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 Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 9:14 pm
As I grow up, I notice more and more that happiness has to be shared with people. I used to think that happiness was a selfish thing (well, it is in a way... more of that later), but now I see that true happiness is shared between two people: partners, lovers, spouses, etc. Just in this past year, I have seen many of my friends find love. I feign happiness (because it's what I do usually) and give them all of my support and best wishes -- afterall, they deserve it. My bestfriend found her girlfriend through me, another good friend found his boyfriend, my past roommate found a girlfriend, my next roommate has had a boyfriend for 3 years. What have I found? s**t. I've "dated" 3 guys in the past year and all of them left me and found someone else who they have been with for twice as long as they were with me. Yes, I'm bitter. Yes, I hate it. Still, I pretend that I'm okay with it. I surround myself with my friends and their partners and play nice with them, but at the end of the day I really dislike what they have. Actually, I don't think it's dislike, it's envy. Why the hell do they deserve someone when I don't? Why should I have to put up with being the only one that is single? Recently, I've pushed these people away. Now, I have no friends and no partner.
I want to share this life with someone. I want to wake up to seeing their face, and come home to them at the end of the day. I want to spoil them and grow up with them -- grow old with them. I want to fight with them and work through it with them (I hear make up sex is AWESOME~). I want to live... not just survive. I want to look forward to tomorrow... not dwell on yesterday. I want to love and be loved in return.
Everyone around me has -- for now -- found the person that makes them the most happy. I'm like that forever single uncle who really hates the fact that he can't find someone to make him whole. Yep. That's me. In fact, I'm more emotionally drained than I have been since my sophomore year in high school.
When is it going to be my turn?
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 1:46 pm
You're not alone when you've got Jesus.
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Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2012 2:56 pm
I'll be forever alone with you.
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Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 9:24 am
So you pushed your friends away because your jealous of them being in a relationship and are now complaining they you're all alone?
Here's the thing, relationships, love etc. isn't things that are earned or granted to you. They just happen, either by random or luck through action.
Crying about it isn't going to fix it, complaining about it isn't going to fix it.
Get out of your teen angst, sheesh.
Every topic of yours is another personal crisis.
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Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2012 11:11 pm
confused You're right.
To anyone with the power: Take this down.
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