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 Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2012 5:49 pm
QUEST FORM
Basics ::
xxxxxName: Nobody
xxxxxNickname(s): Body, No
xxxxxFaction: Spades
xxxxxAge: 25
xxxxxHeight: 6'0"
xxxxxBody Type: Slender.
xxxxxBlood Type: B
Poké-basics ::
xxxxxPokemon: Shuppet
xxxxxPokemon type: Ghost.
xxxxxNatural Ability: Insomnia
xxxxxPerma: No, evolves into Banette
xxxxxMoveset:
Infant (Shuppet)
✖ Night Shade
✖ Shadow Sneak
✖ Faint Attack
✖ Will-O-Wisp
Teen (Shuppet)
✖ Hex
✖ Shadow Ball
✖ Faint Attack
✖ Will-O-Wisp
Adult (Banette)
✖ Shadow Ball
✖ Toxic
✖ Payback
✖ Will-O-Wisp
Personality ::
xxxxxPositive Traits
Creative - He has a good imagination, though that's only natural, don't you think? He can easily find solutions to things that most won't. Now, whether or not he performs those solutions is another thing. He is very handy at finding ways around things, and also crafty. He likes to be smart, he enjoys being smarter than others, and he enjoys being able to discover something quicker. His mind is constantly swirling with hundreds of thoughts, and he thinks quickly. If he cannot solve something, however, he automatically thinks the issue in mind is stupid and defected. He doesn't believe he cannot solve something.
Confident - He rarely is put down, for he believes in himself. Not only that, but he is very confident in his... "pets" once he corrupts them completely. Nobody is not insecure, nor does he ever worry about something he's done falling apart. If it does fall apart, well surely he can fix it. He believes in his own ability, and the ability of those that serve him.
xxxxxNeutral Traits
Dominant - He is a very dominant person. Nobody was once a pet, and those days are over. Completely. Everything he does, or everything others do must be controlled by him. While this makes him a good leader in the aspect that he is willing to take the reins, it also means he cannot accept being second. He cannot accept allowing others to do something better than him, or more than him. He is the top. It drives him into a fit when others do not let him lead, and he will often go after whatever it is that is preventing him. So, while this can be a plus it also can be a con, especially if you are also a dominant type.
xxxxxNegative Traits
Manipulative - Nobody controls. It is what he does, and always will do. Despite his madness he has this one trait in each mood or emotion he displays. Manipulation. Instead of simply asking he manipulates, for in a way it is how he asks. You just cannot say no. He easily, fluidly slips out words from his mouth that are aimed to manipulate. There is no exception. If you are a kind soul, if you are cruel, it does not matter, for if you are not serving under him then you clearly need to be manipulated into serving. He loves to corrupt others, and always finds ways for others to dance in his palms. Words, threats, violence, whatever it takes. Usually he plays mind games, he likes those the most, though his patience wavers. If someone shows no sign of succumbing to him, well, he simply attacks them in the end. Though, when he is in a patient mood he loves the resistant ones the most, he loves breaking them the most. If someone is truly not succumbing he either flies into a violent, uncontrollable rage, or he destroys everything the target loves. In the end, either he wins or something breaks.
Mad - There is something completely wrong with this man. Absolutely twisted. He has no morals, no regret, no kindness. He is the man you fear to see even in the daylight, for his sanity is completely dead. He is the kind of mad that hurts and breaks, corrupting what he can. He has random moments where he will see things he shouldn't, or simply go completely berserk. His moods are erratic and do not consistently change, making it impossible to predict his emotions. The man not only is completely uncontrollable and unpredictable, he is also beyond violent. None of his possible moods even resemble kindness, but you might want to count yourself lucky if one of his moods that you experience isn't harmful, because most are. He finds the sickest delight in either hurting others or simply corrupting the pure. It is unexplainable as to how he ended up enjoying it, other than he was broken from birth, but the man craves chaos. He craves and lusts after madness, and loves when it swallows him. Why not be mad, it's a beautiful feeling allowing it to be a part of him! He loves the freedom it gives him, the ability to dismiss rules and control his own being. Everyone has madness in them, why won't they accept it? He only wishes everyone would be mad with him.
As a side note, he has a constant ticking sound in his head. He does not like when he can hear it, only because he hates the fact that no matter what he does it will not listen to him. As a result, he is often playing loud music or screaming to try and cover over the ticking. Strange thing is, when he can't hear it he becomes paranoid.
xxxxxLikes: Madness, His circus, Spades, His followers (usually), Colors, Chains, Loud Noises, Controlling, Games, Corrupting children (or anyone, mostly children), Music
xxxxxDislikes: Sanity, Mad Hatter, Absence of color, Absence of sound, Losing, Being dominated.
xxxxxFavourite Food: He eats anything, honestly. He prefers sweets the most.
xxxxxHobbies: Making Marionettes (usually out of bones....), Making Games, Torture.
xxxxxInterests: Sewing, Fire Eating
xxxxxFaction Opinion: Spades is delightful! There is no end to what he can dabble in, and if he grows bored he simply has to bring his circus to another faction for a visit, then can return back to Spades. He enjoys the darker side of life, and enjoys living in the faction that seems to wallow in dark. He does not find himself fond of the Mad Hatter, mostly because he feels like it should be he that owns that title and position.
xxxxxAspirations: To be stronger than the Mad Hatter as well as subjecting everyone to his own madness.
xxxxxFears: His name being discovered is one, another would be someone dominating him completely, making him a follower.
