|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 8:08 pm
Name: Garethon Lafeu
Nickname: Gare
Age: 29
Birthday: May 1st
Sign: Taurus
Gemstone: Emerald
Blood Type: O-
Fav. Food: Cookie Dough Truffles
Hated Food: Eggplant.
School and Occupation: Graduated, Works as a mid-level executive for an advertising firm.
Hobbies:
Swordplay – Garethon has been an enthusiast of swordplay and other types of armed combat since he was a young boy. He is best with a thin cutting blade or a polearm, but he is at least proficient with most types of weapons, even his fists. He trains often, and frequents demonstrations and competitions. Garethon is in charge of his fencing team, but is so busy self-promoting that the team suffers in his absence. He is an avid participant in a local Kendo group but doesn’t have the time to travel around, and he isn’t good enough to support himself on it. He wants to teach his daughter some swordplay, but Bellatrix has so far been against the idea. Garethon also has a large collection of swords and pole arms, including more than a few antiques. He also has a “force fx lightsaber” in it that he lets Millicent play with whenever she comes over to his house.
Table-top gaming – Once every week Garethon gets together with his friends to play Dungeons and Dragons pathfinder. He’s done so since high school, and is loath to miss it for even the most important of engagement, and if forced to miss a game he will make sure his group knows of his absence beforehand. He runs the group as the game master, exerting control over his group even at home. It relaxes him to hold the lives of these (admittedly fictional) characters in his hands. It takes his mind off his other duties, and he sometimes uses it as a “trail run” for schemes, to see how people react to unpredicted situations.
Scheming – Anyone who spends too much time around Garethon will find themselves caught up in his schemes. His ambition to become the most powerful extends beyond honest advancement.Garethon will never scheme in such a way that would harm a child, it is against his very nature. Garethon spends large portions of his time coming up with, elaborating on, and sometimes abandoning complex schemes for power. He schemes up ways to get women to come home with him(lie about who he is, make himself seem like a hero through some staged event), to get ahead in his job (by framing his superiors for mistakes and then fixing them, or perhapes making his mistakes seem like they were other peoples mistaks), or even how to make a wad of cash easy through various scams. The actual act of scheming is just as important to him as the execution of his schemes. Paranoid his schemes will be discovered, Garethon plots his schemes in a journal disguised as dungeons and dragons encounters.
Virtues:
Brave – Garethon isn’t easily scared, even by situations he does not understand. He can be startled by a situation he doesn’t expect, but if he runs from a fight it’s never because he thinks he’ll lose. Garethons ambition and confidence fuels his bravery, he sees turning his back on a fight as an admission of defeat, and will stand in the face of overwhelming odds. He WILL retreat if he thinks for some reason it can be turned to his immediate advantage (Not “live to fight another day” type of advantage) but this only occurs when he has a very specific plan in mind.
Confident- Garethon is very self-confident, he is hard to shake from his commitments. This creates a dangerous combination with his ambition, because once Garethon has set his sights on having something he very rarely gives up till he has it. This is also the reason he is so ambitious, he believes he is the right man for the job, no matter what the job might be. Garathon’s confidence is what got him his advertising job, he has a knack for looking people in the eye and saying “you want this.” Garathon rarely hesitates in social situations, or worries how he might appear to others, which gives him a leg up and even a sort of charm to people who first meet him, before they realize he’d sell them out for a shiny dollar or the promise of a promotion.
Focused- Garethon doesn’t lose track of what he was doing. He is organized and methodical in his plans, and if he appears to be distracted its only because that’s what he wants you to think is happening. Unless under the influence of a child (see below) Garethon keeps a clear head in even the most unorganized fight, and is usually ready to seize an opportunity if it presents itself. It helps him further his schemes, and has helped his career greatly. His seeming total dedication to his work was, however, part of the reason the judge awarded custody of Millicent to Bellatrix.
Flaws:
Overambitious – Garethon wants power in every color of the rainbow. He can turn down money or comforts, but when it comes to power and position his greed is endless. He will double cross anyone (well almost, see below) to get a better position, which doesn’t make him a lot of friends. He’s crafty though, so this isn’t always immediately apparent. This flaw makes his everyday life troublesome. In everything he does he sees opportunities for power, so sometimes he takes things that shouldn’t be serious too seriously, including turning what should be a fun event into an opportunity to gain power, missing out on relaxing activities at a company picknick or ruining the fun at a casual sparring match by trying to one up everyone. He really misses out on the nicer things about his life trying to get ahead.
