Dragain
She blinked at his sighing; he's been sighing a lot recently and it always made her feel like she had done something wrong. She never thought that having a boilfriend would be this complicated and messy and things were progressing so quickly that it was making her sick and.... Ugh.
"I-I'm sorry," She managed to squeak out, from her expression, terrified was an understatement for the way she was feeling now.
"I-I'm sorry," She managed to squeak out, from her expression, terrified was an understatement for the way she was feeling now.
Enoh Love
In retrospect, what he had done wasn't the best of ideas...but it was a heat of the moment decision, and he could hardly be faulted too much for not thinking it through!
The terror in her expression though, it gripped his heart so tightly he thought it would burst. This was Lizzy he was looking at. Adorable, innocent Lizzy. Guilt set in almost instantly; how could he have done this to her, to such a sweet ghoul? The guilt was immediately followed by disgust so overwhelming he felt sick to his stomach...did he really consider what he did? How dare he! It was horrible on it's own, even if Lizzy wasn't factored into it.
"No, no, it's not your--look, I'm sorry." He said heavily, moving to sit momentarily on the edge of the bed. "I didn't mean to..." To what? To scare her? To go too far? To make her look like a cornered mouse? To consider doing horrible things to her?
The answer was all of the above.
He really was the worst...
The terror in her expression though, it gripped his heart so tightly he thought it would burst. This was Lizzy he was looking at. Adorable, innocent Lizzy. Guilt set in almost instantly; how could he have done this to her, to such a sweet ghoul? The guilt was immediately followed by disgust so overwhelming he felt sick to his stomach...did he really consider what he did? How dare he! It was horrible on it's own, even if Lizzy wasn't factored into it.
"No, no, it's not your--look, I'm sorry." He said heavily, moving to sit momentarily on the edge of the bed. "I didn't mean to..." To what? To scare her? To go too far? To make her look like a cornered mouse? To consider doing horrible things to her?
The answer was all of the above.
He really was the worst...
Dragain
She wasn't really paying her attention at this point in time. What was once enjoyable to her - the feeling of having him so close to her body - made it hard for her to breathe, and it wasn't in a good way. She was contemplating maybe trying to push him off when he did it voluntarily. Almost immediately, she grabbed at the covers and crawled under them, sitting up with her back against the backrest, knees to her chest, pulling at the covers around her.
Once that was done, she lifted her head to stare at Mac's back, trying her hardest to comprehend his words. He was sorry? For what? He said sorry when he first kissed her too. That painful reminder only caused her grip on the cloth around her to tighten as she buried her face in the covers, eyes closed. She wasn't sure how long she stayed in that position, but she made sure to stay there till she felt a little bit better and wouldn't cry.
"You're saying sorry again," Her voice was soft, barely a whisper, as she peered up from the covers, "You never tell me what is wrong exactly... It's my fault, isn't it? I bet that the other ghouls you had been with didn't-" She paused, the words stuck in her throat, her eyes glazing over as she dropped her gaze; she promised herself she wouldn't cry!
Once that was done, she lifted her head to stare at Mac's back, trying her hardest to comprehend his words. He was sorry? For what? He said sorry when he first kissed her too. That painful reminder only caused her grip on the cloth around her to tighten as she buried her face in the covers, eyes closed. She wasn't sure how long she stayed in that position, but she made sure to stay there till she felt a little bit better and wouldn't cry.
"You're saying sorry again," Her voice was soft, barely a whisper, as she peered up from the covers, "You never tell me what is wrong exactly... It's my fault, isn't it? I bet that the other ghouls you had been with didn't-" She paused, the words stuck in her throat, her eyes glazing over as she dropped her gaze; she promised herself she wouldn't cry!
Enoh Love
He didn't need to watch her scramble to know what she was doing, and he didn't blame her, not one bit. The Reaper stayed as quiet as she was, mulling over how terrible he was. When she finally did speak, he almost wished she hadn't; it would have been easier if she just ran like last time.
"Of course I said sorry." Mac looked over his shoulder at her, his heart still heavy with guilt. "Look at yourself, Lizzy! You're scared, and it's my fault!" He said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "They didn't, but---" All the words died in his throat when her gaze dropped. It didn't seem possible that she could affect him any more than she already did, but somehow she managed it; her words shot through him, and panic took hold.
