|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 10:31 pm
The day after they had returned from the field trip, Ren found himself sitting on his bed alone. He had spent the night with Gabrian, Alessa, and LW, just gaining strength from their company, their shared worries, pain, and overwhelming relief that they were all still alive, still here. He had held Alessa's hand as he had slept - or rather, tried to sleep. It hadn't worked too well, though the others had fallen asleep quickly, all of them exhausted. Ren had lain there awake, just breathing in the familiar scents, feeling his ghoulfriend's warm, delicate fingers entwined with his own.
In the morning, however, Ren had gone to find Jove, and when he had returned, the others were gone. The note left in Gabrian's elegant script had stated that he had taken LW for a walk and Alessa was going to rest in her room, as she hadn't slept very well the night previous. Ren sat on the somewhat rumpled covers of his bed and read the note again.
His heart ached. It felt painful to breathe, almost, his head spinning. Why was he still sitting here, when Alessa was by herself? He needed to see her, needed to make sure that she was still here with him. Gabrian was with his ghoulfriend, obviously, which left Ren...alone.
He pushed himself to his feet, and not bothering to put on shoes or get dressed, Ren picked up Takashiro (the incendia had been sitting in his lap) and left the room, padding silently down the hallway and down a floor. Alessa lived a few doors down from LW, and he hesitated at the door, biting his lower lip. Takashiro curled around his shoulders, pressing his cold, wet nose into Ren's cheek. Quietly, he reached out, opening the door with a soft click as he slipped inside, shutting it behind him.
Alessa was curled up in bed, her face paler than usual, her auburn hair a curly mess about her face. The bed creaked slightly when he sat down beside her, and Ren reached out a hand, gently pushing away some of the strands that had fallen over her face. Then he leaned over, brushing a light kiss to her cheek before he carefully maneuvered himself onto the bed, atop the covers beside her, stretching out on his back with Takashiro on his stomach. Alessa was facing away from him, but he didn't mind; just being next to her was enough.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 10:11 pm
It had all been too much for Alessa, in a way. She had lost them all, one after another, and while she felt the knee weakening relief to know they were alive, much of the fear and loss she felt still plagued her. A reminder of what could happen, of how alone she could be if something, anything, ever happened to them. She had never been so close to anyone before and had never had to deal with the strength of a separation she wasn't prepared for. She didn't know how to cope and she had been unable to separate herself from her friends that night, needing them there next to her, to remind her that they were alive and well.
She had slept, but fitfully. She had nightmares, but somehow she sensed they would have been worse had it not been for the nearness of Gabe and LW and Ren's hand entwined in hers. When she'd woken up, however, Ren was gone. Gabe and LW were off for a walk and, not wanting to show her pain and panic at finding him missing, she fled back to her room. There she'd curled up in her bed, fighting loneliness and memories of their trip. She fell asleep again only because her body insisted upon it; unlike the others, she was still hurt, covered in bruises and cuts and her ankle was swollen. At some point even fear was masked by exhaustion.
Though it took a moment, Alessa stirred at his touch. What started out as a slow waking suddenly turned to an immediate jerking of her body as she sat up, instincts alight and frightened. A surprised shriek turned to a strangled mewl instead when she saw him. The shiver of relief racked her body visibly, forcing her back down on the bed. Still trembling she rolled over, biting her bottom lip as she reached out a few fingers to touch his sleeve. She closed her eyes, trying to breath slowly, to calm herself. There was no reason to be upset any longer, she told herself. Even so her heart ached and she didn't trust her voice just yet. She rested her forehead against the upper part of her arm. Breath, just breath. It helped, if only a little, that it was his scent she inhaled, unlike a while ago where it had been only that of her empty room.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat May 07, 2011 10:23 pm
The shriek that Alessa let out chilled Ren almost to the bones. It was a horrible reminder of just what had happened these past few weeks, and it made his head spin, though it turned into a smaller sound, almost a whimper. She had sat up abruptly, jerked awake from the fitful throes of sleep, but after a moment she lay back down, and Ren felt hesitant fingers touch his sleeve. He lifted his hand, covering Alessa's fingers with his own, squeezing them gently.
"Sorry," he said quietly, and inched closer to press a feather light kiss to her lips, his good hand raising to softly brush his thumb across her cheek. There was a bruise there, most likely from either something hitting her, or from debris falling. It made him sick to his stomach to think about Alessa getting hurt - dying, even, though he refused to go that direction. She had survived; out of the four of them, she had been the only one to actually live, which in some ways, was not a good thing because she had seen at least two of them die.
Ren closed his eyes, his hand still against Alessa's face, absently pushing back a few stray strands of her hair. "What a horrible time this is," he murmured, breathing out a frustrated sigh. Around them, Alessa's room was quiet, the only sounds that of both of their breathing and of Takashiro giving a small rumble as he settled down at the foot of the bed.
