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 Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:06 pm
So... I had been sorta open about my sexuality at my old school. There were the people whoknew, and there were the people who guessed. But here, I have found a lot of Anti-Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian people, including my friends. We were talking and I was reading my boook, it had a gay couple that I brought up, saying how his family was cool with it and all. My friend, A {Let's call her that.} said, "If either of you were not straight, then I would not be your friend anymore out of fear of you trying to rape me or something." I was going to tell them plenty of times, but, statments like this shut me down. Should I chance our friendship by being open about being Bisexual, or should I stay a closet case?
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:34 pm
NovaxScotia So... I had been sorta open about my sexuality at my old school. There were the people whoknew, and there were the people who guessed. But here, I have found a lot of Anti-Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian people, including my friends. We were talking and I was reading my boook, it had a gay couple that I brought up, saying how his family was cool with it and all. My friend, A {Let's call her that.} said, "If either of you were not straight, then I would not be your friend anymore out of fear of you trying to rape me or something." I was going to tell them plenty of times, but, statments like this shut me down. Should I chance our friendship by being open about being Bisexual, or should I stay a closet case? I really hate people like that. Here's the deal, and I'm going to just say out of pure experience: You are you. Obvious right? If you are hanging around people like that, then you are going to feel bad about yourself. I'm not saying that you have to shut them out of your life, but try talking to people that are okay with the idea first. And eventually, try to talk to your anti-lgbt friends. I personally know it's extreamly hard, but it's possible. smile But when you think about it, no one needs to 'come out" or be "public" about any of that. That's the part that annoys me. Society makes us think that we have to shout it out if we are, but really, it's actually not a big deal at all. The only reason I think people should know is if you are in a serious relationship and you want to be together in public. I mean, you don't go around shouting out your favorite color to people you meet do you?
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:46 pm
DemonQuackz NovaxScotia So... I had been sorta open about my sexuality at my old school. There were the people whoknew, and there were the people who guessed. But here, I have found a lot of Anti-Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian people, including my friends. We were talking and I was reading my boook, it had a gay couple that I brought up, saying how his family was cool with it and all. My friend, A {Let's call her that.} said, "If either of you were not straight, then I would not be your friend anymore out of fear of you trying to rape me or something." I was going to tell them plenty of times, but, statments like this shut me down. Should I chance our friendship by being open about being Bisexual, or should I stay a closet case? I really hate people like that. Here's the deal, and I'm going to just say out of pure experience: You are you. Obvious right? If you are hanging around people like that, then you are going to feel bad about yourself. I'm not saying that you have to shut them out of your life, but try talking to people that are okay with the idea first. And eventually, try to talk to your anti-lgbt friends. I personally know it's extreamly hard, but it's possible. smile But when you think about it, no one needs to 'come out" or be "public" about any of that. That's the part that annoys me. Society makes us think that we have to shout it out if we are, but really, it's actually not a big deal at all. The only reason I think people should know is if you are in a serious relationship and you want to be together in public. I mean, you don't go around shouting out your favorite color to people you meet do you? Heh, well... actually I do go shouting rather random things at strangers. It's my nature...
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 6:46 pm
If they don't ask you then I wouldn't necessarily outright tell them. Most people aren't very receptive to people running around shouting their sexuality at the top of their lungs. Be you. Don't feel you have to hide or act differently, just be you. If they ask you questions that pertain to your sexuality then feel free to open up but if you don't make a big deal about your orientation then neither should they. After all, who does YOUR sexuality affect? That's right, YOU and only YOU.
My own personal experiences have been O-K. Not ideal but O-K. I've heard individuals talk about not wanting to be alone around me for fear that I might rape/molest/seduce them. When people say that, I get fired up and I make clear my thoughts, I have the right so I might as well. I must admit, however, that around men I tend to be very reserved. I don't, typically, touch other guys unless for whatever reason they initiate said touching first (when I say touching I mean a slap on the back, hug, etc).
Again, just "do you". Don't worry too much about them finding out or what have you. The less of a deal you make your sexuality the less of deal everyone else SHOULD make of it. Sadly, if your friends are open-minded and receptive to you in all your glory, sexuality and all, then they really aren't your friends. It's hard, trust me. I've lost just about every male best friend I've ever had because of coming out but in reality it's only because they were too ignorant/immature to "get over it".
I wish you the best of luck!
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:59 pm
Honestly, if you had to hide who you are and have your friends hate you just based of your sexuality, I say you need to find new friends who would accept you for you. Though you don't have to tell them, it isn't really their business and should be up to you.
I don't know, I never told anyone anything offline, but I think people can tell or guess.
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 9:35 pm
If your friends dont trust you that way then they are not your friends....friends are supposed to support you no matter what and be with you when you need company.They shouldnt judge by who you are.....
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Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 6:10 am
SpiritOfTheMoon12 If your friends dont trust you that way then they are not your friends....friends are supposed to support you no matter what and be with you when you need company.They shouldnt judge by who you are..... I agree.
