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 Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 10:38 pm
There she was, lying alone on her couch in the dark. There was a subtle, calming presence about being alone with your thoughts. There was nothing convincing you that you were feeling things you knew you shouldn't feel. There was only beautiful, rational logic. It filled her with a sense of peace, and she was wallowing blissfully in it. Every time a stray thought, a reminder, a shudder of the heart or a race of her pulse began, she stifled it instantly with that one, true, beautiful knowledge.
She was in control.
And that, above all things, brought her peace.
She snuggled into her soft pillows, and idly wondered if this was why those lazy N.A.P. club members liked their club room so much. Was it quiet, in there? Were the lights out? Were they all off on their own private journeys into the mind?
... No. They were probably all asleep. Lazy bums. Fitness was going to crush them.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 10:49 pm
After having left the club, Jericho continued to follow Riley... only pausing once. Outside the clubhouse he had caught a glint of light; it was an amulet with a fang of sorts on it. Well, it seemed to belong to no one so after examining for a bit, he deemed it worthy of treasure and pocketed the object.
Well that was one good thing that happened today at least.
With that taken care of, he continued on to the demon dorms where he saw Riley go. While he didn't see which room, it was safe to assume she was in her own.
"Riley?" he called quietly as he stood outside her door, "I'm coming in."
That said, he grabbed the keys and let himself into the dark living room. He kept the door open for a moment so he could see inside with the hall's light. There she was on the couch. Now that he knew, he went on and closed the door and carefully made his way over.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 10:57 pm
Riley's brightly lit eyes flickered open in the darkness as she heard the voice, and the keys jingling. Why, oh why, had she given that boil her key. Whyyyy.
Because she trusted him, that's why.
It was just a bad, horrible, terrible time to come calling.
She closed her eyes again, and listened to the sound of his footsteps. Her peace was shattered, and her heart was racing again. She casually thought about ripping it out of her body and crushing it with her own hand. She would just come back as an undead, right? Then she could live in the undead dorms, with Malodore, and-
Malodore.
She sighed, and finally opened her eyes, illuminating the face in the darkness. Hello, Jericho.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:02 pm
At least when she had opened her eyes, he could see where she was laying down exactly. When Jericho was near, he remained standing in the meantime, staring down at her. There was a bit of silence before he finally began to speak up. And when he did, his voice was fairly calm, as his rage had been drained by that point.
"Hey. So... care to fill me in on what's going on exactly?"
He wasn't just referring to what just went on with Christof, but with her in general.
"I know something's not right Riley. I can practically feel it," he added. In a sense, he did. As close of a friend as he was, he could pick out things here and there a majority of others wouldn't sense. And perhaps now that they were in a private setting, she would be willing to speak up about it.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:07 pm
Alone, in the dark, in her room. Riley wished it wasn't this easy. She lifted her legs, and nudged him to take a seat where they had previously been laying down. When he was comfortable, she sat up, and flipped over to rest her head on his knee.
I really don't think I want to. She began. I don't like talking about problems when I don't understand them. I don't like not being in control of my own feelings. You know this. You know how desperate I am to just get rid of all of this.
She curled up tighter on herself. But at least, I felt, I understood certain inalienable truths. Certain things were set in stone. Even when they felt so emotional, so filled with passion and caring, that it overwhelmed me, somehow I understood where I stood with .. with certain people.
She turned around, curling up onto her other side, and looked up at him. You're my best friend. I've never had a best friend, Jericho. I think I told you that, once. I've also never been in love, either. All of these emotions are wild and new to me. They deconstruct me and everything I stand for. They make me feel.. she couldn't think of the word for it. They make me feel.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:18 pm
Once seated, Jericho glanced down at her head and lightly patted her, listening intently to what she had to say. Yes, he was very aware of how she had tried to run away from the emotions that had been introduced to her. He had been the one to fight against that after all.
While he couldn't see much of her, he could tell at least from the way she was shifting about that she was feeling rather insecure or something along those lines. Something must have happened to concern her, but whatever it was, it didn't seem to be on the level of the misunderstanding with Mal awhile back.
It was something else that had to invoke a strong emotion within her.
"There's nothing wrong with feeling things," he said quietly, "It might not be a very Illithid thing, but there isn't anything wrong with it. For someone who's grown up shunning emotions, I don't blame you to feel a bit... overwhelmed to have these things all of the sudden."
