|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 10:39 pm
I haven't been a member of this guild for very long, but I already feel close to some of you. That makes me feel the need to share something about my life right now, that you guys may or may not approve of.
Honestly, it's the fear of what you guys might think of me that has kept me from talking about this for so long already.
I've talked about my two older children here, as well as this current pregnancy. Well, to be honest, none of them live with me. My oldest, who just turned 6 last Tuesday, lives with my mother. The middle child, my daughter, who just turned 2 on Saturday, I had to place for adoption.
I'm also having to place my youngest, the one I'm currently pregnant with for adoption as well. That is making things harder on me this week, the adoptive parents are arriving here on Tuesday, and the adoptive mother's parents will be arriving on Wednesday.
This has definately not been an easy road for me, carrying a child that I will not get to keep, having all the difficulties I have had with this pregnancy, with a different type of reward at the end of it. I won't get to bring the baby home, but I will get to make the lives of a childless couple happier.
If anyone wants to know the circumstances that have led to my decisions, or the fact that I currently do not have any of my three children, I'll be more than happy to share. I just don't feel that I should right this minute, it's difficult for me to talk about. I love each of my three children, and it hurts to be parted from them. I am trying to get to a point in my life where I can have the stability I need to get my oldest back with me.
I hope you all don't judge me too harshly for this, I've done what I can to provide the best life I can for each of my three children, even if I can't be the one to physically provide it for them myself.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 2:36 am
No judgement here. I think it takes alot of stenght to be able to choose a better life for you childern. I hope that you will soon be reunited with your oldest. I can't imagine how hard this all must be.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 8:30 am
I only have admiration for the fact that you can look at your circumstances and see what's best for your children and follow through with what's best for them. I know that it has to be heartwrenching to give up your children for adoption, but I also know that they are loved and will be loved. You love your children enough to give them up. Their adoptive parents love them, too. Most adoptive parents are also truly grateful for the birthmother because it was her who has made their dream of raising a child come true.
I wish you all the best and think that you are doing a very courageous thing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 9:57 am
heart Good luck, Zan. You know I'm rooting for you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 1:15 pm
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to simply make the decision to allow someone else to raise your child, and even more difficult to go through with it. I find it incredibly brave of you and very admirable that you can make such an immense sacrifice for your children.
You must love your children very much.
I hope everything works out for you to be able to be reunited with your oldest very soon.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 2:28 pm
Thank you so much, you guys...I'd been worried about saying anything, even though I did mention it to crew members when I joined. It's been really hard, and if I'd been able to, I'd have all three of my babies with me. But I know I've done what's best for them.
It just really doesn't help me any that they all three will have birthdays so close together. 2-21-00, 2-25-04, and 3-2-06. Makes that a really tough time for me. I think about them all the time, even more so during this time of the year. I do get to talk with my oldest when I call my mom, and I called on his birthday. They had an indoor pool party, and he had a blast. I've made arrangements to hopefully go visit with my mom and my son later this month, if I can drive by then. it'll only be 11 days after the C-section, and I probably shouldn't. neutral
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 9:08 pm
NO one can judge you! And no one will here. It takes a strong woman to be able to think of her children and what's best for them, even if it's not exactly what your heart wants. My respect and admiration goes your way. heart
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 12:28 am
The realization of all of it hit me hard tonight. It's been in the back of my mind, but I had to do more of the paperwork after the doctor's appointment today. Much as I know the adoptive couple will appreciate the incredible gift I am able to give them, I wish this didn't have to be.
I wish I was in a situation where I had all three of my babies.
I'm trying to get this out of my system now, so that I can be brave at the hospital, I don't want to ruin their happiness. I'm even having the adoptive mom come into the room with me for the C-section, because I feel like I've bonded with her that much. So it's not them, it's the circumstances...would that things were different....I feel like a mommy, but I have none of my babies to mother. sad
I guess that's why I attached to the cats so much, I did get Spike (the male, the daddy of the kittens) shortly after the first adoption. And Harley came to me on Halloween, while I was pregnant with this baby, and already planning the adoption. At least I'll have the kittens to help me through this, until it's time to find them homes. I've been right here for Harley....hell, in a way she & I are going through something very similar, as odd as that may sound. We went through the pregnancy together, and will go through the separations together, too.
Only difference being that I'm human, and I know what's going on, and made these decisions.
All in all, I know Ryan will have a good life, I would have kept looking at prospective adoptive parent profiles if I'd been the least bit uncertain.
Honestly, even if I'm wiccan, I believe that god, or the gods, led me to this adoption...I'd asked for a tubal after the last baby, and it wasn't done.
Their profile came to us at the last minute, we almost didn't get it.
We absolutely loved everything we saw about them in the profile the moment we did see it, and the others we'd looked at we were iffy about until them. There has been no doubt in my mind that I chose the right parents.
But it doesn't make it any easier. I'll go through with it, of course, my circumstances that led me to choose placing him have not changed or improved at all. In fact, with the way my health has been through this pregnancy, and the fact that I was basically forced from my job because of health problems and the pregnancy, my situation is worse than it was, if anything. Everything I have right now, food, drink, rent money, all that comes from the adoptive couple, through the agency. If I wasn't on state medical, even those expenses would be their responsibility, as is any counseling I receive. Which I will probably being doing again at the hospital.
Life doesn't come with an instruction manual, but boy sometimes I wish it did.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 2:39 am
I completely agree with everything that the others have said. I admire a woman who can realize the best for her children, even if it is the hardest thing to do. Only you know what is right in your heart and I would never judge someone based on such things. I hope all works out for the best for you and your children.
*hugs*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 5:04 pm
It takes immense strength to be able to give up something/someone you love for the right reasons. I'm sure there are plenty of people ou tthere who may not be able to say they could do it. What you've done takes maturity, strength, and above all love. It is nothing to be ashamed of. And certainly, no one here in this guild would ever judge you for your choices. No one knows what it would be like until they've walked in your shoes.
But we can certainly offer a listening ear and friendship. I wish you the best of luck. ^__^
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 8:27 pm
I'm getting extremely nervous about tomorrow....only an hour & a half left that I'm allowed to eat or drink anything....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 10:35 am
You know that anyone here will be here to listen to anything you want to vent.
I personally think that it shows so much love for your children to put them above what you desire. Putting your kids first is a key part of parenting. Love alone cannot clothe, feed and protect a child, I am sure everyone here knows that only too well.
I think that it is wonderful that you and the adoptive mother have bonded so well, as you should be able to watch your baby grow up with a family who can give more than love, and whom will hopefully keep you well updated on the way baby is growing up smile
Wishing you lots of luck, it's a very brave thing you are doing. heart
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 12:19 pm
I wanted to thank you all again for your kind words here.
Seeing Ryan was the hardest thing in the world for me....when they showed him to me when he was born, he looked just like his older brother did at his birth. sad
It almost felt like giving Regan up all over again.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Mar 05, 2006 12:46 pm
Zan I don't know how much this will help, but I'm sending hugs your way. heart
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Mar 06, 2006 12:47 am
Thank you luna *hugs back*
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
