I don’t know what happened, or how it happened. Hell, I don’t even understand why it happened. I just knew that I needed to get out of here. Get out of the place I had called home as soon as I ran from my past, and toward the future. The place where my future had just fallen and been shattered into a million pieces, and would never be repaired.So I ran, as fast as my beating heart could take me. My hooves dug into the earth beneath them, driving me forward. My ears were pinned, my long, brown mane whipping against my back and neck as I moved. I wasn’t even sure where I was going. I just picked a direction and ran, not caring what happened to the things behind me as I did so.
She’d left me. The woman I gave up my former life to have ended it all with a few simple sentences. The life I had been trying to build had completely shattered in my view. The kids that had left our home to grow on their own, the love that I had developed in my heart was gone. Everything was gone. The only thing left within me was a darkness I couldn’t seem to get out of.
And I wasn’t sure if I wanted to.
My heart was beating so fast I couldn’t count them. My breath was leaving me, and all I could do was snort, breathing in through my mouth, and out through my nose, which caused my nostrils to flare. I was looking, but not seeing. I was hearing, but not listening. Everything felt numb, and pained.
Trees and bushes zipped in and out of my vision like falling stars from the night sky. So many things were going through my mind, and none of them were aiding me in the pain that overwhelmed every part of my body. I’d been in so many fights, taken so many blows, and nothing had ever prepared me for this. Nothing had ever hurt so badly as this did.
Shaking out my head, I ducked it down, touching my chin to my chest as I ran. My eyes closed, and I trusted nothing but my natural instinct to move. Somehow I could feel when something was close, and could move around them, weaving between trees and brush, leaping over obstacles. Much training from fighting had taught me how to move without the need of my eyes.
I don’t know how long I ran, but my muscles burned. Adrenaline was my friend, numbing the pain. I slowed down though, eyes flickering open. The sun was already setting, the darkness was settling in the area. Gradually, I stopped, and just stared up at the sky, my blue eyes stinging.
I’d never cried in all my life time. I wasn’t one for crying. I was tough. I was a fighter! Not some weakling who cried at any hit! I was strong, and proud. I was not going to let something like this completely destroy me. Well… not later. Right now, it hurt, everything did.
My head lowered, and I stomped a hoof into the dirt, before taking a shaken breath. I could feel the tears soaking my cheeks under my eyes. My legs were trembling, which was odd for me. I could feel my body starting to collapse on me. Before I knew it, I was laying on the ground, panting, tears stinging every bit of my eyes.
I don’t remember how long I laid there. How long I let the emotions that were usually so weak to me come out in full and hurt every fiber of my being. I could feel the trembles running through me like wild fire. Letting out a deep breath, I slowly stood back up, forcing myself to move, this time at a walk. I knew for a fact the owl that constantly kept an eye on me since I’d left the herd would be near, watching over me, but for now, I wanted to be alone.
Eventually I stopped again, in a small patch of trees that created a small circle big enough for myself, and no others. I needed to rest. My body fell to the ground once more, head laying in the grass, staring up at the tall trees. This was the first time in many moons I’d sleep alone, without the warmth of my love beside me. A shiver ran down along my body as I turned my head away, closing my eyes tightly.
It was cold… Even though the summer weather made it warm. It was loud, even though everything felt silent to me without the second heartbeat lulling me to sleep. And I felt alone, despite all the creatures that wound their ways in and out of the new home I had found in this solitude of trees and darkness. I was alone…
And I was back to the life that I had once ran from in hopes of a future.
My future was gone, and I wasn’t sure if it was ever coming back.
I fell asleep that night with nightmares of what once was. I fell asleep alone, with no hopes or dreams of the future. Nothing else mattered to me. Everything was dull, lifeless. My future was not my own any more, but rather the belonging of something else that not even I could explain. I hoped the stars would look over me, because nothing else felt as close as they did that night.
