Welcome to Gaia! ::

Mot had gone into hiding. He'd already been miserable, but after some news and harsh words from Mac, the boil was sinking deeper into a bad spot. He had hope. A small amount. While his parting with Hel last had been painful and upsetting, he still waited for her. Wanted her back. He wanted his friends back home.

Field trips were bad news.

They never ended well.

His heavy heart kept him from enjoying anything he normally did, and he simply sat idle in his room, fidgeting with his harmonica from Hel, FooFoo curled up on the bed next to him.

She'll come back... She has to come back...

Mot looked up, a voice starting to pull him out of his dark thoughts. He didn't say anything right away until she came in, standing as Lizzy became visible. "Lizzy..." He murmured softly, feeling like he might be imagining her. He'd kept away from others for weeks now.

Mot.. was looking different. It had almost been a month, maybe more since he and Lizzy saw each other. Mot had grown a few inches in height, as did his hair, now tied back into a braid that reached the ends of his shoulder blades.

He was taller? He supposed he was. He'd felt the growing pains but had little to go by until he heard it. At first he'd been upset, wishing he wouldn't reach his father's height. His hair he'd let go out of control, length wise. He'd grown attached, and enjoyed the task of braiding it, something he'd learned to do from Hel. A task that kept her in his thoughts.

Still, Lizzy seemed to be forcing a positive tone. She didn't seem so well either. Misery loves company.

He watched as she sat down beside him, turning his gaze back down to the harmonica in his hands. The light pat on the head reminded him of all his encounters with Lizzy. The hair ruffling, patting. It brought a small, brief smile to his lips before fading back into a frown.

"I miss her.." He murmured quietly. "I hope she's okay."

Mot nodded softly. Hel. A spitfire. Stubborn, arrogant and proud. But... she was his ghoul. Passionate and fun. His Hel... His injured Hel... Out there where he couldn't even hope to protect her.

Mot turned slightly as Lizzy adressed him, bowing his head with a deeper frown. "I'm sorry, Lizzy.." He tried to give a small smile, trying not to give in to his despair. "I uh.. haven't been feeling very social." To think he was once such a social butterfly. To think he had always been seen with a smile. He just couldn't bring himself to be himself. He was being swallowed.

The Trials..

The Seeds Mission.. Hel...

Was Lizzy pinching him? Mot looked down at where she'd done it. It didn't even hurt. Was that supposed to be punishment? He turned his gaze to Lizzy's face, not having really looked since she got in. Lizzy. His first best friend. Probably his closest friend next to Hel. He was kind of glad she didn't leave. She was safe here, at home. Away from sure to be an ill fated trip.

"I'm.. afraid.." Mot spoke, his voice shaking. "I'm afraid if I start talking I'll break." He was holding so much in he didn't know where to begin. Like trying to take out a block from a crumbling Jenga tower, his composure was at risk of falling apart.

Lizzy was right. She was. Mot didn't want to admit it though. If it had to me someone, it should be her. Her or Hel.

"But..." He insisted, gripping the harmonica tightly, his other hand clasped with Lizzy's. "I feel weak enough as it is.. to let myself fall to pieces.. I..." Still, this was Lizzy... she'd want what was best.. she would understand.

"I had to watch her suffer. I.. I was powerless." He began after a moment of collecting himself. "One thing after another, I'm reminded of how powerless I am. I try so hard to be stronger or wiser. But it hardly seems to matter. No matter what I do, bad and terrible things will happen to my friends."

Mot felt his face grow hot, his heart beat quicken. "I've seen a professor die. I've seen a vision of a good friend get turned into a weapon. I watched as my ghoulfriend's wings were taken from her. I... I let her chase me away when I had been so sure she needed me. I believed her when she said I was of no use to her..."

Mot thought back to the day he brought Hel back to her room, with Freya.. hoping to get her patched up. Hoping to make her better. "I stood idly by while Hel let her injuries fester... I didn't know. I let my fear of making her upset keep me from trying to take care of her.. and then I was told that she'd been..." Mot's voice wavered even more, his resolve to keep together crumbling. "He said.. she.." He fought dearly not to let the welling of tears fall. "..I'm spineless. I'm no good for her, no matter how much I love her, I just can't do anything right for her. She deserves someone so much more attentive than me. Not only do I crumble for her in times of need, I can't even show her the love she so deserves.."

You can cry...

His shoulders shuddered, tears fell. He was starting to let go. Bit by bit. There was some pride left in him that wouldn't allow him to really cry, though his throat made sounds that sounded like a whimper.

His gaze met Lizzy's briefly, unable to see her through the welled up tears. Her words always held magic. Some special power that only Lizzy had. Everything she said spoke wonders. He would do anything for his friends, and it was true that Hel must have her reasons for staying with him. She must see something he didn't.

His breath hitched and he nodded, acknowledging her encouraging words. His throat hurt, and his cheeks burned. As bad as it was, feeling so upset felt better than having felt so numb for so long.

Mot sniffled, stifling a sob as Lizzy took him into a hug. Her soft touch made him feel secure, secure enough that he was comfortable letting his sadness come out.

"Why are you so amazing, Lizzy?" Mot choked out in almost a laugh. He felt like he could believe every word she said. He even started to feel like he truly was strong. He'd been trying so hard for so long. He really had. "Here I was.. feeling so sorry for myself for weeks on end, and you come over and make me feel so good after only a few minutes." Not 100%. No, not even close, but significantly better than he had been. Some semblance of comfort had been instilled in his resolve. Something to fuel his depleting hope.

His arms wrapped around her back, his left hand still clutching the harmonica tightly. He held her tight, shuddering in emotional pain that still insisted on keeping on.

I have to try harder.. But I've already tried so hard.. It repeated in his mind, and made that Hope teeter out of reach, making him feel helpless.

Mot couldn't manage to hold it in anymore. He finally just let himself cry.