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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:30 am
Alexander would be coming in on the train, that much was fairly certain. If he had first moved into the school by other means...well Yin knew nothing of that, so to the train station it was. He really did not know what time the zomboil would be coming in, and debated not going at all. But then there was the matter of his bonded's safety. It was likely that someone would see him to the train station and make sure that he got on alright. The train seemed fairly insulated to Yin, who did not quite have a grasp on how many stops there were that dangerous enemies could get onto the train at or drag Alexander off of. Sometimes, innocence was bliss.
But the walk to and from the train station was fairly long, and he simply could not leave Alexander alone during that time. No, Alexander had said he missed him, and it was more of a risk to leave him alone in the open than to be with him. Surely. Of course, it took him longer than usual to actually get to the train station, still faster than the zomboil would have moved but at a regular paced walk rather than his rushed steps. He had been getting back into the swing of things, going on a field trip and to class, but he still had not trained. Rather than being stuck with an excess of energy his inactivity seemed to sap energy from him, making him feel as if he was in a too-cold room for a bit too long.
So now he was at the train station. He stuck to shadows, watching those that came and went. Each one a suspect. Each one possibly tagged. Possibly a hunter. Possibly an enemy. Just like him. And now he got the task of telling his bonded what he was. What he might be in the future. He would be giving Alexander exactly what he wanted, the information he wanted to make his own decision, and then it would be out of his hands. Honestly it was difficult to decide which choice would be worse. The idea of Alexander being disgusted by him, leaving him almost made him sick. But if Alexander stayed by him, if he was used as a spy to give the hunters information about the zomboil, if Alexander was hurt or worse because of what he was he could not bare that. He could not live with that. But it was not going to be his choice any longer.
Yin had arrived early, and he had plenty of time to mull over these thoughts and others, to examine the train station, to search for possible exits. To watch others. Plenty of time. All the time in Halloween until a worker came and told him that the last train had just arrived, and the station would be closed until morning. Still no Alexander.
Fear rolled off of him as he made his way back to his room, a pit of despair clawing at his stomach. Dread flooded him as he crept his way to his room, looking worse than he had for several days, shoulders hunching ever more by the time he got to his room for several minutes of desperately needed Princess Eva cuddles.
It was then that he saw his scraptop was still up. A scrap of hope had him checking his groanspring for news, any news, only to see that Alexander had commented.
He would be back on Spookday? That was not soon at all. Yin stared at his screen for another moment, and then reread it just to be sure. Yes, Spookday. That would have been wonderful to know several hours ago.
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Spookday morning found one weremantis waiting at the train depot, with no idea when on Spookday Alexander would be back. The morning was uneventful, primarily double checking exits, watching people, and moving a bit when people began to eye him like he was dangerous. Finally in the early afternoon a train came in, and after quite a few people had gotten off there was a familiar, slightly staggered gait that he recognized and after he had moved a bit away from the initial crowd of those getting off Yin moved forward. Nearing him he realized it was hard to actually look up at the other boil and meet his eyes. He had had days to agonize over what was coming up, and now he just...he was not looking forward to this. "Can I carry your bags for you?" he asked as he stretched forth his hands to take them from him. Yin's greetings were getting more and more romantic all the time.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 2:31 am
The train ride back to Amity had somehow managed to feel longer then his train ride home had been. One thing did remain the same, however, as Alex spent all of his time staring out the window, chin resting in his hand, ignoring everyone who sat down with him or went by. Only a few days before he had actually made the decision not to come back here. He had gone so far as to ask his mom to call the school and withdraw his enrollment, if it was possible to do so. He'd had every intention of never returning ever again, if he could have helped it.
Of course, his hold on that decision had been tenuous at best. He may have said out loud that it was what he wanted, but inwardly he was at odds over the decision. Perhaps that was why it had only taken such a simple thing as a message from Yin to break his resolve. Maybe he had just been looking for an excuse, any excuse, to be able to change his mind again. Though really, if anyone could have changed his mind, it would have been the weremantis that he was so crazy about. He didn't even think Yin knew the power he had over him sometimes.
Still it was with a lot of nervousness and trepidation that the zomboil made this return trip back to the school. He and Yin had parted ways last on such a bad note....he really wasn't sure how to recover from that without things feeling incredibly awkward. At least this time he hadn't said or done anything regrettable towards Yin. That was good. That at least showed that he was learning control over his sometimes explosive temper.