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Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 7:47 am
NovaxScotia So... I had been sorta open about my sexuality at my old school. There were the people whoknew, and there were the people who guessed. But here, I have found a lot of Anti-Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian people, including my friends. We were talking and I was reading my boook, it had a gay couple that I brought up, saying how his family was cool with it and all. My friend, A {Let's call her that.} said, "If either of you were not straight, then I would not be your friend anymore out of fear of you trying to rape me or something." I was going to tell them plenty of times, but, statments like this shut me down. Should I chance our friendship by being open about being Bisexual, or should I stay a closet case? Get rid of them! Ignorance like that needs to be thrown in the garbage where it came from.
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Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:27 pm
NovaxScotia DemonQuackz NovaxScotia So... I had been sorta open about my sexuality at my old school. There were the people whoknew, and there were the people who guessed. But here, I have found a lot of Anti-Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian people, including my friends. We were talking and I was reading my boook, it had a gay couple that I brought up, saying how his family was cool with it and all. My friend, A {Let's call her that.} said, "If either of you were not straight, then I would not be your friend anymore out of fear of you trying to rape me or something." I was going to tell them plenty of times, but, statments like this shut me down. Should I chance our friendship by being open about being Bisexual, or should I stay a closet case? I really hate people like that. Here's the deal, and I'm going to just say out of pure experience: You are you. Obvious right? If you are hanging around people like that, then you are going to feel bad about yourself. I'm not saying that you have to shut them out of your life, but try talking to people that are okay with the idea first. And eventually, try to talk to your anti-lgbt friends. I personally know it's extreamly hard, but it's possible. smile But when you think about it, no one needs to 'come out" or be "public" about any of that. That's the part that annoys me. Society makes us think that we have to shout it out if we are, but really, it's actually not a big deal at all. The only reason I think people should know is if you are in a serious relationship and you want to be together in public. I mean, you don't go around shouting out your favorite color to people you meet do you? Heh, well... actually I do go shouting rather random things at strangers. It's my nature... Even so. Just because you have different feelings then others doesn't mean you are obligated to say so. Like I said, you only need to say when people need to know. smile And like said above me, people like that, who put down others just because of the way they are born are horrible.
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Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:16 pm
Even though she said "in fear" etc, do you think she was being serious about it? Example, when someone tells a scenario of a robbery, maybe a friend will say they would've beat up the robbers, would they actually do that in reality?
Personally I think she was over reacting, then again I don't know your friend. But if they don't want to hang out with you for who you are, then they aren't your true friends.
I wish you good luck with everything, but be who you are around the people you want to be around smile
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The Bodacious Soul Reaper
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 2:14 pm
I, myself, am straight. I'm accepting of different sexual orientations than my own, and I understand that my same gendered friends are not going to rape me. In fact, most aren't even attracted to me. If she really thinks you're going to rape her because, then she is ignorant. In the end, if you cannot be yourself around your friends, then you shouldn't call them friends. Its only going to lead to a long line of negative feelings such as depression. For you own mental health, find people who accept you as you. No need to project your sexuality upon others. I'm straight. Out in the real world, I don't think I've ever felt the need to say, "My name is (blank), and I'm straight." Why should you have to? Honestly, in friendship, sexual orientation shouldn't even be a factor, as they are generally platonic relationships. I wish you luck in finding true friends that accept you, and embrace(figuratively speaking) you for who you are.
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 7:02 pm
Hun, I say if you truly want to, go for it. I have one friend who is EXTREMELY anti-LGBT, he is a hardcore religious bible-humper (NO OFFENSE TO RELIGIOUS PEOPLE!!), but you know what he did when I told him?
He gave me a hug, let me use him as a human pillow and said "Even though I don't accept it, I will tolerate it because your my friend."
So its a start but he lets me rant about how awesome my girlfriend is, listens to my opinion, and still lets me use him as a human pillow. So not all anti-LGBT people are outright ignorant like your friend. Your good friends will just accept it as a part of you and thats that
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Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:55 am
I know precisely how you feel. I go to a same-sex school and only my ex and my friend know of my sexuality. It shocks me how homophobic the student body at my school is. They get all "Oh my god, if someone was gay in this school, they'd wanna rape me or do something to me!". My response to that is either: "Don't flatter yourself" or "Seriously? Do you want to do that to every girl you see? Even the old ones you claim are butt-ugly? No. Didn't think so."
They have no common sense xd :
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Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:48 am
Azareas Aquarinus I know precisely how you feel. I go to a same-sex school and only my ex and my friend know of my sexuality. It shocks me how homophobic the student body at my school is. They get all "Oh my god, if someone was gay in this school, they'd wanna rape me or do something to me!". My response to that is either: "Don't flatter yourself" or "Seriously? Do you want to do that to every girl you see? Even the old ones you claim are butt-ugly? No. Didn't think so." They have no common sense xd : Or just flat out ignorant
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Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:15 am
I agree with a lot of what has been said. If you feel that you will lose your friends over this then you needed better friends to begin with. I don't have much to say on coming out.....I've only come out as Bi to 4 people offline. All of them are family. (AKA my cousins, my mom, and my brother.) They were all find with it. but I haven't told anyone else.
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