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 Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 5:55 pm
So, I was dating a girl for 6 months, (let's just call her Layla) and she was being extremely rude to my best friend of 8 years, (whom we will call Elaine [<--- lol my mom's middle name]). Layla was calling Elaine a whore and a slut and saying a lot of horrible things to her. She did all this despite even knowing Elaine. All I knew was that Layla was telling me she didn't trust my best friend. Then I got back in contact with a best friend of mine, (we'll call her Bria), and as she and I talked more, I started remembering feelings I had for her, ones that had gotten buried by relationships I had been in. Bria and I hadn't talked for about maybe 2 ish years, and both of us had been really busy. Well, I came to realize I loved both Layla and Bria. At the same time. I told Layla, and she flipped out. I had to take a few days of no contact to try and think of something to do. I ended up breaking up with Layla due to how she was treating my friends and the was acting about my being in love with her and Bria. Bria also likes me, but I don't know if she is going to do anything, and I am definitely too scared to do anything. The thing is, Layla and I are still friends, and occasionally she will say something that almost makes me regret breaking up with her, and she is doing it more and more often. My questions are: Did I make the right choice breaking up with Layla? Should I stay friends with her, or should I block her from my life? And should I try and make the first move with Bria or should I keep waiting? (we both know we like each other.) Any advice?
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 6:15 pm
I might be either to young to say this but i dont think that Layla was a good GF for saying that stuff to your friend and like the feelings you have for Bria before and after you saw her again will happen again with Layla but its hard to be friends with someone who you have dated before
But thats just my opinion.
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 10:31 pm
Truth be told, if anyone burns me or runs their use, I usually remove them from my life.
However, if you can maintain a simple friendship with her, which looks debatable, then by all means go for it. I don't know how good of a person she is though, she obviously doesn't hold you or your choice of friends in high regard and the fact that she can't understand that you have feelings for her and someone else, that just bafals me a little.
Personally, I'd have kicked her out of my life, but that sort of thing is much easier for me and I wouldn't advise it for most people.
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Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 11:28 pm
Layla sounds cruel and a big flaming b***h full of insecurities. I would have dumped her the minute she started bad mouthing my bestie (my guess b/c she felt threatened that your relationship with your bestie would "turn into more"). You did the right thing and I would keep her out of your life.
With Bria, you will never know until you try. Ovary up girl and ask her out. 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:15 am
I've been in this situation, minus the second crush part. Personally, if my partner can't respect my friends, then I'd sooner forget them than waste my time being their friend. If I were you, I'd do something to let her know that what she said about your friends wasn't nice and it upset you and continue the friendship, though I wouldn't get back into a relationship with her. But, only you can figure out if what you did was right or not....
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 1:46 am
Personally, I would talked to her first and confronted her behavior before making any decisions and if they didn't stop, then I would say that would be a good reason to break up.
As for blocking and removed out of people's lives, think about it carefully. I had people do that to me for lesser things (not really being rude to anyone but confronted some rude behavior and that didn't go well) and it hurts. I say talking about it and working things out is always the first and best option if possible and blocking is extreme and very painful emotionally.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 5:14 am
This is completely unrelated to this thread, but that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I don't know who thought of this line, but they need a handshake and a medal.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 8:34 am
Blackrose_Knight Layla sounds cruel and a big flaming b***h full of insecurities. I would have dumped her the minute she started bad mouthing my bestie (my guess b/c she felt threatened that your relationship with your bestie would "turn into more"). You did the right thing and I would keep her out of your life. With Bria, you will never know until you try. Ovary up girl and ask her out. 3nodding
Yeah, she was insecure at times honestly....
Hahaha... Ovary up... Never heard that before, but I totally love it! Gonna be a life motto for me right there! xD
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 8:39 am
Playboy Karasu Uchiha Personally, I would talked to her first and confronted her behavior before making any decisions and if they didn't stop, then I would say that would be a good reason to break up. As for blocking and removed out of people's lives, think about it carefully. I had people do that to me for lesser things (not really being rude to anyone but confronted some rude behavior and that didn't go well) and it hurts. I say talking about it and working things out is always the first and best option if possible and blocking is extreme and very painful emotionally.