Though he had broken his phone. And destroyed several books. And punched a few holes in some walls that he was probably going to have to pay for the repairs of, but hey, that was only once he had gotten away from his bonded and could do so in privacy.
As the train came to it's final screeching halt, the nervousness in the zimboils chest rose, though that didn't stop him from rising out of his seat, grabbing his things, and shuffling off of the train and back into the open air. The train station itself was crowded, but not overly so. He was just shuffling along, thinking about how good it was that he had the entire walk back to Amityville to think, and to hopefully calm down, when a voice interrupted his thoughts. A wonderful voice, but a very unexpected one.
Alex halted in his tracks, his heart felt like it had just jumped up into his throat and got stuck there. Yin was here. He should have known that this was a possibility. He hadn't given the weremantis the time for when the train would arrive but when had that ever stopped the other boil before. He tilted his head down, pale eyes taking in his boilfriend, who's own eyes weren't raised up to meet his.
"Yin....." Well, that was a start at least. Apparently he could still talk after all. "Uh, of course. If you want." He let the strap from his bag fall from his shoulder and into his hand, then held it out towards the mantodae, fingers just barely brushing against the other boils hand. Warm. So warm. It was odd that Alex would have missed that feeling when it was one that used to cause him discomfort. How things had changed since then.
How he wished something's wouldn't have changed.
The package from his mom along with the paper bag he kept, however, tucking the former under an arm and the latter clutched in his free hand. "I--I wasn't expecting you to meet me here. I'm glad you did though." He hurried on, in case Yin felt as though he was being chastised, when that was the least of Alex's intentions.
"I really missed you." He said it quietly, so that hopefully nobody would hear, wanting nothing more then to wrap Yin up in a hug but scared to do so in such a public place....and scared for other reasons as well.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:09 am
At least the zomboil was surrendering his bag to him, that was a start. He only registered the coolness of the zomboils touch to note that it was indeed cool, just a tiny bit of proof that he was who he was supposed to be, before he was hefting the bag onto his own shoulder. Not all of his belongings were passed over, but Yin did not push him at this time. As for meeting him at the station...how could he not? There were dangers lurking about, and he needed to know, needed to be sure. Even if he was just the lesser of two evils.
He was just about ready to turn and move on, get them away from the crowd and to relative safety when the zomboil tacked on one last thing. Finally his eyes flickered up to meet the zomboil's for the first time since...before he had pushed him away. "I missed you as well," he stated clearly, not so concerned about being overheard as wanting to ensure that Alexander caught his words, that there was no misunderstandings here when everything would have more than enough time to fall apart later depending on how things went.
Yin's gaze lowered, staring at the design of Alexander's tie, the one thing that was guaranteed change. A pin was there he did not recognize, did not remember from that night, something from home probably. He did not think much of it, really just focused on the actual tie as he tried to think of what to say. Alexander would need to remember just who his boilfriend was, and how little he knew about popular culture and what certain phrases really seemed to mean. "We need to talk." He looked toward the exit of the train station. "But not here. Somewhere else...maybe before we get back to school?" There were distractions in his room, and there was the possibility that Alexander would not want to go back to his room, and that the zomboil's room would remind him a bit too much of the lab he had been contained in. No, somewhere quiet, secluded, that was not his dorm room seemed like a better choice to him right now. "Or just...maybe on campus but not in either of our rooms."
He really did not mind where other than those places, with the stipulation that it was still a private conversation. He would have to say the same things either way. His gaze finally moved to look around at the exits, weighing the pros and cons with almost practiced ease from how long he had spent studying them. "That exit looks clear." A bit out of the way, certainly not the closest one to the school, but also with a bit less traffic, and the exit toward the school had a somewhat suspiciously confused looking monster by it. Or maybe they had just never ridden a train before. Yin refused to find out.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:14 pm
Yin's reply had a smile flickering across his lips. Yin had missed him too. Surely that was a good sign and meant that things were still salvageable between the two of them. Yin had just needed time, that was all, and Alex had over reacted when he had spent so many days without a word from the other boil. Days spent mostly holed up in his room, only leaving occasionally to find food or to go to the lair to see what work they might need him to do...though he had actually only done that once. In any case a warm feeling of hope was beginning to work it's way through him, only to be dashed when Yin continued on.