Employment::
xxxxxTitle: Bone King
xxxxxJob: Circus leader, Nobody runs the circus under his Title's name, hiding his actual name. The circus is completely demented, luring in the audience with hints at something new and splendid, then luring in a selected few into the depths of the circus. It seems bigger on the inside then imaginable merely viewing it on the out, and once Nobody lures someone inside they become one of his pets, an act for the circus, or worse they are subjected to his violent whims. He is labeled the Bone King because when he does perform in his circus he uses bones, and has been known to mold bones around his fingers and use them as weapons.
Appearance::
xxxxxHair:
Infant - The front looks similar to that. The back, however, touches his shoulders. I'd like if it was this color.
Teen - His hair is up to you, but I would like if the front still had those long strands by his face.
Adult - His hair is up to you.
xxxxxEyes:
Infant - Still the same color as a Shuppets, they have dark bags underneath. Similar to L from Death Note. They are shaped similar to him, as well.
Teen - The color doesn't change, neither does the shape or dark bags. They stay the same.
Adult - Now evolved, his eyes have become demented. Glowing, they have slits in the middle that are yellow and orange, making them frightening. His dark bags have been replaced by the red markings, though he still looks slightly tired.
xxxxxSkin tone: Pale. Always deathly pale. He has many scars as a teen and adult.
xxxxxPalette: You can use many colors. As many as you like. He doesn't really try and coordinate his clothes.
xxxxxClothing:
Infant - This is something very similar to what I want for him as an infant, except with his hood down. The sleeves go past his hands. He has a collar on him as well.
Teen - You have mostly artistic freedom on this, though the sleeves should still cover the hands. The hood, if there is one, should avoid covering his head. His collar remains in place.
Adult - Now evolved, his outfit changes completely. You have most freedom, but I'd like a few notes. I'd be absolutely thrilled if his sleeves were made like a straight jacket, his arms tied up just like a straight jacket. That'd make me stupidly happy. Lots of zippers, stitches, basically anything creepy. His collar is removed. Think someone insane, someone frightening, someone you'd scream in fear if you saw them even in daylight.
xxxxxAdditional: As an adult, his mouth is like a zipper. Here's the catch, his teeth aren't the zipper. The zipper shuts his mouth, and when opened he has fangs, large, shark fangs. You can choose if it's opened or close, but neverless, no matter what you choose, I'd want his adult mouth to be a huge grin, like the Cheshire Cat, except more.... twisted. More... frightening. As a child and teen it's normal.
Also, each form can have additions to it, and I like if you added your own things to him.
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:49 pm
Okay, heyo! Let's talk THINGS.
Lmao, naming him “Nobody” confused the s**t out of me. I kept having to reread things that seemed to make no sense because I forgot his NAME was Nobody xDDD
The word 'corrupt' – You throw this word around a lot, but you don't really explain what it means! I can make a rough guess, but I think you should include somewhere just what exactly it means for Nobody to 'corrupt' somebody. It starts to lose meaning if you use it endlessly without any explanation. The same with 'pets'; I'd like to know what this means as well.
Creative – I dig the trait, absolutely, think it works quite well. What I think you should consider is this: How do all the thoughts that you say are constantly swirling in his head affect his psyche? I can understand someone having a lot of thoughts, but to constantly deal with them might grow a little taxing on the mind, right? You do talk about him being Mad, but since it doesn't mention anything of this sort, I figured I'd mention it for you to consider.
Confident – Another fine trait, makes sense to me. It couldn't hurt to expand it a little, though; perhaps you could offer a little explanation behind the trait? Just a suggestion.
Dominant – This trait has no real problems, but it starts to tie into the problem I do have with Nobody as a character.
The Negative Traits – I want to start this by just pointing out the length of the negative traits: each of them is as large as the positive and neutral traits combined. This leads to a character heavily unbalanced to the negative side of the spectrum, and this can often lead to issues. A twisted character is fine, but a twisted character as aggressive and built around harming or controlling others is not. I really think you should try reining in the negativity a bit, to establish a little more balance, and I'll give suggestions to consider for each trait.
Manipulative – The trait itself is perfectly fine, nothing wrong with the concept. The second half of the trait, though, where you talk about the means Nobody goes through in order to accomplish this goal of manipulation... What I want you to keep in mind is that Nobody isn't invincible, and he won't have the power to do such things as destroying “everything the target loves,” not without approaching the realm of god-mode. You can have manipulation as something he strives towards, but in the sake of fair play, I don't think you should go into playing with the mentality that Nobody is going to exact harm upon other characters if they don't play by his rules. I mean, it's not likely that this will ever be a problem, but because it's included in the trait I feel I should say something about it.
What you might want to consider as an alternative, to rein this trait in a bit, is try to modify or eliminate the sections where you talk about what problems other characters are going to have if they don't obey Nobody, because I think you'll find that most people you play with aren't going to be willing to play along with Nobody's rules.
