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[ENROLLMENT] Zar the Incubus - (APPROVED) Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter

PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:45 pm


File Subject ID Number : Not assigned
ENROLMENT FORM

.:Summary:.

Name: Zaram
He refuses to disclose his surname to anyone lest it be linked to his family, not just by his own choice but by his family's as well. To stay they are underwhelmed by their son is a gross understatement.
Nicknames: Zar, Runt
Gender: Male
Age: 17
His parents sent him to school rather late, in a good deal of denial about him, constantly assuring themselves that he would indeed grow out of his awkwardness and ineptitude. Of course, being as dissapointing as he is, he never did.

Faction/Race Zar is an Incubus whose primary obsessions are the emotions of frustration, fear and anger. More specifically the exact blend of those emotions that are borne from being served some rather frustrating and unjust news. His family are a line of demons born from the fear of bureaucracy. His particular breed of Incubus came to exist every time some poor individual was subject to overdrafts, legal loopholes, mistypes and repossessions. The evil, cold and horrible individual they'd seek to imagine, the monstrous businessman, devil's lawyer duly came to exist in Halloweentown. Due to this rather unusual origin Zar's favourite emotion is not a singular one but a variety, he enjoys nothing more than having his indignant prey come to plead their cases to him, bringing their intoxicating anger and frustration right to his very doorstep. The main downside of this particular means of feeding is that an angry and indignant individual is rather more than likely to pick up the offending beuraucrat by their frills and give them a hiding. His family avoid this through sheer intimidating presence and perceived power. Zar has...yet to master this. As such he rather often has to pay for a meal with a good number of bruises.

Natural Ability: Business Sense - Zar possesses an uncanny capacity to fill in forms and other types of paperwork, half the time while barely reading it, more sensing its content.


. razz ersonality:.
Traits

Coward - Zar is a coward, and unafraid to admit this trait, but a coward who tends against all reason and logic, to sometimes lean towards saying the most infuriating and inflammatory things. If there is something he can say, some moral stance he can take which will evoke another person's ire, chances are that he will say it and then plead for mercy when the individual becomes frustrated or hostile. Wether or not this is too little too late to placate them doesn't seem to matter to him. He is an unreliable friend and shows very little loyalty when his hide and safety are at stake, willing to throw other people to the lions if the result would be him getting away with the accusation.

Bookish Intelligence - A keen intellect is something he would readily claim to have, but what Zar has yet to realise is that there is only so much that someone can learn from a book. He places far too much emphasis on the value of the written word and will often argue against people who have hands on scaring experience simply because he read differently in a book. He hasn't quite caught on that it is often those with hands on experience who can provide the truest and most earnest insights into learning. He tends to bore people who are not of a similar bookish bent. Very few people have time to listen to beuraucratic drivel.

Sadistic - Even for a creature of fear. There is a certain level of cruelty where it becomes socially unacceptable. There is fear and then there are actions which may make a tutor raise an eyebrow and question the discipline of their student. In this respect, Zar has a great deal to learn He needs to learn to curb his often wildly disproportionate ideas of what is acceptable. He is the kind of person who never quite grew out of the habit of pulling the wings off flies as a child but who along the way convinced himself he lives in a world of flies.

Emotional - In essence Zar is a character of personality extremes, a mass of complexes. There is rhyme and reason to what he does but its a tune only he has the sheet music for. He is very easily moved to wild outbursts of anger, frustration, and upset. He is vulnerable and easily hurt and often reacts to this with even further and more violent emotions.It is this trait most of all which set him at odds with his parents, creatures of utter calm, barely demonstrating the slightest hint of emotion, even when confronted with the most overwhelming display of emotion from their prey.

Distant - Zar finds it rather difficult to make friends. He is often gawky and awkward when he feels outside his comfort zone and seems to some people to swing between two social extremes. Friends -what few he had- know him as distinctly insecure and craving acceptance, acquaintances know him generally as a weaselling failure of a demon with a very long way to go. It is getting past this initial offensive edge to his nature which is a task all of his potential friends typically face.

Why are they enrolled in Amityville Academy?

