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 Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 5:41 pm
Jude stared into his closet feeling a bit groggy after a strange dream with Susannah. Sometimes he dreamt of her and they'd have conversations that he'd never quite recall and this time the dream was similar but instead of saying 'I'll see you again soon' she looked at him apologetically and said 'good bye' after brushing a hand against his cheek fondly. He wasn't sure what to make of it but it currently didn't fill him with any sort of dread or worry. Why should it? It was just a dream. That is all dreams were they were empty and full of nothing but his wishes and yearnings. Maybe he was just giving up. Maybe his dreams were just changing up just to screw with him. Whatever it was he just picked out his uniform and went to get cleaned up so he could go do the 'podsitting' duty.
When he got here it was pretty quiet and lonely for the most part, everything was exactly as he had left it the last time he had sat at this station with Harrison watching the panels upon panels of faces but today Jude looked for a face in particular - he'd remembered where her face was from the last time but as his eyes searched he found no such familiarity to greet him. Jude couldn't help but feel foolish as he had almost thought to sat here and talk to her via the monitor at least so he had something to do rather than be alone to stew in his thoughts and feelings. After the initial wash of disappointment he felt a sudden spring of hope. If she wasn't on the monitor then that would mean - quite possibly that she'd be awake and waiting for him somewhere and now he was stuck doing his share of the duty he had agreed to do and ... He slumped back in his seat.
'Wouldn't she contact you?' Yom asked quietly. She didn't want Jude to get his hopes up so high.
His brow furrowed a bit as the seed of doubt was planted, "Maybe she just...wanted to surprise me?" Jude felt pathetic clinging on to this thought this one thought that maybe Susannah was around somewhere, playing a game of hide-and-seek.
'They do have a lissst, right? You can check that?' Yom asked softly. She wasn't used to being a voice of reason.
Jude responded with silence staring at the monitors all filled with faces - faces that meant nothing to him because the one he focused upon was now not presence. Hope and anxiety both took turns gnawing at him until he was ready to get up and look into checking the clipboard that listed all those that had woken up within the more recent days. His eyes gazed once over the list, twice, three times more before he just couldn't come to but one conclusion.
Susannah was never going to be at his side again. His heart felt as if it had taken up his entire chest moments before only to deflate moments after leaving him cold, empty, and alone. He placed down the clipboard his fingers feeling numb and as if they did not belong to him at all as he backed away and then eventually turned around and fled the scene entirely.
Jude walked through hallways paying no mind to anyone that was within them until he found his way into his own room where the door slammed shut loudly behind him. He stared around his room until his eyes locked upon the framed image of a smiling face his heart gave a thud that felt as if it was threatening to break everything within him and without his realizing it tears began to flow down his cheeks as he marched forward and grasped the frame and stared down at it.
Part of him was angry. He was angry that she'd given up, angry that she left him alone, angry at her for her weakness. Just plain angry and for that brief moment that anger drowned out even the grief he was feeling. He wanted to scream and throw things. He wanted to just run away and never have to deal with anything here ever again. Jude wanted to...
The framed picture clattered to the ground the glass cracking jaggedly as his hands just went up to his face and he just sobbed into them feeling the loss take over everything he ever knew and felt just then. No longer would she laugh, no longer would she cry, and no longer would he hear her voice telling him that she loved him. This was it there was no more. Maybe he was right and he had doomed her the minute he even so much as suggested this path as the one they ought to take that fateful night. Running scared from what might happen to them if they stayed to face the consequences that would be brought upon them.
Now it was too late. Time doesn't turn backwards but instead marches on steadily.
This was his punishment and hers. This is what running away had brought them.
Jude wasn't sure when or how it had gotten dark but the next time his eyes saw his room it was dark within and he had been laying down on the bed. He'd fallen asleep perhaps or maybe he had just completely zoned out on everything in general. The young man brought out his phone as he stood up flicking through his options.
Closure. He'd want closure. He needed closure. Jude wanted to find out what happened before he moved on. Thus after a few moments he had gotten up off of his bed something crunching under his boot. He stared numbly down at the shattered remains of a framed photo and then exited the room - at the moment he felt nothing at all.
Would he feel anything? Would he ever find a bit of happiness again? He didn't know and at the moment he didn't care to know. All he felt was numb with only an undercurrent of pain where his heart resided.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:30 pm
Pausing in front of room 142, Clarice took a deep breath, raised her hand and...decided to take a moment to reshuffle the papers in the folder she was carrying. She hated this particular duty. Normally this duty would have gone to Jude's division leader or assistant. The trainee was probably lucky that Caelius was MIA, and well...Stacey hadn't noticed yet, and she had no intention of letting Stoicface McAsshole deal with what would likely become a grieving, possibly vulnerable, trainee.
Right. So.
Taking another deep breath, Clarice gently knocked on Jude's door.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:45 pm
He'd left his room to look for someone but as of yet he hadn't found anyone and thus he was wandering down the hall once again to see...Clarice. Was this protocol? Was there an actual notification somewhere along the line? Maybe she had been moved instead and he was grieving for nothing.
Jude was almost tempted to turn around and leave instead just so he didn't have to hear the news he knew it would be deep down inside.
Yom let out a small disapproving sound causing him to stop.
...Right. No more running.
He walked up to Clarice quietly, "Oh, hey. You caught me while I was out for a walk," he said trying to sound friendly and cheerful but he sounded ... sad instead, "anything I can help you with now that I'm back?"
