Kyndall Darrow was in wedded bliss. She and Tony were looking at houses to try and find one that suited their needs and already acted like they'd been married for years, perfectly happy and suited to spend their time together. Waking up beside him was a joy and she loved the sense of security she had around him. Her knight, first and forever.

However, tonight she was alone with herself taking the night off from patrolling and getting out of the house for a little while. She was going to sing because it made her happy and because she wanted that outlet. She left Tony to his own devices, probably doing his duty as a knight, and went across town to her favorite karaoke bar. She’d sung for him once and sang to herself when lost in thought or doing something routine without thinking about it.

She felt out of control, mostly out of her own body. Her mental health was suffering, her heart was bleeding and the steel had gone from her resolve. Kyndall was crumbling as a knight, unable to stand up to these children that were brought into this war even on her own side. She nearly cried for the cruelty of it. She couldn’t fight them for their beliefs because most were too young to understand this war or the weight of their decisions. It would define them for the rest of their lives and it seemed like such a horrible thing to be stuck with before you even know you’re choosing.

This was easier, simple. As she walked into the bar she smelled the long standing stench of stale beer, stale peanuts, bar food, and the lingering smell of sweat and smoke. Mixed together it was just one of those things where you’d think it would be horrible but you get used to it. She was more than used to it by now. She came in, grabbed a book, and sat down at a stool ordering two shots off the bat. She wasn’t in the mood for a pop ballad or something upbeat. She wanted the song smooth and slow and sad as if a bar full of drunken people needed another reason to be depressed besides the liquor.

She handed her slip to Saul who looked at it, blinked surprise, and then shook his head. He had it, or would get it, and then he’d call her. He saw less of her these days but she was always welcome in his book. Kyn thought of the last time she was at Louies with Tony and then glanced at the wedding ring settled on her finger. It had worked out alright since then. When her name was called she walked onto the small stage and breathed deeply, taking her microphone.

It demanded performance, this song of hers. Kyndall dredged up all of the pain, the confusion, and the indecision she had inside and used it. The intro played and she listened for her cue, channeling her thoughts on futility into her choice. It wasn’t exactly reflective of her sorrow but the intention was close enough. This made her feel more in control because every reflection of herself, every flicker in a note, she chose. She didn’t even need to look at the words to know them all by heart. She sang.

I'm here now, waiting
Holding on to reasons
Wasted, I faced it
Watching you deny me

Those lyrics meant everything to her and reflected her struggle perfectly. When the song ended she moved from the stage but no one clapped. They all stared at her with tears streaming from her eyes and her voice shaken by sobs she would not permit to utter. Strangely, she’d had nothing to drink. Then a clap from one side, then another, but mostly no one knew what to make of it. The song and her emotions were impossibly heavy for a Friday night. People just wanted to have fun, not to feel another person’s pain.

She looked around, told herself she was merely kidding herself to think this would be the proper state of mind for such fun, and left.