He hesitated a moment before asking quietly "...are you all right?"
Then he felt rather stupid, considering everything that had happened. Of course she wasn't all right; none of them were, and would not be for a very long time. But somewhere, in the back of his mind, Ren felt as if he had to ask.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 8:17 pm
Alessa wasn't really used to touch, thrown so frequently from household on household in her youth. She was always shy about it, even with Ren. But now, more than ever, she craved it, needed it. It was the assurance that he was there; that his death hadn't been real, that she wouldn't wake up in the morning and find him and everyone else gone, leaving her alone. It was funny, really. She had never been afraid of being alone before.
As his thumb stroked her cheek she let her eyes shut for a moment, though the way her eyelashes fluttered showed she was too restless, to unsettled to keep them that way. But whether he knew it or not, she needed this little bit of connection.
She found it was hard to say anything. Horrible time? She supposed that was true, though she didn't think it fit. Everything right now was so surreal. It was horrible, but yet, she couldn't deny the wonder of everyone being alive. It didn't matter how many nightmares she had, she would not take that fact for granted. But he'd asked her a question and even if she didn't have a good answer she had to say something.
It took her a moment, because she felt as if her voice had felt with the earlier sound she had made. She opened her eyes, though she wasn't able to hold his gaze for too long as she forced a smile. She was a girl of small, sweet, private smiles and large, compassionate, warm ones, not this odd-sized, off balance, broken expression. Well, she supposed she was broken. But broken wasn't shattered. She'd mend. Even now, if she could will it to be so, she would. She was trying. There was no need for this misery anymore. No need to cling to him like this. She wouldn't do that to him nor their friends.
"I'm fine."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 8:36 pm
Alessa's smile was forced; Ren could tell that almost immediately, from the way her lashes fluttered to the hesitation before she spoke. It was as if she were to compensate for the fact that she was hurting by pasting a falsely cheerful smile on her face. It hurt, probably more than it was meant to. Ren closed his eyes briefly before opening them again, his hand cupping her cheek. He lifted his other, and bandaged and bruised, slid it beneath her head so that he held her face in both of his hands.
"You are most certainly not fine," he said sternly, then slid his hands away, moving to link his work-roughened fingers through her smaller, more delicate ones. His bad hand lifted, resting lightly on the pillow beside her head, absently stroking back some of the stray strands of auburn hair that tumbled across her forehead.
"Alessa, I..."
The words died in his throat unexpectedly, and Ren swallowed hard. He didn't really want to say them, but it felt necessary, at least at this moment in time. She was his ghoulfriend; she deserved that much at least.
"I'm...sorry."
His throat hurt. And his hand was throbbing painfully, but Ren kept his eyes locked with Alessa's. "I'm sorry I went and fought even though I told you I wouldn't. I'm sorry I tried to be a "hero" and tried to protect you even though I knew it was dangerous. And I'm sorry - "
His voice broke abruptly and Ren blinked rapidly, trying to stay with what he was saying. "I'm sorry that you...had to watch...watch me...d..."
He couldn't say it. Die held on the tip of his tongue, and Ren swallowed it back, unable to say the actual word. That was too real, too painful. For now, all he needed was to apologize to Alessa.
He cracked a smile. "I'm sorry you have to have such an idiot for a boilfriend," he whispered, his voice low and slightly hoarse, tinged with a light sheepishness, disappointment, and a hint of pain.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 9:43 pm
Of course he saw right through her lie. Heck, a stranger could have seen through that one and Ren knew her better than that. And she knew she wasn't fine, but to hear him say it and with such conviction made her throat tighten and her eyes blur from tears. She didn't cry, though. Her eyes shone a bit, it was a true, but she kept them back. No, she wouldn't cry. She hurt, but so did he. They wouldn't recover if they kept spreading the pain instead of holding onto the fact that they were all here, safe and sound and maybe a bit worse for the ware.
When he began to speak again she made sure to blink her eyes enough so that she could focus on his gaze. She could tell it was hard for him and she honestly wanted to make him stop. He didn't need to say anything to her. But there was a certain determination about how he said it that kept her from interrupting. Until it seemed just too much, until his smile mirrored the one she'd given him.
"Ren, don't," she whispered, taking her free hand and easing it behind his head to the back of his neck. Closing her eyes she leaned in and kissed him sweetly even as her fingers trembled. It was as much for him as it was for herself, a bit of mending for what had broken inside her one that island. Opening her eyes she leaned back a little to rest her head back against the pillow.
She whispered, as they were still close, with a raw attempt at humor, "The only thing you have to be sorry for is not listening to me. But I feel all boilfriends do that." It was silly, it didn't really mean anything, but it was her way of trying to move him past it and to move herself past it too. She should have been angry at him, livid, but he was alive and that just trumped everything else. Plus, it was hard to be angry when he was so sincere and so hurt over it all.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 9:57 pm
He didn't want to see her cry; that would have been much too much to handle, but to his surprise, Alessa didn't. Ren could see that her eyes were shining, her face tinged pink, but no tears fell. He wasn't entirely sure how she had managed that, but then again, it was Alessa. She was something else, something good and wonderful and strong.
