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AMITYVILLE ACADEMY ENROLLMENT FORM

Name: Anapa Ankhesen ("She lives for Anubis")
Nicknames: Ana, Patches
Gender: Female
Age: 17

Faction: Monster
Race: Judgment Jackal - Fear of judgment weighs heavy on the minds of most humans, and in ancient times, many of these fears surrounded the Demon Anubis. Their fears manifested in the form of the judgment jackals: a race of monsters dedicated to seeking out the truth and fleshing out the line between good and evil. It's typical for these beasts to grow into modern law enforcement, or lawyers.

Natural Ability: Lie Detector - Using a mildly honed sixth sense, Anapa can tell when she is being lied to... Most of the time. If you believe your own lies, she's inclined to believe that, but this could change as she advances through her schooling.


Personality:

Unpredictable - To say that Ana behaves crazily most of the time would be an understatement. Difficult to predict, and even harder to control, this creature plays by her own rules with little regard for the consequences of her actions. She certainly never allows any moment to be dull, though. She's definitely unused to living by any rules of her own, but treading lightly on the rules of others doesn't interest her.

Confident - One of Anapa's more endearing qualities is her confidence. It doesn't matter what she does; this is getting done. She boldly goes where no creature has gone before, and without hesitation. If there was any kind of insecurity or fear buried in her psyche, she hides it very skillfully. If she's going to do a task, she will do it 100% every time, and even with a side of zeal. This could make her appear rather foolish... If she could ever be convinced that she's made a poor choice. Her philosophy is to live life to the fullest, and that means putting your everything into anything you do, leaving no room for doubt.

Brilliant - Though her thoughts often come out jumbled, she never speaks without wisdom woven into her words. It's clear that the lights are on upstairs, but rats may be chewing through the wiring. Outbursts are commonplace, and will contain as much or as little as you seek from them. Some of these statements may seem quite stupid outright, though with the proper consideration, have a certain unique wisdom.

Irreverent - Nothing is sacred to Anapa. This allows her to cut straight to the heart of an issue without some messiness getting in the way, but it also makes her highly offensive to certain people. Don't expect any special positive treatment from her based on your species or race, though she does have a particular distaste for some higher class demons.

Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy? Ana is a bit unbalanced, which is most definitely a no-no when balance is the key to good judgment. With rules and structures, perhaps she can learn more about the other side of the aisle after living on her own for so long. With any luck, she'll have a real chance to succeed, but when things rub her the wrong way, she can become her own worst enemy. She has enough experience living the chaotic life-- It's time for some rules and boundaries, the other side of the coin.

FEAR Ability: Chill Out - Pain is always worse when accompanied by emotional distress. Ana's ability negates those feelings and causes damage to be less than originally perceived.






Physical Description:

Humanoid (As seen above by xoxomenai)
Eye Colour: Light Grey/Dark Grey
Hair Colour/Style: Bright white mohawk, almost mare-like in nature
Skin Colour: Light gray
Clothing Style/Colours: Mostly black with hints of white and blue, and always mismatched
Extra: Two tails, one white and one black; black jackal ears; elongated canine teeth and elongated claw-like fingernails


Natural (as drawn by OnionGrump)
Eye Colour: Light Grey/Dark Grey
Hair Colour/Style: Bright white mohawk, almost mare-like in nature
Skin Colour: Black and white patches
Clothing Style/Colours: The sash worn in her human form, but worn as a kind of neckerchief.
Extra: Two tails, one white and one black












Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
Black Sabbath - Paranoid
Judas Priest - Breaking the Law
Ozzy Osbourne - I Don`t Wanna Stop

((Adding more stuff as it comes to mind. ^^))

Oooh, all excellent pieces of advice. Thank you. heart

Hello~! As requested, here is some crit for you!

Unfortunately, the first thing I'm going to pick on is kind of major, and I realize that considering it may have big repercussions for the characters background, etc. I like her backstory and concept, but I'm not sure it's appropriate for the TiH world. Gods are kind of an awkward territory in TiH, you see, and while they may or may not exist they are more or less not touched upon in play, just to avoid complications.

What I would recommend is first asking in the Q&A thread to see if the background is appropriate - confirming my thoughts with the admins, before you do anything else!

If the thing with Anubis is confirmed to not work with the TiH setting, I would recommend modifying a few things. Off the top of my head, I could say... maybe this 'Anubis' isn't actually a god, but a Reaper (as that faction does a lot of work with human soul/afterlife-ish stuff) who created the judgement jackals as hunters to help him with his tasks? An NPC like that as a background wouldn't be over the top, I don't think. Many TiH characters are created beings, and monster is an appropriate classification for them! But of course you can decide what you want to do if it's a problem. smile That was just a solution that occurred to me.