"We need to talk." Those words never meant anything good, and often ended in disaster. But Alex should have known by now that it probably meant nothing, that when Yin said it he really just meant that they needed to talk. He had to remind himself that Yin had come, had called him when he'd been at home, had messaged him on groanspring, and now he was here, and had told him that he'd missed him as well. Those were all good signs. If Yin needed to talk then...it was probably, or rather hopefully, just to explain why he had pushed the zomboil away that night, and why he had told him that he was unsafe. Not to break up with him. No, that wasn't allowed to happen, and he refused to believe that it would.
Or at least tried to.
"Wherever you want to go is fine..." He finally managed, snapping out of his steady barrage of thoughts long enough to reply. His gaze flickered briefly away from Yin and then back again when the boil began looking around, wondering what the other boil was searching for. Did he seem..slightly paranoid? Or was that just Alex's imagination?
And then Yin spoke again, and the question of what he was searching for was answered, but it was more then a little odd that it mattered to him which exit was 'clear'. And really, it was pretty much the furthest exit from where they stood, and went in the wrong direction for the way they were going to have to walk to get back to the school. That was all mentally noted with quite a bit distaste, and his face probably showed his disapproval, though Yin seemed to be looking anywhere but at him so it didn't really matter. "Ya okay, that makes sense." He actually managed to say it without sounding sarcastic or questioning, but before Yin could pull away and leave him to trail along behind he reached out with his free hand and grabbed on to Yin's.
"It's a little crowded. And I'm not going to lose you." There was only the faintest hint of a growl when he said it, that edge to his voice that seemed to come much more easily then it used to.
"And anywhere on campus is fine. I'm sure we can find a private place somewhere." He didn't really understand why going to either of their rooms was out of the equation. Well, he could somewhat understand his own room just for temperatures sake, but Yin's room? That was like Alex's second home. And he would have liked to see Fei at some point, because despite everything he had missed the little vaisel and had been sad to think he might not see him again.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 2:01 pm
Hm, that left the question open of where they should actually go. They could just leave the bustle of the train station though, and then decided, which seemed to be the best option. He was just about to set off for the exit when Alexander grabbed for his hand, and it was not precisely gentle, an almost hard edge in his voice that was not entirely normal. But he had a point, there was a crowd here and if he could not lose him...well that worked both ways. He nodded before moving his hand, threading his fingers through the zomboil's and keeping his grip firm though not too tight before heading to the exit.
His pace was slower than normal, but even that was a bit faster than Alexander's normal shamble, so for the first time in a rather long time he actually needed to slow down just a bit. Still, the path he took was just a touch peculiar, no straight lines, seemingly weaving through the crowd a bit randomly, though in reality he was looking for the least likely suspects. If a ghost was transparent they could not possibly be hiding a hunter...right?
So campus it would be. He thought about that too as they emerged out of the station and began to backtrack to where they should have exited so they could begin their trek up to the campus. "Perhaps by the lake then?" He had a faint air of both determination and resignation about him as he thought of what was to come. Alexander was really rather tolerant about a lot of things, but this time it was not just some quirk or cultural taboo. This time there were repercussions. "If you need to leave your things off first though we could easily go by your room...whatever you want really." Yes, he probably did seem more resigned by the way his voice was slightly subdued, and it would be so very easy to just fall into silence, not really knowing what to say for now. But he did not let go of the zomboil's hand, in fact fighting the urge to cling to it like his last lifeline. What a sight they probably made, most people would probably just think they were two carefree boil's walking back to school. Sometimes it was just easier to pretend.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 2:27 pm
It did at least relieve Alexander a little that Yin didn't automatically pull away from him, allowing him to grab a hold of his hand and keep holding on to it, somewhat pleased when Yin threaded his fingers through his own. But even this small gesture didn't quite feel right, like they were both doing it for the wrong reasons. It should have been a gesture of affection, not...whatever this was.
He kept up with Yin fairly easily for a change, though it was slightly exasperating that instead of just trudging along in a straight line, they were weaving through the crowds like a couple of drunks. Well, at least, Alex probably looked drunk the way he stumbled at every sudden movement in a different direction, his shambling gait and clumsiness not mixing well with this odd form of travel towards the exits.
It was actually quite blissful when they made it out and away from the crowds, to be able to just walk in a normal straight forward fashion without risking tripping over his feet and face planting into the sidewalk. And still they held hands, Yin for whatever reason not pulling away even now that they were no longer "at risk" of becoming separated and Alex not wanting to, so not bothering to change the situation himself. In fact, he may have given Yin's hand the softest of squeezes, offering him another smile, even while he tried to understand the weremantis's oddball behavior.