"No!" He cried out, instantly rounding the bed to sit on the edge beside her. "No no no, that's not it at all, Lizzy! It's definitely not you, it's just...you're such a good ghoul and I...I forget sometimes and get carried away, and...then I go and do something stupid that ends up scaring you..." He finished lamely, his arms half-lifted as though he wanted to hold her, but was too afraid to.
"Of course I said sorry." Mac looked over his shoulder at her, his heart still heavy with guilt. "Look at yourself, Lizzy! You're scared, and it's my fault!" He said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "They didn't, but---" All the words died in his throat when her gaze dropped. It didn't seem possible that she could affect him any more than she already did, but somehow she managed it; her words shot through him, and panic took hold.
"No!" He cried out, instantly rounding the bed to sit on the edge beside her. "No no no, that's not it at all, Lizzy! It's definitely not you, it's just...you're such a good ghoul and I...I forget sometimes and get carried away, and...then I go and do something stupid that ends up scaring you..." He finished lamely, his arms half-lifted as though he wanted to hold her, but was too afraid to.
Dragain
"I bet they didn't ask you to stop," She finished her sentence anyway, a hint of bitterness to her voice, and what Mac said just confirmed her little theory, although he didn't finish his sentence. She noticed the way his arms moved, and she twitched, wanting to just throw herself in his arms and have him hug her while petting her head and telling her that it was okay... Then maybe all the bad feelings would go away and everything would be right as rain again.
"Maybe it would be better if I wasn't such a 'good ghoul'," The words slipped out before she could stop herself, and she hugged her knees closer to her chest. Once the words came out, however, she couldn't stop the rest of it from tumbling out, "Then you won't have to be sorry all the time, feeling like you did something wrong... Maybe... MaybeIdidsomethingwrongattheendofprom." She choked out, biting down on her lower lip as she buried her face in the cloth draped over her knees, her toes curling up under the covers; wow, that hurt to say, and she wasn't even sure if she meant it at all.
"Maybe it would be better if I wasn't such a 'good ghoul'," The words slipped out before she could stop herself, and she hugged her knees closer to her chest. Once the words came out, however, she couldn't stop the rest of it from tumbling out, "Then you won't have to be sorry all the time, feeling like you did something wrong... Maybe... MaybeIdidsomethingwrongattheendofprom." She choked out, biting down on her lower lip as she buried her face in the cloth draped over her knees, her toes curling up under the covers; wow, that hurt to say, and she wasn't even sure if she meant it at all.
Enoh Love
"They didn't." Mac confirmed honestly, though he knew it would come back to bite him. But oh, he didn't know how hard. He was learning fast though, as Lizzy seemed to be unable to control what she was saying, letting him know exactly how she felt. It was easier to just let her vent, let her say what she wanted and just sit there and take it. But those last words? They hurt. By now it shouldn't have been possible to make him feel lower than he did, but she just...wow. Yeah, hehadn't quite hit bottom yet.
He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately. What...what do you say to that? No, don't regret it? That was impossible, he fully expected her to feel that way. They were from two very different worlds and were too very different people; he knew a longtime ago that he didn't deserve her. She was too good for him, how could he be so selfish as to say otherwise?
"I'll admit, sometimes I wish you weren't. This would be less frustrating." Since he was going to hell in a handbasket, he might as well be honest on his way down. "But don't...ever wish to be anything but what you are." He said slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. The rest he couldn't bring himself to say; that when he felt he did something wrong, he tried to fix it because he didn't want to hurt her. That even though it wasn't easy on him, he stuck with it, for her. Other things like...if it was easy, it wasn't a relationship.
They were all good reasons for her to not regret being with him, but...he was dueling with wanting her and wanting what was best for her. He was clearly not what was best for her.
"But I...I don't regret anything I've done other than when I scare you or make you cry, but if you do...I understand. It's okay, I won't hold it against you." Now that hurt to say, but if she wanted an out...this was it.
He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately. What...what do you say to that? No, don't regret it? That was impossible, he fully expected her to feel that way. They were from two very different worlds and were too very different people; he knew a longtime ago that he didn't deserve her. She was too good for him, how could he be so selfish as to say otherwise?
"I'll admit, sometimes I wish you weren't. This would be less frustrating." Since he was going to hell in a handbasket, he might as well be honest on his way down. "But don't...ever wish to be anything but what you are." He said slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. The rest he couldn't bring himself to say; that when he felt he did something wrong, he tried to fix it because he didn't want to hurt her. That even though it wasn't easy on him, he stuck with it, for her. Other things like...if it was easy, it wasn't a relationship.