Unscrupulous – Garethon REALLY doesn’t care what happens to others. Garethon will sell others out as his job or even at his table top game, making him somewhat unpleasant to be around. His concept of good and evil is skewed by a jaded pessimism about the ways of the world; he thinks that no one will ever look out for him, so why should he look out for them? This mostly effects the application of his ambition, he doesnt mind lieing to people to influence their actions, or planting evidence of indiscretions if it helps him get ahead. It doesnt bother him in the slightest. The exception comes in with children, who he believes need time to learn to fend for themselves, so he takes pity and protects them without fail. He also uses the fact that he doesn’t hurt children as a moral justification for the bad things he does.
Pessimistic – Garethon has a sad outlook on life. He’s had his share of difficulties since he was a child, but he feels he’s had MORE than his share. He looks on everything in the world from a jaded perspective; he sees the worst in every situation. This doesn’t mean he is incapable of thinking things could be better, he definitely thinks of plenty of ways things could be better for HIM. But he does believe that the world is just naturally the way it is, and there is nothing that’s going to change that. This causes him to be much less interested in the problems of others, he's not likely to go out of his ways to help someone with their issues unless he can see some profit in it. He has little sympathy for the problems of others, he sees it as the way of the world. This world view is justified in his eyes by the fact that his daughter (who he loves dearly) is in Bellatrix’s custody, even though he thinks he’d be a much better parent.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Wide, blue eyes.
Hair: Blonde, cropped short. It stands up slightly in the front in a crown shape, and then shortens as it goes down the back of his head.
Face: Broad, square face with an L shaped scar on his right temple. He has a large, blonde mustache that comes down past the edge of his lips.
Clothes: Garethon usually wears black baggy pants with black shoes, a button up black and grey shirt with a long, dark brown trench coat that he keeps open. He wears black fingerless gloves with open backs. He sometimes wears red and yellow sunglasses when it is bright outside.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 8:12 pm
Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant Magnetite Challenge: "I’ll allow you a moment to beg." Uniform: Top Knee length jacket, buttoned all the way up. Bottoms – Straight slacks. Gloves – His black, fingerless and backless gloves from his other outfit. Belt – Black leather belt with simple metal buckle Shoes – Black shin high boots. Shoulders – A braided military cord goes around his left shoulder in his secondary color, red. Accessories – His red sunglasses appear in powered up form, but he promptly takes them off at night or inside. Weapon – Level 1- A simple, brown wooden Kendo Bokken. This is a wooden practice sword for kendo; it’s more dangerous than an umbrella but less than a baseball bat. Garethon is proficient in its use. Level 2- The bokken looks no different, but its power has been increased. Though Garethon's Bokken weighs 1.5 pounds, it now feels to him as if it weighs only .5 pounds, and it feels uncomfortably warm to the touch. Not deadly, but like a hot cup straight out of the microwave. Anyone besides Magnetite who touches the weapon at any place would feel the painful sensation, but it does no actual extra damage except maybe leaving a red mark. It is still a wooden bokken. Level 3- The bokken’s blade begins to glow like a hot ember, and even takes on the appearance of one ( Like this or this). The bokken scalds and burns whoever besides Magnetite it touches, but it cannot light anything on fire. Heat does not emanate far from the blade and as such cannot be used to keep warm. The bokken is still blunt, and cannot be used to cut. The blade gives off a slight glow in this form, but can't really illuminate an area more then a few inches from the blade. This also makes it hard for him to hide in his powered up form at night. (Bokken: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_lms0m_RPhlI/TL4Ax_GWLZI/AAAAAAAAABw/r9HYUPqXdAA/s1600/BOKKEN+Kendo+Practice+Sword+40.jpg) Main Color – Navy Blue. Secondary color - Red
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 8:18 pm
My first character on tthis site, I am somewhat familiar with roleplay. Friends with someone who rps here, she asked me to come check it out. Please help by sending Crits!
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 2:33 pm
At the moment, your merits and flaws seem a little short, I think they could be fleshed out more, and maybe on some level tied together.
You say on his "Brave" merit that if he runs from a fight, it's 'never because he think's he'll loose'. This makes me wonder what would make him retreat from a fight, and if it doesn't tie in with Overambitious. Is he so convinced of his prowess that he won't back down easily even when it's a REALLY bad idea to keep fighting? A number of senshi have ranged attacks, and his short range weapon will face unique challenges against a foe that doesn't need to get close to him.