"The lake will be fine. I can get rid of my things after we...talk.." He murmured, catching the odd tone to Yin's voice, letting himself be pulled along though he made a good effort to keep up himself. If Yin was going any slower then he normally would, of course, Alex wouldn't yet know since the weremantis was being forced to a more easy pace to stay at Alex's speed.
"This stuff is for you, anyways." He nodded down towards the package tucked under his arm and the paper bag still held in his other hand. "Well, one is for you, the other is for the pets, I think. My mom sent them back with me." He actually had some things back in his room that he had also gotten for Yin quite a while before, when he had run into Mei in the maul. That seemed so long ago now, and like it happened in a different life. Those things could wait, though, until after they talked, and when Alex was comfortable in knowing that this relationship could continue.
Knowing that the walk was likely going to take some time, Alex decided to try and fill the silence, not wanting to give in to it, and perhaps just wanting to be able to have some sense of normalcy before they got back to the school. He had a feeling that what Yin needed to tell him was going to change a lot of things, so this was as good of time as any to just...chat like a normal couple might.
"So I didn't get a chance to explain why I left. I uh...have a new baby brother. His name is Nicholas."
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 2:42 pm
Well, that simply made things easier. Cut to the chase then. And really, if things went horribly...they would be at the lake. It would not be a constant reminder, he could just avoid the place. That may have factored in to why Yin was refusing either room.
The idea that some of the things Alexander had brought back were actually for him was surprising. "Me?" He really just looked confused as it registered and he stared over at the packages. For the pets made a bit of sense, but that meant that the other was actually for him. Maybe...maybe Lady Van Rotte had not liked what he had done, maybe it was actually a rather bad gift, though as soon as he thought it he dismissed it. Lady Van Rotte did not seem like that type of ghoul.
Why had Alexander left, that was one thing Yin had not been thinking too much about. He had thought he had succeeded but the zomboil had taken it too far, had just wanted to leave and get away from him for good. "Another one?" Yin's voice was filled with surprise, and for just a minute the thoughts and idea of Alexander having another sibling took over and helped him to (very temporarily) forget everything else. "And you just now learned about him? What is he like? What does his name mean?" Curiosity roused.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:56 pm
Alex just gave a shrug and a nod to start with when Yin asked about the package. He really had no idea what was in it. He could smell that the paper bag held treats though, so that wasn't really much of a surprise. As for the gift for Yin...well, Alex could only really guess, and inwardly he was already rolling his eyes at his mother who had clearly decided to adopt Yin as one of her own from the first time she'd ever spoken to him, those maternal instincts of hers taking over from the get go. He was tempted to tell Yin what he thought it probably was..and then thought better of it. The weremantis might like the surprise...maybe.
As for why Alex had left...well, the baby thing had only been half of the reason, really, but he didn't want to bring that up right now. "Well, I guess they didn't think that they needed permission from me to add to the family." He tried to sound amused, but it probably fell a little short of that.
"But yes, another one. I think my mom was going through some odd kind of empty nest syndrome, with me and the twins gone and Nathaniel and Isabella growing up. She'll probably never stop wanting more babies." He did smile a little more at that, and it was quite a bit truer then more recent gestures to do so. This was nice. Just talking, pretending things were fine. Able to walk along holding hands and chatting like a normal couple.
"He's uh...well, when I get a new phone I'll get my mom to send some pictures. He actually looks...pretty much exactly like I did as a baby." He admitted that a little grudgingly. As for the name. "Well I actually have no idea what it means." And he knew that Yin had a thing for names, so having said that, there was no way in hell he was about to mention the fact that he helped name him. That was just inviting trouble.
"Maybe we can look it up later." Assuming there would be a later to do so.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:32 pm
Yin had no idea about how the family units really worked for the normal family, especially larger ones. Empty nest syndrome was not something that he was extremely familiar with, but he had heard of it. He nodded in understanding, not fully grasping it but close enough. "Oh like you?" He thought about that for a moment, trying to think of what a baby Alexander would look like. And somehow he was not exactly surprised by the fact that Alexander did not know the name's meaning.