They were all good reasons for her to not regret being with him, but...he was dueling with wanting her and wanting what was best for her. He was clearly not what was best for her.
"But I...I don't regret anything I've done other than when I scare you or make you cry, but if you do...I understand. It's okay, I won't hold it against you." Now that hurt to say, but if she wanted an out...this was it.
Dragain
His honesty was usually appreciated, but now it stung because it just confirmed her fears... And yet, she was the one who put it out on the table in the first place. It made her curl up tighter, unwilling to look up at Mac in case she went on to say something stupid again. Sometimes, mostly now though, she wished that she wasn't brought up the way she did only to feel like a terrible daughter because she liked herself, and she liked the way her mother had raised her. If she ever got a daughter, she would raise her the same way she was raised, but with added video games.
"But if I stayed this way, it would just continue to frustrate you, right?" She was mumbling, the uncertainty in her voice plain and obvious. Mac might be thinking that he wasn't good enough for her, but Lizzy was thinking the exact opposite; she knew of his flaws but he was so imperfectly perfect in his own way, even if she knew that he didn't get along with her friends. Even if she knew that he could be mean. She wasn't exactly sure how she felt right now - did she want him to change eventually? Stop being this mean? Or did she really accept him for who he is? That he didn't need to change... And apparently nor did she, according to him.
Looking up, the fear in her now tear filled eyes were gone, but sorrow was settling down in its place and it made her look just as pathetic as before.
His next comment confused her at first, as she blinked at him, looking into those dark, black eyes she found so attractive. When the meaning of those words hit her, however, she winced, like whatever mental pain had just became physical, making it hard to breathe. It took her a moment to find her voice again, "I... I don't regret it... I just..." She just what, "Just thought that you could easily get someone better..." Someone prettier, more willing to play along with him and cause him less frustration... Someone who wouldn't make him feel bad just by being herself.
"But if I stayed this way, it would just continue to frustrate you, right?" She was mumbling, the uncertainty in her voice plain and obvious. Mac might be thinking that he wasn't good enough for her, but Lizzy was thinking the exact opposite; she knew of his flaws but he was so imperfectly perfect in his own way, even if she knew that he didn't get along with her friends. Even if she knew that he could be mean. She wasn't exactly sure how she felt right now - did she want him to change eventually? Stop being this mean? Or did she really accept him for who he is? That he didn't need to change... And apparently nor did she, according to him.
Looking up, the fear in her now tear filled eyes were gone, but sorrow was settling down in its place and it made her look just as pathetic as before.
His next comment confused her at first, as she blinked at him, looking into those dark, black eyes she found so attractive. When the meaning of those words hit her, however, she winced, like whatever mental pain had just became physical, making it hard to breathe. It took her a moment to find her voice again, "I... I don't regret it... I just..." She just what, "Just thought that you could easily get someone better..." Someone prettier, more willing to play along with him and cause him less frustration... Someone who wouldn't make him feel bad just by being herself.
Enoh Love
Mac nodded.
"And you will always end up scared or in tears." Mac confirmed with a nod, answering her question with a statement. Yes, if he didn't change either, he would always either scare her or make her cry; or both, really. He had a long track record of making her upset. It was a sad truth, but today was apparently truth telling day. Lizzy was confused about her feelings, but Mac knew exactly where his were; he liked the ghoul for all of her innocence, but it was that exact innocence that drove him crazy, in the good and the bad way.
...She thought he could get someone better? That was...wow, that was a tall order. It wasn't ever going to happen! "I don't think ghouls come any better than you." He shrugged lightly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his fingers tenting awkwardly. "And I think there are only a few boils worse than I am." Mac didn't think he was the lowest of the low...but he was near it, that much was obvious.
Then, with a deep breath, he asked the question he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to. "So...what do you want to do about..." He gestured lamely to the both of them, meaning their relationship. It was important; do they continue to frustrate or upset each other, or...?
"And you will always end up scared or in tears." Mac confirmed with a nod, answering her question with a statement. Yes, if he didn't change either, he would always either scare her or make her cry; or both, really. He had a long track record of making her upset. It was a sad truth, but today was apparently truth telling day. Lizzy was confused about her feelings, but Mac knew exactly where his were; he liked the ghoul for all of her innocence, but it was that exact innocence that drove him crazy, in the good and the bad way.
