Night Watcher
WC: 1113
It was quiet. For a pride so full of lions, the Pridelands could be a silent place when night fell. Other then the occasional low groan of the feline residents, only the faint buzzing of night insects served as background noise to the young godling. And it wasn’t enough to keep his mind at peace, nor to mask his hesitant whimpering.
Faine buried his head into his paws, sniffing. There were hot tears brimming in his eyes, and they stung like needles. He was proud enough to fight them- but despite his valiant efforts, they were uncontrollably bubbling and distorting his vision. His throat was clenched and raw. Memories, still flooding in his mind: why did they have to be his? Why did he have to know? Maybe most were content to live their lives in the knowledge that, yes, everyone sinned; but if it wasn’t against them, who cared?
Why did he care anyways? Bitterly, he rubbed his cheek and shut his eyes. Oh if only! He tried so hard to be like his brothers. Like his father- like anyone! Anyone normal, but he cared. He hated to care but he cared. It was like a splinter in his eye. No matter how much he tried to ignore the pain his vision was still blurred. ‘Such a hypocrite.’ He thought to himself. ‘I hate people and they’re all I think about.’
And he could feel it. He could feel it all around him, particularly on quiet nights like this. The weight of it. He could even taste it. The darkness. Nothing was pure, nothing was sacred enough to be free of it. Always reminding him of dark days. Things he'd done or hadn't done. Why could he never dream about the good things in life? Had he never done anything good in any of his past lives?
That notion scared him the most. This compounded weight of a thousand lives, all regretting. So many things to regret.
“It cries,” Spoke the low, but familiar voice of Krin. Faine snorted and rubbed his face. He hadn’t heard the other creature sneak up- but then, Krin was always a quiet stalker, even with her twisted paw.
Weakly, Faine managed a hiss. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.” A pang. He never understood why he had a hard time ‘feeling’ Krin’s darkness. Maybe because the strange leopard rarely felt guilt for her actions… but, that couldn’t be it either. There were many lions who felt no guilt; forcing instead Faine to feel it for them. He wished he knew what it was- he would have liked to have a way to turn it off.
“Small child,” The monotone voice of the leopard thrummed. Faine felt himself being scooted to the left as the large grey leopard sat down beside him. “Feels too much. Soon it go a’way,” She said, her voice tinged in an earthy accent. Faine always liked the sound of the leopard’s voice. It was hypnotic.
“It doesn’t.” He sniffed. He was proud, but a child could only be so proud. He curled in the leopard’s paws, and let his wings lay akimbo. He liked the warmth of another. In truth- Faine could be quite clingy when allowed the chance. “I had a dream earlier.”
“So did I,” Krin mused. “I dreamed I hunted a great elephant with a broken tusk. I was a giant in the dream. When I came upon the beast and I bit into it, he bled sunlight. It warns me of something, I fear. But I do not know of what.” Even as he spoke, his voice was light and haphazard. Faine was jealous of Krin’s dreams. They seemed beautiful compared to the world he saw. He doubted she ever dreamed about regret.
“I dreamt I was grown,” Faine said. “I had a friend, at least- I think he was a friend. He asks me if I’ve seen his kid and I lie. I always lie… he spends all night looking for him. I think it’s funny.”
“Perhaps he played a trick upon you.” Thrummed the leopard.
“No…” He breathed, hiding his head against the pale creature’s chest. “I don’t… I don’t know why I’ve done these things. I can’t get them out of my head. And earlier, I felt it. Something’s pulling me away from here. A weight, like before.”
“Perhaps you should follow it,” the leopardess said smoothly. “I left my home when it was time to go. Some days, it is just time to go. Fate needs you elsewhere.”
Faine shook his head. Mother would never agree with that- and besides, where would he go? Who could possibly need him? He was just some kid. Some kid full of a lifetime of regret. He sniffled against and lowered his head even further into the abyss of soft fur. “That's impossible. No one could possibly want me around. Not with the things I see. All I'll do is mess things up again.”
“Still doesn't change the fact that fate wants you to go. I listen to it, when it asks me. I dream of another, my enemy. I have never met him... but I feel him sometimes, far away. Like your feeling, I think. It takes time but when you are ready, there is no denying the call to go and do what you were meant to do. Not everyone has the luxury of being born where they need to be. Sometimes the only way to get there is to start moving.”
“It just seems like it will be very far,” he said quietly. “And nothing good will come of it.”
The leopard's head lowered down, and she snaked slightly to the left. Her eyes were oddly grey. “It is not for fate to decide what is good or bad. It simply has a demand of you. Its far worse to let fate chase after you. It is a dangerous creature to hunt, far more than any elephant.”
The little godling lifted his head, looking out across the savannah. He didn't like the idea that he could be meant for doing something not good. Wouldn't it be better to just...not exist? His colorless eyes fell closed. It didn't seem fair, to know these things. It would have been so much easier to be like Krin, a leopardess who only worried about a nameless enemy she had not yet met.
“I think you will beat your enemy, when you find him.” Faine said quietly.
Krin smiled. “It is not about beating him. Only finding.”