Mad – Again, what I see here is a lot of talking about hurting and breaking... All I can say is, Nobody better be ready for a fight! You paint him as somebody who's always violent and unpredictable, but how could he ever hope to win anyone's favor without appealing to them? Again, you're not going to be able to attack everyone and expect them to bend a knee to Nobody.
Really, the problems here are with the absolutes: he's “completely uncontrollable and unpredictable,” and I think they're what need fixing. Think on ways you can eliminate absolutes so that he's not so completely out of control, because I feel that will bring some stability and balance back into the character.
On corrupting children – Another thing I want you to keep in mind, because you've built up that he employs violence on those he can't 'corrupt', is that children are, for all intents and purposes, off limits for negativity from adults, or really anyone. They're not permitted to fight, they're not permitted to be harmed, and Wonderland actually fights those that attempt to do either. Something to keep in mind.
Okay, that's all for now! Keep in mind that though I've talked a lot, the concept you have for Nobody is, at its heart, workable, and it just needs some polish in order to get it into working order. I'll talk to you next time you're ready for crits, or if you have any questions! Feel free to PM me if so.
Ta-ta <3
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Posted: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:51 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:31 pm
Okay, heyo! Let's talk THINGS.
Lmao, naming him “Nobody” confused the s**t out of me. I kept having to reread things that seemed to make no sense because I forgot his NAME was Nobody xDDD
The word 'corrupt' – You throw this word around a lot, but you don't really explain what it means! I can make a rough guess, but I think you should include somewhere just what exactly it means for Nobody to 'corrupt' somebody. It starts to lose meaning if you use it endlessly without any explanation. The same with 'pets'; I'd like to know what this means as well.
Creative – I dig the trait, absolutely, think it works quite well. What I think you should consider is this: How do all the thoughts that you say are constantly swirling in his head affect his psyche? I can understand someone having a lot of thoughts, but to constantly deal with them might grow a little taxing on the mind, right? You do talk about him being Mad, but since it doesn't mention anything of this sort, I figured I'd mention it for you to consider.
Confident – Another fine trait, makes sense to me. It couldn't hurt to expand it a little, though; perhaps you could offer a little explanation behind the trait? Just a suggestion.
Dominant – This trait has no real problems, but it starts to tie into the problem I do have with Nobody as a character.
The Negative Traits – I want to start this by just pointing out the length of the negative traits: each of them is as large as the positive and neutral traits combined. This leads to a character heavily unbalanced to the negative side of the spectrum, and this can often lead to issues. A twisted character is fine, but a twisted character as aggressive and built around harming or controlling others is not. I really think you should try reining in the negativity a bit, to establish a little more balance, and I'll give suggestions to consider for each trait.
Manipulative – The trait itself is perfectly fine, nothing wrong with the concept. The second half of the trait, though, where you talk about the means Nobody goes through in order to accomplish this goal of manipulation... What I want you to keep in mind is that Nobody isn't invincible, and he won't have the power to do such things as destroying “everything the target loves,” not without approaching the realm of god-mode. You can have manipulation as something he strives towards, but in the sake of fair play, I don't think you should go into playing with the mentality that Nobody is going to exact harm upon other characters if they don't play by his rules. I mean, it's not likely that this will ever be a problem, but because it's included in the trait I feel I should say something about it.
What you might want to consider as an alternative, to rein this trait in a bit, is try to modify or eliminate the sections where you talk about what problems other characters are going to have if they don't obey Nobody, because I think you'll find that most people you play with aren't going to be willing to play along with Nobody's rules.
Mad – Again, what I see here is a lot of talking about hurting and breaking... All I can say is, Nobody better be ready for a fight! You paint him as somebody who's always violent and unpredictable, but how could he ever hope to win anyone's favor without appealing to them? Again, you're not going to be able to attack everyone and expect them to bend a knee to Nobody.
Really, the problems here are with the absolutes: he's “completely uncontrollable and unpredictable,” and I think they're what need fixing. Think on ways you can eliminate absolutes so that he's not so completely out of control, because I feel that will bring some stability and balance back into the character.
On corrupting children – Another thing I want you to keep in mind, because you've built up that he employs violence on those he can't 'corrupt', is that children are, for all intents and purposes, off limits for negativity from adults, or really anyone. They're not permitted to fight, they're not permitted to be harmed, and Wonderland actually fights those that attempt to do either. Something to keep in mind.
Okay, that's all for now! Keep in mind that though I've talked a lot, the concept you have for Nobody is, at its heart, workable, and it just needs some polish in order to get it into working order. I'll talk to you next time you're ready for crits, or if you have any questions! Feel free to PM me if so.
Ta-ta <3
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Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:01 pm
Wonderful! I will work on him and explain any questions you have in his profile himself. Thank you very much for your wonderful crit, it rose some questions I failed to think over and some new ideas for Nobody!
Edit: On the note of corrupting children, I had in mind that he simply lured their minds to follow the more favorable (to him) darker side that he prefers. Though, perhaps this should be eliminated completely, and I probably will do so.
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