Now, that said, on to the rest...

- Her natural ability. It's interesting, but... are you sure? Would you use that in RP to any great extent, or would you rather pick something more active? There isn't anything wrong with your choice, but as someone who personally picked a less-active natural ability for a character and then ended up swapping out later... are you sure? XD

- Her personality looks pretty good, but I think you can go deeper (and in fact I want you to, because what's there is interesting!) How does she respond given boundaries? Does she try to break rules because they're there? Does she test limits because she hates them or because she's curious why they exist? Things like that!

Good luck~!

Okayyyy you wanted crits so here I goooo
The first thing I notice is what she has for race. Judgement jackal is fine but its the info that is in there that breaks canon as I know it.
"The Reaper Anubis formerly handled all the afterlife judgments. He took some of his energy fed by the human fear of death and created creatures to work in his stead-- These are the judgment jackals."
This is actually p. much impossible from what I understand. A reaper can create other halloween beings yes, (namely, Undead), but to my knowledge of shop canon, they cannot magically create a whole new species, much less one that is not of their own race. They can only facilitate the transition to undead. For simplicity sake I would modify this/nix it.

What you can do is that way back in the day, people feared jackals so much with their ties to the who process of embalming and the afterlife that bam- judgement jackals. Anubis who was a demon, (I say demon as reapers must be human in apperence, and Anubis was humanish... but not his face. TiH standard he'd fall under demon really), that was worshiped that when judgement jackals came about, he took care of the first ones. Its a pretty simple fix that would fit into the shop's cannon and still allow race origins to tie in with the mythos.

Nat ability- I am a bit wary of this because the issue I see is that if some status effect, (such as the insanity effect came around that directly effect emotions and basically force them to happen), it gives you an out. A very large one that actually would override/powerplay FEAR/nat abilities of other students by choosing to ignore what they do. It's less of a WELL YOUR GONNA DO IT, but a general thing that makes me pause. I would suggest something along the lines of lie knowing. If she's told a direct lie, she'll know its a lie. If someone gives her a half truth, or manipulates the truth, the ability does not work, and the lie must be known to be a lie by the other party. (basically the person telling the lie has to believe it's true). If you DO want to stick with this ability, Make clear when it does/doesn't work. If it can override a FEAR attack, another natural ability, or a GM'd prompt, then chances are its not a suitable y1 nat ability.

Personality:
-Unpredictable: because this is such a large overriding aspect of her personality, try to include how it negatively impacts her. She acts crazy? How does she keep friends? How does she deal with the consequences of her actions? You hint that she might be over active. Is she? How is this a good thing, how is this a bad thing?

Wild - I'll be honest when I say I really have no idea what you're trying to convey here that isn't already given by the unpredictable aspect. Howling and such- that's not personality, that's habit. I'm REALLY confused by what you mean with "She's definitely unused to living by any rules of her own, but treading lightly on the rules of others doesn't interest her. It really should if she wants to go into the family business, though. " for a few reasons. One is.... like I'm not sure what you mean by she's not used to living by her own rules??? What rules DOES she live by? What is her family business and how come it deal with rules???? Like, I'm pretty sure you mean something here, but make it more clear please. ;; This trait has something, but it's muddle with the personality trait of unpredictable.

A good rule of thumb on personality traits is that they have a good aspect and a negative aspect. They should reflect the inner working of a person, rather than the outer. Using outer decrips is fine, but a personality trait should at it's core, be about personality. Not habits. Not fears. Not likes or dislikes. Personailty doesn't equal family history, and while traits can reflect upbringing and history, they shouldn't go more into the history than the trait itself. These are just general things and not things you've done. Just like... gauges to see how a trait might work/make em fit.

Confident - What jumps out at me is that there is nothing negative about this aspect of her. She's confident... and apparently reckless. You went over how she is kinda off the hinge, so it leads to the feel that this girlie is down right dangerous to herself. Try to add why this is a bad thing, how it might get her into trouble. Balance of both good and bad traits in a character will make a whole cohesive unit that will work together.

Brilliant- This is okay butttt how does this effect her relationship with others? Traits should do that on a whole. How is she brilliant and in what. It's certainly not in decision making from her other traits, so what is it? It runs a bit counter to her other traits so I'd advise re-working it.

FEAR attack- looks p. good aw yis

AND LIKE sorry if there are spelling error or if I'm not the clearest. Its like 6 am for me