"Even then, they aren't really easy things to understand," he added, trying hard to get into how she was feeling about all of this. That wasn't an easy task by any means.
"But.. that's one thing friends are for. We're there to support one another and to try and help each other sort out problems and how we feel about them. If there's something confusing or concerning you.. I will try my damnest to help you figure that out, even if I'm no expert on feelings myself."
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:23 pm
Above all things, Jericho was the perfect friend. He knew exactly what kind of support she needed, despite the fact that it was his very presence that was disturbing her. She couldn't fault him for it, and she moved to sit up, clearly too agitated to stay in one position for long. She sat on her lower legs, facing him. Her hands rested on her knees, and she blinked - the room turned black, and then resumed to be lit by nothing but her eyes.
You are a very supportive friend. I have learned much from your example. I want to be the same, but I fear something has gone wrong with me. I will enlist your help, but.. I am sure I will regret it.
She steeled herself, and her eyes narrowed.
When I am with Malodore, I feel this.. thing. It's kind of frightening, like my heart is going to explode a bit. I'm not that worried that it actually will, but at first I thought there was something wrong with me when I felt it. Now, when I feel it, it exist as a confirmation that I have very deep seated emotions for it. If I did not have this living body, I would not feel this odd sensation - but I don't think I would need it to know how strongly I love Malodore. Yet, there it exists as some kind of crude, unnecessary physical reminder.
She paused, and sat back on her haunches. Did Jericho even know what she was talking about, she wondered?
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:34 pm
Jericho shifted as well to be able to face Riley more readily once she had sat up. With her explanation, he had to take a moment or so to let that digest. He had never fallen in love himself, in the hundred or so years he had been around so the concept was a little foreign. While he did receive love from his parents, that was a rather different thing.
But he still had an idea of what she spoke of.
"I think that's what some people call the 'warm fuzzies'... or something like that. It's... weird how intense emotions can make you feel something physically as well. I don't really know what causes it, but it's there," he said, wondering if there was more to it than what she had already said.
There had to be, seeing how she seemed pretty sure of herself there.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:36 pm
Riley took a deep breath.. and then totally chickened out.
Have you ever felt that kind of thing? She maneuvererd purposely around her problem.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:39 pm
He could hear her breathe and that was an awfully deep breath for what she said. She was about to say something completely different, wasn't she?
"I think so. Yes," Jericho said plainly while staring at her. He hadn't put a great deal of thought into his answer seeing how he was seeking hers.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:43 pm
Riley had not actually expected that.
Huh. She rested back on the armrest of the couch, her entire body relaxing from it's tense position. You have? .. Huh.
Somehow, that made all of this a lot easier. And a lot less troublesome.
Her eyes crinkled slightly. Tell me about it? When you felt that way, I mean.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 11:46 pm
Jericho blinked at that. Now he had to think about it in more depth. He'd get back to what she was going to say before hand but for now he closed his eyes and tried to pick out that feeling and break it down.
"I felt... good," he started, "To put it simply at least. It's kinda a warm feeling that's sort of comforting and it just feels nice. It's.. kinda hard to describe."
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 12:02 am
Riley's eyes dropped down considerably. Warm? Comforting? That wasn't it at all..
Ah. We are discussing the wrong thing, then. I know what you mean, though. That feeling, I've had it before. Several times, though only here at the Academy. Most notably, but not exclusively, when I was in the presence of you or Malodore. The greatest of these was when you both felt the need to stay here and take care of me simply because I couldn't walk. Her eyes crinkled in mirth, but only for a moment.
No, the feeling I describe.. it hurts. Here, deep in the area of the body containing the heart. It's overwhelming, like something unnatural is taking over your body. Perhaps I have been wrong all along. Is this not caused by love?
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 12:15 am
Jericho tilted his head. So he had the wrong thing? Oh. Ok. Thinking a little harder.. he eventually said, "That sounds.. more like heartache. It is still caused by love, but not in the same way as the warm fuzzies. Maybe I'm still talking about the wrong thing but.. heartache usually happens when something bad has happened to someone you care about. There could be other causes too but that's the first thing that comes to mind."
He paused there, mulling this over.
"I have.. felt this too, though not as often. I've felt it on the island when the fog made me watch you all die over and over again... and also before our spar, when I was trying to talk you out of getting the mindwipe.. for I feared losing my friend," he said solemnly.
"It's... like my heart tightens up, like something had just squeezed it."
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