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 Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 12:14 am
 
Bataar is so totally not fat.
Setting:
Jianyu's room. At night. Where no one is expecting... DUNDUNDUNNNN BATAARRRR.
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Kayakurai generated a random number between
1 and 3 ...
3!
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 12:16 am
AND THE WINNER IS...
hurhurhur.
sorryjianyu.
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 12:26 am
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
The chant definitely hadn't worked very well, especially considering the fact that he was creeping through Jianyu's house, his green eyes glowing catlike with rage. He had, after all, heard from one legionnaire that had heard from another legionnaire that had heard from another legionnaire's cousin that Jianyu had been... had been... The grown man sniffled, surely scented of alcohol. Jianyu had been calling him fat.
The devastation simply didn't translate, and so he'd trekked here in the middle of the night for a showdown with the other man. He knew where he lived, after all, and he wasn't afraid to break in. It was just Jianyu, anyway. He'd barge into the other man's room, kick his a**, and then leave again. If Jianyu were lucky, he might even let him pretend that none of it had actually happened. That would be awfully nice of him.
Slowly, the captain opened the door leading into the Legionnaire's room and crept in, his eyes falling upon the sleeping figure in the bed. He launched himself at the other man, an animalistic growl escaping his lips as he pinned Jianyu down. The other man was going to have to deal with the rude awakening, as far as the Mongol was concerned, and he absolutely deserved it.
"You called me fat, did you?" Bataar voiced his anger at last, his large hands encircling the Legionnaire's neck. Even if he could only get one really good scare out of Jianyu, this would be it. Waiting up with a behemoth of a man apparently on the verge of strangling you have to be pee-in-your-pants worthy in Bat's opinion, and he'd be pleased if the other captain acted accordingly. "As if eyeing up my mom wasn't enough!"
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 7:04 am
Most of Jianyu's evening had been spent in the company of his mother as she attempted to, yet again, fit him for his wedding outfit. He had been pricked, poked, prodded, grabbed, twisted, and generally humiliated as he stood in the center of the living room, feeling as if he were on display for everyone to see. Finally he had thrown up his hands in exasperation, thrown off the wedding clothes, and stomped off to do something on his own for once, feeling rather like a two year old throwing a tantrum.
After spending a few hours writing in his journal, preparing a wedding present for Yue, and designing a new tattoo for one of his patrons, it was past midnight, and Jianyu was ready for bed.
Except he had only been asleep for what felt like five minutes before something - or rather, someone - crashed down on top of him with the force (and roughly the weight) of a wild boar.
"WHAT IN LUNARIA'S NAME - "
There was a squawk, a thumping noise, and then Jianyu heard a very familiar voice in the darkness, sounding, if he was not mistaken, quite drunk.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Jianyu bellowed hoarsely, feeling as if his chest had been crushed and attempting to pry Bataar's fingers from his windpipe. "I did not...call...you...fat -" Where on earth had the Mongol come from, anyway? And what on earth was he going on about, him calling Bataar fat? Clearly something had gotten into Bataar's mind - something wildly untrue, but since when had that ever stopped him before?
With a great amount of effort, he bucked his hips upwards, throwing the Mongol to the side, Jianyu's leg swinging upwards in an attempt to slam a kick into the side of his head. "GET OFF OF ME!" 
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 5:41 pm
Creeping up on Jianyu had been a lot easier than he thought it would be. Bataar grinned, feeling the beginnings of victory as he remained on top of the other man, his expression smug. After all, he was just defending himself to the best of his damned abilities-- he would not be called fat behind his back! Things just couldn’t be allowed to work with that, and it was easy to see why. Just because he might have had a little pudge here and there(he didn’t) didn’t mean that Jianyu needed to tell the entire world! That sort of s**t was embarrassing, and hard to deal with. He liked food, okay?
Beyond that, there was nothing wrong with him. ”What’s not wrong with me is that I’m not fat.” he declared, giving the Legionnaire’s throat a good squeeze as he straddled him. ”YOU DID. I KNOW YOU DID.” he screeched, followed by another dejected sort of sniffle as he tried for a moment or two to throttle the other man. Realizing that there was no way he could speak, however, Bat let it alone and blinked in confusion as Jianyu managed to push him off somewhat-- he was, after all, pretty drunk.
The Mongol fell to the side, not looking at all pleased with his new position, and glared at the Legionnaire, his fingers groping for the other man’s hair as he continued to try and exact revenge. ”I mean-- I’m not-- HOW COULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?” he gasped, absolutely assaulting the other man as best he could. Jianyu had to learn that Bataar was a sensitive individual and that he simply couldn’t be making friends with people who were calling him fat behind his back.
Besides, he was very drunk. Drunk people don’t like being called fat.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:21 pm
It was one thing to be sleeping and dreaming pleasantly. It was quite another thing to be so rudely interrupted in that process by a lumbering oaf of a man. If Jianyu had not known Bataar, he would have thought it odd, ludicrous, even, for the Mongol to ambush him in the middle of the night with some sort of nonsensical reasoning in his head, but seeing as how it was his best friend...
