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 Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:22 pm
Maybe at some point he'd walked through a window and hit his head on a rock or something, but there was clearly something wrong. This wasn't the Gaia he knew, with no delicious treats and crying children falling over themselves in the streets as they fought for the very last hot chocolate. It was strange to see them in such a depraved state, although it could very honestly be said that Gaian children were never quite normal when it came to sweets in the first place. Though, the fact that the hot chocolate actually disappeared as the kid tried to drink it was new. Maybe someone was getting really good with their Alchemy.
Regardless, it wouldn't hurt to just sit down and take a load off. Our nameless idiot had spent a long time doing something strenuous which the author doesn't care enough to come up with. He sat, glanced around, sighed, and grabbed a passing troll. It screamed. He let go and raised an eyebrow.
For whatever reason, be it telepathy or being inspired by old videogames, our character was clearly understood by said troll, who dropped the strange face and grinned. "This town's already lost to him. To old Mr. Zero Omega. No more sugary treats for these boys and girls, and if someone doesn't step up soon, there will be no treats or goodies for any Gaians this year. Kesesese."
He stared for a moment before standing and walking past the too-happy troll, casting Farore's Wind and teleporting back home. After a brief, wordless conversation of meaningful glances exchanged with an old, bearded man, he was handed an axe and a bottle of akvavit. Time to kick some Omega a**.
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
14, 9
Total: 23 (2-40)
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:28 pm
(First attack, 12-6
Current Enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10, HP:40)
Sadly, Farore's Wind is a one-way spell, but surely our hero could do something in the Gaian version of Scandinavia.
He wandered around for a while, growing bored with the chilling cold and the giant, heavy axe in his hands before eventually crossing paths with some strange fellow who screamed, pointed back at a giant castle with oddly square hands, and ran off with his arms flailing wildly above his head.
Right. That way. The suspicious-looking castle in the distance. Should've seen that one coming. He approached the door, gritting his teeth at the sight of the strange-looking grey man at the door, his dull axe glinting... dully. Our hero's own shinier weapon... shined. Shinishly.
He raised it, ran forward, growling slightly, ready to hit the thing that could clearly only be evil. After all, no good Gaians were grey. Well, except all the ones with tattoos... and gothic styles... and demonic potions... and imps... but except for them, grey people were always evil. Unless they had a rare genetic disorder. None of this seemed to occur to him, though. After all, this was the castle someone ran away from screaming. It had to be evil.
The axe hit home, lodging deep into the creature's flesh as it flailed and cried out in pain. Wow. Evil things shouldn't be able to do that. He watched the red numbers pop up above the minions head, decreasing from 40 to 31. That was it? A cut that deep didn't evil take away a quarter of the minion's health. Well, he'd just have to do better next time. He yanked out the axe, posed to move again.
(Remaining HP: 31)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
16, 16
Total: 32 (2-40)
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Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 5:33 pm
(Second attack, 12-6
Current Enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10, HP: 31)
Several backflips and unsuccessful jumps to the side later, the hero saw his opening. Both parties were growing tired of the continuing action. There was simply too much to lose for both of them. Vaguely, absentmindedly the hero wondered how much life he had himself. For all he knew, he could die in one hit.
Now wasn't the time to worry about that, though, and he jumped forward again, opening himself right up should he miss.
This time, though, not only did he hit, but he gashed open the armor of the strange being, smirking with his power. The little HP counter rose again from nonexistence and ticked down 16 points to a measly 15.
He could definitely pull out his can of whoop-a** now.
(Remaining HP: 15)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
13, 8
Total: 21 (2-40)
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:12 am
(First attack, 12-7;
Current enemy : Zero Bot Army
AC: 10 Remaining HP: 15)
Once said can had been pulled out, there was really nothing to do but keep wailing on the would-be guard. Of course, would be because he sucked at his job.
He lifted the axe high in the air, grinning maniacally before heading in for the blow.
The blade landed well, though it seemed to lodge itself into a part of the armor rather than completely decimate the evil being, who now seemed to be growing bored of this fight. His sentiments exactly.
The status bar popped up, decreasing from 15 to 7. He really need to just decapitate the creature. This was all too tedious.
(Remaining HP: 7)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
8, 1
Total: 9 (2-40)
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:18 am
(Second attack, 12-7
Current Enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10, Remaining HP: 7)
There was a soft sigh exchanged between the two now-bored fighters. Somehow all the hits were landing for the hero, but none from the opposing side. It didn't seem to be a very balanced fight. Perhaps later enemies would be more difficult, but he was annoyed by this.
He jumped, managing to pin down the opponent, raising his axe above his head. If he missed, this would be absolutely pathetic.
Without the enemy moving at all, his axe bounced off of some sort of invisible barrier and stuck itself in the ground.
