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 Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:59 pm
Epee Approved by moi, please don't change anything. Vittles or Mooty shall move this into the approved area once they've given the thumbs up themselves! <3
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:17 pm
THE FIRST PIECE ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬..........• •Introductions..........`NAME..............════════════════════════ .......... Vulcan ..........`TYPE..............════════════════════════ ..........Pokemon..........`SPECIES..............════════════════════════ ..........Infernape..........`GENDER..............════════════════════════ ..........Male ..........`HEIGHT..............════════════════════════ ..........5' 6''..........`NATURE..............════════════════════════ ..........Lonely..........`ABILITY..............════════════════════════ ..........Blaze: When HP is below 1/3rd, Fire’s power increases to 1.5 times...........`SKILL SET..............════════════════════════ ..........Taunt, Fury Swipes, Acrobatics, Flare Blitz
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:28 pm
PERSONALITY && HISTORY ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬.........."Oh ? Am I really annoying you now ? Hn. You were saying that last night."..........`PERSONALITIES..............════════════════════════ ..........[Adventurous].....Vulcan craves the spotlight. He is always looking for a new frontier. He likes to explore new places and is easily bored. He believes life is a wonderful game to play. He loves problems and challenges and is always looking for new ways to solve them. His adventurous side however, is often the lead cause for him getting into trouble; not everyone appreciates a monkey climbing all over them and digging through their pockets or going through their things just cause he spots an item he hasn't seem before and wants to take a look at it...........[Persistent].....Vulcan does not like to take 'no' as an answer. If he sees something he wants he will fully commit to doing whatever it takes to get it. Being trained in Martial Arts has only made him grow more patient in waiting for it. He is not the type to give in easily, which can be annoying to other people if they just want him to leave them alone. His persistent nature can be both a good thing and bad as well. On the plus side he is able to push forward during hard times by aiming for a goal, on the other hand however, he can also push people a little too far sometimes often leading to him getting into trouble; most times he doesn't even realize it before it's too late...........[Amiable]..... Vulcan's cheerfulness and sweet nature often allows people to see past his selfish whims. He is just someone you can't help but come to like, even if it takes a long time to realize it. He's the type of person who wants to be everyone's friend. Many come to realize that much of his actions originate from good intentions making it hard for them to be mad at him for long...........[Loud].....Vulcan is one of those types of people who just doesn't seem to have a volume control switch. Everything he says is usually a couple notches louder then necessary, especially if he starts to get over excited. Of course if another person points it out to him he will usually try to calm down and lower his voice for the moment. Such times however don't last long which often leads to others having to remind him many times and often annoys them since it's more trouble then it's worth...........[Scatterbrain].....Vulcan often has a hard time concentrating on just one thing at a time. His is figety and always feels like he needs to be out doing something. His attention span is usually short jumping from one interest to another in a matter of moments. He is forgetful and impulsive making it hard for him to complete large tasks given to him. Through presistence and training he is slowly learning to control this; however he is far from being able to overcome it...........`LIFE STORY..............════════════════════════ .........Vulcan was born and raised from an egg. He had been given to his trainer by a breeder friend as a gift. The trainer was very happy with Vulcan and treated him well helping him grow. After a while though the trainer seemed to be faced with a problem. Vulcan had always been an energetic and loud boy, even more so as a child. Vulcan didn't seem to want to listen to his trainer, mostly due to the fact that his attention span was so short. His trainer had only come to get annoyed by this fact as day by day his patience with Vulcan grew less and less until finally he couldn't handle the little pokemon anymore. Seeing him as "untrainable" he abandoned Vulcan in the wild forcing him to fend for himself in unknown territory. Left alone and abandoned in the dangerous wilds Vulcan found himself constantly on edge running for his life, unable to fully relax like he could when he had a trainer. Even more so he soon grew hungry and didn't know how to properly hunt for his own food.
One day Vulcan was lucky enough to find a big bush of berries, as he scarfed them down a familiar voice reached his ears. The voices of humans. Unable to help himself he jumped into the trees and moved toward the sound. Hidden amongst the treetops he soon found where the humans were. He had happened upon a spot where a small group seemed to be practicing martial arts, a training camp of sorts.