The going out for a walk part was a bit of a lie but Clarice didn't need to know that.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:52 pm
Turning, she gave Jude a small smile in greeting. Her eyes dropped to the folder in her hand, and she carefully held it out to the trainee. It was neatly labeled Susannah Gamble. "I noticed that she was recruited with you."
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 6:58 pm
He felt a bit of a disconnect within him as his hands reached out to accept the folder his voice sounded odd and strained as he replied, "Yes. She...was...She was my...um..." he stopped as he stared at Clarice and then shrugged letting it drop. She probably didn't care. If she did care it would surprise him.
"I was...umm...I saw she was missing from the monitors..I..checked a clipboard and she wasn't on the clipboard list and..." Jude couldn't bring himself to say it because otherwise...
Please say they had an alternate location for other pods...
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:02 pm
"Yeah..." Clarice's voice trailed off in a sigh. Reaching out, she gently grasped his shoulder to turn him around, "I know you said you just did but...let's take a walk, kay?" Unwilling to continue the conversation in the dorm hallway, she fell silent as she led him out.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:08 pm
He nodded a bit. He didn't feel like going back in his room all things considered. There was a broken photo frame in there with a smiling face that would no longer smile at him or anyone else ever again. Jude let her usher him out his footsteps feeling as if they weren't really his or connecting to the floor.
"...I appreciate that you sought me out, ma'am." He said honestly, quietly.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:24 pm
"It's not a problem, Jude," she murmured as they left the building. Eventually they made their way to the portal room, approaching one she keyed in the location, finally speaking again, "There's a footpath too, it's a nice little hike, but a bit dangerous as well."
When they stepped through, Jude was greeted by the rare sight of a clear blue sky. Below, the island's fog shifted and rolled, obscuring the facilities below. "We have another place for hunters who've died. This is for those who never had that chance." Beyond the portal there was a small field of wild flowers and tidy rows of white stone markers.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:29 pm
He nodded in response to her words and simply followed her next set of words accompanied by the sight was enough to drive the point home that it was as he feared it to be. Susannah wasn't going to suddenly appear and be alive and well from around a corner or anywhere.
This wasn't a trick. There was no longer room for denial or even hope. All it did was make him feel that much colder on the inside.
"..Why does it happen...? It doesn't seem like there would be any sort of system failure..." His voice was empty of emotion he was keeping himself carefully, so carefully in check. Crying in front of a higher ranking Hunter would get him nothing, even if she was being kinder than he'd expected.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:41 pm
"Sometimes they just..." Clarice's voice trailed off, you'd think after all these years she'd be used to this. Somehow explaining the whys and hows and death just never gets any easier. "In order to fully bond with a weapon," she began again, leading Jude through the markers, "...you have to get to the point between life and death. Neither one nor the other. It takes a combination of both a weapon starting the bond and the candidate's own choice to fight back to life in order to wake up."
She stopped, and once again, that name was presented to Jude, Susannah Gamble. "If one or the other is missing, eventually the candidate's body follows along the path that's most natural to it."
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:50 pm
He furrowed his brow a little this was probably the most expressive he'd been ever since he figured out most of what had happened. He stared down at the name and his heart felt as if it clenched painfully in his chest.
"What...Happens to the remains?" He asked softly. Were they given proper funerals? Were they given any funerals? Were those that did not survive the pods just ... not worthy of a funeral? He hated to think of it like that. It sounded like it was just as much of a fight both being a Hunter and being a candidate set to try and wake up from the pod.
"You know it's stupid...I had bought her a gift for Christmas and now...she'll never get it," he said quietly, thoughtfully.
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 7:59 pm
"The remains are cremated to avoid certain...complications," she answered, careful not to go into needless detail. At his confession, Clarice smiled a bit, "It's not stupid to be hopeful, Jude. Even if it doesn't turn out...quite as planned." Shifting a little she continued awkwardly, "There are...belongings that she brought with her. They've been in storage up until now."
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:09 pm
He nodded a little bit, "Understood...I think her spirit wouldn't be happy if...she was trapped in yet another way," he said softly. He glanced over at Clarice as she told him that it wasn't stupid to be hopeful he took in a deep breath and let it out soon after.
Jude supposed he'd already gotten used to her not being at his side so the death was ... just a little easier to cope with but not by much.
"...Belongings...I...I don't even know what should be done with them. Just surrounding myself with her things wouldn't help anyone much less help me," he frowned a little bit, "will they just stay in storage?"
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:18 pm
"They'll stay in storage for another month," she answered quietly. After which, they'd be incinerated as well to make space. Susannah had been officially dead for nearly a year as far as the rest of the world was concerned. Shipping her belongings back to whatever family she had left wasn't an option. Clarice reached into her pocket and held out a small key, unit 125. "It's in the first basement of the dorm building...if you change your mind."
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Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 8:26 pm
He took the key quietly and then simply pocketed it nodding a bit, "Maybe...having it donated to the needy could be a viable option....? I'll see what she...left behind and I guess make arrangements from there." Jude said softly frowning a bit thoughtfully.
It was like his wife died though they never officially married.
"Am...I allowed to visit the site whenever I want or do I have to ask for someone to accompany me?" Jude felt that was a safe enough question all things considered. He wasn't entirely happy with the situation but smoothing everything out as to what happened as helping a bit.
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