William, I'm so glad that you took the thread to your advantage!

First of all, I'd like to say that I am very interested in your story. The way you summarized the past was very well done with no obvious loose ends. I love the character Life, how he obviously has a sense of superiority after death as many people in our time would think of Death as an evil being. Those are the kind of twists I most enjoy.

I'm glad you pointed out the flaws in grammar and spelling. Normally, all that can be caught when editing, but I would like to address a few to you that I think are most important to change:

At the beginning of time there waswere
both heated hated each other
Perhaps use commas more to your advantage, since it gives the writer a perfect place or the reader to pause. Good examples in your story would be after the phrases, 'At the beginning of time,' and 'because he is weaker,'

There were some changes from past to present in the beginning. You might want to look for those, but that mistake is a common one and, actually, the one I struggle with most as well. ^_^;

'Over whelmed' is one word. 'overwhelmed.'
white clock cloak that raps wraps around
I have no feelings my ledge liege (This error actually made me giggle. XP )
how goes your responsibility's? responsibilities
he slowly nodes nods

These errors, when fixed, will make the story easier to read. Also, take advantage of paragraphs so that the story isn't a wall of text. Smaller bits are more appealing to the eye and compels a person to read more readily.

Other than that, I'm really perplexed by the storyline! I like the crows and doves comparison, and really everything between the characters Death and Life. The only thing I wonder though; do all three of them spit every time the word 'daemon' is mentioned? Though it makes for a good status of the daemon as creatures that don't matter that much, I'm worried about the pace of the conversation if they pause each time to spit. I did enjoy the first time they did so, however, 'and the earth shook.' Very good choice of wording.

Overall, I can't wait to read more! I hope you keep posting the story. <3