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 Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:30 am
Welcome.
This is my official quest thread for my character Ubasti DMS of Aridity.
Take a look around I`m sure you`ll find something of interest!
And if you`ve got time, stick around for a crit.
Depending on how this goes, I will also be entering in flatesales.
This is just a place for my idea.
All images found here are by no means mine.
All credits are to their respective artists.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:31 am
* Civillian was won. Name: Nailah Solimon
Nickname: Nini
Age: 21
Birthday: January 5th
Sign: Capricorn
Gemstone: Lapis Lazuli
Blood Type: AB-
Fav. Food: Vegetarian dumplings in a peanut butter sauce
Hated Food: Beef
School: Destiny City University
Hobbies:
• Writing: Nailah used to write far more when she was younger than now, she has 3D and amazing games to be playing to keep her busy now a days. But she decided to take a degree in game design to allow her to expand more on this, you can usually find a notebook with her scribbles and notes inside. She's written up a few game concepts for a game she has been planing as a personal project. It's fantasy and she pretty much has written up everything for all the environments in it and now slowly working on the NPC profiles. It's a long process but she's determined to get it done. However, she does have a hard time getting some writing in with all her other things. She's also written some scifi and some fantasy on the side and when she wants to get away from writing for her game.
• 3D Modeling: Considering her love for RTS and sometimes MMOs, Nailah decided to try 3D modeling as a hobby. It turned serious when she entered school to become a game designer which would allow her to use both her 3D skills and writing skills on the field. Most of her homework comes in 3D forms, so if she's not playing something she'd most likely working on 3D. Nini is aiming to become an environmental artist, meaning she'll be recreating the environments for games. She's always been good at world building and thinks this is the best outlet for her, though recently she has began trying a little harder in her character creation classes for her game.
• RTS's: Real Time strategy games. Nailah adores the speed and thought process it takes to win against an opponent. All of her time is spent playing some popular game, most of the time it's Starcraft. Rare will it be that she will touch an MMO unless most of her friends are playing it and keep her entertained. This hobby started when she first hit high school, and she's been doing some competitions for about 3 years now with a team called Com2Us for some cash. They try to meet up at least 4 times a week for practice games, everyday when there's a big competition coming up.
Virtues:
• Loyal: There is nothing worth more than loyalty to Nailah. She will always be faithful to any commitments, oaths or obligations that she under takes and gets extremly upset when she does not meet her standards. Loyalty to her friends will surpass everything else, and she will hold a grudge against any of her friends who tur their backs on her. Her grudges usually only is a silent treatment as if the person did not exist. Her loyalty also extends to fighting for her friends, she has no problem throwing herself into a fight for a friend, and will stick with you through thick and thin! Her loyalty has gotten her in trouble with the law for getting into some physical fights while defending friends.
• Strategist: Nailah is addicted to RTS games; ones in which requires a large degree of knowledge and intuition. Naturally, we must assume that behind unpleasant aspects, knowledgeable qualities lie. As a child, Nailah was very bright; had it not been for her impulsive acts of rebellion, she’d probably have achieved higher in her education thus trained in a higher and better paid sector than video games. Strategy is her best asset when she's thinking straight and not getting pissed off. This being said, puzzles were never much of a challenge and math came easily to her.
• Inquisitive: Nailah is on a constant quest for knowledge, not only does she think knowledge is the key to power, or just out right beat them at a game. There isn't a single moment where Nailah won't ask a question, the who, what, where, when and, how of something. She needs to know, or she'll never settle. It will frustrate her to no end when someone refuses to answer her one of her questions, and won't back off until she's yelled at. Of course, she'll settle for now, and will probably resume her questioning at a later date. When she wants to find something out she is far more ready to be nice and appraoch someone, after all you dont get aswers by demanding things outright.
Flaws:
• Mercurial: The only time she's venting is when she's playing video games and killing noobs on the battle field because really, her anger chalks up to being the silent but deadly type unless it all comes to a boil and she finally just explodes. She's been known in competitions to bad mouth other players while in game, but she's never hit one of them. If she doesn't like you, she’ll let you know. It's a little annoying, and a lot of people sometimes stray away from being friends with her because she's hard to get to know. Her behavior has made her snap at her own friends at times, she doesn't mean for it to happen, but it just does and she'll try to apologize.
