|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 5:38 pm
ugggh... so much goin on. sorry to post but i neeeed help, badly
to begin with, my grandma is trying to move away from my dad and take us with her because he's an a** and has only gotten worse after the death of my great-grandpa, so as soon as she can find a place she's gonna re-start the custody battle, which will suck, but not that much.
that is only helped by my life at school, i've been more and more depressed lately and the girl i've loved and poured my heart into for the past three f***ing years has a boyfriend, hasn't talked to me in forever and seems so happy about him and her, and in all my grief over her, every single vein in my leg has moved in in self defense, so i can't even cut anymore. and all i do after school is come home and sit on my a** listewning to the crap from my dad, grandma, brother and rest of family. i never do anything social and i have no life, and i never will. the last time i did anything, which was also the first time i had done anthying was a pizza party and poetry reading with Jay Asher (author of 13 reasons why, wonderful, amazing book that everyone here should have read or should read) and i met a girl there and realized i'm not so horrible i just always spend my time with the same people and none of them would ever go out with me, but i'm leaving that girl to her boyfriend who lives a hundred or more miles from us, because i don't deserve her anyway.
and then there's my mom and stepdad who've been fighting more and more even thought they're getting couples and drug councelling and i fear for my halfbrother who is 2
and also i have 4 or 5 friends who rely on me as a shoulder to cry on and comfort in their dark times and i'm having my own and can't even tell em, i'm thinking of suicide again but don't wanna do it, for them, for all of them
please help if you can, but ignore this if you have nothng constuctive to say
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 6:06 pm
iuwine i've been more and more depressed lately and the girl i've loved and poured my heart into for the past three f***ing years has a boyfriend, hasn't talked to me in forever and seems so happy about him and her, and in all my grief over her, every single vein in my leg has moved in in self defense, so i can't even cut anymore. I know how you feel on this situation. I like this girl and it's been about 5 years now. Well I told her and confessed everything to her. Come to find out that she only likes me as friends, even though she was flirting for a while now. With the cutting part, I can relate to that too. It's not from depression now, but it was. I just get the urge to do it. When I read this I sort of saw myself. I never really get out either. I feel your pain and I'm sorry to hear this. But remember that there is at least one person that feels the same pain. If you ever need to talk just message me. I know that you said that you need to talk to people. I'm on everyday for a good period of time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 6:12 pm
hey, thank you, it's always nice to find people who feel th same and sometimes you just forget to think about everyone else, you know? yeah, if i ever need anything i'll send you a PM, and don't afraid to PM me if you need anything
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 6:16 pm
iuwine hey, thank you, it's always nice to find people who feel th same and sometimes you just forget to think about everyone else, you know? yeah, if i ever need anything i'll send you a PM, and don't afraid to PM me if you need anything Will do. I'm logged onto the IM all the time so you can send something there too. I'm glad that I can be some sort of help.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 4:29 pm
You are the apple...
2 things here...
1. As far as the girl, chill bro. I'm sorry that she wouldnt stay friends with you, that's rather messed up. But yeah, girls come and go. Just live your life and keep an eye out for 'em. You'll find a new girl some day.
2. You social life has to be made. You cant just sit around and expect opportunities to pop up. Take me for example, I have friends, but sometimes their busy. So what do I do for my social life? take a bike ride, go somewhere fun. Last night i went to a laser tag overnighter and even though i didnt really know anyone there, it was still fun as hell. So take some initiative and find something fun in town to do and go do it.
