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I've been pretty swamped lately, but a recent outbreak of every god damn christian I know persecuting me because I'm aparrently the only atheist they know has lead me to write a list of 16 things christians should know about atheists.

1. Please stop hedging when you mention our lack of belief. Atheists are atheists. We're not "self-described," nor do we "claim" to be atheists. You don't want us to start saying things like, "This is my friend, Julie. She calls herself a Christian," do you? Then man up, brace yourself, and use the a-word all by itself. Practice in front of the mirror if you need to. You'll know you have the proper calm, factual tone when the glass doesn't shatter.

2. Please stop capitalizing the word "atheist." Unless it comes at the beginning of the sentence, you're just wasting ink. We know you're probably trying to be polite, but it doesn't work that way. There is no guy named Athe.

3. Some of you keep insisting that we're angry at your god. And then you laugh at us for being so silly – being angry at someone we don't even believe in. Well, you're right. That would be pretty darned silly. That's why we don't do it. Are you annoyed at Zeus? Do you have a grudge against the faerie folk? Of course not. It's the same for us – how could we feel anger or hatred toward a non-existent being? (Some of his followers cheese us off, but that's another story.)

4. Stop saying that deep down inside, we really do believe in your deity. Belief in the kind of guy who can create an entire universe with the force of a few well-turned phrases is not the sort of secret that fits neatly into a back pocket, as it were. If we thought this fellow was real, we'd be the first to know. And people don't tend to keep that particular nugget of information to themselves. Ever notice that?

5. Please understand that "You're such a nice person! I can't believe you're an atheist!" is not a compliment. More importantly, please understand that we understand that. Believe me, every single one of us has considered replying, "And you're so smart – I can't believe you're a Christian!" How about we all agree to not go there?

6. The only thing all occupants of foxholes have in common is access to weapons and a willingness to fight. It might be the better part of wisdom not to provoke them by insisting that you know more about their beliefs or lack thereof than they do.

7. How can our lives have any purpose without God? One word: chocolate.

8. It's sweet of you to worry about us, really it is. But it's not terribly helpful to tell us that we should go ahead and believe in your particular faith "just in case." Just in case what? In case a deity who can't distinguish heartfelt faith from apple-polishing affectation happens to be running the show?

9. Let's make a deal: we promise to stop asking that stupid question about whether God can make a rock so big he can't lift it. In exchange, please stop saying, "Well, God doesn't believe in atheists!" and then laughing like Shakespeare came back to life just long enough to write one last comedy.

10.Please quit asking us how or why we "turned our backs" on God. The whole point of being an atheist is that we don't see any reason to think we did any such thing.

11. Anyone who was born in an English-speaking country and is more than two minutes old has heard about God and Jesus. It's annoying when you assume that atheists just haven't heard enough about them, and that's why we're still atheists. Many of us have done extensive research on the subject of religion. Many of us credit our atheism to exactly that.

12. Please stop telling your atheist acquaintances that you'll miss us when you get to heaven. No, you won't. If you turn out to be right, you'll be in heaven – the place where, by definition, people don't feel sad. And if we're right – well, guess who won't be feeling much of anything?

13. If you've ever said, "You can't prove there isn't a God" – first of all, congratulations. You're officially four years old. Second, we never said we could. But until you can show some serious proof that there is one, we see no reason to believe. There's nothing wrong with taking a leap of faith, provided you acknowledge that's what you're doing. Atheists simply prefer other forms of exercise.

14. Stop asking us how we can be moral without God. It's simple. We're awake, and we're not idiots. That's all it takes to figure out that sharing the planet with so many other people is a lot more pleasant when we also share some basic ideas about acceptable behavior. I don't like being stabbed; therefore I support laws against stabbing and promise not to stab anyone myself, no matter how much I may feel like doing so. See how easy?

15. So far as being a Christian is concerned, you're either a member of a persecuted minority, or part of a solid majority. Figure out which one of those is the case, and then live with it. You don't get to switch back and forth depending on whether you think you can smother dissent better at any given moment by either whining that everybody's always being mean to you, or bellowing that this is your house and you make the rules.

16. Speaking of persecuted minorities: Christianity used to be one. Did you fight your way to freedom of faith just so you could treat nonbelievers the same way they used to treat you?

And now for my rebuttal

1. This isn't directed at you personally. It's just a general note to educate the christian mass so atheists don't have to deal with that kind of s**t.

2. Let's break down that term "atheism."
A - the absence of, not
Theism - the belief of one or more deity
Atheism isn't a religion devoted to Athe, god of logic and reasoning. It is the lack of belief in a deity.

3. Really?

4. If you had carefully read the previous two statements, you would have noticed that I did not acknowledge his/her/whateverthehellgodmaybehemightbeadamncowforallicare existance. Judging by your response to number four, I'm guessing you read it out of context.

5. It's just insulting really. When people say that, it gives off the impression that they believe all atheists are assholes. Now don't get me wrong, I do hate from time to time, but I'm not a complete douche.

6. Religion is like a d**k: you can be proud of it, you can try to make it bigger, just don't go waving it around in public or shoving it down people's throats. Kay? And number six was just saying that you may not want to piss off someone who's an inch from the trigger.

7. That just doesn't make sense. Why would you get "super mad" about such a delicious treat?

8. Some people don't want your help and it's annoying when you think we do.

9. I'll just refer you to the statement above.

10. The point of being an atheist is not to denounce the existance of god, but to believe in more concrete alternatives. You know, things that exist. Also, "It might be the better part of wisdom not to provoke them by insisting that you know more about their beliefs or lack thereof than they do." taken from number six of my last post. Maybe if you read it again, it will mame sense.

11. If you don't respond, then neither can I.

12. Are you even reading my posts?

13. I'm just trying not to laugh.

14. I'm seriously starting to wonder if you just read the first sentance of each statement and nothing else. Christians won't stab someone because they believe they'll end up in hell. Atheists don't stab someone because it's kind of a d**k thing to do.

15. No comment

16. A lot of us don't need your help. End of story.

17. First off, this is directed at christians and only christians. I'm not discriminating. I'm just trying to guide you away from constantly insulting me whenever I say I'm an atheist.

18. Think carefully about your response. Read through the text multiple times before you reply.

So do I.

KK@ im not catholic im christian..just thought i might let u kno, im not mad just sayin ya kno? hahahaha

and u dolofonos dufus, i did read through them multiple times and ur a HYPOCRITE! ur freaking putting Christians down when u say we do the same. i dont but some might because theyr human and its human nature to do so. so yes. u r discriminating agaisnts us, u r doing the exact same thing as u say we Christians are. so shut the hole that eats the chocolate and listen to what I'm saying and wat other christians around you are saying. you do need help, you do need Jesus.