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 Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:18 am
x
xMEET THE CONTESTANTS:
THE SIX STAR GENERAL EDITION 
THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S TIME FOR ME.
NOBODY DESERVES HIS OWN THREAD MORE THAN A SIX STAR GENERAL.
That's right guys. I'm a six star general. So, in honor of beating all the five star generals out there, I'll give you six reasons when you should bid on me.
Not that you should need six reasons, but you ladies are being stingy with your cash.
Seriously, I run a whole pannie auction, and barely anyone has bid on me. It's bogus.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:19 am
x
xReason #1
I am so fantastic, I got my own spin-off comic. It ran for a full 50 issues, and most people only dream that their main comic could last that long, much of less a spin-off.
Check me out. Me and my ladies, looking incredible, off in Vegas, winning cash. From this angle, her tits are insane. Look at them. Wow. It's like torpedoes up there, right by my arm. They looked great from every angle let me tell you. I would know.
Man, I bag hot babes. I really do.
I know you want to be one of them, so just bid on me already. x
x
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:20 am
x
xReason #2
I'm incredibly rich. I have a lot of money, and nobody knows where it is.
Ok, so maybe people know. But it's not like they can break into it easily.
I also know how to market myself really well. I used to be the head of Nimble Industries, and I made a bunch of movies about me starring me. I'm actually really famous, aside from being the best fable ever, I should be up for an Oscar next year. Seriously.
I had some really nice clothes when I was the head of Nimble Industries too. But, it kind of got me kicked out of Fabletown. Which they sorely regretted later when I came back in the Great Fables Crossover and saved all their asses. I'm just that nice of a guy.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:21 am
x
xReason #3
A lot of stories are about me. I'm not just the kid who stuck his thumb in a pie and came out with a piece of fruit on it.
I'm the original Jack Frost.
I totally charmed Lumi into granting me her powers, and I knocked her up in the process. It's cool though. She totally digs me.
I'm also the Jack of the Lantern.
I used to walk around with my brain oozing out of my skull, which was gross and not a turn on. So, we don't have to talk about it.
I even used to be the scourge of the west, Jack Candle.
Man, I look so cool.
I'm the Jack of everything. Except for Sprat. He's porking some fat chick.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:22 am
x
xReason #4
I'm great with kids.
Here I am with Bigby's kids, and they're all wishing I was their dad. I'm teaching them life skills, and someday they'll grow up to be gentleman and awesome babes.
Too bad their mom is into furries, otherwise it could have been my litter.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:23 am
x
xReason #5
You can't get rid of me unless I want to split.
Swords?
Whatever. No big.
I am a traveling man though, and I like to go out with my boys. Sow my oats. Have adventures. So I'm really hard to chain down.
It's a fast-paced lifestyle of adventure, but someone awesome has to live it.
I'm a genuine man of the road. Man, I make wife beaters look high class.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:25 am
x
xReason #6
My hair.
It's gorgeous.
Don't you just want to run your hands through it?
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:26 am
x
xWAIT.
I HAVE MORE REASONS.
DID I TELL YOU I'M A LITERAL?
So I'm stronger than you're average fable?
And my dad is Prince Charming.
I'm faster than Usain Bolt.
I can eat any of your cooking, no matter how terrible it is.
Achilles is jealous of my six pack.
Your daugher wants to sleep with me. To spite her, you should do it first.
On TVTropes you can find me under "Casanova."
Wallace buys ME drinks.
I saved the world by READING.
I'm great in bed.
Really great.
So great, that everyone knows it.
I shouldn't even have to tell you, you should just know.
I have a massive following of powerful people.
The pathetic fallacy is my BFF, and he can control everything inanimate. Including the toilet paper you're about to wipe your butt with as you read this.
I'm so slick, I stole the pannies of Bigby Wolf's wife, and he's done nothing about it.
I'm a hand model.
I'm Jack
of Freaking Fables.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 1:44 pm
Psht, the closest you have to a six-pack is Budweiser.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 2:47 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 2:48 pm
And mine don't come already lubed for nobody's pleasure.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:26 pm
Awww... Jack actually looks cute swinging like a monkey. Cute in a dirty way. wink
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 6:04 pm
Best kind of cute that there is.
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 6:11 pm
Pathetic. That six-pack is apparently four cans short.  Now THAT is a six-pack! 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Jul 25, 2011 6:14 pm
I'll be impressed when you're not wearing a skirt. I look amazing naked.
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