The walk was actually almost pleasant for the majority of it, but as the school came within sight there was a slight tension that began building, at least in Yin. When they actually crossed the gate into the school he was a bit more agitated. If this had to happen, and it did, he just wanted to get it over with now. Times like these were when he wanted Alexander to speed up, wishing that they did not differ in that aspect. He led the way to the lake, not letting go of Alexander's hand but no longer sticking to his side. But even once they were there he was looking for a good place. Secluded, no one around, but not on the water where his voice could carry. Finally he found a small area, one with a few trees so he could put his back against one. "Does this work for you?"
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:45 pm
The walk back to the school was quite nice, and was perhaps just what the zomboil needed. Something reminiscent of days past. Something to remind him why he had decided to come back even after he had first decided not to. Even at the slow and easy pace that they went, the school really loomed into view much too soon, and he could practically feel the mood changing as they passed through those gates. Yin seemed to want to move faster, so Alex tried to do so, though he still found himself more dragged along behind the other boil then anything. Not that this was anything new but after the almost relaxed walk back it was enough to shake off the remaining traces of pleasantness and give him a renewed sense of doubt.
As they approached the lake Alex had thought that maybe they would sit on the shore but that was not to be the case. Instead he was pulled somewhere else, near some trees. As they came to a stop, Alex could only nod, glancing down at the ground, finally pulling his hand away from Yin's so that he could sit on the ground, bringing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them, waiting for the other boil to lower himself down to the ground as well. He found that he really didn't want to do this. As much as he knew he needed to hear whatever it was that Yin had to say, this moment was not one that he wanted to have to endure.
Still, he stared at the mark on the back of his own hand for a time, one that probably half of the population of students still had emblazoned on their own skin unless they'd gone to Medea to have it removed, and then lifted his gaze towards Yin, settling those pale grey eyes on the other boil.
"Okay, so...what do you need to tell me?" Might as well get started.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:02 pm
Yin chose a tree to put his back against, lowering into a loose cross-legged position facing the zomboil. He could tell that something else was catching his attention and his hand flicked to the zomboil's hand. A mark, something that was reminiscent of the one on his own hand in its presence though there were no other similarities. But now was not the time to question it. No, it seemed that Alexander wanted to just dive into this as well. Any carefully rehearsed and scripted words all but fled his mind as he tried to think of just exactly what he needed to say, to explain.
Just start, get it all out there. Simply start talking and not stop until he had said all it was that he had had to say. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting his mind pull up memories that he had been avoiding. Back to the beginning. He actually kept them closed, finding it easier to recall and his face still betrayed his emotions. His words were stilted, not in any great detail, but he was getting through it.
"We woke up in one room together. Six of us. I did not know the others, just Miss Israfel. At first they just spoke to us. Asked questions. If we wanted to we could request that a hunter walk us around the facilities. After that they gave us the choice. To learn more about them. Miss Israfel and Zar chose that option."
He had to pause, had to shove down emotions, flares of fear, deep roots of terror that unfurled in the pit of his stomach, anger, helplessness, loathing. A plethora of emotions that turned his stomach, sickening him, but he just kept talking, fighting back bile that rose in his throat. Alexander already knew all of this. Several did, though they could not know it. They had not experienced it happening for real. Knowing that when they woke up each and every day it was not to find out that it had all been a trance, and that everything was okay, but that everything was still wrong. "In the end Miss Israfel stayed with them. They weaponized her. We were taken back to the room. Given another opportunity to choose. It was always a choice."
He tilted his head back, resting it against the tree before looking up at the branches above him, carefully waiting until he was looking in that direction before opening his eyes so he would not see the zomboil. This part he did not want to see in his mind's eye, but it still rose to the surface. "They have information. Files. Photographs. Not just of those of us taken. But others too, individuals that all of us would know. Care about. They know more than I ever thought they did. It...changed things." He had not say that there was a file on his bonded, but it was probably painfully clear.
He would not betray the others though. Refused to say that it was not just him who had been weak. "Despite anything that was chosen or said we had used up too much time that day, no decisions would be accepted until the next day. But because we had waited so long...he was angry with us. But they did intend to let us come home. Not because they were nice, but because we could help them." Just like he was helping them even now.
His next words were oddly hollow, almost as if he was just reciting, practically forgetting that there was anyone else there. "They tagged us. It is not something that can be seen but it is in all of us that came back. Attached to our core and it cannot be removed. It will never leave us unless our core is destroyed or we are weaponized. So long as we are tags we are information sources. Their eyes and ears in Halloween. But he said it could be more. That they could even control our speech. That our very Fear could be manipulated by them. Even though we were not weaponized we became walking tools for them to use. We were rescued before anything else could happen, but we should not be back here. As long as we exist in Halloween people around us are not safe."
