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While reading this, keep in mind that my mother is from the Baby-Boomer generation and has very old-fashioned (see: old French Christian lady) views.

For as long as I can remember, my mother has been an incredibly paranoid, untrustworthy person, even of her own sons. Any time my brother and I try to do something for her or somehow involving her, if she doesn't like it she'll assume that we're intentionally sabotaging her or somehow doing it forour own material gain. For example, I set her up with my old computer and a spare monitor that I had lying around (that just happened to be bigger than the one I regularly used; that's right, I gave her my good monitor and kept the small one), but for whatever reason I couldn't get it to recognize the monitor's native resolution of 1680x1050, so she got used to using the computer with a lower resolution, 1024x768. She liked it, but since it wasn't the computer's native resolution, I was constantly racking my brain on how to get it operating properly. Well, I had finally found the solution in the form of a program that makes custom screen resolutions, and I set about making the computer recognize it.

Now that it's set at the proper, manufacturer-spec screen resolution, she doesn't like it because the resolution makes everything 'too small' (which it does, but it's the resolution that it was meant to use, so as far as I'm concerned that's the final word there), and she's complaining that she's going to have to get used to it. At one point, she accused me of doing it on purpose to somehow 'get even' with her for something she was unwilling to disclose, and when I kept stressing that I would gladly give up my smaller monitor and take the larger (but much older) monitor back (since my computer registers it perfectly, without any finagling), she accused me of setting her up intentionally so I could get the bigger monitor back that I had committed to her, something that I as an aspiring computer tech found VERY offensive, since I was just trying to solve the issue and get the monitor running PROPERLY.

On an unrelated note, but regarding something that transpired during my attempts at a search, she asked to use my cell phone to call my other brother in Connecticut, and I told her that I would get it in a few moments because I was currently busy. She then proceeded to keep bugging me about it, but I kept assuring her I would get it. Her response was to get up and go into my room to grab the phone, which started an argument. I pay for the phone faithfully every month, and she's never once contributed to it, so I saw no reason (nor do I currently see any reason) to say 'how high' when she said 'jump' with regards to my phone. I made it painstakingly obvious how I felt about it by outright telling her that the phone belonged to me, that I was the one who made the payments on it, and that I was well justified to exercise my authority of ownership over the phone by telling her to wait until I was finished. She threw it in my face that she lets me use her car when mine is inoperable, but keep in mind that never once has she been inconvenienced by this fact (the only times I've ever taken the car are times when she had zero intention of going anywhere in the first place), and whenever I used the car, I would always contribute by putting gas in. That, however, wasn't good enough for her, and she accused me of being a 'bully' even though I've so far done nothing wrong, as far as I can tell.

Long story short, what steps could I possibly take to convince her that the whole world isn't out to screw her over, even her own sons? On top of that, how do I get her to respect my feelings on things? I try to be sensible and respect her boundaries, but she doesn't reciprocate it, which frustrates me to no end.

Also, on one final note, how can I offer to her constructive criticism on how to handle certain situations without coming off as insulting? It seems every time I try to explain to her my perspective on a matter and what she should do, she takes offense and becomes defensive rather than taking it to heart and reflecting on what I'm trying to say.

I grew up with a mother who was slightly paranoid like yours, god she drives me nuts at times.

You have to realize that she'll most likely never change, so she'll always have her weird reactions to the things you do. I've learned to just give up on it, and avoid things that make my mother tick. That might include sugar-coating/censoring/changing the things you say or do. But, it's better than a conflict. (of course, my mother would throw all-out tantrums and turn violent, so I had a bit to fear with her).

my mom is the same way. shes always yelling at me and nagging me to do something for her. and then she complains that she doesnt get to go anywhere and then when i ask to go out she says no coz she doesnt trust anyone we live near. shes treats me like im 5 and i kno im still a teenager but its rare for a kid to beg to be able to get a job and i did and she still says no. its so irritating, and my sis never talks so im the only one she can talk to so if she wants to talk she comes and bothers me, even if im in the middle of something.