• Pessimistic: People sometimes ask Nailah the question of whether or not she thinks the glass is half empty or half full. She's never really understood the question, but whenever she's asked she always thinks that the glass is half empty. After so many years of her parents telling her she was doing things wrong, it is really easy for Nailah to stray towards negative thoughts most of the time. Her mood might start going down because of a friends mood, or when she's left to herself to think about things, or something little as losing her keys in her bedroom could bring her down. She does not have a lot of hope or confidence in others, don't expect a compliment come from her lips. Ever. A few people have gotten angry at her when trying to cheer her up because of how hard it is to cheer her back up. Usually making her forget about the whole incident with another subject or activity or anything to get her mind off of the negativeness will bring her back up.
• Blunt: There is no filter to Nailah’s speech, even when she’s on the computer and it’s not because the person can’t see her behind the screen. She has no problem saying what’s on her mind out loud be it bad or good, nor does she care if the people around her can hear what she just said about them. It’s a bad habit to have because she has an opinion on everything, and most of the time it’s not a pleasant one about people or things around her. She thinks your bad at a game? She'll let you know loud and clear. She's gotten a repuation because of her bad mouthing oter players in competitions.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Catlike, a rich brown gold color.
Hair: A-line cut, hair is chocolate brown.
Face: Cat like features, so sharp and prominent cheekbones.
Clothes: Glasses, clothing ref here. The top right corner ref!
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:33 am
Senshi: Sailor Ubasti, DMS of aridity
Challenge: “It's easier to kill than it is to heal.”
Fuku Colour:
Main Color: Gold
Secondary Color: Black
Fuku: Here
Only things I'd like to keep FOR SURE are the arm band, the form of the collar, choker, tiara and shoes. For her top a short version of the Egyptian wear and for the see-through fabric something along the lines of this.
Attacks:
Sailor Scout Attack: Desert Balm
Ubasti must come into contact with skin for this attack to take effect. This attack causes a minor burning sensation that feels like you need to itch, like an allergic reaction to something, beware because the more you rub the effected area, the more the feeling spreads. This attack lasts around 25 seconds and can be used twice in battle. This attack can also injure friendly players.
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Barren Balm
Ubasti must come into contact with skin for this attack to take effect. The attack causes the skin to feel a burning sensation that is as if you had extremely dry skin, the itch is stronger here too. The itch contiues to spread when you rub it. This attack lasts around 35 seconds and can be used twice in battle. This attack can also injure friendly players.
Eternal Sailor Attack: Balm Restore
When Ubasti's skin comes into contact with someone elses skin it is as if the moisture has been sucked from it; skin will feel leathery and movement may cause pain, as if one has a bad sunburn This attack lasts around 35 seconds and can be used twice in battle. This attack can also injure friendly players.
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Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 12:41 pm
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 12:15 pm
Hi Tasinei! You're off to a strong start so far!
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE ---
The "Capricious" flaw gives me some concern since it can read that the character may suddenly act in a wildly unpredictable way otherwise unrepresented in the form. Furthermore, combined with her "Violent" attitude, is her mood swing likely to change to just suddenly become physically violent? How in control of herself is she during these mood swings? It says that she snaps at her friends, which sort of contradicts her "Loyal" virtue, and gives the impression that she isn't very much in control. More clarification and limitation is needed on this flaw.
Also, I would remove references to bipolar disorder from it.
ON THE POWERED SIDE ---
For Dark Mirror Senshi, there are a few design requirements for these Senshi that the fuku concept would not work with. While it says that you are open to artist tweaks, be in mind that DMC Senshi need to be far more covered up from the bust to the mid-thigh, with little to no midriff showing. They must be wearing a loose fitting bodice such as a babydoll or tunic, not tight-fitting unless the skirt is loose and flowing. They also must have a semi-transparent overlay layer of some kind that grows as the Senshi advances in stage.
The arm band, collar, choker, tiara and shoes look like they'd be okay to me, and those are what you have labeled as most important, so that's fine, but I wanted to let you know about the other uniform rules as well.
