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Strifin

PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:18 am


Good afternoon ladies and gentents... I need some friendly advise.... well I just joined this fine guild because Im a 19 year old father to be... and well Im stuck on something and Im uncomfortable about goignto my parents... ect ect I was wondering if you guys can help me...


  1. like is it normal for a guy to be scared of the unknown?
  2. is it normal to have massive amounts of guilt?
  3. how do I tell my parents my fiance is pregant....
  4. what kinds of things do I need to get ready for having a badly liek in attiutud.


I know I sound...sad I never had a father myself so Im lacking in that "department" and when a father figure steped in...well I was 18 so too late right? so please post ladies post things to warn me of things I can expect my fiance to go through and guy please tell your stories I really need to know. Thank for reading
PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:42 am


Well first off, congratulations. biggrin

Let's see, as for your questions...

1) Most normal fear there is to have: pregnancy makes everyone vulnerable and makes them realize things they're afraid of. And being scared of things you have no experience with is a very common fear. Just because you're male doesn't mean there aren't things that scare you too and having kids brings out a lot of those things in men from what I understand.

2) Um, depends? What exactly are you feeling guilty about? Guilt implies you feel like you did something wrong that you'd want to hide.

3) Straight forward is usually the best way to go. You know them better then I do so you'll have to make the call on if you tell them together, seperately, etc. I wouldn't wait too long and tiptoe around the subject. If you think they'll have a lot of concerns/hard questions for you to answer, it's best to be prepared for them before you talk so they know you've put thought into this.

4) I think badly=baby? That's the only word I could sub in to make that sentance make sense to me, so if I chose the wrong way to interpret it, just consider this part extra. Heh.

In terms of your attitude? If you aren't already, you'll need to learn to be patient and understand that babies cry because they need things and that little person isn't doing it just to frustrate you. You will be frustrated, but you'll need to learn how to cope with it. The fact that you'll likely not sleep alot the first couple of months won't help either, but you'll survive. And expect to be scared because babies don't come with instruction manuals. So you'll have to do a lot of guesswork at first and then as you get to know your baby better, you'll figure things out and it will become more second-nature to you.


Good luck telling your parents, and start looking at websites like babyzone.com and books about pregnancy and children.


Morgenmuffel


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Akhakhu

PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 4:23 pm


First of all, even people who have had both parents will face a lot of guilt and such when going into a first pregnancy. Whether or not you've had parents yourself, you were never the parent before. The thought of having another life depend completly on you can be daunting.

1. like is it normal for a guy to be scared of the unknown?
Yup. It's normal for women, too. All animals are naturally afraid of change. We like stability. Few things disrupt stability quite so much as having a baby. So yes, it's 100% normal.

2. is it normal to have massive amounts of guilt?
Yup.

3. how do I tell my parents my fiance is pregant....
This is a harder one to answer. Unfortunatly, there's no "easy way." Just pick a time when they aren't busy, when you know they can sit and think without having to rush to work or something. Just sit down and tell them.

4. what kinds of things do I need to get ready for having a badly liek in attiutud.
Spend a lot of time with the mother of your child. She will be needing all the support she can get. Make sure you don't stress her out or let your own fears make you irritable. Remember, whatever fear you may be feeling, she's probably feeling it just as much, if not more. So be supportive, don't pick fights, deal with your fears without blaming her or being negative towards others.

Read. Go to your local bookstore and get books on pregnancy (like What to Expect When You're Expecting). This will help you understand what the mother is going through and will drastically reduce confusion. Also, get some baby development books and such. Read up, do your homework.

Just from personal experience, though (albeit from having cats, not children), don't use the knowledge you gain to lecture her. If she is doing something destructive, like drinking alcohol, then by all means. But if she isn't eating enough lima beans or something ridiculous like that, don't lecture her. She's probably going to be doing the best she can and having you over her shoulder stressing her out every time she doesn't do something by the book is going to really put her on edge.

Also remember that she can feel the pregnancy first hand, you can't. So while a book may say one thing, she may intuitively know that it's not the right thing for her individual pregnancy. As long as it isn't destructive or something, just let her listen to her own body.

Just to ellaborate on something Pirate Dirge touched on, babies can't talk. They can't just get up and tell you that they are hungry and would like food. All they can do is scream. You will soon learn how they scream, when they scream, and why they scream. But before you do, it can be very scary. Expect that smile

EDIT: Just to add, you should do some research on classes in your area for pregnant couples. You should also make sure to go with the mother, pay attention, and give her support.

If she isn't already, make sure she is going to the doctor for regular checkups.
PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:14 pm


I have to pretty much agree with what's been posted all ready.

The big thing is to be sure she is getting medical treatment and to sit down with both your parents and get this out in the open. Often, if you ask the doctor or even a counselor, a lot of times there are young parent classes that can REALLY help support and education wise.

lunashock


Kalandra

PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 10:46 pm



I didn't notice that you had posted here as well as the GPG. In the GPG you didn't list specifics, and here you have. So my ramble there was pointless.

But like everyone else said, nervousness is completely normal. If you had absolutely none, I would admit you would scare me a little. Being nineteen and not precisely 'stable' economically should present a few fears, but they are natural fears that people face everyday. So be nervous, be worried if you must, but still attempt to be as sincere, caring as comforting as possible to your bride-to-be. She needs it just as much.

Much like what has been said already, the more educated you are on the topic the better prepared you can be. Head over to a library, seek out a counselor (there are cheap and free youth counselors everywhere), try your best to go to your fiance's prenatal appoints, and work to your full potential during the pregnancy.

When it comes to unveiling the pregnancy to a band of (perhaps) sterned faced, shocked parents - the best way is to be blunt. Just sit whomever you'll be speaking with down, and let them know. Ask them for their advice, for their input, and let them know that this is something that requires your responsibility - and that you plan on acting on it. I don't recommend waiting for 'the right moment,' because it will never come if you're frightened. I do recommend waiting for a good one, though. When people seem in good spirits and terms.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:41 pm


Axion McCloud
I never had a father myself so Im lacking in that "department" and when a father figure steped in...well I was 18 so too late right?


It's never too late to accept and learn from a parental figure. I never had much of a maternal one in my life, at least not one I thought of as a 'mom' and I started taking the maternal advice of every friend who's mom wanted to 'adopt' me, and using it to grow. Don't think it's too late. Just as you can grow up to love someone as a partner, you can love someone new as a parent or trusted older dude (as I call one of my friends).

Ipstenu

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