Flaws are also usually traits that make people NOT like you: While I can see his indifference to others becoming a major flaw, especially since it indicates he will function very poorly in a team, and this will, in the long run, cost him (and make for potentially interesting roleplay when his own actions come back to burn him in the butt.)... his empathy toward small children isn't really a trait that most people are going to dislike. It's more an indicator of a moral code than a flaw, and even in nega's, it's not impossible to have a moral compass.
Under Focused: you say he is ALWAYS ready to seize an opportunity, this is an pretty broad statement. Even the most focused person sometimes fails, and not just 'because of small children'. Lack of sleep, injury, or just dealing with too many things at once can all distract people, no matter how good they are at multitasking. I think this really needs some tweaking. On the uniform: Their powered up uniform appears in entirety, are you implying that sometimes he pockets the sunglasses? They seem a little random at the moment. Also, the challenge seems curious to me. He doesn't currently strike me as someone with interest or respect for religion, but maybe this is just because I don't know that side to him? It's not a big deal but it made me curious.
Good luck with your ap!
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:49 am
Thanks for the Crit! I edited some things on my application after reviewingyour thoughts, including moveing "Soft spot for children" into the virtues section. Your input was very helpful!
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 6:38 pm
HI!
I acutally have a question, out of curiousity does Garethon Lafeu have a meaning or is there a certain reason you choose the name? I've never heard it before and it's got me curious.
Also, I'd like to point out that typically on flaws and virtues the GMs, like to try to keep these even. 3 on 3, or 4 on 4, etc...
Honestly, and this is sorta from my stand point; someone else could see it different but as I'm reading the trait named Soft Spot for Children doesn't really read like either a flaw or a virtue to me, more like it could technically be a side note or something like that. Either that or it's really kind of weak compared to your other flaws and virtues...
A way to make virtues and flaws stronger is to explain how they effect the character every day. Like you said the character is brave, it might be helpful to think of why, I noticed the text said he wasn't easily scared but being brave doesn't necessarily mean that he's not afraid but it means he can put on a brave face and stare his fears in the face.
Something that might help is asking some basic questions like "how, why, and when?" It often makes for a stronger trait when these are taken into consideration.
Something I often like to do is go through while I'm writing a trait and try to figure out how it relates to other traits, is it possible it could cancel out another? Is there a way I can tie these two into each other. Bridging gaps like that also help in making a stronger profile and character that sounds interesting. I noticed a lot of traits that it mentions battles, something to think about is everyday life too, the character won't always be in a battle and there'll be rps where they'll be civilians interacting with other civilians, or in classes working on projects; it's important to keep in mind how these traits affect them then as well.
I hope this helps some.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 11:56 am
Thanks for the crit. I went ahead and took "Soft spot for children" out entirely, taking elements of it and working them into his other traits and flaws. Youll notice now that most of his flaws mention children as an exception.
That should balance out the number of traits and flaws.
I tried to stregnthen the traits and flaws as well, tying them together a little better and mentioning his normal life in some of them.
The name Garethon is made up, I came up with it in Highschool for a dungeons and dragons character. The name Lafeu is from shakespears "All's Well that Ends Well" and I like the way they go together. Ive been re using the name and character in different incarnations since I was 17, this particular version of Garathon has been adapted from a previous one, and Im interested to see how hell turn out.
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 6:37 pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 11:54 am
I don't know if it still applies, but for a while people were encouraged not to pick names already in use. Lafeu is the surname of Chibi Lenka, so... yeah. Like I said, don't know if this is still an issue, but thought I'd point it out so you could think of a back-up. ^^;
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 12:28 pm
Holy Blasphemy I don't know if it still applies, but for a while people were encouraged not to pick names already in use. Lafeu is the surname of Chibi Lenka, so... yeah. Like I said, don't know if this is still an issue, but thought I'd point it out so you could think of a back-up. ^^; Don't worry! That's Millie's daddy! XD <3 It's all taken care of~ We planned this! ^^
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 1:14 pm
Well then, that makes sense! Don't mind silly little ol' me, do carry on. xD
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 4:24 pm
Congratulations on getting Magnetite! He’s got an awesome design and overall has a decent foundation. There’s just a things that need to be spruced up some.
To start, I just want to make sure that you (and Orangish) are well aware that since your two characters are father-daughter, that two of them can basically never reveal their identities to each other. Having opposing faction members in the same household is a tricky thing to pull off. I’m not saying it can’t be done, but if either of them revealed their alternative identities to each other it would cause quite a few problems (as chibi senshi can never be corrupted, and should Magnetite ever be purified he’d lose his civilian identity). That’s just something you should keep in mind when you work on plots.
On to real crit!