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:14 pm
Okay, this was what Alexander had wanted, right? For Yin to talk to him, and to tell him things. He had to hope that this was just related to what happened on the hunters island, that Yin was just now going to give him the answers that he had wanted that last night they were together in Yin's room before the weremantis had forced him away. This wasn't 'the talk' that one got just before getting dumped. Nope. That's not what was going to happen here.
If only he'd known that that talk would have likely been much easier to handle. The talk he was about to get was a lot more then he bargained for, and a hell of a lot worse then he could have ever imagined.
Still, he had to give himself credit. He managed to sit stone still with a straight face through the entire talk. Sure one of his hands gripped tight against his wrist, knuckles turning white which was a dangerous thing with his death grip, so he moved both hands down to his sides to clench into fists on the ground instead. He listened with rapt attention to everything that Yin had to say, any feelings or emotions that he might have felt roiling in turmoil inside of him, and he refused to let any of it show. Something was pounding in his ears, and his vision was going a little red, but that was completely normal when bombarded with this kind of information, he was sure.
Eventually, he had to close his eyes, but even that didn't help. All it did was help him envision what Yin was describing. Six students, trapped in a cold, white, laboratory style room. He was basically seeing the same room that he once saw in trance, with no idea if it was at all similar to what Yin might have been contained in. Questioned by hunters. Taken for walks like common animals. And then given a choice? Like hunters really gave choices. No, they might have made it sound like a choice but there was likely only one option for them all by the end, he was sure of that. Amrita had told him that all hunters were dirty liars full of ulterior motives, and he had no trouble believing that. Yin had already told him once that they had ways of making them choose, and he believed that as well. Sneaky, conniving, manipulative bastards. His lips might have twitched just a little bit as he fought to keep it from raising up into a snarl.
His eyes were still closed so he did not see when Yin shifted his gaze.
They had files? Of others? Alexander's anger dimmed just slightly only as realization settled in. Yin had said that they had ways of making them choose. Did they have a file on himself? Is that what they might have used against him? Files on his friends? It seemed fairly obvious that it might have indeed been the case, and his eyes flickered open for just a moment, just enough to see that Yin had tilted his head back and was looking up into the leaves of the trees, away from him, trying to get the words out.
And then there was more, and even though Alex had asked for this, had needed to know, a part of him wanted to ask Yin to just stop. He wanted to remain in the dark, and not know the rest. There was a reason Yin had said that he was unsafe to be around, and while Alex could not have known why the weremantis felt that way, the severity of the situation was much much worse then anything that he could have imagined.
Tagged. Again, like nothing more then common animals only worse. Not just tagged with some kind of radio transmitter to keep tabs on their locations, but something that was attached to their very fear cores. Impossible to destroy. Likely impossible to reomve as well without harming the host. Alex could feel something inside of him crumbling, and his teeth clenched tight against the cry of anger and frustration that he could feel bubbling it's way up into his chest, threatening to claw it's way out of his throat and into the open air. Yin's freedom had been forcefully taken away from him. His choices, his actions...they could all be controlled by hunters. The fact that the hunters might be able to see through his eyes and hear what he heard paled in significance for Alex compared to that. He liked to think that he knew Yin very well, and that was something that he knew Yin didn't want. Nobody would have wanted that. To be controlled, manipulated, puppeted...with absolutely no way of stopping himself.
They could control his speech, control his actions...who was to even say that the Yin sitting across from him was even Yin and not some hunter controlling him at this very second? How was he ever to know? Would there even be a way to tell the difference?
Still, considering that this was Alex, he somehow managed to keep a tight reign on his self control. Sure he wanted nothing more then to get up from where he was sitting and start punching things repeatedly until either his fists broke or the thing he was punching was nothing more then a pulpy mass on the ground. Sure he wanted to scream and cry and shout out all of his pent up rage, to yell out all of the injustices of the world to the hells and beyond. But no, he kept that all inside, struggled with it, pushed it down. His body trembled with the effort that it took. Amrita hadn't told him, but he also hadn't wanted to hear it from her. He had wanted to hear it from Yin.
Now he wished he could forget that he'd ever heard it.