and I am your core.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 4:39 pm
iuwine ugggh... so much goin on. sorry to post but i neeeed help, badly to begin with, my grandma is trying to move away from my dad and take us with her because he's an a** and has only gotten worse after the death of my great-grandpa, so as soon as she can find a place she's gonna re-start the custody battle, which will suck, but not that much. that is only helped by my life at school, i've been more and more depressed lately and the girl i've loved and poured my heart into for the past three f***ing years has a boyfriend, hasn't talked to me in forever and seems so happy about him and her, and in all my grief over her, every single vein in my leg has moved in in self defense, so i can't even cut anymore. and all i do after school is come home and sit on my a** listewning to the crap from my dad, grandma, brother and rest of family. i never do anything social and i have no life, and i never will. the last time i did anything, which was also the first time i had done anthying was a pizza party and poetry reading with Jay Asher (author of 13 reasons why, wonderful, amazing book that everyone here should have read or should read) and i met a girl there and realized i'm not so horrible i just always spend my time with the same people and none of them would ever go out with me, but i'm leaving that girl to her boyfriend who lives a hundred or more miles from us, because i don't deserve her anyway. and then there's my mom and stepdad who've been fighting more and more even thought they're getting couples and drug councelling and i fear for my halfbrother who is 2 and also i have 4 or 5 friends who rely on me as a shoulder to cry on and comfort in their dark times and i'm having my own and can't even tell em, i'm thinking of suicide again but don't wanna do it, for them, for all of them please help if you can, but ignore this if you have nothng constuctive to say Wooow you really got a lot going on. Try to not even think of suicide, ever! Its not a good idea and it will hurt a lot of people. Try to stay positive about everything and you can make it through, usually things get worse before they get better. Hopefully some things will start getting better and maybe you will meet another girl too. Patience usually has rewards to it and if you ever need to talk to anybody feel free to message me whenever and I can atleast be there and try to help!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 5:04 pm
I have an idea of what it feels like to have no social life; I don't have much of one myself. >.< If you have only 4 or 5 friends maybe try making a little effort to socialize at school or something (like joining after-school activities), at least so you do something more than be a shoulder to cry on for others. I'm pretty sure that's not how friends should work...being one-sided and all.
And if you have younger siblings that you worry about, there's a good reason to not do anything like suicide. It works pretty well for me at least since I know my mom wouldn't really be able to afford a babysitter for my younger brothers. ^^;
And as for girls, there are always more out there. It's tough getting turned down and all, but don't give up after just one try!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 12:57 am
hey, thank y'all and i hope i can use some of this. i did get some good news lately (or semi life-changing news) my grandmother has gotten a house in town (which elimnates the half hour it take to drive there) and she's going to fight to gain custody of me and my brother, maybe giving us a chance at a social life.
as for girls though, she is the 7th girl i have felt so strongly for, some didn't last long, but i've never been successful with relationships, ever. i have only ever had one girlfriend and she mostly stayed her on gaia, though i did hang around her every once in a while when we could fford it, but i finally got tired of that long distance relationship and dumped her becuase i can't stand not seeing a girl, not touching a girl, you know? two days later, she committed suicide... all i need is someone who i can love and who can love me.
and after school activities. i've been trying, so much, i was gonna join the wrestling team, the cross country team, yearbook... but all that costs money we don't have ($200 for each without trips ) and living a half hour out like i always have, we don't the money in and out, but that should all change soon.
hey, thank you, all of you for the advice, and yeah if anyone needs help, PM me, and for those of you who offered, maybe i will send you one one day if i ever need to. thanks
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 10:27 pm
iuwine ugggh... so much goin on. sorry to post but i neeeed help, badly iuwine, You covered a lot. I don't know you so I'm making some assumptions based on stuff you said. If I'm off base or some of what I say doesn't apply to you please don't be offended, I don't mean anything I say unkindly. I have experienced most of what you related. Having friends and relatives die (though not by suicide), been through the divorce thing as both the child and the parent, lost loves I thought were important and so on. As I'm sure you know there is no one thing I can say to you to 'make it all better'. Instead I'll try to toss out a few truths I have learned over the years. Like yourself and others will like you. Sometimes easier said than done but most of the time people will live up (or down) to the expectations you set for them. I don't mean try it for a day and say it didn't work. I mean long term - people generally like to hang around people who feel good about themselves. Pay attention to your body language and the things you say about yourself. People pick up on that and if they feel you are down on yourself they often think, "Well, he knows himself better than anyone so I guess