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 Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 7:16 am
Perry! I'm so glad that you've found use for that thread finally. ^.^ Indeed, that is where the story goes. heart
First thing I would like to say is that I loved how you can see so clearly how Ethan perceives the things around him. I also like how you can tell S.V.'s character right away. You didn't put in too much explanation in your story (Which I often feel is my problem when I write. ^_^; ) and the plot is easy to follow.
Ethan looking up at the stars was a clever way to show that it was night at the time of the crash. I was confused as to how Ethan knew about sleeping if he himself did not partake in that, and wondered if after Ethan fixes the translator, maybe that could be one of the things S.V. explains to him? Or otherwise delve a bit as to how Ethan knew S.V. was sleeping. ^_^;
I love how you tell the story in first person as if Ethan's updating a journal. However, it was a bit hard to read due to the block of text, and wondered that maybe you could cut down the text into smaller paragraphs? <3
I have some more critiques, but these were the first things I've noticed. I absolutely love this story so far, and cheered a bit when Merthage was mentioned. ^.^ I can't wait to see what happens next!
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Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 3:15 pm
thank you..oh yeah I forgot to mention how he knows about sleeping...*face palm* I'm kinda stuck right now mostly trying to figure out how long after I want the next stage to happen and where exactly.
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Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 10:15 pm
Ah, I see. ^.^ Well, I don't know where on the map they are right now, but in order to get to the Continent Merthage one must pass the ocean either by flight or by sea... Air is more dangerous, but potentially faster. XP Whatever the next stage is, I hope you manage to come up with something soon. ^.^
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Posted: Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:28 pm
still trying to figure that all out right now *laughs*
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 11:10 am
Bev I'm kinda stuck on how the hell to get them to Merthage any suggestions? They met in a forest so I'm not sure where they would exactly be that someone could crash land in and not be found so I'm also not sure where they need to go to get into Merthage. I'm really bad at geography.
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 2:13 pm
Haha, no worries. XP
So let's see... Merthage generally have no plants except for the 'dead forest.' (Haven't mentioned the Dead Forest mostly because I haven't gotten there myself yet. XP ) The Dead Forest is where there are plants and trees growing due to a lake at the very center that offers water (And this place has a mystical, magical story behind it). The Dead Forest is located on one of the larger islands that surrounds the main continent. Whereas sirens surround the sea, there are male sirens that govern the forest and often attracts humans (Mostly female) to work as their slaves (Whereas the female sirens just eat their captives). If this is the forest he crashed into, and S.V. could have befriended the sirens (They take good care of male counterparts) it would be a lot easier to go from there to where they are now.
If they came from a longer journey, a more likely approach could be an air pirate attack. Because Merthage is practically lawless, non-human pirates find refuge in Merthage. If say one pirate saw Ethan as a sort of interesting prize or slave for Merthage vampires, you could go that route... Or a stowaway 'wrong place at the wrong time' approach. If you want to do this, they could come from virtually any forest... But its more likely to be a Curtesian forest or, even more remote, the Sovet forest to the South. Other than tribal hybrids, no one really lives in Sovet... Too cold.
Hope that helps! <3
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 2:18 pm
I was thinking some place closer to Curtesia actually. It was a very very long journey and also I wanted there to be a reason for S.V. to go all demon magic on someone pirate trying to take Ethan is a very good reason.
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Posted: Tue Jan 24, 2012 8:20 pm
Haha, there you go then~ <3
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Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:01 am
of course I just feel like I don't have enough information really *flails* like how would they find an air ship or even get on it and all that stuff.
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Posted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 2:15 pm
next part is up..honestly I got a little teared up writing this last part.
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 8:52 am
I think that the way you got them on the ship was really clever. XP I didn't even think of that, LOL! XP And you were really accurate even in ways I didn't mention to you before. WAY spot on, I love it!
I felt that the trip may have been a little rushed, and maybe a little more detailed with the horrible things S.V. was doing. All the same, you did great with it being a journal sort of setting. ^_^ I can't wait to read more!
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:13 am
pretty sure Ethan wouldn't want to describe what happened in detail he is pretty traumatized. If it wasn't a journal I could of gone more into it.
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Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:58 am
LOL, whatever floats your boat. XP I like reading it anyway. <#
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 2:33 pm
trying to decide where to go next.
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