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 Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 3:17 pm
 ғeel free to call us. . .
Judith and Jackson MicKnight but if you know use Judy and Jack and yes we are two DIFFERENT people υnless you're blind, you should see that We're. . .
A Male and Female чou think I'm what age? No, We're
15,FifteenThe υniverse welcomed us on. . .
April 9th α lot of people say Shes. . .
Most people would say my sister is very outgoing, not one to hold back her energy, very hard to keep up with but i say since i know her best, she the most amusing character i know, she has a kind heart and a good head on her shoulder don't get me wrong she is a bit of a troublemaker, its sad really, she dose this because she always hated being called my little sister. The girl just wants people to see her as her own person. I am very proud at how strong she it though, she doesn't let what people say get to her which i adore since how rough our lives have been, but like i said before all she wants is to be seen as her own person.α lot of people say He's. .
All the girls say my brother is such a smooth talker which is just plan creepy eww but its not just with the lady's, it's like he can talk his way out of anything, not that he really has anything he needs to talk himself out of but more like talk him self into.Jack got jobs us hotel rooms for so much cheaper just with his words, i mean when he talks it just hard not to listen to him. Well anyway he is way smarter then me and so up tight with me i just want to hit him sometimes, always asking me where im going and who im talking to just because he is 3 minutes older then me he thinks he can control me well that what i get for having a protective brother. I think he feels like he has to be in control all the time because we didn't have a father so he thinks he needs to be the father in my life, its like he fears im going to become one of those street walkers if i dont have a man in my life -rolls eyes- but don't let what i say make up your mind, his actually a very sweet guy, he can even be funny when his being chill. But he has this thing with always wanting people to do whats "right" like, doing your best in all your work, helping old ladys across the street and his really big with "minding your own business" just not when it comes to me, he will go his own way once in a while like after he knows i'm safe. care to hear our story?
Well we are the type of twins that relay fully on each other since we are all we ever had, we never felt safe being in government care because we knew what they did to family, they tore them apart! So called parents would come in to pick a kid up and leave their brother or sister behind to watch the only thing they had left in their life go and the government didn't care as long as it was one less kid they had to take care of! We couldn't let that happen to each other! So we ran, not sure where to go because our mother had died when we we're born and our father well who knows where he is we sure don't. Our "social worker" told us he just left us here, didn't even stay long enough to give his name or any info on use, then he just took off. Even with the special things we could none could help us find him. After a while of wondering and living on our own I, Jack found us our knew home,of course with the help of a good friend we made at one of the jobs we had, he went to this school, just long enough to control himself and to be old enough to actually take care of himself. Trusting him and being the older i knew it was my job to protect Jude "pshh i could have found it to" "If you say so, back to our story?" "oh yeah back to how we got here" So after really looking into the school with some old books and packets are good friend had, we deiced it was best for the both of us. So without a second thought he dropped us off at this school.I Jude aםore. . .
○Swimming, running, hiking, anything that makes me feel as free as a bird, like i can't be stopped
○Acting, i love pretending to have a better life then i do but you will never think i feel that way, i'm way to cheerful all the time. See i'm a good actress
○Singing, the only time i don't have to worry about whats coming out of my mouth. I Jack aםore. . .
○ Reading its a escape from the craziness that is our world
○ I am a Poet and NO that does not make me any less of a man
○ I really enjoy being the role of the leader, i do not mind others but i prefer knowing first.
єveryone of these drive us mad. . .
○People that look down on others
○Being alone
○Being told what we can and can not doαbilities? Yeah, We have . . .
powers of the elements well I control fire and she water, we can also feel eachother emotions, hear eachothers thoughts and if the other allows see what the other sees.мy House, Dorm, and Homeroom are. . .
Music and art is our hoomroom
чou see, our lovely puppet master is . . .
JusthopingaBit
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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 4:04 pm
 υnless you're blind, you should see that I'm. . .
Female
ғeel free to call us. . .
Violet Night or Via if i let you
чou think I'm what age? No, I'm. .
17; seventeen
The υniverse welcomed me on. . .
November 12
α lot of people say I'm. . .
