There were a few things that succeeded in putting Gwendolyn Caspian in a rotten mood, and they could have ranged anywhere between being relatively trivial to catastrophic (well, as catastrophic as a fifteen year old’s life as a Sailor Senshi could get, though even she knew that she had yet to see the real horrors that came with her new responsibility). Gwen wasn’t sure what it was that kind of dragged her down. For starters, being sick was one of those reasons, and she only had herself to blame, as she could feel herself going into a possible relapse. Had she done what Maddy suggested and stay in bed, she’d likely have been well by now with maybe a lingering cough, but she had insisted that she was fine. She was Sailor Tsui, Senshi of Tigers, after all, and she couldn’t risk the streets being overrun with the Negaverse, their Youma, or the Dark Mirror Court while she stayed home and nursed a damned cold.

Except that it wasn’t a cold. There was a lingering fever that seemed to disappear then reappear, and to add to her misery, she was still recovering from her blotched fight against Super Sailor Remarque, and her little chase down with that cutpurse in the streets certainly didn’t help things in the least, though at least Jett had knocked the robber out and saved her precious Micah. Now she was restricted to her bed, her ankle elevated and wrapped with an icepack, and the Gwen from before would have gladly enjoyed the downtime. It would be a chance to play her games, sketch out a few pictures, or even do her homework… though she’d never kid herself with that last part.

But she was not the Gwendolyn Caspian of before. Ever since her awakening as a Senshi, she felt that she didn’t know what to do with her time. She wanted to play games, practice gymnastics, meet new people, but if she even tried to indulge in those desires, her conscious nagged at her and she could never truly enjoy it. She always felt that she could have been doing something else, something more important, but she couldn’t. Not while she was sick, wounded, and, admittedly, alone and confused.
She couldn’t ignore what Remarque had said, no matter how much she tried to. She was a member of the White Moon Court, and while nothing would ever change that, she could not help but ponder on his words about her leader, and she wondered why their leader would have disappeared. She knew she should have just asked Pippin, or someone else, perhaps another Senshi of the White Moon Court that would know that answer, but she was afraid to ask, and she wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because she was afraid of looking stupid or naïve in front of others, even though she had a perfect excuse. She was just awakened, and with everyone getting sick or having their own problems to deal with, she just didn’t have the proper training. So she had every excuse to make rookie mistakes, like run out on her own, pick fights with stronger and more experienced Senshi or enemies, ask questions, but still…

’What’s my purpose for being a Senshi anyway?’ Gwendolyn thought to herself, laying her head back and trying to enjoy the music on her ipod, even though her mind was racing too much to really listen to it. She stared up at the ceiling, a grey wall with nothing on it but a dulled light and a few cracks from the building’s natural wear and tear to comfort her. ’Yeah, I fight the bad guys but… it’s not that simple, is it? What’s the point of fighting if you have no reason to? I don’t know…’

She wished she could have snuck Pippin in… he’d definitely had given her answers, but he was busy taking care of other Senshi, and she couldn’t blame him for that. There were so many like her, probably just as confused and lost as she was, and sometimes, the best answer was to go out and find it for herself. So Gwen gave a sigh and closed her eyes, hoping that a nap would help clear her mind. She’d pick up on this train of thought later, find her purpose and drive again, after a nice, long, cat nap. ’I’m just fifteen… it’s all too heavy right now.’

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