It was not Zar's choice to come to Amity, rather that of his parents. Given his own way Zar would happily have taken up his family legacy and very likely driven it nose first into the dirt. His parents however noticed fairly early on that their son was not quite the slick and intimidating operator that his father had been. They knew something wasn't quite right when he was born light and sickly, far from the very debonair, smooth appearance of his family. He was intimidating in all the wrong ways, said the wrong things, did the wrong things, even his hair was wrong, refusing to stay neat and tidy.

Clearly he needed to be educated. So before he could complain he was duly kicked off to Amity with the hope that a bit of authority and competition would shape him up before he became the weakest link in the family chain.

All in all, there is very little that Zar wants more than to be powerful and no longer quite such a laughing stock to his family, he wants to become a figure to be feared and respected and to do this he'll learn in time that it was a very pertinent choice on the part of his parents, in amity he could potentially make friends who go places, network, and hone his capacity to control the abilities which seemed to come so naturally to his family. To be near to the pulse of learning and progression. To learn to control himself, he must learn to control Fear, so amity was, he concedes, the best choice. Though he'd never admit this to his parents who took him out of a nice little comfort zone.

Fear Ability

Business Opportunity - (Gambler's Chance) - Zar's offensive ability is where he attacks using the paper feathering of his wings (a-la the little paper guys in Spirited Away that pursue Haku) however, he often hits /himself/ with them clumsily at the same time due to the random nature of this ability and sustains damage.


.:Appearance:.
User Image
Physical Description: Zar is physically a runt, all of his strength is dependent on not getting into fights in the first place, or when he does somehow using wiles to get out of it quickly. As such he has only the vaguest implications of muscle tone. He has a long whip like tail which actually on closer inspection feels more like a smooth tentacle than a proper tail, the bone within it only going around half way. As such it has a startling degree of prehensile motion, able to easily wrap around on itself several times over. His wings would be some variation of feathered wings, incorporating post-its of some description instead of feathers. He has digitigrade legs along with his hooves.

Eye Colour: His eyes are a very very light blue, light enough as to look almost purple against the backdrop of the blood in his eyes. His pupils are slitted although this is only normally very evident if someone was close enough to shine a light in them. He is also surprisingly long sighted, so requires spectacles to even make out significant details.

Hair Colour/Style: Zar's hair is loooong. Very long indeed and so light as to be almost white, the faint remnants of pigment all that stops it from being such. . His hair seems sometimes to have a mind of its own, full of zig zagging curls and random stray strands, almost refusing to stay tied back despite its owners many attempts to inflict order upon it.

Skin Colour: Pure white, covered here and there with blotches of pigment the same colour as his hair.

Clothing Style/Colours:
Suits. Suits and more suits. Business, halloween style. The more expensive looking the better. Polished off with some manner of tacky tie, the more silly the better.

Extra: He has a scar across the bridge of his nose, due to an unfortunate incident with a thrown stapler which he rather fails to disguise with his glasses most of the time and his left ear is partially missing (I just tend to forget this in most refs because I am fail)
User Image
References: (if applicable)
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/Rorrim/Jan 11 onwards/zardesign.jpg
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/Rorrim/Jan 11 onwards/Zarthing-1.jpg
PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:45 pm


Race
Demon

- Succubus/Incubus::
xxxxxCommon Desc: A Succubus or Incubus is one of the most famous species of demon. Almost everyone knows what they are, and most people can spot one a mile away. In lore, they are considered 'seductive temptresses/temptors' whose only goal is to have intercourse with their victims. This is a long-running JOKE in Halloweentown, as really, a Succubus or Incubus simply needs to feed. The species main diet is 'emotion' or 'feeling', so they need to be in the middle of it all when they're hungry. Many of the species have a favorite emotion that they eat/crave more than others. For some, it was the lustfull emotions that come with intercourse, which has made the species famous.

Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter


Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter

PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:46 pm


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:47 pm


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Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter


Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:45 pm


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:46 pm


Other

Crits

Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter


Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter

PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:51 pm


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:52 pm


Other Stuff

Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter


Blade Kuroda

Militant Raider

PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 12:15 am


Hey Bane! It's like.. 2am here so I hadn't really gotten the chance to look at this more in depth but I wanted to let you know that the admins generally really really really prefer if the form is condensed to one post to make things easier for them when they look it over. XD;

Any extra stuff that isn't on the form (like crits/extra info) can be in other posts.