Vulcan watched with facination, the punches and kicks they practiced against each other...Vulcan wanted to learn. If he could prove himself surely his trainer would take him back...right? That's what he wanted to believe, and so he climbed down and made his way closer.
To Vulcan's suprise however as soon as a human saw his approach he found stones and such being thrown at him. They were chasing him away, they only saw him as a wild pokemon. They didn't understand he just wanted to be accepted.
Depressed Vulcan hid in a nearby bush heartbroken. He loved humans...why were they so eager to chase him away. Did they trully not understand? If only there was a way he could let them know...a way for him to make them understand that all he wanted was to be like them...be like them...
That's what he really wanted wasn't it? To be human, they always took care of their own unlike having to be alone in the wild.
Then a fog began to form in the back of Vulcan's mind. Blinking Vulcan found himself standing in a dream, an odd looking Musharna appearing before him...one that looked...human.
What was said and agreed upon in the dream is still quite fuzzy to the Infernape. He didn't know the exact words spoken, but he did remember telling him about wanting to be accepted by the humans, and how he was saddened that his current form seemed only to drive them away. All they saw was danger when he only wished to be friends. Whatever was truly said may have been lost but one thing was for sure, that day he changed from Pokemon, to Gijinka....he had gotten his wish after all.
With a new body Vulcan went back to the training grounds of the humans that chased him away before. Unlike before they didn't chase him away, instead they even agreed to let him join in and learn with them.
Through Martial Arts Vulcan learned to control his energy more and soon became a great fighter. Being able to fight helped grow his confidence, though his past also keeps him from being overly trustful of others. He is constantly worrying about being thrown out. He often tries to cover up his insecurities by putting on a loud, and goofy front often annoying others with his seemingly childish nature.
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:35 pm
APPEARANCES ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬.........."Should you desire the great tranquility, prepare to sweat."..........`APPEARANCES..............════════════════════════ ..........
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2011 8:39 pm
THINGS IN LIFE ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬.........."Courage first; power second; technique third."..........`LIKES..............════════════════════════ ..........Puzzles
..........Attention
..........Spicy Food
..........Playing
..........Training
..........Martial Arts..........`DISLIKES..............════════════════════════ ..........Being deceived
..........Bullies
..........Sour foods
..........Lazy people..........`FEARS..............════════════════════════ ..........Seeing loved ones die
..........Being abandoned
..........Getting injured so bad he can no longer do martial arts..........`HOPES..............════════════════════════ ..........To be accepted as who he is..........`STRENGTHS..............════════════════════════ ..........Smart
..........Very Patient
..........Courageous
..........Very good with Martial Arts..........`WEAKNESSES..............════════════════════════ ..........Water
..........Childish nature
..........Competitive
..........Overconfident
..........Easily distracted
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 4:33 am
1. Adventurous
You have almost all of this down-pat, which is good! However, he's also "invasive" which you've missed out as a personality trait. You could consider adding this in to his profile. If he's inclined to climb all over things, stick his hands in people's pockets and so on then he's a very invasive creature who regularly intrudes on personal space. With this in mind, he also seems to lack any immediate understanding of what is and isn't socially acceptable in relation to interaction between individuals.
However, keeping this invasive trait in mind - it's very contradictory for him to be perceptive and insightful. If he was perceptive, he would know that these attentions were not welcome. Admittedly you go on to explain this (which is good) and imply that he simply doesn't care. With this in mind, he's also inconsiderate and incredibly rude!
2. Persistent vs Patient vs Insightful
He doesn't take "no" for an answer and will wait as long as necessary to get what he wants. Yet he also knows when to stop pushing someone i.e. they've reached their limits and will stop all together, he'll find "something else to do". In relation to personal perception I actually consider him to be a very forceful and inconsiderate character so I have difficulty in appreciating how all three of these fit together.
From a personal stand point I would be really grateful if a decision was made in terms of these. Is he as much of an a** as you are implying, as such, is he really capable of backing down (as it sounds like he won't). Or is he just a very loud and exasperating individual who can't help but be annoying, but also knows when enough is enough and he should wander off to irritate someone else?