Well. Jianyu should not have been as surprised.
Bataar's fingers were thick and calloused from his years of training, quite strong as they pressed into Jianyu's windpipe. It was quite a fortunate thing that Jianyu was as agile as he was, however, and was able to wriggle free from under the other man, toppling them both over. The kick he aimed at Bataar's head missed, unfortunately for Jianyu, especially since the Mongol's fingers had found his hair again - one of Bataar's favorite fighting tactics.
"DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD ON SOMETHING VERY HARD?" Jianyu bellowed, eyes watering, and he felt several strands of his hair depart from his head. Growling angrily, he flipped himself upwards and drove his knee into Bataar's side, attempting to prise the other man away from his hair. "Why on earth would I call you fat, anyway?!" he howled, disregarding the very blatant fact that he probably would.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:34 pm
Bataar had figured that it was normal enough to sneak into his best friend’s house in the middle of the night, especially to get even. If he’d actually been called fat, then he really did want to give the Legionnaire a pounding. He had to deserve it, in that case. It was unfortunate that he couldn’t have given the man a better throttling, but he hadn’t expected to win right away. No, that would take a little bit of time and a little bit of thought(although as drunk as he was, thought didn’t come terribly easily).
Before he knew it, he’d been toppled and was flailing rather pathitcally upon the ground as he tried to deal with this new situation. Being drunk and trying to stay in the loop while being knocked over was no simple task. In fact, he hardly had any idea what they were doing at this point, let alone why he was here. That prompted a shrug, and then continuous hair-pulling. Whatever they were fighting about at this point, he figured it was worth winning.
Had he hit his head? Why, he wasn't quite sure.
"No, I don't think so, why do you ask--" he was cut off abruptly as Jianyu's knee dug into his side, causing a gasp of pain on his part as he tried to tend to the newest in a series of recent injuries. There would no doubt be an enormous bruise there the next day which, needless to say, was absolutely no fun.
He growled as Jianyu successfully separated his hands from his hair and opted instead to give the man another pinch. "Well I don't know!" Bat cried, sounding very confused. "But I'm beautiful no matter what!" This declaration was followed by yet another drunken sniffle as he tried to gain his bearings.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 7:49 pm
Jianyu, quite used to Bataar being...well, Bataar-ish. So having the great Mongol sneak into his house in the middle of the night was not all that unusual. It was the fact that he seemed to be drop dead drunk that made Jianyu blink in surprise as he lay there, attempting to get the air back into his lungs. Since when did Bataar drink, anyway? The Mongol was not usually the type to drown himself in ale or mead or sake, which meant either one of two things: he was upset in some way, or he had been attempting to show off.
Jianyu had the sneaking suspicion that it was the latter, rather than the formal.
His knee to the Mongol's side had actually managed to hit its mark; Bataar's reflexes were most likely slowed from the sheer amount of alcohol in his blood, and the fact that he was still whining something about being called fat; but Bataar's fingers as they found Jianyu's cheek were not slow in the slightest.
"You're drunk - !" Jianyu attempted to shout, but his voice was muffled by the Mongol's hand, and the rapidly swelling bruise on his face; the fact that Bataar had not yet let go of his cheek was making Jianyu's eyes water with pain, and he aimed another well-deserved kick towards his best friend's leg this time - he did not want another repeat of the kick-induced-vomit from the last time. "Yesh, yesh, yer quite booteefull - leggo of mah fashe - "
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 8:02 pm
He couldn’t very well not display an affinity for drinking around his men. Or that was what he’d thought earlier, when he’d been at the bar with the other Nobles in his company. They had fully encouraged him to drink, and he’d definitely agreed. The bar had closed down, however, and he had stumbled around the streets for quite a while before finally locating the dwelling of his best friend. Showing off hadn’t worked so well, and he’d been upset. Plus he knew he’d definitely heard that Jianyu had referred to him as a total chubster. At the memory of this, he let out a wail, his green eyes tearing up a bit. WRRRYYYY?
Weren’t they supposed to be best friends? Bat continued to pinch the other man, crying a little as he did so. If only Jianyu could feel his pain. ”I swear to Tengri, I’m just big-boned.” he said, finally letting go of Jianyu’s face and burying his own snotty and tear-stained one into the other man’s night shirt as he took a moment to let it all out. Everyone needed a shoulder to cry on every once in a while, even if it was a seriously unwilling kind of shoulder.
”I’m not drunk-- I’m not.” he slurred in a muffled voice, rubbing his nose against the fabric of Jianyu’s clothing. Of course, he was dead-drunk. It was probably a wonder he hadn’t passed out yet given the amount of alcohol he’d consumed. Maybe he was drowning his sorrows, anyway. With a mom like his, who wouldn’t?