Because Gare is an adult! He needs a job! Even though it's not exactly on the form, it's important to know! Right now all we know is that he’s a graduate of some kind (High school? College?). But we don’t know what he’s doing with 75% of his time! How does he make income? Support his family? Instead of having a school section in the form, you can replace that with Occupation, and briefly describe whatever it is he does. Even if Garethon doesn’t have steady employment, or a string of odd jobs, that’s important to know! With his scheming attribute, I can see how that might play into him having some get-rich-quick or less-than-legal jobs.
Hobbies:
With Swordplay, where does he practice? Is he part of a club or a team? Does he practice at home with wooden sword with his daughter?
Table-top gaming is fine. I wouldn’t mind knowing what kind of character Garethon plays. Does he see gaming as a way to escape the pressure of being a young father?
I think you should also consider adding another hobby! It’ll help add more dimension to Garethon. How does he relax? Does he collect anything? What does he do for fun other than D&D?
You could move scheming to hobbies! I tend to think of anything that ends with –ing more as an activity than a real trait. If you move it into hobbies, please explain what sort of schemes he might do.
Traits:
Following from that I don’t believe that scheming is really a flaw. Scheming is an action, not a description for someone. What I take away from that trait is that Garethon is an intelligent person who will do whatever it takes to get to the top /powerhungry (with ties into overambitious). Perhaps instead of scheming, you can write a trait that may explain why schemes or a factor that would describe how a scheme might play out. Unscrupulous or sleazy might be good traits to describe how Garethon might go about getting what he wants in an underhanded manner?
Many of your traits run on a similar line. They are distinct from each other, but still very similar. You could take what is written for heartless and apply it to Unscruplous (should you use that) or even into overambitious. I find it hard to believe that someone could be entirely heartless, especially one who’s a father! I think a better, or more interesting trait, would be to focus on how Garethon is jaded and pessimistic. Is the world out to get him? Does he blame his problems on other people (he’s obviously too amazing for anything to be his fault)?
Also he had a child very young, and has probably had to deal with a lot of stress over the last 9/10 years. How does that fit into his life? Does he feel trapped in his life? While his traits should be applicable to variety of people and situations, I feel you should consider what kind of effect his family and his situation might have had on him. Does he feel cheated out of life he could have had? Does he spend all his time working to get himself ahead or to provide for family?
Virtues are generally fine. My only issue with them is that Confident and Brave both mention his ambition and confidence, and how they are dangerous together. Virtues should highlight his good aspects. It’s all right to say how they could have a negative effect, but I’d like to hear more about how they show off the good side of Garethon. Brave and Confident can be fairly similar, so it’s good that you mentioned in brave that Garethon doesn’t back-down easily from situations or easily scared. With confident, to help distinguish them better, it would be helpful to mention how that might come into play in a social situation? Does he easily interact with new people? Does he feel that his actions, no matter what, are the right ones even when challenged by others?
To the Powered!
I am new to what's ok and what's not for Negaversers, so you'll have to bare with me a little!
I’m a little hesitant to approve his general weapon upgrade. The captain upgrade focused on providing power, and being a heavy hitter. The general weapon seems to just add fire for no apparent reason. You’ve gone from wood, to a real blade AND it burns on impact? Or am I misreading that and it’s still wooden?
Getting a real sword is usually the best a general can aspire for, when on a sword-bent track, because as a real weapon they are already capable of causing a lot of damage. Usually it’s best to stick to either an upgrade in terms of becoming a better weapon (sharp and pointy) or getting a magical effect. Both are very rare and usually it’s more passive weapons that would gain a magical property.
I suggest picking one or the other. You can have a real blade or have a blunt blade that causes a burning effect (should you should choose burning, it might be best to see that effect begin somehow in the captain stage (perhaps instead of feeling heavy, it feels like it burns when it touches someone without actually burning them OR is mildly hot to touch).
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:10 pm
All Right, i did alot of editing. Changed alot about his flaws including moving scheming to his hobbies, clarified his weapon upgrade so that it doesnt appear to level up to a real sword, it stays as a wooden bokken.
Added a flaw dealing with his pessimistic outlook on the world. Expanded on most of his hobbies so that they talk more about how he spends his time.
Added his family to alot of his traits, virtues and hobbies.
I added his occupation, and tied it into his confidence virtue
Orangish and I are comfortable with the idea that our characters could never know each others true identity. Were excited to get to playing them!
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:55 pm
Yay! Thanks for fixing those things up.  You'll need to wait for a secondary stamp from mouse before you can start rp-ing. But looks good!
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 5:59 pm
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|