The two stared at each other, each raising an eyebrow curiously, the wordless minion and silent hero rather perplexed at how he'd failed an AC of 10. He must have no accuracy bonus. For that matter, the enemy must have horrible armor and no Dexterity bonus. Well then. He'd just have to keep going.
(Remaining HP: 7)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
1, 7
Total: 8 (2-40)
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Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 12:26 pm
(First attack, 12-8
Current Enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10, Remaining HP: 7)
This was rather tedious. He pinned the beast and pulled out a knife (from somewhere, maybe, perhaps, of course). Despite his efforts to assure himself of an instant hit, however, he found the knife being yanked from his hand through the sky by some invisible force. He paused for a moment, staring up at the letters in the sky informing him of exactly which fandoms he was allowed to emulate and which should be staying out of the fight.
While he had this silent argument about the fact that knives can be used by rogues in Dungeons and Dragons, however, the beast slithered out from beneath him, fumbling for something to hit him with before grabbing a torch.
He was alerted to this fact only as his face was set fire to, as the sky generally didn't actually care what he did. He raised the axe and yanked on the handle, the blade folding in to allow to the use of a simple staff. Maybe he'd magically hit better with this thing.
It seemed, however, that luck was not on his side, as he missed so badly that he actually dropped his weapon. Now he'd have to waste a whole eight seconds picking it up and open himself up to attack in the meantime.
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
15, 15
Total: 30 (2-40)
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Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 12:31 pm
(Second attack, 12-8
Current Enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10, Remaining HP: 7)
Luckily, though, he had a higher dexterity bonus than the monstrous being, and even flat-footed he was able to remain unscathed (burnt?) from the wild thrusts of the torch. This seemed like a rather horribly unfair fight. The only damaged he'd taken was minor burn wounds to the face, and while generally it was recommended that you went to the hospital for that, he'd heal up fine with a potion or a few hours of rest.
Then again, you could nearly take over the world in 64 seconds if you had a dragon and were strong enough, so maybe healing quickly was a good thing.
He shrugged to himself and jabbed the staff's end in the direction of the Zero Bot's face. The end went straight through the area between the creature's eyes, slamming through the skull and brain tissue and out the back. The little red HP counter rose, counted down from 7 to -8, fuzzed out as it realized it was counting for an NPC, and shifted back up to 0.
Sudden, brief celebratory music played.
The dungeon castle door unlocked, and he made a diving roll inside. What other strange and mysterious beings might await him here? Elves? Dead things? Spiders? Oh God, not spiders.
(Remaining HP: 0)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
20, 11
Total: 31 (2-40)
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Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 8:15 pm
To be editing when feeling not so s**t.
(First attack, 12-9
Current enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10 HP: 40)
Inside, all the hero could see was darkness. So, actually, that meant he couldn't see anything. He rummaged around blindly on his person for anything that might provide a flame, although he knew he possessed no such thing.
Once done with that fruitless search, he ran his hands along the walls for a switch of some sort, but there was still nothing. No switch, no ridges, and the door had close automatically behind him. The room was pitch black. Even as his eyes tried to adjust, there was absolutely no light for him to see by.
He followed the wall to some sort of a ridge, finding a door handle there and throwing it open, letting in a low light. He glanced behind him, but the light cast only about a foot from where he was standing, revealing nothing about the previous room. He stepped through the door cautiously, holding the staff before him and tapping it against the wall to open the blade. He studied his surroundings, moving forward and very nearly jumping as the door shut.
The light remained on in this room, and he was thankful for that, and curious as to what threat the door closing posed. He walked in a slow perimeter about the room, continuously looking back and forth for any silent enemies, but when a foe appeared, it was far from noiseless, and obnoxious music spurred.
He held the blade forward, watching the familiar figure. It was dressed exactly as the guard had been, clad in grey, its skin reflecting the same tone. He jumped forward, thrusting the blade beneath the armor of the soldier, causing it to lurch back in pain. Its health counter rose, starting at 40 as the former's had, counting down eleven points to 29. Perhaps, having conquered the prior assailant, this would be easier. He should know where the weak points were now.
(Remaining HP: 29)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
11, 14
Total: 25 (2-40)
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Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 8:17 pm
To be edited when feeling not so s**t.
(Second Attack, 12-9
Current enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10 HP: 29)
He found his footing, circling the wounded warrior, which leapt and snarled viciously. It was a rather intimidating sight. They performed a sort of violent dance about one another, each unsuccessful in making contact or disarming the other until, in a slight falter, the hero ducked under a swing rather than jumping away from it.
The bot's sword cut across his shoulder blades, causing him to wince. Infuriated, he swept the bot's feet, knocking it onto the ground, in perfect position for a wild swing of his axe.