He couldn't trust himself to speak. He didn't know what might come out of his mouth just yet. He did know that the boil sitting across from him had gone through hell though. He knew now why Yin had pushed him away and he understood, though he had hated it,and had perhaps even on some level had hated him for it. But even so, this was still the boil he loved. Fiercely so. Possessively so. Yin was supposed to be his. He didn't belong to some filthy humans who wanted to play some sick game with them by taking control of their bodies.
He moved forward from where he was sitting. Still silent. Still not trusting himself to speak just yet. The last time he had done this, Yin had pulled away from him, but he hoped that wouldn't be the case now. He moved in beside him, forced one arm in behind him, then wrapped the other around his front, and rested the side of his face against the other boils shoulder. There was nobody around to see it, so that should have made it okay, as long as Yin would have accepted it. Holding him. Trying to provide some ounce of comfort against all of the s**t he'd been put through, but knowing that it couldn't possibly be enough.
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Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:37 pm
There, he had done it. It was all out in the open now. He could hear something moving, Alexander, but then there was a cold presence beside him, arms wrapping around him. Just like when he had finally gotten back to the perceived safety of his dorm room when he had first gotten back it was as if something broke within him. He did not move away from or towards the zomboil, and in fact the only movement to be felt was a faint trembling in his shoulders as tears began to course down his face, not stopped by his humanoid eyes. Tears that quickly turned into wracking sobs as he was once again faced with the reality of things.
He had been violated, pure and simple. There was something else inside him that meant his life was no longer his own. That he belonged to the hunters. He was a disgusting, broken thing. Dangerous. Now the one person he most desperately would have liked to hide that from, but also the one that had the most right to know, knew, and for some reason was still there. And all he did was reward it by showing how weak he was, that he could not even be strong enough to control his body enough to stop crying. Pathetic.
Desperately he tried to find his voice to choke out what he needed to say through the sobs. "I am sorry." He was not strong enough.
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 12:00 am
If anything could have cut through Alex's rage and tamp it back down to a much more controllable level, it would have been the sounds that Yin started making shortly after he wrapped the other boil up in his arms. At first he hadn't noticed the trembling, since he was already doing so himself, but as it steadily got worse, he raised his head a little, pale eyes blinking in confusion. Yin didn't cry. Yin never cried. At least...not ever when Alex could see it. Maybe a tear once....maybe. But not like this. Not with tears coursing down his cheeks in a steady flow.
And Alex felt hopeless to stop it. What could he possibly do or say to make it stop? As it was he found himself pulling Yin in closer to him, taking the arm back that he had wrapped around the front of YIn to reach up and desperately try to wipe away the tears with his cool fingers. It couldn't possibly be enough though, and Yin's sobs only got harder. Alex could feel his own tears burning behind his eyes, threatening to spill over as well, but he blinked them away, forced them back, forced his emotions to shut down. Made himself try to feel distant from the situation. He needed to be stronger then that, for Yin if not for himself. They couldn't both just sit here blubbering away like a couple of scarelings. Yin had a reason to cry. Alex really did not. Alex had a reason to be angry, yes. He had a reason to want to maim, disfigure, or otherwise destroy every hunter he ever came across from this moment forward.
"Shhhhhh..." It was the best he could hope to offer, at the moment. He couldn't tell Yin everything was going to be okay, because that was so obviously just a pathetic lie. Yin deserved much better then that. "We'll find a way to free you. I'll find a way. I'll do everything I can." He meant it, too. If it couldn't be removed, disabled, or destroyed, he would find a way. If he had to kill every jack damned hunter in existence so that there was nobody left to control Yin, then that was what he would do. There was always a way. There had to be a way.
Right?
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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 12:44 am
Arms tightened around him, and he let himself be pulled in, resting his head on the zomboil as his sobs slowly dampened as he tried to stop and as he became too exhausted to really do so. Even if he did not believe that the zomboil could do a single thing to fix it, it was a comfort to hear him say he would. To hear the resolution in his voice that he could sap strength from. Even as he tried to calm down an occasional, sob would make its way through, a pathetic noise that he wished he could quash but could not.
It was cold pressed up against his zomboil (if he still was his), but there was no thought of moving. It was easier like this, easy to just accept what little security he could find. But Alexander seemed to be ignoring something crucial, so even though there were occasional ragged gasps as he tried not to start crying again he tried to remind him. "But I am dangerous Alexander. You should not be with me. I love you so if I was the reason you were hurt I could not live with that." Really, he needed to see reason.
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