...She thought he could get someone better? That was...wow, that was a tall order. It wasn't ever going to happen! "I don't think ghouls come any better than you." He shrugged lightly, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his fingers tenting awkwardly. "And I think there are only a few boils worse than I am." Mac didn't think he was the lowest of the low...but he was near it, that much was obvious.
Then, with a deep breath, he asked the question he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to. "So...what do you want to do about..." He gestured lamely to the both of them, meaning their relationship. It was important; do they continue to frustrate or upset each other, or...?
Dragain
So, in essence, they knew that they were bad for each other... She hung her head, having never really thought of it that way before. Then again, she never really thought their relationship through until it happened, seeing how they were both feeding off the energy from prom when she asked... And he did admit that he didn't want to be her boilfriend immediately after that - that it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't asked. Of course, the first two months of this relationship was lovely. They went on a date she really enjoyed, and he had been really patient with her all this time, although she knew she could be rather silly at times, with her view on the world often being far from the truth.
"You're lying," She could easily think of ghouls who were better than her in various ways, but she wasn't about to start tossing names at the boil, especially not after next his comment. Her eyes widened for a moment, her mouth opening, and then shutting as she paused; it was true that out of the boils she had ever met, Mac started out really low on the nice-ness scale... But had made his way up slowly over the months, "You're not... I- Well, you can be mean with your words and actions, and you show your care in a vastly different way-" Like tossing her into the pool to make her swim, "-but you mean well and you love your friends and that's what I like about you... You're also kind of cocky but I prefer to thing of that as self-confidence."
The question was met with silence on her end as she mulled over it; she wanted to continue to be with Mac but she didn't want them to end up hurting each other and end up going crazy before going on a mass killing spree in the school before being grabbed by Hellma and being made to do her lingerie laundry for eternity as punishment. She shivered at the thought, and then shivered again when she realized how cold she was, both physically and because Mac was just there and he didn't have those warm, strong arms wrapped around her. Looking up, she bit down on her lower lip and raised her arms slightly, her legs straightening out under the covers still wrapped around her body like a protective layer, "C-can I have a hug?"
"You're lying," She could easily think of ghouls who were better than her in various ways, but she wasn't about to start tossing names at the boil, especially not after next his comment. Her eyes widened for a moment, her mouth opening, and then shutting as she paused; it was true that out of the boils she had ever met, Mac started out really low on the nice-ness scale... But had made his way up slowly over the months, "You're not... I- Well, you can be mean with your words and actions, and you show your care in a vastly different way-" Like tossing her into the pool to make her swim, "-but you mean well and you love your friends and that's what I like about you... You're also kind of cocky but I prefer to thing of that as self-confidence."
The question was met with silence on her end as she mulled over it; she wanted to continue to be with Mac but she didn't want them to end up hurting each other and end up going crazy before going on a mass killing spree in the school before being grabbed by Hellma and being made to do her lingerie laundry for eternity as punishment. She shivered at the thought, and then shivered again when she realized how cold she was, both physically and because Mac was just there and he didn't have those warm, strong arms wrapped around her. Looking up, she bit down on her lower lip and raised her arms slightly, her legs straightening out under the covers still wrapped around her body like a protective layer, "C-can I have a hug?"
Enoh Love
"I am not." He snorted stubbornly, but dropped his head to focus on his hands while she prattled off his apparently good qualities, even if they were skewed from the usual moral arrow. The cocky part made him chuckle for more than one reason, and he shook his head. "Not always."
The silence was as deafening as it was uncomfortable, but he waited patiently. It really all depended on her now, since she was the one that started that entire fiasco. Her voice made him flinch...until he realized what she was saying, and all he could do was stare at her for a moment. What...what did that have to do with anything?! Asking for a hug could easily mean 'lets still be friends' as it could 'lets stay together'! Why was this ghoul so confusing?!
"Err, sure?" Blinking, he shuffled a little further onto the bed, leaning over to gather her up, blankets and all, into his arms. "But answer the question."
The silence was as deafening as it was uncomfortable, but he waited patiently. It really all depended on her now, since she was the one that started that entire fiasco. Her voice made him flinch...until he realized what she was saying, and all he could do was stare at her for a moment. What...what did that have to do with anything?! Asking for a hug could easily mean 'lets still be friends' as it could 'lets stay together'! Why was this ghoul so confusing?!
"Err, sure?" Blinking, he shuffled a little further onto the bed, leaning over to gather her up, blankets and all, into his arms. "But answer the question."