it's true". And I don't mean be 'fake' or conceited or self righteous. I mean working on genuine good self esteem. Your parent's divorce is not your fault. Not saying you said it is but very often kids feel like they are partly responsible for breakups and it's almost never true. You said step-dad so I gather this is not your mother's first failed relationship. It's probably impossible not to let the stress / arguments affect you some but try not to wear other people's baggage. I agree with what a previous poster said about making your own social life. You won't have control over all but you can try to be proactive about widening your exposure to new people / situations. I used to live on a farm, out of town, no car, no siblings so yeah - I get what it's like to not have a ready social life. You mentioned sports. Any options for less expensive ones if someone would give you a ride? For example, back when I belonged to a roller hockey team at the local roller rink. Some costs - like my skates and pads and a little bit for skate admission but not big money and I had fun. We also didn't meet as often as an after school sport usually does so I needed fewer rides. Your friend's suicide is not your fault. Bummer that she did it after you dumped her but she obviously had other very serious issues. Over the years I have dumped and been dumped and at times been very sad about it but never killed myself. My then wife was trying to kill herself years ago. I helped her get counseling and stopped her from a couple of ugly situations but all said and done it was her choice and I could not watch her 24/7. Had she killed herself I woulf have felt sad but not guilty. Um - Don't kill yourself? I'm not going to preach to you about all the reasons suicide is 'bad' and you shouldn't do it. I believe that but you probably already know them and I'd be lying if I said it had never ever crossed my own mind. Instead I'll assume it is an option on the table and ask you to think about it from a selfish point of view. It is stating the obvious to say suicide can't be 'undone'. It should therefore only be considered as a last resort. The basic reason most people suicide is some version of, "FML - I don't want to deal with it anymore". If your life sucks - change it. There are hundreds of things a person could do to dramatically change their circumstances and maybe make their life more to their liking. It is possible those things will be an epic FAIL but even if they are suicide is still an option. If you do the suicide thing first it's kind of hard to try out the other stuff. Again, I'm not advocating suicide. I'm just saying if you have reached the point you are considering it then use it as a catalyst to be bold enough to try some other changes in your life instead. Medication - Consider whether you need some. No disrespect here. Just asking you to consider that in addition to 'real' factors depression / dark thoughts can also be fueled by a chemical imbalance in our brains. I don't mean to make light of the stuff you mentioned; I'm just saying that chemical imbalance can make our reaction to things even worse in the same way other drugs can cause a chemical imbalance that makes us react the other way - too happy about things or thinking stuff is funnier than it really is and so on. Time heals all wounds This saying is so old its cliche` but it's still a truism. Or at least - MOSTLY true. I would say reality is more like, "Time heals MOST wounds and lessons the pain of the rest". The point being that stuff that hurts bad right now won't hurt near as much after time has passed. Most of the time our brains do a wonderful job of hanging on to the positive memories and letting the ugly ones fade. You can enhance that by concentrating on the positive experiences you had with people you lost and so on. I'm a lot older than you and I know this to be true from repeated experience but I acknowledge it is a hard one to apply when you are hurting bad because it never feels true at the time. I guess I've 'blah-blahed' enough so I'll close but I'll leave you with one other thought regarding self esteem. You made a comment about not being good enough (your words 'didn't deserve her) for a girl. Back in HS my self esteem wasn't that great and it wasn't till later I came to realize a lot of girls find me attractive. There was this girl in HS that I thought was really pretty and she was popular, liked by many (and in a real way, not a stuck up click way) and so on. I never asked her out because I was afraid of rejection because I had mentally decided I wasn't 'good enough' for her. I met her once years later in some store and we got to chatting. I got brave enough to mention I would have liked to ask her out in HS. She responded that she wished I had because she would have liked to go out with me. And her response was genuine, not like she was 'just saying something nice'. It made me realize that in that situation (and probably others) I was the limiting factor on my own social life. Anyway, I hope things get better for you. It sounds like you are going through several difficult situations at the same time and/or back to back. That can't be fun.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 10:47 pm
iuwine for them, for all of them Just like you, I'm a shoulder too. I've heard a few people speak of suicide, but I've never once heard any of them say that they don't want to for the sake of the people they love. You're a really good person, setting aside your troubles for others'. Watch over your brother, he needs you since it seems your parents aren't really good role models. I realize this is such a typical thing to say, but it will get better. Just stick with it through to the end.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 9:12 pm
wooh! what a piece of work, kid.
well, first off the bat, I noticed a few keys here that are gonna hold you back. things you said.
