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 Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 1:42 pm
 Chaos spread her wings a fraction of an inch more. She was balancing on a rock that was jutting out of the middle of her reflection pond. She was meditating swaying side to side softly without meaning to. Opening her eyes she decided she was done for the morning. Her bell chimed loudly in the silence as she fell forward off the tall rock and onto a flat large stone. She walked calmly on a path of smooth flat stones that were barely above the surface of the water. Once away from the pond Choas took time and stretched out her muscles. Her grey eyes seeking out the lovely calming cherry blossom tree in bloom. She did understand how others could see such things and be at peace, even if she did not understand many of the other things that other foxes did. Her home in the old shrine was calm and rarely did others visit. Strangely even gazing at the cherry tree did not calm Chaos, just as her morning meditation had not. She was uncertain what was wrong with her this day, but she felt restless. Perhaps cleaning the shrine would put her mind to rest.
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 6:55 pm
The day was a rather peaceful one. The sun was mostly shining and the wind was lightly blowing however Xi lan was definitely not matching the day. He shook his head and continued walking. The normally cheerful phim was a bit down. It was nothing too serious and if he really thought about it, the true fault lied entirely with him. He felt left out and a bit lonely. Growing up he was surrounded by the very best of his friends; Amatsu Morin and Kaname. Then he watched as the four of them grew up. His friends then went off and ended up in tribes and mates of all things. Kaname had already had grown children, for heavens sake. Sure if he really tried he could find a tribe to call his own but it was the whole feeling left behind. It was silly and he knew with time he would probably have his own mate but… every once in a while Xi lan was entitled to his own selfish thoughts right. Hopefully he could cheer him self up. After all he was supposed to be the upbeat cheerful one. Hardly fitting the role at the moment.
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Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 9:37 am
After dusting the shrine with her tail Choas still could not settle her mind. She walked out of the shrine and shook out her tail before starting down the stone steps the lead down the mountain and away from the shrine. She stopped and looked up the sky at one point on her way down. The day was clear and the air was warm. Should I not be flying? The weather is perfect of it, yet I feel no longing to soar this day. Choas shook her head and continued on her way down the step. It took quite some time for her to reach the bottom. Once there she looked at the two paths available to her. One was human made stone path that lead to human held lands and the other was a animal path that was dirt and not often used save by passing foxes and small creatures. Choas decided to take the path less traveled. She wondered if a slow walk through a lively forest might help her calm down. Something was bothering her and she did not understand why she was so restless and what she was longing for. Truth be told it bothered her far more than she cared to admit.
(Must stop reading poetry before I post with her... References >.<)
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 5:30 pm
As Xi lan continued zoning out. He was hardly paying attention to where his feet would take him. Occasionally he would look up in time to dodge something that would have smacked him in the face. “Aye aye aye Xi lan snap out of it” he ordered himself shaking his head. He didn’t think it was going to help but this was hardly the time to be moping over the fact his friends had moved on. Hell even Hiyoko had found some one. Suddenly a rather hard gust of wind hit him and he came to the conclusion; did it really matter he was taking his time finding a mate. After all his friends still found plenty of time to visit and he got to play with all the new kits and tell them horror stories about their parents. Okay so Xi lan had way too much time on his hands. Perhaps he could stop by and talk with Chaos, but then that whole mate agreement popped up in her head and he ended up turning red every time. Explaining why he was blushing at the idea took some interesting turns involving him being sick. Suddenly he blinked as he realized he had practically zombified his way through the whole forest.
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:42 pm
Choas kept walking and turning about a corner in the path to a fork she spotted Xi Lan. He was staring off into the woods blinking. She took several steps forward and looked down the other fork in the path and saw nothing of interest to her. There was a small buzzing insect that often liked to make noise warm evenings. Still she doubted this would be so fascinating to Xi Lan. Turning back to the phim male she walked up toward him and sat ahead of him to his left and waited a moment so she did not disturb any meditation he might be in the middle of. She took the time to appraise him physically. He seemed healthy enough. When last she called him he had been quite red in the face and she worried he had been sick. He seemed fevered so very often she hoped that today was not one such day. She raised her left paw and waved it at him as she now understood this to be a greeting amongst foxes. She kept her wings folded next to her so that she would not muss her kimono.
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 3:14 pm
“Great now I can add space cadet to my list” Xi lan shook his head lightly laughing at himself. Oh he needed to do something fun and get out of this funk. He was supposed to the bright happy one of the group, well him and Amatsu. Suddenly something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention and he turned around to look at it. To his surprise Chaos seemed to be sitting in front of him. He briefly wondered how long she had been there, but quickly shook that idea out of his head and waved at her.
“Hi chaos” Xi lan started waving back, as her wave had been what had caught his attention in the first place. He needed to say something else didn’t he? It was a bit awkward where he left off at the moment, but then how many times could he say he generally turned his head and a fox he knew was just suddenly sitting there in front of him. “What brings you to this section of the world?” He asked with a smile. There that was better. He wondered if she lived around here.