People talk to much they say i'm not what you would call a nice person i tend to speak freely about my thoughts on this people and the world around me, giving my opinion with my head up, thats probable the only true thing they say about me, rumors like to be start about people that our "different" they don't know me not many people do since they don't take the time to get to know me. I keep to myself, though i will tell you how annoying you are, if ya know you are i just wont tell you about me i have my reason for the wall i put up but if you prove to me i can trust you with my life then you will see the real me but it wont be easy to get me to trust you, you'll have to stick threw all the crap i give you to be able to see , i laugh at corny jokes, simply things like a flower will make me smile,i'm smarter then i look and actually love to be in class, i'm just truly a dork with a tough front.
care to hear my story? To bad if you don't i'm telling you anyway
Once upon a time there was a little girl, a sweet cute little girl the kinda girl everyone grew to love in no time, lets call this little girl me, Via. Well Via was a special girl with a loving mother, father and adored little sister, this whole family had special powers, powers other people feared because they could not understand. So one night while the loving father was far away from home due to family matters leaving his darling girls all alone, the towns people did not know the loving father was gone they were hoping to get them all in this act of evil they took on the poor family. Deep in the night they came with pitch forks and blazing torches, to early for this time in day but they felt it right. They set a fire to this little family's home, deep in sleep the mother and dear little daughter slept to their death but the older little girl, always being a light sleeper awoke in a cry, trying to save her loving mother and most adored sister but the little girl was just 8 she could help no more then she could keep the tears from flowing, so she did what she could and ran, ran far away her powers made her able to hide and keep running with out falling tired. Via letting the animal in side of her take over, hunting small game to eat in the morning, hiding high in trees at night to stay safe, always staying in ear distance away from the house. Later that week loving father came home to no longer a home, his screams of pain reached the older daughter ears deep in the woods, she hurried back longing to be in comforting arms and her father longed for her in his arms but thinking her life was lost he was to take his own. Holding a stake to his broke heart, tears following, he heard the crys of a little Via, who could not save her mother and sister but did save her father. Even though for 9 years the father and daughter oh so tight, you may ask how little Via got to be away from him well her father past and not such a horrible way but heart breaking non the less, sickness took over and left little Violet now 17 on her own, though knowing this day would come Violets dear father was already looking for a home for his little girl, he wrote he a letter, telling her about this school and this being his last wish for her to be happy and safe at a place where she would not be alone. Via took his wish to heart and made her way her. Even though years have past the scared little girl still finds to much pain in telling her story.
αbilities? Yeah, I have . . .
Shapshifting my power does have its limits, i can only shirt into animals i know like a cat, how they use their tall for balance and their whiskers to feel around them, theirs senses on the other hand come naturally like they would to the cat. So in other words i have to know what the cat had to learn when it was a kitten to be able to turn into that animal
I aםore. . .
○ Being left alone .
○ Animals they are the purest things other then children after all
○ feeling safe
.
єveryone of these drive me mad. . .
○ People just people, i don't like talking to them, hearing them talk.
○ thunderstorms, something you will never hear me say out loud
○ Being pushy i mean come on cant you just leave people alone
мy House, Dorm, and Homeroom are. . .
i am actually happy to say my hoomroom is World Studies/Magical Creatures
чou see, My oh so lovely puppet master is . . .
JustHopingABit
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Sapphire Waltz Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 11:32 pm
Hello and please bear with me since there are issues with your characters!
Judith and Jackson MicKnight
Could you go into more details in their personality for both of them?
Here are a few helpful pointers:
What exactly makes them happy/sad/frustrated?
Why is Judith a troublemaker? Is it because she likes to get a good laugh from others pain? Or does she just want some attention seeing as her past has only been in the company of her brother?
What makes her a troublemaker? Does she pull physical pranks that essentially small children would do or does she prefers to cause trouble verbally, by for example, lying?
As for Jackson, sure we understand that he is overprotective of his sister, but does his world solely revolve around her? Does he strive only to be an older brother figure to her? Since you mention he is a smooth talker, is he purposely trying to be a ladies man or does he simply have good oral skills? Adding a bit more to him will help complete his character because he just seems to have a sister complex on Judith at this point.