I did talk to her actually. I technically broke up with her two times, giving her another chance both times. The third time, I said no more. She kept saying she would change and be friends with my best friend. And she did change, for the worse. She kept being ruder and more of a b***h to her.
And I suppose blocking her from my life wouldn't be the best. I've had it happen to me too. I know how it feels.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 8:40 am
Jonstalker62 This is completely unrelated to this thread, but that is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I don't know who thought of this line, but they need a handshake and a medal.
I second this motion! cat_xd
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 10:47 am
PandaCub3 Playboy Karasu Uchiha Personally, I would talked to her first and confronted her behavior before making any decisions and if they didn't stop, then I would say that would be a good reason to break up. As for blocking and removed out of people's lives, think about it carefully. I had people do that to me for lesser things (not really being rude to anyone but confronted some rude behavior and that didn't go well) and it hurts. I say talking about it and working things out is always the first and best option if possible and blocking is extreme and very painful emotionally. I did talk to her actually. I technically broke up with her two times, giving her another chance both times. The third time, I said no more. She kept saying she would change and be friends with my best friend. And she did change, for the worse. She kept being ruder and more of a b***h to her.
And I suppose blocking her from my life wouldn't be the best. I've had it happen to me too. I know how it feels. In that case, I guess it was for the best to breakup with her. You tried your best, but people have to be willing to change and if she was going to treat your friends that way for no reason still, I guess that would mean she isn't the right one for you. At least you gave it your best shot.
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Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 1:50 pm
This reminds me of a situation I was in a few months ago. One of my best friends got drunk one night and ended up hooking up with one of my worst enemies. Naturally, I was terrified. I'd always known she drank, but I just thought she'd take tiny sips and drink responsibly like every 15-year-old should. But that's not the point I'm trying to make here. Anyway, I hated this guy she was dating. He's honestly one of the biggest dicks I've ever met. He has no respect for women and thinks you should always make out with them in public no matter where you are. Once I was on Twitter and saw her make a tweet about how one of the teachers teased her for making out in the hall. She was humiliated, and I was too when I read it--probably multiplied times ten. He did the same thing to his last girlfriend--forced her to snog him right in front of a teacher. Fortunately, that teacher took a more serious approach to it, and asked what the hell was going on, and told him to leave. While they were dating, I'd try to push his buttons, especially while she was around, to make sure she knew how rude he was to me. Her other friends didn't approve of him either, and I'd assume she probably picked that up because they broke up after a month and a half, I think. She's still civil and hospitable to him, but she doesn't really go out of her way to talk to him. I'd suggest to take the same approach.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 5:30 am
I do believe many Guys have this saying : "Bros before hos"
And I think the Ladies version is: "Chick before dicks"
I think its relevancy still works despite the derogatory name and genitalia.
Friends are for life, there are bonds that go beyond many things, and detour away the tricky parts of certain romance relationship, that's why many friendships are a cushion after a tricky relationship.
Parting ways with Layla sounds sound. She didn't respect one of your best friends, which says to me (because we are a friend to someone) , she didn't respect an aspect of you. You become friends with someone because a certain part of your personality matches theirs. To be bullshitting about a friend, means they're attacking a part of you.
Also I'm a firm believer that possible girlfriends/boyfriends are to be judged by friends first and foremost. They will spot things that you will not spot.
As for Bria, try to reconnect. smile Then see where it goes.
......... And you're one of the judges too. Sounds like Layla is trying to guilt trip you. Someone who really loves you, should try to woo you back, not make you feel guilty.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2012 1:32 am
Short answer, yes you did.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2012 1:57 pm
I won't claim to have been in the same situation, nor will I claim to know exactly what the best choice was. But here's what I think. Yes. You did everything as I would have. It might be redundant to say it but I agree with you. As for the girl, don't be like me and waste chances with people because you're afraid of the negative possibilities. One chance at life, live it how you want. Personally I'd ask Bria out and give it y all. ^^ But it's up to you if you do the same.
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