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:24 pm
“Greetings Xi Lan.” Choas smiled at the wave. Xi Lan was one of few foxes that always answered her questions and made her feel normal, not a social outcast or deficient in any way. His odd mannerisms and musing aloud did not sway her in the least. “I am here taking a walk. I found myself restless in my home. Even cleaning did not ease my mind.” Her ears flicked as she considered this. Xi Lan was a fox with what she deemed to be good sense. She might not understand the cause of her unease, but perhaps he might.
“Xi Lan have you ever felt out of place? As though things were right, yet not quite right?” It was harder to explain herself than she had anticipated. Her cheeks tinted pink and she looked to her left so she would not have to see Xi Lan’s face should he criticize her. Why it should matter what the other phim who she did not often get a chance to see thought? Still it undeniably did. She found this strange, perhaps even stranger than her restlessness. She should go back to the shrine and meditate more. Surely that would clear her head eventually.
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 8:40 pm
Well Xi lan supposed meeting Chaos had been in the cards to day after all. Ah well they seemed to be sharing the same idea. Even though Xi lan guessed his wanderings had taken him a bit farther away from his home. “ah walks are good, you don’t always find what your looking for but it helps get out some frustration.” He nodded, although cleaning wasn’t normally what one thought of when trying to ease their mind, Xi lan assumed everyone had their own way of dealing with things.
He tilted his head to the side and thought about her question. “In a sense, probably not exactly what you’re like but there are many different things that cause such a thing. In my instance it was because even though everything around me seemed normal and I should have been happy but I felt like there was something wrong. There was something I wasn’t seeing. Perhaps in your case its because even though everything seems like it should click there is something missing.” Xi lan tried explaining. “or something to that effect” he added, maybe thinking about some one else’s situation would help clear him out of his.
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 2:19 pm
Frustration? Was that what she was feeling right now? Certainly some extent she supposed it was. After all how often did she feel so strange and not know or understand the cause behind it. Still not all of the restless could possibly be frustration. What did she have to be frustrated at? She had a place to live, and food was easy enough to come by. There should be nothing wrong with her life. At least nothing for her to get worked up over. Xi Lan’s nodding was comforting. He seemed to know exactly what she was speaking of. It was refreshing to know she had someone so reliable to speak with on this matter.
Something missing? Like what she wanted to ask. Still Xi Lan probably wouldn’t know, since no fox could know everything. Still the fact he could empathize with her was interesting. Perhaps if she helped him find the solution to his problem then own to her own might be more forthcoming. To help another was something that could bring peace to one’s own soul provided that a solution to the problem could be found. “I see. What where you not seeing that made you unhappy in your life?”
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:00 pm
“Well at the time it was because of how my family was treating my friends. The tribe they had originally lived in was destroyed by a rampaging Modeity and they where sent to live at my Home. Only they were pure blooded phims and my family I was living with where daeva. I was just going through life thinking everything was fine and my friends were hurting and not telling me. I eventually found out but the frustration that I felt knowing something was wrong and was being kept from me was very… mmm personality consuming.” Xi lan explained.
Well that was definitely nothing like her situation but at least it was sort of an example. It had been a while since Xi lan had been in a cheerful happy mood where he was glad to help foxes. Getting back into it made him realized he had gotten a bit rusty. Great so he was really jealous about the whole thing. Of course he had always wanted a family, he vaguely remembered his parents they had been very much in love and where looking forward to having him and Meris. Then they had died and everything had changed for the worst. Two phim boys growing up in a clan of daevas, even though he had been treated with respect since he was half daeva and the clan leaders grandson he had watched as the people important to him where forced with heavy expectations.
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:44 pm
Choas listened quietly to Xi Lan’s story. She had grown up amongst phims that lived in another shrine and when she was old enough to leave she was told to go. She had never played with any of the other young phims, because there were no young phims in the shrine. The only time there where young was when they were abandoned. The last to Choas’s knowledge had been herself. Growing up she had tasks which she was assigned and which she did. Play had never been a part of her life. She was often told to play was something for which one had family. She had none and the others were too old to chase her aobut. So she instead meditated and let herself dream of her family coming back and claiming her after having accidently left her behind. Eventually the dreams stopped as she aged, but the meditation practice remained. It was a steady part of her day.
Why had Xi Lan’s friends not spoken to him about the pressures they felt? Did friends not share such things with others? “Why would they keep such a thing from you?” There had to be a reason for it. Even though she could not understand it. “Why where they pressured in the first place?” Did one’s blood lines make such a difference? Chaos was not even sure what she was, did that make her worth less then a fox who did?