On the powers, all of the abilities need more clarification and information. The power descriptions need to have the following:
~ Specific usage limits - how often the power can be used per battle
~ Effect duration, if applicable
~ Damage effect, if applicable
For instance, the Scout and Super attacks say they create an ointment that damages other characters but doesn't say how or what type of damage they'd feel. Is it an itching sensation, a burning sensation, boils, or something else? How heavy and distracting is the pain?
I think that having the power only go away by washing it with water may be too strong unless it also has a finite duration before the effect fades away on its own. However, the duration time would depend on the level of pain the character experiences.
The Eternal attack is a heal whereas the first two are offensive - they must all be more in line with each other. Since the first two are offensive, the Eternal must also be offensive in its own way, alternatively they can all be support or heals. It says that it is made by Ubasti's blood and tears - why? What does this mean?
When you have looked over my notes and made your revision, please quote me in the thread and I will take another look!
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2012 9:46 am
Leaving this here for later reference.
http://www.historylink101.net/egypt_images/female-dress.jpg
http://www.fibre2fashion.com/_resources/industry-articles/17/1615/3_files/image001.jpg
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4cLP6ydZZhk/TZ-syAufZLI/AAAAAAAAA9A/Jt-5FHitJd8/s1600/102_4538.JPG
http://factsanddetails.com/media/2/20120216-Queen-Bint-Anath.jpg
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Posted: Mon Dec 24, 2012 11:00 am
Thank you for the crit! biggrin I think I've got most of her stuff fixed up! I think her eternal power might be a bit too strong but not sure owo
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 9:56 am
Whoops! I am so sorry for the delay on getting back to you on this! ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE --- The "Capricious" flaw reads better now than it did before! It is still one that can cause some ON THE POWERED SIDE --- The Scout attack is fine - but the Super attack reads as an entirely different power rather than just an upgrade, with too many new features and no mentions of the old, and appears too strong. What does it mean that it takes away the player's energy? Why? The ointment causing the skin to crack and bleed needs further clarification as it reads as alarming and overpowered. Likewise, the Eternal attack sounds very overpowered and would not be acceptable. Skin painfully drying out is fine - if temporary - but having them bleed or have their bones become more visible through their skin is far too excessive. When you've reviewed my feedback, please quote me if you have any questions or have made your changes and I will get back to you!
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Posted: Thu Jan 10, 2013 11:19 am
No worries! With school starting Ive been busy too! I think you`re missing something about the flaw because your sentence sorta stops abruptly XD Im unsure if it’s okay or if I need to work on it some more! What I meant by seeing bone through skin is not bones coming out of the skin, more of the effect that like... Uh, you know when someone gets too skinny and bones start to show more, that’s what I meant. I did reword some and remove other parts so let me know what you think!
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Posted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 1:17 pm
Tasinei No worries! With school starting Ive been busy too! I think you`re missing something about the flaw because your sentence sorta stops abruptly XD Im unsure if it’s okay or if I need to work on it some more! What I meant by seeing bone through skin is not bones coming out of the skin, more of the effect that like... Uh, you know when someone gets too skinny and bones start to show more, that’s what I meant. I did reword some and remove other parts so let me know what you think! Woops! My mistake, I must have deleted on accident. That should read: The "Capricious" flaw reads better now than it did before! It is still one that can cause some concern, stacked with her "Violent" flaw. Do her mood swings cause her to be physically violent? Verbally violent? Or just off-putting and rude? On the powered side, I understand that the bones aren't coming out of the skin, but it still comes off as way too powerful - it sounds you are describing the opponent as wasting away in the effected area, essentially. For the Super and Eternal attack, the duration of fifty seconds or one minute feels a little too long for how effective and powerful they are - especially since they can be used twice per battle. On top of this, they appear to me to stray away from the theme of ointments and read far more like poisons or toxins.
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Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 9:26 am
She's more off-putting and rude, but she'll usually like crush cans or hit her keyboard type of thing, she'd never hit anyone. I'll try to reword it some more Fixed up the times on the powers, and took out some parts in my description. Does it sound better? What could I do to make it more ointment oriented for my last stage?
