportive for virtues// no boundaries, nagging, and gullible for the flaws?]

For her powered form, I typically get iffy with attacks that are longer than a minute, however Dendera's magic seems like a potentially minor distraction with no other effects, so I think I would be comfortable if she had a pool of magic that allowed her to use it for up to two minutes. However, this being said, I don’t think she needs to have a cool down time! I can't recall any knight that has similar rules to their magic, though I know that senshi can have cool down times. Also, just to clarify, her magic only affects one target?

For her knight stage, it seems like she gets three upgrades from her squire stage—her duration increases, the effect on chaos changes, and order gets a boost. Typically, when upgrading from stage to stage, only two aspects can increase. The first thing I'd like to ask is about the melancholy feeling for a current flame. I understand the nostalgia/missing an old flame and being distracting during a squire stage, but if it is a current flame, how does this work? Do they miss their current flame and have a deep sadness at being parted from them, or feel a sensation of unrequited love, or just have a desire to abandon fighting and go be with this person? For knight stage, I would suggest either keeping only the effects on chaos and a duration boost or keeping the effects with chaos and the boost for order but not increasing the duration; since this is basically two attacks in one with its effects on order and chaos, I might even suggest it have a shorter duration than her squire stage. This also needs a little clarification—how many people can she affect at once? Anyone in a specific radius, or must she target one person to channel the magic to?

Other than that, I think her profile looks good! She seems like she's going to be a lot of fun to play with, so I'm excited to see where she goes! Quote me if you have questions, comments or make any changes and I'll be back as soon as possible!


Kyuseisha no Hikari

Crew

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Ryuthulhu

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 7:14 am


*tweaking this slowly*
PostPosted: Mon Sep 02, 2013 7:54 pm


Ryuthulhu

Hi Ryu! I am here to give you crit c:

ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE:

I think she looks good~

ON THE POWERED SIDE:

Number one, that design is gorgeous (and so is her tattoo, hngh.)

I think her powers are pretty good, however I think a two-minute pool is a bit long; forty-five seconds to a minute would be fine though! <3

Quote me when you've made tweaks and I'll be back to give her another look. :3


Noir Songbird

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Ryuthulhu

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:07 am


Songstress Kitsune

Fiiiixed. And thank you! Ende made her sooo pretty!
PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 9:05 am



Okay, looks good to me~

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

A GM will be by soon with any last-minute tweaks or final approval~


Noir Songbird

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Kyuseisha no Hikari

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Dragonslaying Dragon

PostPosted: Tue Sep 03, 2013 8:00 pm


Ryuthulhu


Hey, Ryu! Dendera looks good to me, so I'm going to drop a stamp! Enjoy playing her!

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