Tastes Like Summer was settled on the ground, for the first time in her life not in the mood for movement, contemplating the summer sky that she could see between the trees. It was twilight and the sky was going purple with the night, still light enough for her to make out the bruised clouds and see the warm glow of the sun, but too dark to be mistaken as anything but the oncoming darkness. She dared not even glance at the setting sun. For one, she knew that her eyes would sting and blur with the glare, even in its diminished brightness, because it was no less intense or diminished in glory. Secondly, she knew if she were to look and see the warm, dark color of the setting sun, stained just that much darker than it was during the day, she would see his setting sun eyes. It should not be so difficult to love without the constant plaguing of her thoughts.She loved Mugwort and she only thought of him only so often as it was natural to think of people you love but did not see often who also happened to be the father of her first clutch of children. But he, he was different. Dances with Shadows. Starburst could still see his odd, anachronistic bow in her mind’s eye as clearly as if he were right in front of her, bowing. No one else that she had ever encountered in the swamp had ever bowed, to her or anyone else. Granted, she was young and had only encountered so many kin, but she was neither sheltered enough to think that he was special in his quirks nor naïve enough to think that he only bowed for her, except, maybe to him she was that special.
Starburst just didn’t know. He had asked her to stay with him forever. To be with him because he thought he was falling in love with him, was in love with her. And only after just meeting her. Maybe she was blind because she didn’t see the world the way he did, but she had balked and now a part of her regretted it. But the other part, the part that had fallen for Mugwort and given her their lovely children, was relieved. She had returned Waltz’s attentions because she had liked him, and she loved him. She would have been happy to have his children and raise their foals together, but then she had asked her to commit and she couldn’t. That wasn’t in her nature, that type of commitment was not in many kins’ natures, but apparently it was in his. She shouldn’t be so stuck on this.
Determinedly, Starburst turned away from the sky to stare at the ground with a firm look on her face, not quite a frown but most definitely not a smile.
As luck would have it, a buck, so very different from the beautiful buck who was determined to occupy her mind was nearby, stopping from his never ending wandering to rest his hooves for a moment, determined to chase the sun forever. He didn't believe in forever, he believed in the now and he believed in dreams and walking in the sun. He was the sun tracking across the sky, burning throughout the day and finding rest at night. It would be easy to say that he cared not for those that he met, but that was wrong. He loved a great deal, but he loved in a quick flare and after that, he cared, but he did not love, not like some expect. And so, perhaps, in a time such as this for Starburst, it would be for the best to meet a buck who did not expect forever from her, did not expect her love him forever nor would he hold it against her should she finally make peace with eternity and join forever with the one who was waiting for her.Breathing in deep, Sky-Like-Burning began to walk again, slower than the pace he had set earlier, less forward and purposeful and more wandering, simply enjoying the swamp around him. He scented Starburst before he saw her and so he wasn’t surprised when he broke through a clearing and was confronted by the sight of a fellow kin, a beautiful doe with a pelt that looked like a bright sky with soft wispy clouds. The first thing he notice after her beautiful sky color was the look on her face, it wasn’t quite sad, but it was serious and it didn’t look right on her face as if she were more used to smiling. He spoke softly as to not startle her for it seemed as if she were so focused that she had not noticed him. “Are you okay?”
Startled by the sudden voice, Starburst scrambled to her hooves, backing away slightly from the buck. Immediately, and he was so easy to read, his face went apologetic and he spoke again, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Heartbeat slowing down having now realized that he wasn’t a threat for when he had spoken she had only registered noise and even though the swap was generally a safe home for kin, it wasn’t always. Thinking back, she tried to remember what he had said when she had been startled but then realized that it was rude not to reply to his apology. “Oh, no, I should be the one apologizing. I wasn’t paying attention and you were just coming up to be friendly.”
She paused before continuing, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t catch what you said earlier.”
“I was merely wondering if you were okay. Something hasn’t gone wrong has it?” He smiled, the look gentle and less cold than it usually was when he was too preoccupied. Had he come upon her while he was pursuing the sun of his dreams and not deliberately taking a break, he might not have been so open.
“Ye- Well, no. Not really. I just have something on my mind.” Starburst forced herself to smile, she must have been completely obvious for somekin to notice that she was out of sorts when she had thought herself to look simply serious.
“It must be something to make you look the way you did,” Desert said, but he wasn’t one to pry, so he continued, “Perhaps, if it isn’t something of great gravity that requires you immediate attention, we could walk and talk to take your mind off of it?”