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 5:01 pm
Then again truly if the way his friends where treated weighed down on him back then as much as it did then shouldn’t he be less jealous. It was a rather poor way of treating them, after all they had finally gotten some form of happiness and not where they needed to worry about daevas or any of his grandfather’s men coming after them. He drew himself out of his reflecting again when he noticed Chaos was back to talking with him again. “Well it’s because my grandfather created it so that no one would believe them, he was a respected adult and they were but mere kits at the time. I guess they didn’t tell me because I was like I said happy at the time, I never showed them I knew something was wrong so they didn’t want to dump all their problems on me. Morin and Kaname were very stubborn head strong individuals asking for help is a bit hard for them as well.” Now to answer her second question it was a bit harder to explain he supposed. “Well for as long as daevas and phims have been created we don’t like each other. Phims where created to keep the daevas in check. As such even now there is tension between them. My family’s clan was a very purebred society. They didn’t like phims and Morin and Kaname were as phim as you can get. I never did understand why grandfather took them in, I am glad in a since because I got to know them but it was a bad society for children. Luckily we met an older phim that didn’t care about blood lines or foolish things like that and when things became too much we escaped over to his house and became friends with his grandson.”
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:36 pm
Thinking Chaos was perturbed that kits had such pressures put on them. Still it was somewhat nice to know that not all societies judged based on bloodlines. Vaguely the question of what Xi Lan believed flittered about her head. She hoped he didn’t care about such things. It did not seem like he did, but Chaos often found herself misjudging others so she scolded herself internally for such assumptions. There was a bright point in the story at least Chaos thought it was bright point. “Perhaps your grandfather wished you to grow up with a variety of influences. So he took the others in.” Variety was a good thing for a kit to learn.. at least that is what Choas had overheard once. She herself didn’t know whether it really made a difference if a kit grew up with one influence or many, but seeing how she didn’t converse with many foxes perhaps she was a poor example?
“I am.. glad? Yes glad that you go to flee the place that made you, and your friends so unhappy.” That was the right thing to say wasn’t it? “The pureblood society in which you grew up, do you still hold it’s values in place?” Choas’s right ear flicked twice in quick succession. Xi Lan always answered her questions but a part of Chaos was nervous to find out the answer to this. If Xi Lan did follow such preaching would he stop speaking to her for not knowing what she was? Did he dislike his own blood since he was both phim and deava? Now that she knew that phim and deavas were old opposites she wondered how others would see the way Xi Lan grew up. He had met a phim who did not care, his grandfather did. There were clearly many ways to view life.
(*facepalm* He has her thinking of social circles and what they do and how they differ.)
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:09 pm
Xi lan burst out laughing from Chaos’s comment. It wasn’t really at her no she had never met his grandfather and Xi lan prayed that she never did. He was a politician type you could never trust him to have any pure motives. Did Xi Lan think his grandfather loved him. He was pretty sure he did in his own twisted Stereotypical Daeva fashion. Once he had to stop laughing bitterly at her comment he shook her head and wondered how to best explain the whole thing. “No my grandfather was a daeva to the core, he had all their down right cold warping personality traits to a tee. I don’t know why he took Kaname and Morin in. I’m not sure I wanted to know why. I don’t think it was for me either. You see the one he would have done that for would have been my elder brother. However Meris… it was definitely not for Meris’s benefit I can tell you that.” Xi lan replied.
“Oh those values ended quickly, as soon as I got to see the real world and was able to think for myself. I realized treating people based on blood was just plain stupid. At times you can’t help what runs through your veins. Do I dislike my own self for being a mutt? No at times I am a bit weary if only for the prejudice that it brings. However as long as I don’t bring it up no one really knows and the foxes whose opinions matter don’t care I really don’t think about it.” Xi lan mused in a somber tone again. Truly maybe it was one of the reasons he tried to be so carefree. Growing up it was all serious and you had to be quick and sharp and proper. He felt much better when he was with his friends just goofing around or generally helping them.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:42 pm
Choas’s head jerked back and she was suddenly faced with Xi Lan laughing aloud at her. She found it disconcerting. Still she didn’t say a word until he finished his explanation. She was still confused. Even a twisted fox knew that there was some gain to raising a child with a variety of exposures right? Or perhaps the grandfather was cold and wanted to study the kits growin up under a set of varied conditions? She was rather confused and not really sure what to make of the whole situation since other foxes’s thoughts and emotions were something of a mystery to her. Still the topic seemed to bring pain to Xi Lan the more it was discussed. She was disturbed by this pain and did not understand it fully. Still learning that Xi Lan did not hate himself made her feel lighter. The fact that he did not follow the strict upbringing and prejudiced that he grew up with made her feel lighter and brighter also.
The lighter brighter feeling was strange and often Chaos associated it with when she was at peace. Why would it come from just hearing a few things from Xi Lan. She smiled softly and raised a paw up. “There is a shrine that is not far from here. Shall we head there so we might be able to speak in more comfort?” She set her paw down and waited for an answer. “it is not too far. There is food available and the atmosphere of the shrine is ‘restful’ I have been told.” A large part of Chaos hoped the Xi Lan said yes. She wanted to show him her home. It was not fancy nor exceedingly large, but she took a certain amount of pride in it. It was always kept clean inside and out.
(o.o Nasai what did you do to my foxes muse? Chaos wants to show off to Xi Lan…. It’s new for her.)
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