Welcome to Gaia! ::

Nothing did seem to be wrong with him when she checked. There was no reason he should have been so weary for so long, when that seemed to be the only symptom. He just kept reassuring her he was fine, she worried too much, he just wanted to rest his eyes for a little while again. Eventually she had enough of that or something because soon she'd twisted his arm into showering, changing, and agreeing to go with her on an energy-gathering mission. It was the first Negaverse business they were going on together since things had gone crazy for both of them.

Everything did seem better when he was with Kaia now, though, even though he knew nothing in the world had changed except her relationship status. It felt different. Khaldun wasn't much for stargazing, or looking up and wondering what was out there. He figured he already knew: space was full of senshi. Mystery solved. She looked up, but he just kept sneaking glances at her. Kaia's was the only celestial body he wanted to look at.

"GUARD?" he asked, stifling a small yawn. It sounded vaguely familiar. Being sleepy didn't help him keep his thoughts organized. The way the last evening had gone pretty much dominated his thinking anyway, forcing everything else aside in the name of hormones. But god he was so tired. "What's that again?"

"Oh, right, that!" There was a longer pause. He didn't actually have much to do with planning it - the whole thing was Kaia's idea. He was just on board because they'd spent their first few full-time G.U.A.R.D. shifts watching TV instead of performing a lot of daring rescues because nobody called about any emergencies. And now, with the way things were, he could think of a few other things to do with that kind of alone time with Kaia. "I still don't remember what that stands for. General something something rescue... something else. Ah, damn. I'll get it next time."

He certainly didn't complain when she wanted to walk with him instead of next to him. He just smiled back at her. Hand in hand the two of them slipped behind the building, into a little alley which kept them out of sight. Hematite slowly let go of her fingers and stepped back so that they both had enough room to transform comfortably.

"Alriiight, alright," he relented jokingly.

Khaldun leaned against the nearby wall while Alkaid went through her little senshi ordeal. Negaverse soldiers benefited from not having a fancy transformation. It hardly took a thought now, it was just some innate ability that was as natural to him as breathing. In just a moment he was General Hematite. However, the change in uniform from rank to rank took a little getting used to. He felt the weight of a whole lot of metal on his shoulders, arms, and legs. He hadn't actually materialized his weapon till now - it was a sword. A really ******** big sword. Not bad at all. Maybe all this general business wasn't going to be as hard as he thought - this sure as hell beat the shitty weapons he'd had for years before.

He glanced up at Alkaid and nodded. She was right, returning to their routine was a lot better. It felt just like old times again. "Sounds like a plan."

Hematite looked up form his new weapon to see his partner was bearing down on him. It was pretty clear that he hadn't spent that much time celebrating his promotion or even thinking about it by the way he seemed confused rather than smug about being addressed as a general.

"Oh! Oh, this?" Some of his fingers were tapping nervously against the sword handle. Alkaid's expression was unreadable. "Uhh."

What was he supposed to say, that it was a pity promotion? That Tanzanite was giving him an advance on his rank because she didn't think there was any other way to save him from his own bad decisions? It was humiliating enough when it happened. Tanzanite at least had done it on good faith, sort of, but back then Hematite had nothing left and nobody to explain himself to. He just imagined he'd find a way to prove himself and give Tanzanite a retroactive reason for humoring him with this last chance, and everything else would be forgotten. He hadn't expected Kaia to come back, and to come back for him. He'd gotten lost in memories of the night before and pushed aside the more stressful responsibilities of a new rank.

He didn't meet her gaze. Instead he was trying very hard to look down the alley where she'd been scoping things out first. Her expectant stare was already burning into him. "I was going to tell you..."

He could hear it in her voice. She didn't believe it. How could she, even he wouldn't have believed himself. He wasn't sure what the other undertone was. Disappointment, or anger. Something that told him he'd gone and ******** things up in record time. It was her touch that brought him back but only to worry more about the judgment she was passing on him.

"Just a starseed." It was no big deal, he tried to insinuate. He felt her fingers pull away from his face, followed them back to her with his eyes and tried at first to look as nonchalant as he could. But her small smile was making him feel guilty. He'd disappointed her, insulted her. She'd been the one who had helped him along this whole time, the only reason he was alive and whole and able to be promoted at all. Of course she deserved to know before now. If only he hadn't put it out of his thoughts, if only he had thought of a better explanation when she asked, if only a million different things it was too late to do now, except one. Just as she was getting ready to get to work, his nerve finally broke.

"Tanzanite came, after you left." It was like forcing the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube. Rational explanations from him weren't just rare because he didn't want to give them, he also had a terrible time figuring out how to even explain himself to others without feeling like he just sounded stupid. Just because he finally had Kaia didn't mean he got to keep her without some kind of a challenge. Maybe her frustration with him would just keep building up and then she'd leave him and he didn't even want to imagine going through that ordeal again. This was a blow to his pride but not to his foundation. "That's when it happened. I wasn't trying to hide it from you, I just didn't think I'd have the chance to tell you myself after what happened."

To say he had abandonment issues was a massive understatement. Even he would never know just how bad they were, that it was for that exact reason he'd fallen under Alkaid's care months ago. Only Aree Cadence knew the lengths he'd been willing to go to just to escape his psychosis, and she was as good as dead herself. As much as he liked to feign independence, he was always desperately in need of support and comfort and all the other basic needs that even two levels of corruption couldn't purge out of him. It was Kaia, now, who he couldn't live without, because she was all those things to him. They spent more time together than with anyone else, for months. His appreciation for her came in the form of almost religious devotion, and an obligation to put her happiness ahead of his any time she asked, long before he realized he was becoming infatuated with her as well.

That infatuation and obsession grew like an ivy inside him till it threatened to suffocate what little common sense he had just to reach what it wanted. After all, only when he had Kaia to himself could he really be there for her like she had been for him, only then could he prove he was capable of doing something, anything, worth a fraction of her generosity. He was at war with himself for weeks, fighting down envy and jealousy and loneliness like he'd never suffered before, and he had it all mostly under control until the first moment he thought he'd lost her. When she left she had taken everything from him. He could never give her another reason to walk away, or he was sure it would kill him.

When she grabbed the belts across his chest and dragged him down to her height, he wasn't really sure what to expect. More frustration? His authority as a Negaverse soldier vanished in her presence, and that was his fault and not hers. All he had was his own awkward idea of how to handle things. Before he could even open his mouth to respond, she had silenced him with a kiss.

He couldn't argue with her method of persuasion, though. Everything he was thinking of saying at the sight of Kaia's discomfort was interrupted, forgotten. Her words and her confidence in them pushed aside his fears for a minute, just long enough for her to convince him that maybe the worst really was over. It would be enough tonight.

"I won't let it happen again," he joked halfheartedly. "I guess I'm ready now."