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 Posted: Wed Aug 18, 2004 8:19 pm
Why is it when we try to run from fear
We fight against the wind?
The very wind that carries us back
To the place where fear began?
Why is it when we fight the pain
We only open wounds
The wounds inflicted to make us bleed
To break our spirits, firm and good
Why is it when we fall in love
It always seems so wrong?
Our eyes see what we want
But our hearts refuse to go along
Why is it when we say goodbye
It never means the end
The end of love that haunts us still
And always catches us in the end
Why is it when we raise our voice
No one seems to hear?
They're all deafened now
Deaf and running
Running from their fear...
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 6:01 am
It's a nice poem, and the topic is very good, but because you've made it generally a rhyming poem I can see in some places that the beat to the poem is slightly fragmented. And you shouln't really rhyme a word with the exact same word, dear.
But all in all, I do like it. It's nice and sweet, and pleasant to read through. Me likey very much! ^_^
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 6:03 am
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Posted: Thu Aug 19, 2004 8:58 am
Black Waltz 0 It's a nice poem, and the topic is very good, but because you've made it generally a rhyming poem I can see in some places that the beat to the poem is slightly fragmented. And you shouln't really rhyme a word with the exact same word, dear.
But all in all, I do like it. It's nice and sweet, and pleasant to read through. Me likey very much! ^_^ I know exactly what you're talking about, but when I tried to revise it, I couldn't think of a way to change that one stanza... *Sighs*
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