It was something that required her attention, she didn’t really know what to think, but at the same time, when the buck had happened across her she had been wanting to stop thinking about her Sir Shadows, she did want to be able to look at the sky and not think about him. But the unfamiliar feeling of guilt kept her from accepting. It was strange, she had felt none of this guilt while speaking with Waltz even though she had one given a part of her heart to Mugwort, yet, here she was feeling guilty about even walking with another buck. At the same time, Waltz had been so sweet, so kind, and he was here waiting for her, just waiting for her to figure herself out. Shaking her head to toss her thoughts out, she shouldn’t be thinking so much around company when she could be talking. It was also incredibly rude to continually leave the poor buck hanging. Making up her mind, she smiled, “That would be perfect. Thank you.”
“Of course.”
The two of them set off away from where Desert had emerged and along the way, they made their introductions. They found that they were both kin where the sun was meant to shine bright, high in the sky. As they walked, their conversation became easier and Starburst was able to let her mind settle on things other than how every twilight color made her think of a buck that made her heart beat faster and her mind freeze, mostly good, but one time bad. It was easier to simply not think about it, not think about committing and focus on the handsome buck walking with her, the buck who had stopped his travels because he had seen her settled on the ground looking upset. And yet, despite the relief she felt at spending time with another kin that wasn’t Waltz, that nagging guilt still niggled at the back of her mind, making itself known at the worst of times. Every single time her mind was diverted by that guilt, she apologized to Desert and he seemed to take it into stride, didn’t seem to mind that not all her focus was on him.
Had all her focus been on him, she probably would have noticed that not all his attention was focused on her. The majority of his attention was on her, but some part of it, the part that he couldn’t force himself to diverge was focused on his dreamings, the parts of him that yearned to run and the fly and to see more, and yet, part of this was meeting kin and so these parts of him were mostly quiet though they did cause his mind to wander every once in a while.
As it was, they eventually stopped their leisurely stroll. The sun was moving slowly down the sky and it was now casting their shadows longer than when they first met, though they were a long, long ways off from night. They traded easy smiles and though they didn’t speak, they didn’t need to. Through their conversation and their walking, they had become, despite each one’s wanderings of mind, friends.
And so, it wasn’t much of a surprise when Desert came forward and pressed his nose to the side of Starburst’s neck. Even though it didn’t shock the doe, she still stepped back. It was outright rejection, but it wasn’t an acceptance of his advance either. She apologized without speaking and he seemed to understand and pulled away.
“Is something on your mind?”
“I suppose.” Starburst didn’t know quite how to continue, how to express the guilt that plagued her actions and her thoughts whenever she thought that she was falling in love with this easy going buck before him. “I- Well-“
She sighed and he didn’t rush her, didn’t push her to continue when she wasn’t ready. “There’s a buck, he’s waiting for me. We’re not mates, but one day, I don’t know, maybe we will be and though you are wonderful and I think that I might love you, I just don’t feel comfortable with this without him knowing. I feel as if I am hiding some terrible secret when it is anything but that.”
There was a moment of silence when Starburst stopped speaking. She wondered what the buck thought of her now, knowing that part of her was already devoted to another buck. Would he be insulted? Would he be angry?
All her worrying was for naught, not that she could know, but the Sky-Like-Burning was merely rolling the idea of life mates around his head. He had never given the idea any thought for it was exactly the opposite of his nature to settle. He was meant to run and explore, chase the unattainable because that was the ultimate of freedom of life and he never meant to do anything but live his life to the fullest. It would seem this doe though she was not ready to commit was considering it and the foreign idea was giving Desert pause.
“Tastes Like Summer, you are a beautiful doe and it would make me happy to spend more time with you and if it would make you feel better, we could go speak with this buck hat you seem so fond of.”
Starburst was relieved when the buck finally spoke, expressing himself without a touch of anger and some of the guilt seemed to lift as well with the prospect of finding Waltz and having him meet this buck she was starting to fall for. None of the feelings she felt for Desert compared with the ones she felt of Waltz and she would make sure he knew that, make sure that he was safe in the knowledge that she was still trying to learn what forever was.
“Thank you,” she simply said.
“Shall we?” Desert offered the doe a smile and when she smiled back, they set off, this time in search of a twilight buck, but while they did so, he kept her mind off of the twilight sky, not to confront the thoughts again until he was right in front of them.
Word Count: 2119