At the moment I really don't buy into him "backing down" from anything, his personality traits just don't compliment this aspect of him properly.
Conclusion on Personality:
Is it your deliberate intention to make him very exasperating and difficult to socialise with? There are a number of character types that would probably struggle to cope with him in social encounters and ultimately, he could risk alienating a lot of people. Some characters prefer the alienation and this is their intention, but if this isn't your overall goal I would encourage you to look carefully at his traits again and consider how to temper them with a few more positive and appealing traits.
However, if this is your goal then you simply need to clarify and tweak a few things (if you take my critique into consideration) and I can safely say you've definitely pulled it off. This is one of those characters I could see one of my own facepalming at, or alternatively, just getting a restraining order for them!
HISTORY:
You MUST explain why he agreed to become a gijinka, this cannot be foggy. It has to be a clear and concise reason as the staff need to know that it's appropriate and something that Musharna would actually aid. As it stands at the moment, the human who saved him still could have saved him while he was a pokemon, so I would really encourage you to clarify exactly what the deciding factor in his transformation was.
First part of his history compliments his personality (as an annoying, uncontrollable creature) beautifully, I applaud you for this. However, the last part does need a little work as I've mentioned above - as I mentioned before, Vulcan needs a reason to transform.
A suggestion is that perhaps he isn't starving my the roadside, but he is lacking in a certain finesse when it comes to various hunter/gathering skills, and as such, he is exceptionally hungry. When approaching a human settlement, he might have caught sight of a dojo that demonstrated that discipline, strength and inner peace. This in turn could have also shown him that some of the moves performed could have been of use to him. Would this have been enough of a reason for Vulcan to transform? He could have wanted to learn these skills for himself...
The above is merely a suggestion, but you can notice how it provides greater clarification on the reasons behind his transformation. With this in mind I would encourage you to develop your history a little more to indicate why he might have transformed. He doesn't necessarily have to remember it himself (it can be a vague recollection), but it does need to be stated for the benefit of the staff.
MISC INFO:
You REALLY need to reconsider certain aspects of his misc info depending on what you want to do with his personality. You indicate that he's "Kind" in his strengths but he is not. At present he is inconsiderate and incredibly rude. He's invasive and has no interest in giving another their personal space, he even goes so far as to push their limits. In essense, this is the complete opposite of kind!
His dislikes, I'm curious as to whether your being deliberately ironic with these?
Being used - He does this to other people to satisfy his curiosity.
Bullies - He's invasive, inconsiderate and rude. He has no regard for personal space and pushes people to the limit of their comfort zone. He is the current definition of a bully and while you might argue that it's unintentional, at present it comes across as being intentional through his personality.
Hopefully this critique wasn't to TLDR for you, but I wanted to tackle it all at once in the hope of giving you a concise explanation of how I personally perceive your character and why I feel this way. If anything isn't clear then feel free to give me a shout. Keep in mind that you don't have to use any of this critique if you believe I've perceived him in completely the wrong way! This is all basic advice and with that in mind, it doesn't have to be accepted if you don't want it to be. =)
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Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2011 9:18 am
Yay!! Crits!! <3 THank you so much ^.^
I don't mind at all, in fact I like having things pointed out so I can clarify and fix them. I'll go by and fix them up tonight probably or maybe tomorrow to better clarify a few things. But yes, I was deliberately making him very exasperating and difficult to socialize with. I'll change a few things to make it more like he can't help but be annoying.
I really appreciate the feedback as it lets me take another look at him since sometimes I can't quite see stuff others see. Thanks for taking the time to read it! <3
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Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:24 am
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Posted: Tue Sep 27, 2011 4:59 pm
Finally finished changing his history o3o
Hope it's better now
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 4:33 am
This is SO much better! He's much more likable now and I can see elements of his curiosity and neediness still in there, however this time they've been balanced out.
Well done, you really took the critiques and turned him into something significantly better than he was to begin with! =D
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Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:06 am
Moving to approved quests.
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Reply