He didn't entirely expect to make contact, blinded for a moment by anger, but the blade struck hard and deep, cleaving an area of would-be flesh from the robotic being. Its wiring crackled electrically and squealed in protest to being so treated. His shoulders ached now, but he had to keep going. He smiled slightly despite himself as the health counter decreased to 15. This shouldn't take much longer, should it? Even still, he'd never felt the sting of a blade before.
He scrambled back to catch his balance and gain his breath. He grimaced, swallowing hard and clutching his axe tighter. This heroing business was painful stuff.
(Remaining HP: 15)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
9, 19
Total: 28 (2-40)
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 7:36 pm
This comment is pending approval.
(TBE)
(First attack, 12-10
Current enemy : Zero Bot Army
AC: 10 HP: 15)
He found it difficult to get off the ground, but the bot before him had far fewer troubles. Despite its grievous injuries, it continued to fight as though nothing had bothered it.
So, while the hero lie on the ground, grunting as he fought to rise, the bot mocked him with mechanical laughter. It kicked him in the side, and he rolled onto his back, swinging the whole way.
None of the swipes made contact, although many came close. As he thought about it, he realized these creatures, bots, whatever they may be, did not seem too consistent. One moment they would be robotic, the next, certain flesh. Why would a robot need armor? He also couldn't understand why they were so difficult to cut apart. They were certainly odd, whatever they actually were.
(Remaining HP: 15)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
1, 14
Total: 15 (2-40)
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 7:39 pm
And this little post went "Wee Wee Wee" ALL the way home... Sonofablorg.
(TBE)
(Second attack, 12-10
Current enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10 HP: 15)
Shakily, he rose, slow to balance. The bot before him circled, and he found it too much to attempt to do the same. Possessing blood necessary to live himself, he could not take such hits without consequences. He could not follow the circling, and as such, stood still.
The beast did not seem to mind this, adn did not stop its path. Seeing its opportunity, it jumped forward when behind him, and he took a sideward step to avoid the blow, throwing both arms behind him to strike. Off-balanced and injured in his shoulders, his grip slipped on the axe, sending it flying across the room. Both watched its parabolic trajectory, glancing at each other.
The hero, irritated now, shook his head. That was twice already he'd lost his weapon and had to retrieve it. This was growing to be ridiculous. He shifted slowly closer to the axe, narrowly avoiding many strikes and accepting a few others to his arms and chest. He was growing lightheaded from bloodloss.
With a final backstep, he grabbed onto the weapon, determined not to let it go again. He ran two fingers along his right arm, wiping the blood as war stripes on his cheeks. He was beyond pissed now. He needed to kill this thing, assuming, that was, that kill was the proper term. Perhaps then he'd be granted the ability to not be destroyed here.
(Remaining HP: 15)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
15, 17
Total: 32 (2-40)
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Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:03 pm
And for forty days and forty nights, the post sailed the seas, and hoped desperately that it would not sink.
And yea, that would suck.
(TBE)
(First attack, 12-11
Current enemy: Zero Bot Army
AC: 10 HP: 15)
Cold, tired and pained, the hero shuffled back and forth, biding his time while the bot moved militarily. He kept the axe posed before him, a barrier between any prospective attack and his body.
The sword clanged against the axe's blade and handle a few times before he spotted his opening and lunged, arms high above his head. He brought it down, slicing head portion of the bot clean in two. The health counter rose up, decreased to zero, and disappeared from sight once more as the enemy collapsed and disappeared in purplish flames at his feet.
In a whoosh of triumphant, almost anti-climactic music and yellow orbs of light, a chest appeared at the back of the room. Before moving to it, he scrounged around the remnants of armor left behind, looking for some kind of potion or spell or something for his wounds, but to no avail. He pulled off his shirt, tearing it into shreds and creating makeshift bandages for his back, which wrapped around his torso and covered the damaged flesh. His arms remained exposed, but those cuts were not as deep.
Finally, he walked back to the chest, opening it to find what seemed to be nothing more than a set of spectacles. He glanced over them warily, afraid of what sort of evil magic they may possess. One never knew what was left in strange boxes from nowhere. Hesitantly, he placed the glasses over his eyes, looking around the room. There seemed to be no difference, but he left them on. There had to be some reason for them, however suspicious they were.
(Remaining HP: 0)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
7, 9
Total: 16 (2-40)
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:09 pm
"From the mind that brought you Hi-llo"
(To be edited, of course... heh... maybe... hopefully... at some point... doo-da-doo)
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
14, 10
Total: 24 (2-40)
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Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:10 pm
Coconut shrimp is delicious, coconut is disgusting.
Sadly, neither can type for the author, and as such this post shall be in need of editing.
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Blueberry Pwaunch rolled 2 20-sided dice:
11, 15
Total: 26 (2-40)
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Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:58 pm
"So this is your girlfriend. No wonder she left. She's way too pretty for you."
(To be edited)
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