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 Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 12:43 am
"Involuntary celibacy (incel): is the state of a person who has not established an intimate relationship or engaged in sexual intercourse for reasons other than voluntary celibacy or sexual abstinence. The term is used especially for adults who, despite general expectations, have had little to no sexual or romantic experience. "
I'm Shaq, I'm 19 and bisexual. I usually never post anything serious pertaining to my personal life, but tonight I guess I'll give it a try.
Growing up in this generation, most teens are surrounded by sex. And now that I'm in college it's only worse. My whole life, I've always fantasized about having that special someone. The thought of being in love is something that constantly stays on my mind. That being said, I've refrained from engaging in any sexual activity my whole life. People have made attempts for casual sex, but I've always declined because there's no relationship or bond between us. But not one person has ever made an attempt to actually get to know me with the possibility of being in a future relationship. And to be honest, it does weaken my self-esteem at times, but I try to remind myself to be happy and proud of who I am and continue to move on. I consider myself a very outgoing person. I'm down-to-earth, sociable, humorous, somewhat independent, and more. I've never really had problems when it comes to making friends. As a freshman in college, I quickly adapted and made great friends right off the bat. And to be honest, I think that wanting to find that right person plays a huge role in that.
Knowing that we can die at any moment, my greatest fear in life is to leave this world without knowing what it feels like to have that someone, sharing a strong bond with him/her, without knowing what if feels like to hold or be held. And most of all, trusting and giving myself to that person. I say this knowing that there is a possibility that things might not work out even after I've experience this with someone. But knowing that we at least shared something and went through so much to have that strong bond would still bring me happiness. I know that this fear is one of the things that is making me more and more impatient.
To the real point. Up until now, I've tried my best to keep a strong mind about this situation. Always telling myself that "there's gonna be someone for me one day" and keep on moving with a smile. But through the years the smile is gradually turning to a frown. For the past few months, I've started becoming extremely depressed about this. I've cried myself to sleep and I've had many sleepless nights. I've even started to lock myself up in my room for hours and hours, just lying in my bed thinking. I just feel as if this is making me fall apart. (Never to the point of suicide though) And I hate feeling this way because even now, there's that voice still telling me to be patient and keep moving forward. I feel as though constantly telling myself the same thing over and over will eventually start to wear out. I can't really talk to anyone here (irl) about it because majority of my friends have engaged in casual sex and have it on a regular basis, and I feel as though they couldn't possibly relate to me. I'm just at a loss and I need insight from people who have experienced what I have.
So....are any of you guys troubled with incel? If so, share your experiences if you don't mind and tell us about how you try to fight through some the problems it causes. smile
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 11:58 am
I can relate; the only thing that I really want in life is love. I want to find someone special, just be with them, and share intimate moments with them. I want to feel that bond with a person I really care about. The idea of casual sex is just stupid to me. However . . .
I know just how stupid casual sex is, because that was my first and only sexual experience. I was really young when it happened (too young to be doing those things), and now I seriously regret it.
Anyway, although I'm not technically involuntarily celibate, I feel the same way about love. You're not alone! I don't think that the universe is playing a cruel joke on you or anything. We all just need time to find ourselves. Once we do, I think the universe gives us what we need. smile
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 8:16 pm
Atrum_Anima I can relate; the only thing that I really want in life is love. I want to find someone special, just be with them, and share intimate moments with them. I want to feel that bond with a person I really care about. The idea of casual sex is just stupid to me. However . . . I know just how stupid casual sex is, because that was my first and only sexual experience. I was really young when it happened (too young to be doing those things), and now I seriously regret it. Anyway, although I'm not technically involuntarily celibate, I feel the same way about love. You're not alone! I don't think that the universe is playing a cruel joke on you or anything. We all just need time to find ourselves. Once we do, I think the universe gives us what we need. smile
Very comforting words! 3nodding
I'm still trying my best to remain patient and not let it bother me so much, haha. So far so good. It's a relief to hear similar thoughts from someone else.
"We all just need time to find ourselves. Once we do, I think the universe gives us what we need."
That's something that's probably going to stick with me for a while, haha.
Thanks!
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Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 3:08 am
d e e e r h e a r t s
Very comforting words! 3nodding
I'm still trying my best to remain patient and not let it bother me so much, haha. So far so good. It's a relief to hear similar thoughts from someone else.
"We all just need time to find ourselves. Once we do, I think the universe gives us what we need."
That's something that's probably going to stick with me for a while, haha.
Thanks! Welcome. ^^
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Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 7:17 am
Well, at least you've had opportunities. I'm 21, never been a relationship, kissed, etc. I'm not interested in one night stands, either.
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