The biography will also need of some reworking. It appears rather choppy and lacking in details. Feel free to answer a few of these questions in order to expand on their past:
How did the government care tear up the family?
Was the location of their father unknown for their whole lives or did he simply disappear one day from their home?
Also, you will have to include how or why they came to Fuyu. I believe I understand that Jackson was searching for a new home, but did he just randomly stumble onto the Academy?
Additionally, will you be roleplaying as Judith and Jackson at the same time? In other words, will they always be together and your posts will always be "Judith and Jackson" as one unit? This is important to know whether or not to treat them as "one character" or just "two characters in the same profile" and will depend on what their houses and dorms will be once they are approved.
You might not have a clue as to which House or Dorm they are going to be situated yet, however it is you who decides their Homeroom. Fuyu Academy has 4 options and your character will take only one of these choices, which are "Magics/Weaponries" , "Math/Science" , "World Studies/Magical Creatures" and "Arts/Music". Depending on your answer as to whether or Judith and Jackson are one or two distinct characters, you will have to select only one homeroom for each and please indicate it in the profile.
_________________________
Violet Night
I'm slightly confused about her personality. Why does Violet admit that she speaks her mind seeing as it is the "only true thing they say about me" but later says she keeps to herself? These character traits seem to be rather conflicting, so it would be best if you only selected one and stuck with it, unless of course she is bipolar? Please expand further on her personality. What makes her happy/sad/frustrated? Is it purely luck that another person will manage to break past her wall or does she just need someone who will be a good friend and stay by her side and listen to her problems no matter how much Violet will resist?
I believe I understand the gist of events in Via's biography, however, I still have a few questions. How did she survive on her own for an entire week without the help of her family for food and shelter at the mere age of 8 while waiting for her father to return? Is there a specific reason why she is telling the story in a fairy tale manner and by addressing herself in the third person? Like your previous profile, you will have to include how or why she came to Fuyu Academy.
Her powers need a bit more accuracy; can she shape shift into anything so long her mind desires it? Inanimate and animate objects? Magical creatures that cannot be found in real life? If she is able to turn into inanimate objects, let's say a rock, how does she breathe, eat and many other human necessities? Is there a limit in size as to which she can shape shift or the number of times she can morph?
In the same manner as I said for Judith and Jackson, you will have to decide of a homeroom for Violet. Please select one of these four options: "Magics/Weaponries" , "Math/Science" , "World Studies/Magical Creatures" and "Arts/Music". Please indicate which homeroom Violet would like to be placed in the profile.
____________
First and foremost, I would like to thank you for reading through all of these bricks of text and have a few suggestions which could greatly improve the quality of your works, be it in a roleplay context or anything else. One would be a simple proofread your work as it would immensely help you find mistakes from writing the first time. Spelling does not quite seem to be the issue here; it is rather that the sentences don’t quite seem to be making much sense on the first read, which made understanding your characters much more difficult. My second proposition would be to use punctuation, even the simplest one like the comma (,). Some sentences just ran on for miles when separating the phrases with punctuation marks could have been done for clarifications. I’m sorry if my reviews of your profiles seem rude, it isn’t in my intentions.
Once you are done editing your profile, please quote me so I can reassess your characters. : ) Thank you very much.
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Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 1:51 pm
Sapphire Waltz Hello and please bear with me since there are issues with your characters!
Judith and Jackson MicKnight
Could you go into more details in their personality for both of them?
Here are a few helpful pointers:
What exactly makes them happy/sad/frustrated?
Why is Judith a troublemaker? Is it because she likes to get a good laugh from others pain? Or does she just want some attention seeing as her past has only been in the company of her brother?
What makes her a troublemaker? Does she pull physical pranks that essentially small children would do or does she prefers to cause trouble verbally, by for example, lying?
As for Jackson, sure we understand that he is overprotective of his sister, but does his world solely revolve around her? Does he strive only to be an older brother figure to her? Since you mention he is a smooth talker, is he purposely trying to be a ladies man or does he simply have good oral skills? Adding a bit more to him will help complete his character because he just seems to have a sister complex on Judith at this point.