"I - " Ren started to say again, beginning to protest her stopping him, but his eyes fluttered shut briefly as her hand slipped around to the back of his head, drawing his face closer to kiss him. He tasted something sweet, something purely Alessa, and it was both gentle and reassuring. When she pulled away, he stroked her face gently before inching closer and sliding his arm lightly around her waist.
"The only thing you have to be sorry for is not listening to me. But I feel all boilfriends do that."
Ren blinked, momentarily taken aback, but then his expression melted into a calm one and he shook his head, letting out his breath slowly. "I'll just have to fix that, now won't I?" he said softly, and leaned forward, pecking a brief kiss to her forehead before leaning his own against hers, their breaths mingling. For a few moments he just lay there, breathing in the sweetness of her shampoo, the faint flowers mixed with apples and cinnamon that couldn't be duplicated and was simply Alessa. Then he pulled back a bit, lifting his arm from his waist to slide a hand into his pocket. When he pulled it out again, there was something in it; something small and round.
"Here," Ren said quietly, and took Alessa's hand in his, pressing the emblem into her palm. "This is for you. And before you say anything, it's...it's because I care about you, and because you mean a lot to me, not just because we're together."
His eyes flitted upwards to meet hers, and this time the smile, though small, was genuine. "It's because even if something happens - no matter what happens - I've got your back and because I love you."
Ren's fingers tightened slightly around hers, and his eyes were serious, though the smile was still in place. "No matter what happens," he repeated. "I will always be there for you."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 12:30 pm
It was calming just to be with him, to be close. So when he pulled back a little, she regretted the loss of his warmth, even if it was only small. She looked at him eyes curious and, perhaps, a bit pleading. Her lips parted and it looked like she might say something, but as something was pressed into her hand she stopped, her attention focusing on it instead. Her fingers curled a little, rubbing along the smooth edges of the object. She turned it over a bit on her grasp so she could see it better.
It took her a moment, but she knew what it was. Knew what it meant. To give someone your emblem was to give them your support, completely, unquestioningly. When someone knew what they were doing, it was a gesture of trust beyond anything else they could do. Seeing it, she felt a quick flash of shame, having never considered giving hers to her friends. It wasn't because she wouldn't support them, no matter what, because she already knew that she would, no matter the danger or cost. It was simply that she hadn't thought about it in terms of the emblems...Ren was smarter than her in that way, it seemed.
She felt a swell of appreciation and love within her chest. She had family, it was true, but before this day, she never really felt she had that support, that unwavering faith that someone would be there for her if she needed it. Her friends here were dearer to her than anyone else.
"Ren..." She paused, seeming breathless, because she couldn't seem to put those feelings into comprehensible words. Instead she just smiled at him, a soft, warm, moved expression. She squeezed his fingers back. "Thank you. And you know I feel the same don't you? Anytime, anywhere...anything you need, no matter what."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 1:01 pm
Ren lifted his hand - the bandaged one, his right hand - and let it rest against the side of Alessa's face, his thumb stroking her warm cheek. It was a big deal, giving someone his emblem, but it was important to him to let the people he loved know that he had their backs; that he would always be there to hold their hands when they needed, wipe away their tears, defend them, protect them at any cost. He had given Gabrian his emblem already, but that had happened even before the field trip. For a while Ren had been trying to figure out how to give his to the others, and though he hadn't planned on this particular moment, it had seemed...well, right.
He brushed some hair away from her face. "I know," he answered, and smiled, feeling her fingers squeeze his. Small, delicate fingers so much less rough than his own, which were worn from working in gardens over the past several years. But Alessa was strong; she was confident and capable of taking care of things herself, which was why he had been so drawn to her in the first place. Her ability to do things for herself but still rely on others when necessary was a trait that Ren, for the most part, did not share. So used to doing things entirely on his own, he still had issues with allowing people into his lives so deeply. But somehow, in some way, these three people had managed to wriggle their way into his life.
He pecked another kiss to her forehead. "Don't forget, okay? I'll always be there for you, and you'll always be there for me."
A playful smile cracked across his face as he looked down at his ghoulfriend. "Best friends forever and ever, right?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 1:13 pm
He'd always be there...unless he died again. Alessa sucked in a breath. Jack damn, she had been feeling better too. The feel of his fingers brought her back and she closed her eyes briefly. It wouldn't happen again, she told herself. She wouldn't let it. She'd get stronger, they all would, and they'd look out for each other. That thought chased the chill from her, if only for the moment.
She nodded back to him and said with quiet certainty, "Always."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