All the same, he needed Jianyu to be here for him now! Even as those fleeting thoughts came to him, however, he recalled the cruel things his friend was reputed to have said and chomped down immediately upon his shoulder with a muffled roar. No one said he was fat and got away with it!
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:01 pm
The last time Jianyu had seen Bataar this drunk, they had been together, and neither one had had enough sense to realize that they had gotten matching tattoos bearing each other's names until after the fact. It had been, at least in Jianyu's mind, one of the more shameful parts of his history with the Mongol, but at the very least he had not been attacked in his sleep then.
This, of course, was a separate matter entirely, what with Bataar wailing about Jianyu calling him fat of all things. Not that Jianyu would not do exactly that, but he would never do it while the Mongol was drop dead drunk, nor would he actually say the word "fat." And he most certainly had not told someone else that he thought Bataar was fat; what was the point of spreading meaningless gossip, after all, when he could go straight to the person himself?
Which just served to prove that Bataar's sniffing declaration was just outrageous.
"I - know - yer - big - boned - " Jianyu got out, letting out a gasp as Bataar finally released his face. His hand automatically reached up to rub at his sore cheek, his jaw aching. There would, most likely, be an enormous bruise there by morning; Bataar, after all, was no lightweight.
As demonstrated when he let his entire weight fall down upon him.
"BATAAR!" Jianyu bellowed, wrinkling his nose in disgust and exasperation as he attempted to shove the Mongol away from his nightshirt, now smeared with tears and whatever else was leaking from his best friend. "I DID NOT CALL YO - OW OH HOLY MOTHER OF LUNARIA - "
It was a wonder his shout of pain had not woken up the entire household yet; actually, it was a wonder that no one had come running. Most likely someone had, realized it was Bataar, and simply left, knowing the pair of them would bicker and squabble like two children most of the time. "OW BATAAR NO BITING - !"
With a great amount of effort, Jianyu shifted his knee up and pushed the Mongol away, feeling yet another bruise starting to form on his shoulder.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:30 pm
Being drunk wasn't a good thing for the Mongol. Once one had consumed as much alcohol as he, there was no questioning the fact that there would be some serious problems. Besides, he was five times more sensitive when he was drunk, and that definitely explained more than enough about how he was treating Jianyu right now, having thought that the other man had called him fat. Perhaps this was the true Bataar-- a sensitive soul, indeed.
But then Jianyu had mentioned that he was big-boned, too. "I mean, I'm not that big-boned!" he cried, looking worried. Everyone knew that big-boned was just another phrase to describe serious fatness. Everyone knew that. His shoulder to cry on was clearly made of evil stuff. Jianyu had definitely deserved the bite he'd dealt out, especially since he'd made yet another comment relating to Bat's obvious weight problems. His teeth could do some damage!
He flailed as Jianyu tried to push him away, but continued to hold onto the Legionnaire, sniffling like mad, and hyperventilating a little. "I just can't believe you'd say that. Like, HOW COULD YOU?" he moaned, wrapping his arms around the other man and continuing to cry on the now-injured shoulder. All of this was almost too much for him to handle, after all. Being drunk and emotionally unstable was no position to put oneself in, the captain knew.
All the same, he was just about finished off. He could feel himself begin to pass out even now, and his body soon went limp, with loud snoring exiting his mouth. Jianyu would no doubt be rather stuck under him for as long as he couldn't wiggle out from beneath the man's dead weight. In that, Bataar had won, although it was terribly unlikely that he'd even remember this ordeal in the morning, let alone why he was in Jianyu's room.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 9:47 pm
As Bataar was lumbering around sobbing sloppily and wailing about useless things, Jianyu was making a lot of mental notes:
1. Do not let Bataar get drunk.
The Mongol was looking fretful. Jianyu had to resist the very strong urge to roll up his eyes and throw up his hands in pure and utter exasperation. There was no doubt that his best friend certainly was one of a kind, but this drunken Bataar was...well, ridiculous. Especially when he awoke the next morning with the enormous hangover that was bound to be slamming into his skull within a few hours.
2. Do not let drunk Bataar close enough to fight.
That was clearly evident from the tooth marks that were now on Jianyu's shoulder from Bataar biting him. Biting him. The damned man had actually bitten him, the great lump. Jianyu needed to stay far and wide away from his best friend when he had this much alcohol in his system, especially since his bruised face was throbbing.
3. Bataar is a needy drunk.
Jianyu wriggled furiously beneath the Mongol, but it was no use. Bataar was heavy and stubborn, and his huge arms were clamped tightly around Jianyu's waist as he moaned in frustration, all but wailing how upset he was. Despite his better judgment, Jianyu was, in fact, slightly amused by this overemotional Bataar.
Until the Mongol actually fell asleep on top of him.
Jianyu gave a wheezing breath, attempting to roll the great man from him, but no use. He was stuck pinned to the ground as long as Bataar was out. Sighing, Jianyu dragged a pillow towards him, a scowl on his face.
4. Lock my damn door at night.
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