I'll try and read things over more carefully once I have time and not half asleep so I can give you actual feedback on the character.
PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:28 am


Fixed hopefully smile Thanks for the pointer.

Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter


Bilious

Sparkly Wolf

11,200 Points
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  • Peoplewatcher 100
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:02 am


Generally I dig the concept a lot. Fear of paperwork is pretty lolz XD And I like that you describe him as being a slimy sort.

If I were to be honest with you, though, I think what stands out to me the most is the color scheme you chose for his design. Pastel rainbows, even if you were aiming for opalescent or something, doesn't quite strike me as halloweeny, esp. when combined with the design you've got going. If you're set on this specific design, maybe experiment a bit with color schemes for something that's a bit "spookier"? I can't speak for all of the shop artists, but personally I sometimes feel like a physical design can make or break a concept and should be approached carefully with some room for artist leeway.
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:21 am


Nah that's what I've been thinking of, its why I'm drawing him so much of late, I just can't seem to come up with much.

Like I'm sort of fond of business suit idea to darken him down. The main issue is that the character he's based on is all about the light colours since he's albino so its bringing that into things which is proving rather difficult. I'm always up for artist leeway and ideas, I'm faaar from stuck on his current design, its just the initial idea more or less. I was even leaning to like black and white overall. Like monochrome colours as in paperwork. And yeah the rainbowish colours were from the past history of his family in other settings where his father has sort of oil coloured raveny things going on. All of which I can drop like woah in a heartbeat. The main things that I'm out to retain about his design are pretty simple more or less, things that defined him wherever I had him. Long hair, possibly light colouration and some sort of thing, some sort of aspect of his appearance that would make him...unappealing to a degree. Hard to explain.

Thanks a ton for the honest crit though, its very much what I've been fretting over myself. He's very light and not horror enough no matter what I seem to add to him and its driving me mad. Possibly leaning more towards something like

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y57/Rorrim/Jan 11 onwards/Zarbw.jpg

Baneful
Crew

Dramatic Hunter



Beejoux

Crew

Wrathful Demigod

PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:31 am


At the moment I don't have a lot of time to read through everything, but so far as I've seen no ones mentioned this yet.

There is an incubus already in existance within the shop, and I believe the first of the kind gets to have some sort of say on how that sub species works. It might be helpful to look at Roch(The incubus) and his journal, and see if you can't find if there is an exert in the World section of the guild specifically about Incubi. =3

Just to make sure everything works with what's already in place, if there IS something already in place. <3
PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:33 am


AH! Change of costume did help a TON. I like the contrast with the paleness a lot better >o>

Re: Adjusting Old OCs- Both Christof and my quest dude are revamps of old OCs- I've found just sort of boiling it down to the core of the character and rethinking it entirely in the context of hte universe helps a ton. Just remember the cultural Norm (I.E. think if Tim Burton did all the fashion designs, what is "in" what is "Out", what they would have probably grown up with around them living in a world of Halloween All The Time) and how would that effect said basic concept of the character? Canon Christof and Enzo are really really different, with different justifications and backgrounds to shape their personalities that ends up with the same end-result from a different direction. Letting go of a lot of things helps a ton.

TL;DR-babbling: Keep doodling him! Try a whole array of costumes and when you snag a spot, you can narrow it down to either let the artist have free reign between these examples of your favorites, building up a nice arsinal of what sort of things would be in his closet, or at least experiment until you find something that really clicks! smile

YESPLZ BLACK SUITS 8D

Bilious

Sparkly Wolf

11,200 Points
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  • Peoplewatcher 100
  • Nerd 50

Chobi_Chocobo

Distinct Lunatic

PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:43 am


Beejoux
At the moment I don't have a lot of time to read through everything, but so far as I've seen no ones mentioned this yet.

There is an incubus already in existance within the shop, and I believe the first of the kind gets to have some sort of say on how that sub species works. It might be helpful to look at Roch(The incubus) and his journal, and see if you can't find if there is an exert in the World section of the guild specifically about Incubi. =3

Just to make sure everything works with what's already in place, if there IS something already in place. <3


Actually the first incubus that I can think of was Leis that came before Roch. Altair.

http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=20086017

But yes consulting both might also help with stuff : ]
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