The biography will also need of some reworking. It appears rather choppy and lacking in details. Feel free to answer a few of these questions in order to expand on their past:
How did the government care tear up the family?
Was the location of their father unknown for their whole lives or did he simply disappear one day from their home?
Also, you will have to include how or why they came to Fuyu. I believe I understand that Jackson was searching for a new home, but did he just randomly stumble onto the Academy?
Additionally, will you be roleplaying as Judith and Jackson at the same time? In other words, will they always be together and your posts will always be "Judith and Jackson" as one unit? This is important to know whether or not to treat them as "one character" or just "two characters in the same profile" and will depend on what their houses and dorms will be once they are approved.
You might not have a clue as to which House or Dorm they are going to be situated yet, however it is you who decides their Homeroom. Fuyu Academy has 4 options and your character will take only one of these choices, which are "Magics/Weaponries" , "Math/Science" , "World Studies/Magical Creatures" and "Arts/Music". Depending on your answer as to whether or Judith and Jackson are one or two distinct characters, you will have to select only one homeroom for each and please indicate it in the profile.
_________________________
Violet Night
I'm slightly confused about her personality. Why does Violet admit that she speaks her mind seeing as it is the "only true thing they say about me" but later says she keeps to herself? These character traits seem to be rather conflicting, so it would be best if you only selected one and stuck with it, unless of course she is bipolar? Please expand further on her personality. What makes her happy/sad/frustrated? Is it purely luck that another person will manage to break past her wall or does she just need someone who will be a good friend and stay by her side and listen to her problems no matter how much Violet will resist?
I believe I understand the gist of events in Via's biography, however, I still have a few questions. How did she survive on her own for an entire week without the help of her family for food and shelter at the mere age of 8 while waiting for her father to return? Is there a specific reason why she is telling the story in a fairy tale manner and by addressing herself in the third person? Like your previous profile, you will have to include how or why she came to Fuyu Academy.
Her powers need a bit more accuracy; can she shape shift into anything so long her mind desires it? Inanimate and animate objects? Magical creatures that cannot be found in real life? If she is able to turn into inanimate objects, let's say a rock, how does she breathe, eat and many other human necessities? Is there a limit in size as to which she can shape shift or the number of times she can morph?
In the same manner as I said for Judith and Jackson, you will have to decide of a homeroom for Violet. Please select one of these four options: "Magics/Weaponries" , "Math/Science" , "World Studies/Magical Creatures" and "Arts/Music". Please indicate which homeroom Violet would like to be placed in the profile.
____________
First and foremost, I would like to thank you for reading through all of these bricks of text and have a few suggestions which could greatly improve the quality of your works, be it in a roleplay context or anything else. One would be a simple proofread your work as it would immensely help you find mistakes from writing the first time. Spelling does not quite seem to be the issue here; it is rather that the sentences don’t quite seem to be making much sense on the first read, which made understanding your characters much more difficult. My second proposition would be to use punctuation, even the simplest one like the comma (,). Some sentences just ran on for miles when separating the phrases with punctuation marks could have been done for clarifications. I’m sorry if my reviews of your profiles seem rude, it isn’t in my intentions.
Once you are done editing your profile, please quote me so I can reassess your characters. : ) Thank you very much.
I did not find this to be rude at all, if anything it was very helpful to me and i'm very sorry about my run on sentences and punctuation's, iv always seem to have a problem with where to put them to make it understandable. I do hope though that did everything you asked of me if not i will keep trying until i do because i admire the posting skills in this guild and and wish mine to be just as well smile
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Sapphire Waltz Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 6:16 pm
Thank you for improving both profiles! Now they seem much fuller as characters : )
Judith and Jackson MicKnight are sorted into Eirannes!
Rather than giving them dorms, I will highly suggest giving them a house or apartment in the 'Teacher / Privileged Student Housing' sub-forum. Please find a picture and write a small description of their establishment and send it to Fuyu Muley via PM.
Violet Night is approved and sorted into Burnar!
Please wait for her dorm.
You may begin posting for all your characters even if they living establishments haven't been confirmed.
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Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 3:18 pm
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- ғυчυ αcαםємч -
cяєω Violet now has a dorm!
Burnar House, Grullo Dorm
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