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Posted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 1:31 am
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE --- For the Capricious flaw - when I give a trial stamp, a GM will look at it to give a second opinion. My hold back isn't quite what you have written, more of a matter that a flaw of someone being prone to major mood swings and shifts like that raises eyebrows within this stamping process - especially combined with her Violent flaw, even though it clarifies she is not physically violent. However, it is a true flaw that can be seen in real life, so I will give it my approval for now. ON THE POWERED SIDE --- To clarify on the point I made earlier about toxins and poisons - maybe change the sphere title from "Ointments" to "Oils" since ointments carries the connotation of beneficial effects and these attacks are all offensive. Oils doesn't carry the same connotation. As repeat notes: For the Super and Eternal attacks, the abilities last too long if they are able to be used twice. Please shorten the duration of the attacks, or make it so that it can only be used once per battle. And again, the mention of bones being more visible through the skin has strong and alarming implications, I recommend that you remove that mention. It makes the power seem very over-powered.
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Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:04 pm
Civvy - I've fixed up her traits, moved stuff and replaced capricious with reserved. Senshi - I actually wanted to reverse the effect of ointments, which was where I was sorta getting her powers from. Does that make more sense? I've also modified the attacks lowered them and reworded some after reading up some more on ointments and such.
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Posted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 1:29 pm
Hey, Tasinei! I hope you don't mind if I take over for Spy! You guys worked on a lot of things, so there's very little preventing this profile from a trial stamp!
For her civilian, there is only one trait that is sticking out to me, and that's reserved! I don't totally feel as though this goes with the rest of her flaws, since I get the impression that she is emotionally reserved when she gets angry. All her other traits give me the impression that she is a firecracker just waiting to explode, but reserved gives me the impression that she is 'slow to reveal emotions or opinions', like the definition implies. If I am misreading this though, I apologize! I wanted to ask, does 'aloof' better depict how you imagine her to be, as it cool and distant and could be used to keep people away without saying she is emotionally collected. I can see how her strategist trait could play into this [what with dealing with casual acquaintances with diplomacy/tact/reticence] however most of this trait doesn't read negatively to me other than 'she is cautious around new people'—which I think might be said for a lot of people I think to really make this stick out as a flaw, I have a question! What about her being reserved is it that would make people frown/look down on her? When writing a flaw, I find it easiest to think 'if I heard someone gossiping about this character in the hallway, what's something they might be saying?'
So, if I might not hear someone say 'That Nailah, she's so reserved. I mean, can you believe her? She's just so careful around new people. She treats her acquaintances all right, but she keeps everyone at arms length,' then it doesn't really sound like a flaw to me. To remedy this and make it read as more of a flaw, could you give me a little more information on the negative aspects of it? Like, her being reserved—does it make her miss out on opportunities? Make people not want to talk to her because she seems disinterested/it's too much effort to get to know her? Does she swallow her words in favor of keeping her emotions and opinions to herself/make herself sick because she's always bottling things up?
Sorry for the wall of text! I get kinda wordly with examples, sorry! But other than that, her civilian side looks good!
For her powered side, right now, I think the biggest thing is that the attacks don't represent the sphere as well as I think they could; ointments are very predominantly used to treat ailments rather than cause them, so for a sphere like this, I would expect either healing or buffer type magic [such as she can heal with her magic, or soothe aches, or increase strength or speed or something]. With her attacks as they are now, I think more of senshi of aridity [that is, dryness/a lack of moisture] than I do for ointments.
Beyond that, I think the only thing I can say about her attacks right now is that I am hesitant to allow a super attack to be 50 seconds long, if only because this is longer than most eternal attacks last. I think a better time for this would be 40 seconds [and maybe fifty for her eternal]—just because it is an irritating/offensive attack. If she was doing a buff [such as increased speed] then it would all right for her to have an attack that lasted this long, but since it actually does damage, I think a slightly shorter time limit might work better.
If you have any questions, comments or make any changes, please feel free to give me a quote [or shoot me a PM!]! Either way, I'll get back to you as soon as possible, and thank you for your patience!
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Posted: Thu May 16, 2013 5:02 pm
Okay totally revised!
Changed reserved to blunt for her eprsonality.
Sphere was changed to aridity and powers revised to fit the sphere properly!
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