"I'm never gonna have a social life", and "I don't deserve her"...
if you give up before you even started how can you take yourself seriously? how can you say that you tried? how can you even justify your certainty?
look, Iuwine, you need to be able to commit to your goals. you have to tell yourself that you want something, and then go after it. don't throw it away, don't let go of it, don't give up on it! if you don't even try, you can't honestly saythat you wanted it in th efirst place!
now you're stronger than that. quit putting yourself down. you say you want us to be constructive, but you've only responded to others who sympathize, who say they've been thorugh the same. and there's nothingw rong with that, I get it, you want to know that you aren't alone. you need to hear someone else admit it too.
:hugs you tightly.: and guess what? ^_^ you aren't alone. alot of us have been through the same. in fact, some have been through alot worse. hell, my best friend was gunned down last halloween! I've been shot in the leg! my baby was aborted and I couldn't do anything to stop it!
and I'll tell you a secret; I'm still a recovering ex-suicidal as well. the urge is always still there. but the thing is, I dont give up on what I want, even when I don't think I can take it anymore. even when I'm convinced that I'll only bring more suffering upon myself if I keep trying. I don't give up.
so don't give up. don't be a self-fulfilling negative prophecy. seize your destiny instead, make it a good one. you decide how it's gonna end.
and no, it isn't going to go the way you planned. not by a long shot. but you're gonna find out that when you apply yourself, you gain treasures you didn't even think about. surprises, the pleasant kind. it'll be better than you expected, even if at great and painful cost.
and that's life. its pain and payout. and it's hard damned work. you gotta see it through to the end if you want to get anything out of it.
so here's hoping you do the right thing, dude. step up to the plate and show the world (and yourself) what you can do.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 2:53 pm
You are the apple...
Just popping in to say...
Iuwine, if you didn't bother to read all of what David and Chieftain had to say, I highly suggest you take the time to read it all when you have the chance. It's all rather well thought-out and inspiring information.
and I am your core.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 6:12 pm
"Being social" is nothing more than texting or calling a sort of friendly acquaintance and asking them if they want to hang out this weekend. Then make sure to follow through and hang out. Be willing to do whatever they want to do, but if they don't know what to do, don't hesitate to think of an activity. ANYTHING. Also, take a strong interest in anything they have to say about themselves. Now, repeat these steps with as many acquaintances as possible and as often as possible and before you know it, you'll have a few close friends. Like seriously, I was a ******** shut-in loser. The "forever alone" and "foul bachelor frog" memes described my life. I just took this advice and before I knew it, I wasn't about to go through with suicide. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needsBelongingness is the third tier. You have to satisfy it before you can begin living life to the fullest and really being happy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 6:14 pm
Rock4ourRock Just popping in to say... Iuwine, if you didn't bother to read all of what David and Chieftain had to say, I highly suggest you take the time to read it all when you have the chance. It's all rather well thought-out and inspiring information. And I whole-heartedly agree with this.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 7:35 pm
i've been, reading, i just havden't had the time to post. thank you, all of you.
david, i've read what you've wrote, several times, thank you for the adivce, all of it, i've been taking it all and using it to build myself up.
and cheiftain, thank you as well, you're a good guy (you all are) and you speak from experience, as everyone else has. your adivce is also that type that i will read over and over again, and eventually i'll post results.
gresley, thank you, i will, and please, you have a good life too, being a shoulder is a hard thing.
umbrae, i will try as best i can, currently ilive too far out of town to be too social, but i'm moving into town this summer, hopefully, and will be able to.
and rock, thanks for reminding me of what they had posted.
also, on a side note... my life has taken another turn, a good friend of mine has asked me out, and she has just as many problems as me... she is a great girl, but outwardly, she is just, unnatractive to me, i mean, to someone, she may be beautiful, but to me, who is oh so anxious, i can't date her... i mean, i feel bad saying no, but i'm moving next door to her next year, and we can help each other, and we can walk to school together too, so she can take from fat off. i mean i'm not saying she's ugly and that's it, i like her, i'm just, my anxiety is so strong. the only other reason i have for not doing it is becuase it has been a fight between her and the girl i like. the other girl thinks she is better with some other guy, and has criticized her for liking me, as i am... idk what i am to her, but just the way she says it, she trying to spare the other girl and not just save me, this has nothing to do with her, at least not in her mind...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
